June 27

I don’t have too much to say.

I watched Noah’s Arc, the movie, and it put me in my feels. The acting wasn’t superb, but the story was so sweet, and I love how they addressed issues like condom use, gender roles and how it’s linked to gay sex roles, etc.

So I decided to tell an acquaintance who I was chatting with about it. He said he knows about Noah’s Arc, but that he doesn’t watch it. When I asked why, he said the show is too queer.

I felt myself tighten up like a tiger ready to pounce. How dare he call something “too queer”? What does “too queer” even mean? But I told myself to relax. Maybe this was a chance to educate someone.

So I asked him if they portrayed an aspect of homosexuality he found uncomfortable.

He told me that it wasn’t the fact that it was gay or straight (after calling it “too queer”), but that it lacked depth. That any form of entertainment that was just a love story was of no interest to him.

Stay calm, James.

Then he asked if I’d seen Looking; that that was his type of series.

I gently told him that Looking was basically also a love story. No real issues except for a white boy searching for love and the ups and downs he tackled. This unlike Noah’s Arc, where issues were tackled. A straight guy discovering his bisexuality, and how that affected his relationship with his new male love interest; and the love interest had friends, one a slut, the other with a partner, and the third with a boyfriend and a career in an AIDS help centre. It’s from NA that I learned that even in a relationship, it’s wise to use a condom still.

Looking didn’t teach me anything. I couldn’t even relate. Comfortable white boys getting drugs and having parties and whatnot. How is that depth? If at all you want to compare, NA has more depth than Looking.

My friend conceded.

So I asked him if what his issue with NA was that the protagonist and his friends were girly. Lol. I mean, maybe that’s what makes it too gay for him. And the white guys probably portrayed the type of homosexuality he was comfortable with.

He said yes. I admire his bravery to admit something kinda dumb.

But then he started trying to defend himself, saying that he’s a sapiosexual, that he’s attracted to cerebral things and has no time for fluff.

Sapiosexuality – an excuse for being a douche.

I told him a true sapiosexual would be able to see beyond the so-called fluff and find the intelligence. I have flaming friends who can talk real. Like give factual advice that makes a whole lot of sense. There are effeminate guys who are at the top of their class and are very industrious.

He then said femininity in gay men isn’t what bothers him. That it’s being trapped in a stereotype and not bothering to break free that annoys him.

I asked him how he’d know who was just being effeminate because he felt he was required to be simply because he was gay, or who was effeminate because they grew up like that.

He said he’d know by interacting with them.

I wondered how he’d know when he’s actually put down effeminate peeps as a no.

He finally became honest with himself and said that “he doesn’t see anything wrong with being girly (that’s not the honest part) but that it just doesn’t work for him.”

There ya go! Was that so hard? *shaking my head* All this one he was trying to rationalize his prejudice, when he could have just said girly peeps don’t work for him.

He’s older than me, so I decided to not say anymore on the matter.


Then Saturday arrived and the following chatversation happened with mother dearest.James chat 1James chat 2James chat 3

I find this rather significant, because most times, I don’t tell my mum what I really think when she asks me such questions. I let myself be victimized. I let her think I think I’m in the wrong with my God. I might be in the wrong with him for having sex, lying, and being a terrible human being sometimes. But never for being who He made me to be.

There’s still a lot of questions and speculation around bible teachings and all, but I’m realising that Christianity and BEING saved is trusting God that you are saved based on His words in the scripture. And if salvation is a gift (that’s what the bible says) and God doesn’t take away His gifts (that’s what the bible says too), then I am saved and it’s irrevocable.

No, it’s not an excuse to do wrong, because if you love God, you’ll want to do right. But wanting to do and doing are two different things. But remember that when you fail anyway, God doesn’t take away His gifts and Jesus is forever in God’s presence, showing Him His scars from His death, reminding God that the price of your sin has been paid IN FULL. Now we just need to learn to love Jesus, because that’s the best step in being able to do what he wants. You won’t want to offend anyone you love, would you?

So yeah, that’s all I’ve got for today. JAMES IS OUT!

Written by James

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  1. Dennis Macaulay
    June 28, 05:22 Reply

    Its very funny how much discrimination we have among ourselves, other gay people actively avoid and denigrate feminine gay men as if it is something they can control. The same way you cannot change your sexuality is the same way people often cannot unfeminize Themselves!

    Now you may not be sexually attracted to fems, yes I understand that and you dont have to force it, but you dont have to avoid being their friend simply because they are fems. I have friends that can flame for africa and i always encourage them to be themselves!

    About the religion? I will just sip coffee instead! I dont want another mentally exhausting argument

    • Masked Man
      June 28, 06:49 Reply

      If I were in America, I wouldn’t wait to wear a rainbow coloured shirt and sit on the front pew, just to see the face of everybody this Sunday. Epic!!

  2. #TeamKizito
    June 28, 06:25 Reply

    Dear Jemima,

    Porn havens? (lol) tell me it was stupid auto-correct..

    “I might be in wrong with him for having sex, lying, and being a terrible human being sometimes. But never for who he made me to be.” (fav. quote)

    And I’m attracted to you, Sweet VHâr, Absalom and all things wise & wonderful. I’m sapiosexual?


  3. Khristopher B!
    June 28, 07:36 Reply

    It’s simple, fem guys attract the public eye, and the average Nigerian gay man doesn’t want to be pointed out as gay, so they sort of avoid them, not to mention that some of them can be quite loud… I have nothing against them tho and can’t remember discriminating against any. Lets be sincere for once, how many of you can boldly walk down a crowded street, market or gathering with a brother that flames from Nigeria to Cameroon and back without feeling slightly “somehow” even if you bottle it up inside…. The few Fem guys I know tho are quite nice, witty and senile. Everyone deserves a right to be their real selves…

    • Dennis Macaulay
      June 28, 08:06 Reply

      You have not seen my best friend!

      We walk together everywhere!

      Your point again?

    • Gad
      June 28, 08:18 Reply

      The major reason why a guy won’t go near an effeminate guy is because many are just out seeking for who to have sex with. If you see that effeminate guy as a father,son or brother figure,you won’t be ashamed to walk with him. I think we should start considering what’s inside a guy above effeminacy. Can you imagine being in a public function with a manly guy who lacks decorum and good public spirit? I can do that only on one condition. That is if he will act like a body guard or orderly to me.

  4. Gad
    June 28, 07:46 Reply

    Yea, James. That’s it. We are saved by GRACE.Gracia alone. Simple grace. Grace that is greater than all our sins. All we need is faith and belief in the finished work at calvary.

    • Teflondon
      June 28, 09:18 Reply

      The best part is.. Even those that talk Bad and Evil of God, Christainity and Jesus on here. God still loves you all.

      James you are very correct.. Salvation is a gift and is only by his Grace we can make heaven. Not by any endeavor of ours.

      Brilliant piece today.

  5. Ace
    June 28, 07:59 Reply

    *The only downside to Noah’s arc for me is the poor production quality and comparing it with a show that has the support of a powerful TV network is quite unfair. The story of NA is more relatable than Looking but I may be wrong.

    *I may not date a Fem guy but as a friend? Hell yeah! Where else can you get unending gist, gossip and shade?

    *On Church matter, Nwoke m, me I can’t wait to go to church today oh! Especially the prayer session. God! The Kain prayer dem go fire to deliver America from “allowing abomination to rule” no be small. Nice read again.

    • pinkpanthertb
      June 28, 09:16 Reply

      So, Ace, American churches are on full deliver-America-from-evil throttle, huh?

      • Ace
        June 28, 11:25 Reply

        Trust me, some folks believe the government is the agent of Satan with the single mission of destroying the America that was built by God.

  6. sinnex
    June 28, 08:00 Reply

    I would give anything to know what her response was after the last few messages you shared.

  7. Max
    June 28, 08:24 Reply

    “You won’t offend anyone you love, would you?”
    Not when it has to do with my happiness.
    And also, people having their mum on bbm?? Its a no no for me. My mum added me on bbm and I rejected it. Told her to stick to what’sapp. 🙂 I wanna be able to write and post pics I wanna post without getting nagging questions.

    • posh6666
      June 28, 09:36 Reply

      My dear even whatsapp sef is creepy i dey always swerve any unnecesary chance for us to chat.None of my family is on my bbm abeg let me live my life

  8. Gad
    June 28, 09:10 Reply

    People discriminate against effeminate guys because they dont see them as fathers,brothers,sons nor friends. Those type of guys are only interested in sex.To them things like good chaacter doesnt matter. But come to think of it. who will like to attend a public function with a matcho guy that lacks good manners and decorum. i can only do that if the guy agrees to act as my body guard.He must be quiet at all times

    • Chris
      June 28, 11:09 Reply

      Hey Gad, wassup? Happy Sunday. I was going to respond to your 0818hrs comment and then i noted another remark of yours here. Well, let me step on the ladder a bit as a parent, while nurturing and bringing up a child, there are things a parent would teach a child, socially, culturally and religion or faith wise. I still remember how my mother used to advised her female children on etiquette. Same would also go for a male children, Habits can be tamed i believed, i have seen some gay dudes that behave so manly when they are in public that one would never suspect or view they as gay or bisexual until this same man is among his gay brethren and one would see extreme effiminate male in this same guy. The point am making here is that whether the man is a relatve or friend, it wont stop discrimination based on effiminacy. Also i dont think all the effiminate guy want or is thinking about is sex, well, not all of them , i just believed it is an embedded habit. Once again habit can be tamed in human. I know of a dude who was never effiminate until he started hanging out in a very effiminate flamboyant group of males. I observed it and when i enquired of him of his newly acquired mannerrisms, he said another of his friend also noted it too.

      In a homophobic society such as ours, trust me bro, as foolish as it may sound, i would be more comfortable with an unruly loutish crude matcho guy than a flaming flamboyant effiminate guy in public or even in private, self. To check how homophobic Naijas are, one only have to go on major blogs that we have in Nigeria, since same see marriage has been legalise in America, and Nigerians opinion are been sampled ont his blogs; come and see condemnation, curses nko?, verbal abuse self didnt carry last, just view responses on nairaland, sdk or lib blogs. Life is hard enough as a gay or bisexual in naija, but for anyone that is willing to take up the fact against this batallion of naijas , good still, i just dont like sterotype of hardcore effiminacy equals gay thing. My opinion is subjective though.

      • Gad
        June 28, 15:02 Reply

        I’m sorry if you misunderstood me. I guess it was because I didn’t clarify properly. I never meant that effeminates are after sex. What I mean is that sex rather than friendship is the major reason why people discriminate against effeminate guys. Secondly,if one has an effeminate Dad,son or brother, I’m sure he won’t disown him. I hope I’m clearer now? Happy sunday.

      • Chris
        June 28, 22:27 Reply

        Thanks for the clarity Gad.

    • alpha papi
      June 28, 13:29 Reply

      Wats dis one saying? Ur comment don’t make any sense abeg.

      • Masked Man
        June 28, 13:33 Reply

        When a comment is almost longer than the original post.

      • Gad
        June 28, 15:44 Reply

        Alfapapi,knowing how to hide ones inability to understand is a virtue especially in public. when you ask nicely for clarifications it is excusable.Learn it and apply it accordingly next time

  9. posh6666
    June 28, 09:33 Reply

    U bbm chat with ur mum???kinda really creepy!lol i saw dat porn haven part too oh.God is watching u in 3d.

  10. Mitch
    June 28, 10:43 Reply

    Jemima, remind me again why I love you sooooooooooooooo much!

    Jesus H. Christ! That chatversation with mum gave me a heavy braingasm.

    And please, what sane person compares NA with Looking? That’s like comparing Game of Thrones to Xena.

    Effeminacy is, to me, a non-issue. I mean, some of my besties are flaming. My baby, E.Z and I can walk all around school with E.Z’s hands swinging and twirling like a ballerina doing a pirouette. His effeminacy stinks to high heavens yet I’m bloody proud to be his friend. Abegi!

  11. pete
    June 28, 10:48 Reply

    so, nobody on KD is a flaming queen? they are all our friends.

    • MacArdry
      June 28, 11:39 Reply

      Some that I know are,they just haven’t commented yet.

    • Max
      June 28, 12:15 Reply

      I was beginning to think the same @Pete

    • trystham
      June 28, 13:54 Reply

      And ur particular reason for wanting to ‘know’ these flaming queens is what? You actually don’t know how very irritating you sounded.

      • pete
        June 28, 14:31 Reply

        @trys, my curiosity has been satiated . I’m sorry I sounded irritating to you.

  12. boy2006
    June 28, 10:48 Reply

    How I loathe the term ‘sapiosexual’. All it indicates if you say you are one is that you’re a pretentious douche that we all need to stay to stay away from.

  13. trystham
    June 28, 12:30 Reply

    Noah Arc was so hyped by one ofmy friends and it wasn’t ‘IT’ when I got to watch an episode finally. I like Rodney Chester’s xter most jare. Not that I’m much into the series like that anyway. Gimme Grey’s Anatomy or Salem.

    As to femme haters, I lump them in the same category as homophobes. Only thing is their dicks are available. A homophobe’s not.

    So, I guess congratulations are in order?

  14. Chuck
    June 28, 13:23 Reply

    Looking is good! There are several themes – interracial dating, workplace dating, effeminacy, parental approval, cross gender friendships, Living/dating with HIV, polyamory and so on. I ‘m sure you just relate with NA more because it’s closer to your experience.

  15. Chuck
    June 28, 13:44 Reply

    It’s easy to tell why Nigerian homosexuals think effeminate men are not to be respected. The answer is misogyny. We have a society that primarily values men. It’s there in the marriage customs, in education, in the workplace, and in religion. That bleeds over into gay culture too

  16. ollusammie
    June 29, 13:08 Reply

    Had a chat with a guy recently who said he hated effeminate guys. Just had to point out to him the word ‘hate’ was too strong a word to use. Why would u hate someone who’s got no business, no link, no relation with u? Just cos they act girly?! *sigh*

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