IBK’s JOURNAL: Camp Stories
July 30
Hey gays and gworls! Let me start off by saying NYSC is a scam and the orientation camp is the scam within the scam. It’s a scam inception. Scamception!
By evening of coming to camp, I was ready to go home. I get it. Peace and unity. Let me just leave. But since I’ve willfully handed myself to be a prisoner to a nation that will jail me without a second thought for being who I am, I have to tough it out.
I had a bit of anxiety, because I would have to socialize with straight people. It has been universally proven that straight people are stressful as fuck. So I sent a prayer out to Rainbow Jesus to provide a companion.
And for a moment, I thought my prayer was answered because the next morning, there beside me was my neighbour using Grindr. I wasn’t sure at first. Maybe there’s another app that has a similar interface with Grindr. I confirmed when he showed me a pic and I saw the Grindr mask in his notifications.
So later that afternoon, I said oh-so-casually to him, “Found anything interesting on Grindr yet?”
And he smiled and replied, “So you Grindr too?”
This struck me as odd because I’d never heard anyone use the word ‘Grindr’ as a verb.
Later that evening, in the pavilion, I spied him open a GPS spoofing app. The app basically changes the phone location. Then he opened Grindr. And it was full of texts with white people. I was uneasy.
Then later on, when he was heterosexualising with the other heteros, he mentioned being a working boy. So I was like: Nope!
He might be gay. But he’s dangerous. Next thing you know, I’m being blackmailed one way or another. Besides he talks about girls a lot and is always meeting up with one or the other. I need someone I can check out asses and dick prints with.
Speaking of asses, my camp commander has quite the butt. When I’m opportune to jerk off, it will consist of him making me his bitch while I’m fucking him.
I’ve got my gaydar on like three people though. One looks like my ex and both he and the second have soft mannerisms. And I like soft boys. The third I saw sing along to Dua Lipa’s New Rules. It’s not much to go on, but I found it…well, interesting. And he’s got a big butt. No eggplants to write home about yet sha.
I entered myself to sing day after tomorrow and I’m sort of regretting it. I do not know what I was thinking. I don’t have my guitar. I initially wanted to do Johnny Drille’s Wait For Me, but the instrumental I saw online is incomplete. I wish I could do George Ezra’s Blame It On Me, but I feel I’d bore the crowd. I haven’t found any Nigerian song to resonate with me enough to actually want to sing. So I have sort of settled for Hallelujah.
Also if anyone knows anyone in Oyo State camp that is by their lonesome, help a brother out by informing Pinky so He will tell me. I’ve made acquaintances. But they are your average straight males. One problem with being aware of things is that what they bond over, which includes downgrading women, is just gross and I’ve had to restrain myself from saying my own.
What were your camp experiences like? Please comment and entertain me while I’m bored here. Taiiinz!
Written by IBK
About author
You might also like
JAMES’ JOURNAL (Entry 1)
Here’s another series from yet another KDian, James. It’s not fiction. It’s a Dear Diary sort of write-up, one that will afford us glimpses into the life of a brother.
JAMES’ JOURNAL (Entry 30)
February 26 This is a long ass post. You have Pinky to blame for that one, since he asked for my spot last Sunday. Happy reading. I’ve started work in
IBK’s JOURNAL (Entry 12)
October 28 “It’s amazing what people can get used to. You just have to start slow.” Truer words have never been said. And this can be applied in a myriad
8 Comments
Delle
July 31, 11:49Have fun like I did! Go out there and slay that song! Let them talk about you! Make controversial statements like reading those guys for filth when they start with the female denigration.
All you need is make a statement no matter how subtle. Shey I told you to join OBS where you’ll head topics no average Nigerian would want to talk about? Silence isn’t for us anymore. Not this generation. If you have rare wisdom and unpopular but true opinions, don’t hesitate to share and spread the word!?
I wonder why you’ll even hang with idiotic straighties when there are girls you can have under your wing (the best way for a gay man to shine is by tapping into the aura that comes with female goodness. Trust me, I’ll know).
Ignore this comment if you want to air your way through camp shaa. ?
Babyboi
July 31, 13:271st 2weeks of camp was fun for me, by the 3rd week it became a chore…I served on the Plateau and using Grindr in camp was hades, luckily on Bon fire night I hooked up with a hostel mate which my Gaydar had gone green on from day 1, but I wasn’t too keen on him, but as time was running out I changed my mind because he had cakes for Africa. We did a quickie in the bathroom after light outs and we became friends from there.
Trystham
July 31, 14:47From the first day of camp, I couldn’t stop not being amused. The rain caught us at the gate checking in, sending us scampering for cover. It was the Babel of tongues when the thunder rumbled that had me in stitches.
I HATED the mock macho paegent and that other one guys were made up as girls. I remember the scalding look I gave my platoon mates when they dared suggest I enter.
I had my tennis shorts that was terrified of my knees, and with me sashaying in it while I walked…safe to say, I knew two queer folks.
I don’t know how Adele managed to get into the OBS, but I tried and tried…and failed. I concluded it was too ‘we-we’ for my liking.
In all, camp was fun. My school, Unilag and OAU were annoyingly over represented, I couldn’t take two steps and not feel I was back at school.
Fizoblinzs
August 01, 07:34Thanks IBK, I was there when you slayed the song “Hallelujah ” and I was even crying because the song penetrated into my soul.
Anyway, am Kelvin currently serving in Oyo state just like you. probably you might have seen me because am a full representation of the rainbow and am in Ajimobi Hall of residence .
I understand what it means to be lonely especially for a gay in an heterosexual world because I equally feel the same right now.
I will be very glad if you can contact or whatsapp me on 08065657804.
I will be expecting your call dearest, Let’s do the rainbow representation together in The Pacesetters State.
King Mufasa
August 01, 20:38I am rooting for this hookup because straight people are indeed stressful to hang with.
JuzOla
August 01, 22:47Well….I do have a friend serving in Oyo right now but she’s a girl, closeted lesbian and well let’s just say the first day I meat her. My gaydar was broken so I didn’t know until something interesting happened. I could hook you up…at least you’d have a friend
Jide
August 05, 02:07Truly, hanging out with straight guys can be a chore sometimes.
I had a couple of straight friends in my platoon; our conversations bothered mostly on the weather, the competitions and recollections of how we were able to work our posting to Lagos.
Also met two gay guys who I had to hang out with individually because they’d apparently met before camp and weren’t on good terms with one another. I basically had to schedule the hangouts so it wouldn’t clash. They were amazing friends and we still keep in touch.
Then there was that “ straight“ guy that offered to buy me a few drinks at mami the night before we left camp.
Pretty much fun. Except for my toxic alpha male roommates.
icandy
January 03, 15:03Interesting. Mine was in Port-harcourt, Nonwa-Gbam Tai to be precise. It was stressfull but fun though. I had a crush ( Frank) but it was obvious he was into someone (Abdullahi).