IBK’s JOURNAL (Entry 16)
December 31
Remember how I have been more of a homebody? Well one day, I decided to go out and I needed some money to do that. I wanted to return the aviator glasses a friend of mine forgot at my house. It really was just an excuse to go out. No ulterior motive. Drop the glasses and return my ass home.
My mum turned it to drama with typical motherly questions of “Why can’t he come pick up the glasses himself” and “Don’t go on an idiot’s errand.”
I ignored her and went to meet my aunt and explained why I needed money. She didn’t have. I sha found some money somewhere, when my mum called me into her room. She handed me some money and said that she hopes I am going where I said I am going to and not to do what will make her unhappy because she doesn’t know why I haven’t gotten over “this thing” since, that I shouldn’t think she doesn’t know that people come from Lagos to visit me. That she knows I received a phone call just moments before I decided to leave the house.
*sigh* Assuming much, mother?
The said phone call was from a friend asking for another friend’s number!
I turned my back to her and rolled my eyes and stalked out of the room, only to be called by my aunt who reiterated my mum’s concerns. I responded that whether or not my mother will be happy doesn’t matter, that in the end, I will do what I want to do.
Not to sound insensitive too much but this woman shouldn’t give herself hypertension over me. Perhaps, in the past, I’d baby her and feel sad, but these days, I just feel angry. It’s been what, five years? Abeg! Do I want her to be accepting? Yes. But it’s looking like it’d be a cold day in hell before that happens. So, it’ll be nice if she lets me do my thing and not try to guilt-trip me at every turn. Is that too much to ask?
It’s not even like I don’t get up to worse at school.
In the end, I didn’t go out because my friend decided to come get the glasses himself instead, for a few reasons. No biggie there.
This friend, by the way, is the first guy I made out with. I still remember the night it happened. I was in SS2, so I was probably fifteen. He liked to come to my bed and put his head on my leg. The signals were mixed. Then, one day, when he did it, I leaned over and kissed him. From there, we started to make out and I came in like 30 seconds.
He also gave me my first blow job. This was done in a toilet that was still under construction. We’d been making out, and then he pulled down my pants, hunkered down, and this slippery, wet, warm, oh-my-goodness-I-am-about-to-bust feeling enveloped my dick. And I came in his mouth.
Needless to say he was pissed. My cum tastes bitter (I know because I’ve tasted it and I’ve been told). I ran out of the toilet because I had come to my senses and some level of guilty conscience had replaced my horny teen hormones.
We had a few more make out sessions after that incident. We never had sex though. These days, I think he thinks he’s straight. I’m not interested in meddling but I think it’s either he really was just fooling around back then or he is bi and suffering from internal homophobia. But he seems fine.
*
2017 is here and I’m torn between attempting to make resolutions or not. Either way, I know I’m going to do my best to improve on my art (painting, singing and writing). Hopefully I get into the Farafina creative writing workshop this time. And hopefully I also get a steady flow of business when it comes to the sale of my paintings. Yes, I am advertising myself here! And for free too (*tongue out @ Pinky*).
Those of you who may be interested, the price ranges from 3k upwards; but you’d find most of them in the 3k – 10k price range excluding shipping costs. And no, I don’t do portraits because that’s not my forte.
Yet.
I also hope to grow as a person and learn to be my real and authentic self and learn how to take and discard criticism. I hope for balance within myself because I know I can be a bit too much of certain things, and more often than not, it causes me unnecessary emotional wahala.
2016 was an interesting year. It’d have been meh, but thankfully I found Pookie (*kizzeez*). I also made an awesome friend, Henry. I discarded a toxic friendship, and though I still miss the crazy bitch, I think it’s for the best.
Happy New Year, folks, and thanks for taking time out of your day to read this.
XOXO
Written by IBK
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22 Comments
Francis
January 08, 05:02??????? abeg try hydrating proper and drinking pineapple juice or something sweet. Give us feedback if it epped improve the taste of your jizz.
IBK
January 08, 08:55I don’t think anyone is going to want to slurp on it anytime soon so there’s no point really.. But I guess there’s no harm in trying.
Mandy
January 08, 05:52I don’t just understand why your mother doesn’t see that accepting you the way you are will be much better for her blood pressure. I mean I get that she’s religious and all. But you’ve once mentioned that she’s an educated woman. Have you tried encouraging her to adopt an open mind and read, read read stuff about the LGBT? I understand that you’re dependent on your family and so avoidance of and/or silence on this issue of your sexuality with your family is the best way to go. But I see a future where your mother becomes a staunch supporter of who you are. Call me naive. Or maybe I’ve seen too much Prayers for Bobby. But you should maybe consider slowly and gently educating your mum. Her denial bubble is just begging to be burst.
Mohammad
January 08, 12:44It’s not in any way naive. I battled for years with telling my mum, who by the way is not in any way interested in anything intellectual, and I made assumptions based on her general what-will-people-say attitude. I came out to her armed with resources (books, leaflets) for parents and she accepted and even asked to meet my bf! And I don’t think she actually bothered to read any of the resources I gave her. ?
IBK
January 08, 13:41Unfortunately when she goes on to spew what she believes are facts I freeze and can’t say anything ?
Dubem
January 08, 05:55If you weren’t already so self assured, I’d have worried at the possibility of your family’s attitude pushing you back into the closet of self doubt and non-acceptance. Your mother is not here to joke, what with all these are guilting you upandan
KryxxX
January 08, 08:07Watermelon ? helps a lot in sweetening of them cum! Try it. Discovered it and I now use mine to eat bread/rice and even as ofe for Eba when ofe finishes. ?????????????.
And for a mum in naija with the knowledge she has about you, I think your mum is trying shaa.
Francis
January 08, 08:08???????????????? this boy you no go kii person
Kenny
January 08, 08:16No, she’s not trying at all. All that guilt tripping will probably, eventually leave them estranged.
IBK
January 08, 09:00You’re probably right.. I can already see the cracks more prominently on what used to be a beautiful relationship. But I guess her son’s salvation is more important to her. I won’t stop loving her I hope.. I’ll just learn to do it from afar.
Francis
January 08, 09:04Loving peeps from afar. ?????
Pink Panther
January 08, 09:12??????? Kryxxx
Pjay
January 08, 08:40I’m just here to ask Pinky why he hasn’t reported that south African “lesbian” wedding yet. ??
Canis VY Majoris
January 08, 08:46“My cum tastes bitter (I know because I’ve tasted it and I’ve been told)”
You should have that checked.
IBK
January 08, 08:57Shey you wee check it for me ???
Law
January 08, 09:23Ashawo no b work ohhh ????
Absalom
January 08, 11:10Must cum be sweet, though? ?
Delle
January 08, 11:29Excuse me? Yes, please! I love slurping on…okay, I should probably stop here.
Delle
January 08, 11:36My mum and I are on a similar path now but I sure hope it doesn’t last as long as yours. Mine isn’t even that I came out or was outed but speculations from a dance video coupled with the fact that i never really owned a closet, reality m has kind of dawned on them and everyone is on my case. It’s almost like that which they have fought so hard to ignore is opening ass in their faces.
It’s not been long, all of these, and I already have a strong desire to distance myself. I still terribly love my mum but I also told her yesterday, “if I die today, you can’t and won’t die with me. I still have three younger ones that need taking care of so quit bothering about me. Just please.”
I don’t know where this leaves us but like the slab goes, nothing is hidden under the sun for too long. I guess better now than later.
Family shaa. The homophobic sect you annoyingly can’t do without.
Jide
January 08, 18:16I find the taste of cum absolutely disgusting. Mistakenly tasted it once and I hope never to repeat such a mistake.
One of my New Year resolutions is also to learn to take criticisms without feeling defensive or depressed.
Happy New Year!
Francis
January 08, 18:32Try a different brand ?????
Jide
January 08, 20:31Lol Francis, we’ve clearly found something your paranoia doesn’t stop you from indulging in. ???