What Would You Do If The Lover You Spent The Night With Died In Your Bed?

What Would You Do If The Lover You Spent The Night With Died In Your Bed?

Some years ago, someone I knew was murdered by the guy he brought home for an overnight lay. I never got to learn anything more about the case because his murder ignited a scandal (he’d been engaged to marry a woman and the guy he spent the night with disappeared before the rest of the house woke up and discovered the heinous crime) and everyone associated with him – that is, his friends who were gay – quickly distanced themselves from the situation. (That incident went on to inspire a couple of episodes of Love and Sex in the CityHERE and HERE.)

However, in the years following that incident, especially when I began living on my own, I started finding myself getting confronted with the question of unexpected death during an overnight hookup. What would I do, I’d often wonder, if I woke up in the morning to find out that the guy I’d spent the night with was dead?

The possibility of this happening was especially alarming to me, because, well, we live in a shithole of a country where unexpected deaths are often not investigated for a medical cause, but are instead labeled spiritual or the work of rituals and/or diabolism. Also, there’s the factor of the hostile gay clime in our society and all the scrutiny that’d suddenly descend on the situation of two men sleeping together.

I remember asking a friend this question a couple of years ago, and he said that he’d quietly get dressed and sneak out of the house and vanish. But that’s a convenience that comes from spending the night in the bedroom of the person who died. What would he do if the person spent the night at his place and died on his bed? My friend didn’t have an answer to that.

Last year, this concern came up one time for me. It was with this guy who spent the night at my place. After sex, he went on to sleep while I went back to my laptop and some work I had to do. I worked till midnight, when I decided to retire. As I turned to the bed, I felt an instant unease when I saw how remarkably still the guy in my bed was. He wasn’t moving, not even the slightest, and I couldn’t hear him breathing. He was positioned with his back to me, so I couldn’t see if his chest was rising and falling. My unease turned to panic as I approached the bed, my head crowding with thoughts of scenarios I didn’t want to be considering.

Then I bent over him and placed a finger under his nostrils. The rush of warm air I felt on my finger from his breathing was the best thing I ever felt that day. And the surge of relief I felt inside me almost brought tears to my eyes. He was just a light sleeper, not dead.

I’ve also had to ask a boyfriend who was spending so many nights – and days – at my place, that we were practically living together, for the numbers of his contact persons. When he asked why, I answered, “So I’ll know who to call if I wake up one day to see that you’ve died on me.”

He wasn’t very amused by that.

This is all so morbid, I know. And up until that day many years ago, when I learned of the murder of that guy I used to know, I wouldn’t think of this kind of situation as realistic. But there it is.

A straight woman I know posted this on her Facebook timeline just recently: “What would you do if you wake up in the morning and someone who visited you or someone you visited died during the night?”

Reading it resurrected my fears, especially when someone else I know was in the comments section saying, “Honestly, even as a lawyer, I don’t know the answer to give, considering this is Nigeria.”

And these are straight people! How much more those of us who are gay.

So, I guess I’m reverting the question to you guys, hoping that we could all learn something from the opinions shared here. The question is:

What would you do if you woke up in the morning to discover that the lover you spent the night with – at his place, at your place – is dead?

Written by Pink Panther

Previous ON THE 31ST NIGHT
Next TIERs Wants Your Take On Conversion Therapy In Nigeria

About author

You might also like

Our Stories 2 Comments

#HowIResist Campaign 19

We are supposed to “let your light so shine before men” through our lives and work (Matt. 5:16). Light does not make noise. But what do we find today? We

Our Stories 50 Comments

In The Lonely Hour

The other day, Chucks (not real name) messaged me to tell me he would be in Lagos in a couple of days. I was ecstatic because we had planned this

Our Stories 57 Comments

That Weird Moment

This is a true story. Incredible, but true. I’ve always been quiet and reserved, except around very close friends, then I’d be the silly one who would say witty things


  1. trystham
    January 17, 09:18 Reply

    This is too terrifying a thought to want to contemplate. I will try to make him as decent as possible and then call for help. There is nothing else to do as my village ppl have finally caught up with me.
    Still, if only ambulance services actually work as against having to call neighbors with cars to help with driving in these cases of emergencies

  2. Pete
    January 17, 10:03 Reply

    In his place, I’ll sneak out and come back later to alert his neighbours. In my place, I’ll call ambulance and contact his people.

    • Legalkoboko
      January 17, 10:53 Reply

      I’m racking my brain right now, thinking of the best answer to this question.

      But Pete, this idea of sneaking out of you were the visitor will not fly. It is most likely going to put you into a bigger problem.

      A neighbour may see you sneaking out. The legal doctrine of last seen will apply to you. Based on the testimony of that neighbour alone in court, you will be convicted as the murderer.


  3. Mandy
    January 17, 10:23 Reply

    Ordinary asthmatic attack that a hookup once had at my place gave me serious nightmare. The thing descended on him and this guy was struggling to breathe and couldn’t tell me clearly where to get his inhaler. The few minutes before I was able to find his inhaler were excruciating. After that, I just jejely told him to coman be going. Our hookup was officially over. I just couldn’t abeg.

    Then to talk of the person dying on you. This is a topic that scares the bejesus out of me.

  4. Olutayo
    January 17, 10:29 Reply

    I remember some years ago, when a couple of my cousins came to spend a weekend at our place. They were my maternal uncle’s kids. And these children, two of them, we’re sicklers. On their very first night in our place, they had a crisis. My mother was distraught. They were rushed to the hospital and my uncle and his wife were notified. Right there at the hospital, after they were fixed and the crisis had died down, my mother handed them back to their parents sharp sharp. Told her brother that she’d no longer agree to them holidaying at our house. This thing caused a family issue, but my mother stuck to her guns. She was not about to become attached in any way, shape or form to the possible demise of her nephews.

    And this is straight people problems.

    Not to talk of gay lovers. Mehn, the thought of such happening to me is scary as fuck.

  5. Rexxy
    January 17, 10:30 Reply

    This scares the shit outta me….

    The thought alone, then the guilt that will follow you forever.

    I heard of a case in An were he helped accommodate his neighbors cousin since his neighbor was in town and the visitor came unexpected and by morning oga visitor harf die… What would I do Kwanu????
    PS: Mr good sameritan neighbor is in Prison till now

    • Zee Man
      January 17, 10:36 Reply

      You see what I’m talking about??? Situations like this can end up backfiring big-time on you.

  6. Zee Man
    January 17, 10:33 Reply

    See eh, with the way I fear the Nigerian justice/medical system, if he dies in my room, I once thought about this scenario and I found myself thinking that what I’ll do is, if it’s early in the morning that I discovered he’s dead, I’ll quietly find a way to bundle his body out into the street and dump him there. My sense of self preservation is very high.

  7. Maximal
    January 17, 11:16 Reply

    I once asked a partner for his emergency contact details and he gave me that of a supposed colleague. Not only did that indicate I wasn’t welcome in his life entirely but it helped me realise the apparent danger I was in should an emergency arise.

  8. Legalkoboko
    January 17, 11:23 Reply

    This may sound like the strangest suggestion ever, considering the mess our criminal justice system is in right now. But I think the best cause of action in that situation is to report yourself to the nearest police station as quickly as possible.

    These are my reasons :

    1.You don’t want the mob to get wind of what happened. Even the relatives of the dead guy might send you to the grave before you can have time to explain.

    2. If you report yourself early enough, regardless of the unprofessional way the police may handle the issue, when the matter goes to court there will be a strong presumption of innocence in your favour. It is rarer to see a murderer who goes to report himself after the act.

    3. Reporting yourself to the police may make you a suspect. But the police will not make you their “prime” suspect.

    4. Nigeria may be a messed up country. But when it comes to murder cases, the likelihood of a serious investigation is high. So if during the investigation, the police finds out that the last person or one of the last persons the dead guy called was you, you must be roped in. Assuming the guy’s call log was discovered to be wiped off, and the police found out by asking the service providers, you are doubly in!

    5. If you try to run and at least one person saw you, believe me when I tell you that you can be traced and arrested. As I said earlier, the legal doctrine of last seen will apply to you.
    “The doctrine of the last seen creates a rebuttable presumption to the effect that the person last seen with a deceased person bears full responsibility for his or her death”.

    • Pink Panther
      January 17, 11:29 Reply

      Murder though.

      But this situation isn’t a murder. Waking up next to a dead person isn’t a murder.

      • Legalkoboko
        January 17, 11:38 Reply

        No it isn’t.
        But the police will say you murdered him.
        And if you try to run, you will play into their narrative.

        • Phoenix
          January 17, 13:44 Reply

          But what if there’s an autopsy which would determine the cause of death? Surely that can prove it wasn’t a murder but death by natural causes?

        January 17, 12:19 Reply

        An attempt at fleeing can be interpreted as suspicious and guilty. I actually agree with what legalkoboko said.

    • Francis
      January 17, 20:29 Reply

      Thanks for the tips as always man

  9. Gif
    January 17, 13:30 Reply

    Well this may seem cold but when push comes to shove, bla bla bla.
    I would quickly take something strong to calm myself, search his fone and chats to ensure he didn’t tell someone abt our intending hookup, after confirming, I’d switch off his phone, strip him, drag his body to the bathroom, lock it, go buy 2 or 3 sharp machetes from a far place from home, buy conc acid from an even farther place, bring it home, switch on my sound system to above average volume, dismember him and disolve the huge bones like skull , ribs and limbs with acid then flush dem, thoroughly wash my bathroom with bleach and airfreshner, soak plenty clean clothes in water and go out to spread them so it would seem like I’ve been indoor doing laundry all mornings. Take a weekend vacation to clear ny head and in 6 months time, i pack out b4 the soak away pit gets due for extraction.

    NB; i might send a text to my phone from his fone when I’m far from home(probably on my way to buy the machetes, that I’m almost home now. Thanks. That should serve as an alibi just in case)

    • Shadow
      January 17, 13:46 Reply

      I just hope this is a joke if not you need medical attention ASAP!!! Because WTF? ?

      • Gif
        January 17, 14:08 Reply

        Nah. Ohh, so you are judging my attempt at self preservation! GTFOH!!!
        I’m not sick that’s for sure!
        I’m just not willing to be another victim of a fucked up system! For goodness sakes, he’s already dead! And I’m not going to the gallows for that!

    • Pink Panther
      January 17, 14:17 Reply

      ?????? Jeezuz. You’ve been watching way too much Hollywood movies.

      • Francis
        January 17, 20:29 Reply

        Asin eh. Hollywood makes it look so easy but that shit ain’t for the faint hearted. Don’t get me started on the posible nightmares sef.

    • Tman
      January 18, 00:55 Reply

      Lol. This was all I could muster at this comment – an lol.

      You probably got your adventurous thoughts from one of those enthralling American bestselling novels, most likely, Thirteen by Steve Cavanagh. Hunnay, there’s a reason they are called fiction.

      It will only take a gruesome murderer or serial killer to do all you’ve mentioned, not an innocent gay man in a hookup gone wrong.

      The best we can do is hope we never find ourselves in a grim situation like this, and if we do, well, until then.

    • Cliffael
      January 18, 02:59 Reply

      Don’t forget to dilute the acid after dissolving his members; the conc acid would eat up the piping and there you go…Murderer!

      • Pink Panther
        January 18, 03:07 Reply

        Lol. Murderer? You do know a murderer is someone who KILLS A LIVING HUMAN BEING, right? And not someone who chops up a dead person.

  10. Higwe
    January 17, 20:38 Reply

    ( General)

    Call my boyfriend …

    His equanimous nature would do me a world of good because I’ll most probably be a mess.

    ( In my place )

    I’ll take a seat and think of the safest means to dispose the corpse without implicating myself .
    Thankfully I’m very good friends with the chief security man of our estate , as long as I assure him that I had nothing to do with the death , he’s going to help me.
    Together we might arrange to put him inside a morgue and the security man will say he found him dead on the street or somewhere.
    He’s a mobile police man , so I doubt anyone will question him too much .
    I’ll probably have to pay for the rest of my life for the favour …but anything is better than SARS detention.
    I’ll take his device and inform his people , not before I delete every single thing that links us together.

    ( At his place )

    I’ll definitely bail but not before I retrieve the contact details of people I presume he’s pretty close to ( thankfully I’m pretty good at hacking , so even if the phone is Passworded I might still be able open it )

    When I get to my house, I’ll use one of my burner sims ( thanks to big brother Naija , I have about 20 sims I’m using for online votes ??‍♂️) and put a call to his people informing them of their son / lover / friend’s demise .
    Then I’ll get rid of the sim .

    * Take a bath with some salt and black soap *

    * Have a bottle of gulder or two or three *

    Extirpate the unfortunate incident from my memory *

    As much as I can be pretty solipsistic sometimes , denying a family closure is something that will haunt me for the rest of my life .

    But then the possibility of this happening to me would probably be l in a C .
    I literally never invite a hook-up back to my place, like ever ( way too many valuable properties in my apartment to risk it)

    And I don’t sleep over … sleeping with older men kind of keeps you at an alert.
    Most of these older men belong to powerful secret societies .
    The faster you’re done with the sex , the faster you head back to your hotel and wash yourself with a spiritual cleansing black soap .?

    Learnt from a traditional spiritualist that hotels are perfect environment for detoxification because it’s like a confluence of several spirits .

    I’ll probably never relate but it’s always exciting to think of these things.
    I mean who doesn’t want an adventure huh …
    Heart racing ..
    Pores dribbing…
    Face gaunt …..
    Body hair standing …

    Stuff of a real Hollywood blockbuster .????‍♂️

    • Victor
      January 18, 16:03 Reply

      Sweetheart, you seem quite knowledgeable about the spiritual. Can I please get your email address?

      • Audrey
        January 18, 22:00 Reply

        Oga you don’t need the email for anything else but to learn about black magic?

        Different people dey this wold oh

        • Slimmy
          January 20, 00:31 Reply

          Audrey where you dey since OOOH..

          I have missed you too much ????

      January 20, 06:46 Reply

      “…a confluence of different spirits.”

      Issa wawu something there.

  11. Keeva
    January 21, 03:06 Reply

    As much as I am not the declared Umpire of this post,but I must say: Personally, Gif & Higwe’s comments are in line with my thoughts. Go to the extreme to protect yourself!!!

    Going to the police station to report? Coincidentally an over zealous police man is on duty that day, and gbam! There goes your smart plan. And this you’ll only realise from behind bars.

  12. Ashawo
    January 31, 19:30 Reply

    If his house, I’d sneak out if nobody saw me come in, and not before I erase every trace of me.
    If someone saw me, I’d turn myself in. Or put up a drama and play along to Nigerian’s diabolic beliefs — I could say a winged demon with spiky tails came in at night and strangled him and I woke to him struggling for life and the thing tried to strangle me too, but I was pleading the blood of Jesus till it disappeared. Yeah, something like that.

    If my house, I have two options:
    1. Turn myself in to the police, I have a very few strong links in the Nigerian law sector, so I can guarantee myself a likely favorable case.
    2. Get a friend who owns a car, of course I do know many I can confide in, and take the lifeless body far away from my place and dump it there (after I’ve erased every connection between me and it).

  13. Brown Shuga
    November 07, 04:19 Reply

    Ki olorun ya mi ya esu….
    I can’t even begin to can.

Leave a Reply