GOING THROUGH THE VALLEY OF SHADOW OF HELL
I met Lucifer in 2012. He chatted me up on Facebook. I was just coming out of a relationship and didn’t feel like meeting anyone. But I was finally persuaded into seeing him when I went to a First Bank branch close to where he lived. My school was on strike then. He was in the Polytechnic and I was in the University.
Lucifer is five years my senior. Sweet, caring, good natured. Physically, he is tall, light-skinned and dresses well. The closer we got, the more I fell for him. I knew I was starting to like him a lot, and this feeling solidified when he told me about how his ex (someone I knew) treated him badly. In that moment, as the tears streamed down his cheeks, I leaned forward and kissed him without thinking about it.
This marked the beginning of our love affair. I loved him so and wanted to do things right after all the heartache he had been through with his ex.
My woes began after I got tested positive for HIV. Before I started dating my ex-boyfriend, I used to get tested regularly, and I was always negative for HIV. My mother is a doctor and I made use of my access to the hospital where she worked to always get tested. Then I embarked on my last relationship, and first of all, we stopped using condoms because my ex told me he was allergic. He soon became faithless, often sleeping around, and severally, I was treating myself for the contraction of STIs. Whenever I brought up the issue of us getting tested for HIV, he would get furious and claim that he was negative. And with each refusal, I chose to trust him despite all evidence to the contrary. By this time, I was scared of the outcome, should I go for a HIV test.
But because I wanted to do right by my relationship with Lucifer, I went and got tested. And I turned out to be positive. To be honest, it didn’t come as a surprise. Every time I spent treating the STIs I got from my ex’s faithlessness, every time I spent forgiving him for stepping out on me repeatedly, every time I trusted that he was telling the truth about his health status and we had unprotected sex, I knew deep down that I would have this to show for it.
I came clean to Lucifer. Told him I was positive for HIV. It was especially important that I tell him, seeing as I am the top and he the bottom, a sexual role dynamic that would put him at great risk of contracting the virus from me.
He took the news well, and we embarked on a serodiscordant relationship. He was very supportive during that early period after my diagnosis, and even went with me to the clinic a few times. He also signed for my drugs in the times I couldn’t make it to the clinic. Eventually, I got around to telling my family, but Lucifer was my rock up until the time I let my family in on my situation.
He even began to make himself appreciated by my family, always coming around, ever the kindly person that my folks welcomed and began to like. He was allowed to pass the night sometimes. His in-law owned a fuel station, and he became invaluable to us when he became our go-to guy for fuel during scarcity. All these and more kind of made him a part of my family.
The bliss in our relationship lasted about six months before things began to go downhill. I was in my final year and soon got busy with my exams and project stuff. This made me not as available to him as I used to be, and unbeknownst to me, he started seeing someone – a married man. His cheating was accompanied by a change in him that I quickly noticed. He wasn’t visiting my house as much, nor was he answering my calls. He was always hanging out with the man. I met the man at his place once and he told me they were just friends who’d gotten acquainted through his sister. I chose not to ask further questions. But then, rumours started getting back to me of the exact nature of their relationship. When I confronted him with what I’d heard, he admitted it and blamed me for it, saying I’d made him feel neglected and that the man was there to give him attention.
I was stricken by guilt and forgave him quickly, understanding that he’d stepped out to satisfy needs that I hadn’t been there to fulfill. However, after that confrontation, he ended things with the man and we reconciled.
Then I graduated and during the period I was waiting for my NYSC, I went on an emotional spiral. I didn’t know this when I was diagnosed with HIV, but it had apparently done a number on me that I didn’t let show, because I was in my final year, faced with academic challenges and told myself that I needed to be strong. So, I stayed strong until I graduated. Then, when there was nothing to be strong for, I crashed. I went through months of depression, even contemplated suicide severally. And throughout this period, Lucifer was nowhere to be found. He interpreted my emotional withdrawal as another act of neglect, and instead of reaching out, he went off on another love affair. Somehow, I didn’t hold that against him. When he eventually came around for us to make up, I forgave him and took him back. I had come to believe that he was the one for me.
Then my NYSC posting happened and I was sent off to a state 14 hours away. This time, I told him I was cool with us having an open relationship, mostly because of him. I knew he would want to see other people due to the distance between us and I didn’t want to feel cheated on.
And I loved him. You have to understand: I really loved him, and I felt that he loved me too, and I was willing to accommodate anything to ensure that we were good with each other. After my HIV diagnoses, something about me changed. I became a different person. I became reserved, complacent and soft hearted. I loved Lucifer so much, that I chose to make excuses for his actions and to forgive him. Plus, I felt I owed him something for being there for me when I needed him to be after I learned of my HIV status. I would tell myself that whatever he did, no matter how far he wandered, he would always find his way back to me at the end of the day.
We officially ended our relationship in 2017. He started cheating on me (yet again) with someone in February of that year. And for weeks, like he always did whenever he stepped out on our relationship, he vanished. By this time, I’d had enough. I finally had to ask him what it was he really wanted, and he said maybe we should take a break for a while. He wanted time to figure things out. But things got messy when the guy he’d been cheating on me with chatted me up on Messenger and began trying to play mind games with me. It was at this point that I decided it was over, and I buzzed him and officially ended our relationship.
But this was not the kind of relationship I would be able to successfully cut out of my life. It was with the official ending of our relationship that I began to see Lucifer for the evil he truly is. For someone who had detached himself from me for the most part of our relationship, he suddenly couldn’t let go. He is a family friend, and would often call my dad or my sister and somehow bring up the issue of how I had abandoned our “friendship” and was no longer coming around him. And they would in turn scold me for neglecting my friends. Other times, he would meet my dad at the fuel station, and that is when he would bring up the topic of how I had abandoned him, resulting in my dad coming home to chastise me on my disregard of good friends. When he would visit my house to see my sister, even though I had actively begun to resent him, I would have to act cordial toward him so as not to stir any drama with my family members asking questions to which I had no answer.
That didn’t stop there. He began to show the really evil side of him when he would constantly talk down to me, reminding me of what a favor he did to me by dating me for years despite my HIV positive status, and risking his well-being by allowing me penetrate him, never mind that the sex was protected.
And I am fed up. Fed up of the snide remarks, the condescension, the insults. And whenever I try to stand up to him, as a quick-tempered person he is, he will flare up and bring up our age difference, snapping at me to watch my tongue and mind how I talk to him. I am constantly being reminded of how terrible a person I am, how pitiful I am, and what a huge favor and the sacrifices he made when he was with me. I have been unsuccessful in dating again because anyone I meet seems to have already heard about me from him. Needless to say, he doesn’t ever have anything good to say about me. It is almost as if he is actively trying to sabotage any chance of me dating anyone else.
I have grown to resent this unrelenting abuse and each time I try to break lose, he finds a way of getting back into my life through my dad or sister, who all adore him and come against me for neglecting a very good friend who stood by me during my most trying time. As soon as he laments to my sister, she would call me to lecture me on how I shouldn’t “push away good friends because of small issues.”
I am not out to my family and only my folks know about my status. I am caught in this mess because they think the world of him. He has an influence on my family that I can’t seem to shake, mainly because of how well he has crafted his image to them. Plus, because of his tendency to badmouth me, I am wary of taking any decisive action that will push him into blabbing my HIV status to the gay community out there.
I feel stuck. I am tired. And I need help. I need advice. How do I break free from this abuse? How do I make a break from this toxicity? How do I move on with my life when I am constantly being dragged back to him?
Please, I need advice because I can’t stand this anymore.
Written by Milton
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43 Comments
Karlaè
March 23, 08:19I’m sorry you have to go through all of these, I think you should have a sit down conversation with Mr. Lucifer( his name explains why he is the way he is) and he should say what exactly he wants.
Mitch
March 23, 08:21Milton, I’m really sorry to hear about your problems. I think, for the most part, your inability to confront situations in your life head-on is the actual reason why a little piece of shit like Lucifer could play like this with you and your family and you don’t think you can do anything about it.
As much as your family has been supportive over your being +, you have to make them realize that taking the side of an outsider over their son/brother is not just wrong but extremely stupid and redundant of them. The next time one of them tells you shit about him, don’t be quiet. Don’t spark. Fucking explode! Shout the whole house down and warn whoever it is to choose between trusting you who they’ve known all their lives and the little guttersnipe they’ve known for less than 8 years. Trust me, this will stop that madness in its tracks.
And – this is going to sound harsh, but it needs to be said – you need to stop being complacent with that little devil called Lucifer. Tell him off. And if he doesn’t want to get the point, then, honey, find a way to get the fuck back at him. People shouldn’t be allowed to walk all over you and you let them just because you’re trying to be a good person.
I’ve found that anger is a huge motivator. You need to get up off your ass, stop feeling sorry for yourself and fucking fight. Fight back. Fight for your life. Fight for your sanity. Fight clean, fight dirty. Just fight! Find a way to turn your pain to anger and use it.
And if ever you need someone to talk to, you can ask Pink Panther for my contact info. He’d get it to you. I’m always going to be available to listen and to talk.
Be fine.
❤️❤️❤️
Mwaniki
March 23, 09:08I’m sorry about your situation Milton.
From what I know, human beings can be leeches of the worst kind when trying to control other vulnerable human beings. To shake him off, you may have to face your greatest fears.
Because just like a blackmailer, anybody doing you harm or threatening to do you harm in order to keep your loyalty and compliance may yet do you the greatest harm he is capable of even if you stay compliant and loyal. He just has to despise you enough, and he will if you stay.
So what is the worst he could do to you? Replace you as a better son to your parents than you are? Tell every gay man alive that you are HIV positive? Out you to violently homophobic relatives? Make you lose a job, a home?
Then how badly do you want to shake him off?
If you want to be out of his control, you gotta let things get out of control. Because the only way to control the situation is to control him, which, if you could, you wouldn’t be stuck in the first place.
If folks and relatives will take his word over yours, they don’t deserve you and they never did. Guys who will avoid you only because you are HIV positive are crap. If he knocks you off your feet, you will find your feet again, Inshallah; and then he will have lost all might to knock you down.
And please never let anyone else control you. If they can’t love you with your flaws, they are free to leave, and should not put you under pressure to be who you are not and cannot be, or be less than you can be.
Mandy
March 23, 09:26Milton, you have to ask yourself: what is the worst thing Lucifer can do to me?
And so far, what I believe to be your greatest fear is that he will out you to your family and/or out your HIV positive status to the gay community in your area.
Knowing this, you have to tell yourself that they are not worst things to ever happen to a person. You have to tell yourself that if he does these, YOU WILL SURVIVE.
So, he outs you to your family? Seize that opportunity and ensure that he himself is seen by your family as gay too. If your family is going to be repelled by your homosexuality, he will catch the flak too. At least, the upside to this is that they will likely eject him from their lives and the hold he has on your family will break.
So, he outs you as a HIV positive guy to the community. Trust me, that is not the end of the world. Yes, there will be those who will start avoiding you because of it, but look at it this way, those people are people who won’t deserve you in the first place. Anyone who would stigmatize or aid the stigmatisation of a HIV positive person is someone you wouldn’t even want in your life to begin with.
The reason it is important to determine the worst thing Lucifer can do to you is so you can understand the reach of his power over you. Once you know that power, you can break free from it. YOU HAVE TO STOP BEING COMPLACENT. YOU HAVE TO GROW A BACKBONE. YOU HAVE TO FIGHT BACK. I know HIV can knock someone out, but that was years ago. You are surviving it. It’s about time you stop counting on it as a failure and instead as a motivator. Most of the bullshit you’re taking from Lucifer is because you somehow see yourself as a flaw and deserving of the bullshit he’s dishing out on your life.
Start seeing yourself as someone who deserves the best out of life, and you will get the backbone you need to defy him. You have to change your mindset. There is no magic pill anyone can prescribe for you to cut loose from this abuse other than, FIGHT BACK TO RECLAIM YOUR SELF WORTH!
Mandy
March 23, 09:30And secondly, Lucifer is a bully. And the thing with bullies is that they derive strength from their victim’s weakness. As long as you stay complacent and meek and mild, Lucifer will thrive and keep doing to you what he’s doing. Shout at him one day. Shout back. Refuse to be silenced by his “seniority” attitude. Tell him to stay the fuck away from you. Refuse VERY LOUDLY to be intimidated by him.
And chances are very high that he will be withdraw. Show him that you are no longer intimidated by him and he will leave you alone.
That guy is toxic and if you need to take the step to reclaim your mental and psychological freedom by fighting back. Time to snap out of all that complacency and soft heartedness. This is your life that is on the line.
Mandy
March 23, 09:32And finally, I see from Mitch’s comment that he has asked you to reach out to him. I believe from his previous posts on KD that Mitch is HIV positive as well, and he has an insight on the battle to stay positive. You need people like him in your life. Make friends beyond your community. Make friends who will support you and talk you into recognising your strengths. Talk to Pink Panther. Talk to Sensei (he’s KD’s resident psychiatrist). There’s tons of help you can access through this place to help you stay strong and healthy and free of toxic people.
Stay free and keep fighting, brother. Much love. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Sim
March 23, 09:35Maybe he groomed you for this very purpose… maybe he is not Lucifer but an evil genius. Look inside you, and you will find the answer u seek.
Sworld
March 23, 10:37well, LUCIFER loves you truly trust me finding someone like him might be rare but it’s time you two sit up n talk about it thoroughly what he truly want cos His bitterness of not letting you go on with your life is appalling or maybe the story is inconclusive.
Pink Panther
March 23, 10:52“Well Lucifer LOVES you truly”?
I’m sorry, Sworld, are you high on something? Or are you so starved of love, you’d interpret anything that remotely looks like attachment as love?
Black Dynasty
March 23, 11:03Lol no he does not love him in anyway shape or form. The Lucifer person is a bully, a manipulator and a control freak. Those are in no way shape or form anything resembling love.
He did not do him a favour by dating him and is taking full advantage of the authors self esteem to maintain a strong hold on him.
You may need to look within yourself and re-evaluate, if you think that is love.
Mitch
March 23, 13:54This, right here, is what happens when a pea-brained individual decides to take meth.
Absolute loss of all sense.
Rubbish!
Black Dynasty
March 23, 11:06@ the author, sorry you had to go through all of this but i find that the best way to deal with a bully is to make up your mind to stand your ground.
Get to know his family too, visit him @ home. Equalise your fear of him outing you, ensure that he has something to lose too on the chance that he decides to out you.
If he’s taking you down, drag the bitch along with you ?. I really can’t stand twats like that.
Sworld
March 23, 11:29?. honestly I was expecting this, maybe you were right about me @ pink panther.
My boyfriend coming out to me he is + and I didn’t flinch at first n at all maybe cos I am well exposed or educated or any reason best known to me. I still choose to love him still n stood by him. Maybe the hoe in me makes me wana try other dicks till one thing lead to another.
but still not letting him go is appalling, maybe the story is inconclusive.
see on this issue of acceptance of being +. I know of a counsellor(my neighbor) that went against her daughter marrying an + lover of her life..
there’s always a side to every story
Pink Panther
March 23, 11:59I honestly do not understand one whit of what you’re saying, and I don’t understand why you keep going on about the story being inconclusive. But here’s one thing I suspect you’re saying: That because Lucifer accepted him when he told him of his HIV status, therefore he must “love him truly”. If that’s what you’re saying, then that’s the most laughable thing.
And I’d have to ask if that was the part of the story you got stuck on and perhaps missed reading the rest of the story that shows exactly HOW Lucifer’s behavior is NOT that of someone who loves Milton.
Peace
March 23, 12:14Oh my! We have a resident psychiatrist? Please I need a consult. How do I reach you Mr Sensei?
Peace
March 23, 12:41Dear Milton, it’s appalling and sad what you’re going through. We Humans are complicated, one never can never understand a person fully, it’s angel by day, demon by night. Like I would always say, I’m not really an expert at things like this, that’s why I always take my time to read through the comments and see everyone’s opinion. But here’s what I think you should do. Now think of everything bad that can happen, play every possible bad scenario that could happen and start protecting yourself , so that if and when they do happen, the effect would be subtle. I don’t know if your understand what I mean. For instance if he outs you to your family, you shouldn’t be taken by surprise you should have a line of defense. And make sure he’s in your defense, let everything point towards him *sinister laugh* put him at the centre, so that it’ll hit him so hard, he won’t recover.
Now for lucifer, I would always maintain that one talks to the person he has a problem with. Speak your mind when you’re talking to him, try to reason with him, watch his reactions and body language and also listen attentively to whatever he has to say. From there you’ll make your decision and know the next line of action. Don’t beat yourself about it at all. Only if hogwarts were real *Avada kidavra* would have ended this ?.
But in all, take time to live your life and try, hard as it may be, to be happy. And you should also read the other comments well too, they hold a lot of wisdom. In all you’ll be fine. With all my love.
Peace
Higwe
March 23, 13:26Ask yourself these crucial questions :
Who is Milton without HIV?
What are the potentials innate in Milton?
What can Milton be?
HIV is merely a virus inhabiting in the human called Milton.. a man who is brimming with unending potentials and can probably change the world with just a swipe of his fingers…..
Once you get rid of that victim mentality and understand that you’re so much more than your status and you deserve a lot more than you’ve been asking from life, you’ve conquered Lucifer by at least 50 percent.
Let me tell you something about Lucifer….
HE PREYS ON WEAKNESSES….
And once you’re able to fight back, and snatch your weakness from his grasp; you’ll be free.
Yes, he’s that weak!
You don’t need us, you’ve always known what to do, it’s time you did it. ?
bamidele
March 23, 14:28I like what Higwe just wrote. Just to compliment it
It is what was in my mind. Man’s major weakness is the thing that victimize them. The only solution looking beyond and such challegenges. And so no one can victimize you with it.
If you’re the reading type do let me know so I can recommend some books to! You will suddenly become a changed man beyond imagination after having read them.
Shiffi
March 23, 13:31Lucifer is clearly a cursed Narcissist . I’m really worried about you , dear . That sick Narcissitic lucifer doesn’t see you as a human being, but a commodity . He thinks he owns you, and as such he wont let you go so easily . I pray for you to find the strength and courage to get out of his grip forever. i wish you Freedom, good health and peace of mind. ❤️❤️❤️
Vibe
March 23, 15:59I’ll advice you let go of whatever ties you have with him. Let your parents know that nobody can make better choices than you. Emotional blackmail is not a stranger to members of our community.
Appreciate yourself more. Look past that virus. You’re worthy of love. We all are. I hope you gather the courage to be strong. I know it’s not easy for you.
You’re loved.
???
Fire lord
March 23, 17:20How i wish I knew your personally. This would have been over long before he knew what hit him.
Im with @Mitch on this. You have to fight, Fight, FIGHT!!!
Buddha
March 23, 18:13MILTON: “…After my HIV diagnoses, something about me changed. I became a different person. I became reserved, complacent and soft hearted. I loved Lucifer so much, that I chose to make excuses for his actions and to forgive him. Plus, I felt I owed him something for being there for me when I needed him to be after I learned of my HIV status. I would tell myself that whatever he did, no matter how far he wandered, he would always find his way back to me at the end of the day.”
ME: MILTON, YOU OWE HIM NOTHING. BEING POZ CHANGES NOTHING. YOU’RE STILL GLORIOUS. TELL THE BASTARD TO FUCK OFF. AND WHO TOLD YOU HE IS NOT POZ AS WELL? YOU”VE LET HIM HOLD ON TO YOUR LIFE FOR SO LONG. TIME TO TELL HIM TO PISS OFF.
MILTON: “…reminding me of what a favor he did to me by dating me for years despite my HIV positive status, and risking his well-being by allowing me penetrate him, never mind that the sex was protected.”
ME: AGAIN, WAKE UP. UNTIL YOU SEE HIS BILL OF HEALTH – UNDOCTORED- HE, THE SCUM, DID YOU NO FAVOR. YOU DON’t NEEd AN OUIJA BOARD TO TELL YOU THE ‘SOURCE’ OF YOUR INFECTION. INUGO?
MILTON: “…he will flare up and bring up our age difference, snapping at me to watch my tongue and mind how I talk to him.”
ME: HE IS AN IDIOT. HE SHOULD GO TELL JUSTIN BIEBER OR WIZKID ABOUT AGE DIFFERENCE.
if he as much as comes close to you or your family again, tell him you’d tell your family, and his, the truth: that you both are gay, and that he infected you. And if he wants to raise dust from the pit of hell, you can reach out to me, he will be pulverized dust. Your call.
Pink Panther
March 23, 21:05?????? I love this comment.
Paradox
March 23, 18:42This here is how I knew the boundaries between Appreciation and Love in a serodiscordant relationship must be clearly spelt out by oneself. I get that you felt beholden to him, but I must say that it is very important that you cut him off.
Do you have to stay around your parents? If he calls them to rant about your unavailability, the worst they’d do is pick up the phone to call you. If you have perfected the art of zoning out on unwanted parts of phone conversations, like I have, it would be a breeze.
Another thing you can do is tell them point blank that he is using the knowledge of your status to blackmail you FINANCIALLY. If that doesn’t work on making your parents send him packing, I don’t know what else will.
Malik
March 23, 19:43To be honest, from this narration, he doesn’t deserve to be called Lucifer. He has not been violent, or outright verbally abusive. But that said, I really would love to hear his side of the story, details you may not have paid attention to that may have hurt him and now inform his behaviors.
You both should talk. Involve a third party or therapist and just process your relationship. If there’s no hope for getting back together then create boundaries like adults and stick to them. Sorry, I’m bad with advice but I think that communication will solve a lot of these problems.
Pink Panther
March 23, 21:11“He has not been violent or outright verbally abusive”…
Lol. I legit laughed at this opening. Laughed out of bewilderment. Because I simply would like to know what your definition of “verbal abuse” is. I would also like to know how you think someone can only be referred to as the devil only when they’ve been physically violent.
Like, I really really need these answers.
Pink Panther
March 23, 21:12And the fact that anyone would suggest for a person to get back to being in a relationship with someone who has abused him…
Oh wait, that’s right. You don’t even think there’s been any abuse.
J
March 23, 23:37If possible find someone who will replace him, a HIV + person who is walking in your kind of shoes preferably… And please you don’t need to tell anyone about your status, some people will never understand. The stigmatization is crazy, most people are just ignorant! Abusive people can use your vulnerability against you, love shouldn’t be a favor… If it’s not realistic and given freely, then fuck it. Your mental health is very important, guard it with your life. Suicide should never be an option, you’re not alone in this struggle, some people have worse ailments, but they’re very hopeful. If you die today, Luficer will eat, drink and still have some dicks. I will advise you to focus on taking your meds and suppressing your viral load, any relationship that can’t make you happy is not worth it. Let somebody’s son with their wahala not give you headache abeg. Let him go and meet his mother.
Keredim
March 24, 10:44“And please you don’t need to tell anyone about your status,….”
So you would comfortably be in a trusting, loving and sexual relationship with someone who has kept his HIV+ status from you??
J
March 24, 15:50HIV can’t stop me from loving a good person as long as we’ve a good connection and are happy together. I know about integrity, character and honesty. If my supposed partner is afraid to tell me about his status for the fear of loosing me, I can reason with him. I’m not that type of person that can bully or take advantage of someone just because of an unfortunate event that happened in their life.
You can marry and live with a HIV+ partner without getting infected, google it.
J
March 24, 15:57And if eventually I get infected, we can start taking meds together. It’s not the end of the world, something must definitely kill a man.
Keredim
March 24, 16:58Dude, your good heartedness is admirable but you haven’t answered the question.
If you follow your own advise, you wouldn’t know about partner’s HIV + stats from him, rather someone else might tell you.
By which time, assuming you both have had unprotected sex, as you have reached a level of “ trust”, you might have been infected.
So where exactly does the “integrity, character and honesty” lie in such a scenario?
J
March 24, 17:56I said and meant a “good person” someone who knows his status and had not had sex with me,
or someone who can’t have sex with me without protection, someone who wouldn’t want me to be infected…
If I know I’m positive, I won’t go on a sex rampage and I wouldn’t even go out with someone that is negative for the fear of rejection and being misunderstood. I won’t want to be pitied, favored and abused tomorrow because of my status. I won’t allow anyone to treat me poorly because I love them and I have HIV. So it’s good to be honest and upfront with people, but be very selective because most people are selfish and heartless.
To answer your question, Yes I won’t mind and please stop putting words on my mouth ooo ?
Keredim
March 24, 22:22Odiegwu.?
J
March 25, 03:13Yes welcome to the city of wonders ??
You need to start coming home to interrogate all these politicians
Chizzie
March 24, 00:48I kinda feel you need to tell us who this Lucifer is, cause he seems like someone who has a lot of mental issues and should be avoided and institutionalised for the safety of everyone in the community.
Plus the fact that he gave you HIV, which I lowkey suspect was his intention all along, only God knows who else he had infected prior to him taking his meds. People like him should be avoided the same way one would avoid one of these Kito guys.
I’m all for calling him out : name, picture, and number with, “Avoid at all cost” boldy written
Pink Panther
March 24, 08:08Lucifer wasn’t the one who gave him HIV. The writer got HIV from his relationship before Lucifer.
Delle
March 24, 11:48What I love most about all of this is how the guy’s named Lucifer ??. Very theatrical.
Preceding comments have said most of it. I hope you follow through.
Babe
March 24, 14:17I always ignore people and it always works. If your family wants to quiz you, then they’d have to understand that the asshole has been mocking you with your status, and if they don’t, ignore.
I’m aware that I didn’t type the longest or most helpful advice, but I do hope you figure it out
Rainbow Nova
March 24, 16:58Firstly, I‘m extremely happy and proud to be a part of this community that can strengthen and uphold it’s members any day, time and way. Most of the comments here have not only been helpful, encouraging and supportive to the writer but me personally.
Secondly, I know Milton that you’ve read a lot of comments by now but I feel mine could be the cherry on the pie. You first talked about him being treated horribly by someone you know in his past relationship thus the spark that began your relationship, I feel he has buried insecurities from his past he’s acting on so you definitely need to see through all his bullshit as a cry for help rather than a roar, I really don’t want to focus on the age gap ’cause that’s the silliest thing I’ve ever heard anyone say (Just tell him to sit and Goggle successful Nigerians your age, he’ll shut up like his life depends on it). One personal quote I live by is that “Whoever I’m afraid of is as afraid of me or much more” so I always dare myself to do crazy things like stand up to people no matter who or what they can do, confront anyone I feel is impossible to communicate with and engage someone I’d normally find overbearing, it’s a daily trait I’ve grown for years (Note that I didn’t say skill because I don’t believe it’s just something you learn, it’s in-built and self-sustaining).
Thirdly, your previous relationship was extremely abusive both sexually and emotionally which seems to be that you have a history of psychological trauma more like Stockholm syndrome if you ask me, might explain why you can’t confront your family about this or get rid of this guy completely. You know what, I can’t be sentimental about this ’cause I don’t do pity party and I actually care about you, the truth is you have made up your heart but not your mind on cutting him off and that’s weak, it’s degrading, it’s shallow, it’s not okay. I didn’t want to mention your status just yet because even though I admit I can’t relate but I mean this when I say that, it really doesn’t matter. It doesn’t, it’s a fact, it’s stale news, it’s a lie that you’re not over it, quit brooding over it, it’s changed you yes but I don’t think you’ve fully realized how ‘cause stuff like that doesn’t make you a coward, no you’re stronger than you think. You have been looking outside and around for so long, at other people’s reactions and expectations well fuck ‘em all ’cause guess what? You matter first and if no one else cares then remember you do, I’m saying this because KDians’ help might not be there all the time, and sometimes it might not be enough or really it might take a while but baby come on, living is for queer, wild, crazy and beautiful survivors like you not the passive, pain-absorbing dead-like breathing corpses. Spit some fire like a dragon and let ’em feel the heat of your fury, you’re not a fucking throw pillow or punching bag, you are a wonderful and amazing person who deserves the best life has to offer.
You owe him shit nothing for anything he did, it’s called love not a business transaction, contract or blood covenant. You need real relationships in your life buddy and I’m talking friendship before dating but even before that you need therapy, I’m not clinically diagnosing you but being real right now, whether it’s daily confessions or music or YouTube series, you need inspiration and motivation for you to be protected psychologically from people like your family and…you know who, if I type out what’s in my head, PP would have to censor this comment literally.
That pain will teach you what to do, tell you where to go, help you reach your goal. This isn’t about Lucifer, it never was, it’s all about you and how you’ll come out of this the true champion you are. Let go of the bullshit and inhale the good shit, some fresh air and peace of mind. Haters gonna hate so why you always listening, tell ’em to fuck off and then you’ll see the bright stars of your future glistening. I know you got this, you’re my LGBTQIA+ HIV+ brother and I’m so proud of you. I love you and I say “you matter”.
THE OTHER SIDE OF MIDNIGHT – KitoDiaries
June 02, 05:55[…] this is a follow-up to my story, Going Through The Valley Of The Shadow Of Hell. So much has happened since that story was published and I want to […]
mike
June 03, 12:53Oga , you have a belt , read the manual and learn how to use it, on that child you call lucifer.
Handling a bully is not about winning, it’s about confrontation and taking away that ace card.
That been said, you are suffering from victim mentality, clearly marked by the change in your personality, from probably active,more dominant to this all forgiving, subtle sweetheart , simply put. Sugarcoated self pity.
You are obviously punishing yourself for something, your dear Lucifer is just carryout your sentence on you, the way you feel befitting of it. Sorry but it’s true.
You should have broken up with him, the moment you found out about your status, so as to have the time find yourself, who you are now and deal. Face the truth head on. If you have done that you would have found your strength and realise that you are the only one you can truly count on.
But instead, he was your copying mechanism, he was the hand that sheld your wounds, I am pretty sure you felt , you were lucky to have him, considering “low self image oga”. You were actually abusing / using him psychologically, he was your fix, to get by that dark period, you were using him , to forget, to be normal.
And he , Lucifer grew accustomed to been needed, charitable, feeling good about himself, like he was doing humanity a favour by being with you. That is why when you no longer needed him, or seemed like it, he chased that fix, somewhere else.
It is not about sex, your status , money or someone else being better than you, if it were, he Lucifer would have broken up with you long time ago, even when you broke up with him, he was free yet he’s still coming back to daunt you.
You are his fix, biko give it to him . You used him to get by , oga pay the piper or use the belt.
It will take a while for that niggas brain to reset, like every junky.
The difference between sex with you and someone else, is the feeling of risk, danger, him feeling brave, charitable cause of your status etc. This mental states are addictive, you have revolutionised sex/love making to him. For better understanding think of all human emotion, mental states as chemicals, cause according to biology, that is what they actually are.
Nigga be strong, you have a strong mind, I can’t imagine half that shit weighting on my mind. And nice family by the way, you are special, just as they.
Rexxy
March 22, 01:32Hello Milton, when a bastard goes low, go lower …
Trust me he can’t out you, because outing you is outing himself as he knows you have prove of your relationship with him … THEREFORE DARLING…
Get close to him family….PLAY HIS CARD TOO….Threaten to out him too if he doesn’t stay the fuck away from you and watch him wither….
If his family is far, go to his work place or church… I’m sure there is a circle where in his is surely trying to stay in the closest, go to that circle and watch him leave you alone