Grindr: Is It More Than Just A Hookup App?
So, this issue has been something I’ve been encountering in pockets of social media conversations over the years. It has been so taken for granted that Grindr is a place for hooking up that when you encounter someone on the app who says he’s only interested in making friends, there’s usually this WTF reaction you meet the news with. I am guilty of this.
And yet, there are people who firmly believe that they can make “just friends” on Grindr. That they can get on the app just to exchange scintillating conversations and mingle in the virtual gay community. No sex involved.
Some days ago, someone of Twitter mentioned me to a thread where he detailed the story of how he was in a long-distance relationship and on the times his boyfriend was not around, he went on Grindr. Just to make friends, he insists. Even though the story ended predictably with him eventually falling in lust with someone from the hookup app, he maintains that he made some friends who all they did was hang out in the malls and enjoy each other’s company.
And then, this conversation on Twitter happened. And I figured it was time to bring this here to hear what y’all think.
So, what do y’all think: is anyone who goes on Grindr to look for friends seriously deluding himself?
Are there friends to be made from Grindr or is it all just hookup?
For that matter, is there love to be found on Grindr or is it all just sex?
And finally, is it okay for someone in a committed relationship to be on Grindr? Would you be comfortable with your boyfriend still on Grindr “looking for friends”?
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15 Comments
That Ghana Boy Rudy
April 24, 07:19I’ll pick Grindr over the facebooks and instagrams any day to find and make queer acquaintances. I’ve met some of the most beautiful souls in my life from there be it lovers or friends. Quite interesting, I recently made a wonderful female friend from there (YES a FEMALE friend on Grindr who isn’t lesbian but straight, a story for another day though). It goes to prove that one has to maintain an open mind on there. Regardless of the percentage looking for hookups on there, it shouldn’t overshadow the other percentage looking for something long lasting including friendship(of which I’ve experienced personally). And unlike the facebooks and IG’s, you don’t have to guess whether the person you’re speaking to is queer or not which I think is one of the best attributes. So why go suffer and spin my head elsewhere over whether my gaydar is potent or not figuring people’s sexuality when there’s a platform tailored for that and more? Open mindedness is key.
Keredim
April 24, 07:59“And unlike the facebooks and IG’s, you don’t have to guess whether the person you’re speaking to is queer or not which I think is one of the best attributes.”
So now that you met a straight FEMALE friend on Grindr, you’re going to start guessing if they are straight or not.
Doesn’t that blow your entire argument out of the water??
That Ghana Boy Rudy
April 24, 10:34I didn’t have to guess whether she was straight or not, because it said clearly and boldly on her profile that she was Straight, just as the many expected queer profiles on there which boldly expressed their individual identities and interests, something you are less likely to encounter on other mainstream social media platform. No social media outlet is devoid of downsides which brings the term “kito” to mind. But being a queer person I’ll choose Grindr over the rest due to the fact that if nothing else, it provides anonymity and a non judgemental environment where the details of these kito culprits be it pictures, contact or the very profile they work with get highlighted on people’s profiles for the scum that they are to serve as a deterrent to their future victims. The judgement alone one might be faced with on the counter mainstream apps is enough to send one back into the closet not to talk about being expressive or shaming kitoers.
Delle
April 24, 10:41I actually hate the anonymity of Grindr even though I know it’s for safety reasons. I think what I hate the most is the people that will not want to send pictures of themselves but will ‘travel’ immediately to asking you for a video call or your whatsapp contact. Like WTF! That’s my safe space and you can’t get there until it’s certified that you’re a safe entity ?.
Also, Grindr is the HUB of stereotypes, prejudice, bigotry, femmephobia, internalised homophobia, fatphobia and what have you. Did you just say “non-judgemental”? That’s funny?
And where on Grindr do they expose the details of culprits of Kito abeg? Direct me.
That Ghana Boy Rudy
April 25, 15:04The internalised homophobia makes it an unfortunate citadel of stereotypes just where we least expect it to be @ Grindr. Thankfully with education, social media exposure, queer icons coming out and queer Hollywood film front, the internalised homophobia gets neutralised with time and evolves into acceptance(I am an example of that and I know so many queer folks who could relate to this, that once upon a time they suffered with internalised homophobia). These stereotypes you mention of is 10X worse on other platforms (still doesn’t make it right though) which aren’t queer centred. At the end of the day there’s a whole lot of work to be done with desensitisation and education hence the reason most of us are here on KD, to gain knowledge and empower ourselves to face the other internalised homophobes or the 10X worse off unrepentant homophobes.
I believe internalised homophobia is the “basement membrane” of sort in the skin layer of stereotypes and discrimination and if that foundation is broken it could cause a domino effect in reducing stereotypes in any form it presents itself whether in queer centred spaces or at general settings.
With regards to the shaming of kitoers on Grindr, I’ve come across profiles where people post pictures of the people involved in the act of kito, with their details and a write up deterring others to engage with anyone who looks like the person in the image or who gives such contacts out.
Imagine the same instance occurring on a general platform, the swarm of “thank you’s” and “they deserve it” that will be meted out to the kitoers will be endless. After all is said and done, Grindr isn’t a walk in the park and it’s far away from perfection but then again that perfection is a utopia in our minds where we could only envision for now and work towards, starting this journey in a place with a minuscule of acceptance and lesser judgement such as Grindr isn’t a bad thing.
O_shabby
April 24, 08:07Yes grindr is so main for hookup but i believe anyone using it with open mind will get the best out of it
UC
April 24, 08:50For a long time I’ve wanted to write on this but then since the question has been raised, let me just put down my thoughts here.
Grindr was created as a networking and online dating app for LGBT+ folks. Like almost every other dating apps, it has also been used, maybe primarily, as a hook-up app. That does not invalidate that fact that it was created as a networking app for people with one thing in common – being a member of the LGBT+ community.
If an app or a Facebook group was created for people interested in literature but, as time went on, people began to use it to advertise products/promote their side hustle, that does not mean there aren’t people on there trying to just meet other literature buffs.
Grindr is the most popular app created primarily for LGBT+ folks and, regardless of whatever purpose it is now commonly used for, there are still people that network and meet friends there. And I am one of those people. My experience on Grindr has been different from that of a lot of people. I have gone there with the intention of just improving my queer contacts and I have my ways of sifting through people who either don’t have the same interests nor do they meet the criteria of friends I wanted. I have been able to meet and become friends with a lot of people there, regardless of if that was my intention on going there or not.
Grindr removes the need to tap dance around the issue of if the person is LGBT or not: if you’re there it is assumed that you’re LGBT and if you’re not, then that’s on you. So please let’s not invalidate people’s desire to maker friends/network on the app.
Black Dynasty
April 24, 09:19Exactly this!! Some of my closest friends who are gay, I met on the apps and the sites before the apps (a4a, bgc etc).
There’s pretty much no gay/bi app or site for men to network or meet up that hasn’t been converted to being 99% for hookups…. now, there’s nothing wrong with that but don’t dismiss the 1% who want something else.
I say each to his own.
Tomi
April 25, 09:28This!
Kvng
April 24, 09:40Grindr is a place just for hook ups, i think its a place gay pple can meet and talk. It helps sometimes to talk to someone who gets ur kind of situation. I can’t talk to my straight frnds abt my gay relationships, nah.
Grindr has just been commonized to only hook up and one night stand, bla bla bla.
It shud be more than that, meet friends, connect to ur kind nd of pple, communicate, u can wvwn make an online frnd who u talk to nd don’t ave to meet. Some pple re like that. My thoughts though
Delle
April 24, 10:36The truth is things are what we make them to be.
Grindr was created to be a platform for hookups, at least that’s what I think and I’m pretty sure a lot of us think this too. It’s because of this line of thought that seeing it as a space to make platonic friends seems like one is trying to catch straws.
Then again, I’ve heard a lot of people say they’ve met wonderful people on there without a hookup having to happen. And I’ve had a few myself but at the end of the day, majority go on Grindr to get laid.
So the possibility of making that wonderful friend on Facebook or maybe IG is a lot higher than Grindr. Michael isn’t deluded, he just needs a lot of luck.
Kasi
April 24, 13:33Well… I’ll say that grindr has it’s advantage and disadvantage. As for me I’ve never experienced a bad connect on grindr, from one night stand to friendship. So far majority of my gay friends, I met them on grindr. The app is a nice place you just have to filter the people you interact with because many guys on that app just want to fuck and go. Horny thirsty guys ugh!
I’ve a story to send to kito about a guy I met on grindr, it’s going to be an interesting story when it’s finally out. Work no just wan let me type am finish.
Omiete
April 24, 15:28IMO Grindr is for hookup but not solely. There are people who go there to find friends and there are people who go there for Sex. The only thing is when you log in State your purpose. People feel offended when guys go straight to the point and ask what’s your role, and am like why is that not what we came to do here? If it’s not shag you want simply say not interested I just want a friend shikena. There might be 1 percent or 5 percent who want only friendship, find your percentage
Higwe
April 24, 16:23Going to Grindr to find a friend , is like going to an apple store to buy grapes.
Sure …there is always a chance that the vendor might have some grapes …but the possibility is such a rarity that the idea can as well be considered – an ignis fatuus .
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Some people say that Grindr emanated from two words : grinding and radar .
The summation of this is basically ” find someone in your rader and grind away ” ??
The sooth is that Grindr is primarily meant for sex and hook ups ..
Any additional thingamajig is an extra …
And joining a system just to poach “extras” is parlous and byzantine .
I think it’s much safer and much more realistic to join private gay Facebook groups .
Stripped of anonymosity …you’ll get the chance to access members , study them and strike a perfect friendship with them (if they live up to your criteria )
There are Whatsapp groups …
There are Instagram groups ….many gay blogs have their subsidiary branches on Instagram …. ?
There is a bigger possibility of meeting people merely interested in friendship or companionship in these places, than on Grindr .
Let’s just say that Grindr is a sea full of carnivorous fishes .
Yes , you’ll have access to a gazillion fishes …but , most likely than not …they are all gunning for your blood or in this case your nyansh and amu ???
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As for someone in a (committed ) relationship still prowling through Grindr ….that’s like someone saving up for something very important ,but going through a fancy store …with lots of cheap , easy , available items ?
What are the chances you won’t end up purchasing one ? ??♂️
Bee
June 02, 14:22Anyone know any of these LGBT Nigerian WhatsApp groups? I’ve searched for years, I’m just tired.