JUST LIKE OLIVER TWIST (Closure)
EDITOR’S WORD: This is the third installment in the story titled JUST LIKE OLIVER TWIST.
Just to recap, the writer, Tony, was in a relationship with Prince – Prince, the aromantic who doesn’t fall in love. They dated, and then Tony cheated on Prince with Kore, a guy he shagged in a restroom, a guy who readily told Tony what he wanted to hear most: that he loved him. This led to Prince breaking up with him.
Except Tony didn’t find happily ever after with Kore, who was very quick to cheat on him. And through Tony’s friend, Akan, who is friends with Seyi, a guy who’s close to Prince, and through that connection, Tony was able to learn that Prince slept with his best friend, Anne and impregnated her, a situation that led to Prince deciding to marry her for the sake of doing the right thing.
Except Anne went on to suffer a miscarriage – and now, everyone is unhappy and a mess.
And so, the story continues…
*
CLOSURE
Akan helped me ‘steal’ Prince’s address from Seyi’s phone, and I made the journey to the Island to look for Prince.
Against my better judgment, I knew I had to see him. I very desperately needed to make things right with him.
All I wanted was closure. As to whether I got it, well, you can decide that for yourself.
From working in his father’s company, I knew Prince’s family was rich, but I had no idea they were this rich. The mansion I could see as I approached was a colossal and beautiful architectural piece. My nervousness heightened as I observed the massive electric gate, the tall barbed walls and the giant trees around the walls.
I doubted I’d be let in.
I pressed the electric bell and through an intercom device which was placed on the wall, a voice asked me what I wanted. My palms were getting clammy now as I wondered what would happen if this went wrong. What if something possessed Prince to get me locked up?
“I want to see Prince,” I replied through the intercom, while feeling like I was in some Hollywood movie. Who knew people lived like this in Nigeria?
“Who do I tell him is asking?’” the voice on the other end asked.
“Tobi Banks,” I lied. Tobi is Prince’s close friend.
I thought I would be let in without further interrogation, seeing as this house was most certainly very familiar with Tobi.
Instead, a few minutes later, Prince’s voice crackled through the intercom: “Tobi? Why didn’t you call me?”
I went dumb.
“Tobi? You there?”
I couldn’t talk.
A moment later, the massive gate groaned open and a uniformed guard came out with what looked like a gun pointed at me.
Wait! It didn’t look like a gun. It was a gun!
“Who are you? Raise your hands!” he commanded.
I am really going to get locked up, I thought as I raised my hands.
“I just want to see Prince…” I began protesting. “I’m his friend –”
“Shut up!” the guard barked. “You talk say you be Tobi. You no be Tobi!”
“Please, just let me see him. Tell him his friend is at the gate…”
Another guard came out with a baton and cuffs. I was still protesting as they came upon me and began to manhandle me. Before I knew it, I was getting cuffed like I was a criminal.
This was unbelievable.
“You think you can just come here and be a nuisance, eh?” one of them said. “By the time we hand you over to the Major, body go tell you.”
I had begun shaking now, very positive that I had made a mistake.
And just then, a familiar head popped out through the gate and, after a long time, I finally set eyes on Prince. Those lips. Those eyes.
Whatever relief was plastered all over my face was clearly not reflected on his. There was nothing but shock on his face.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” he burst out as he drew close to us. The bitterness in his voice hit harder than a truck.
“I wanted to see you before you left the country,” I said.
He looked taken aback. “Who told you I’m leaving the country?” Anger started rushing across his features as he continued, “Have you been stalking me? Haven’t you done enough damage? What the fuck do you want, Tony?”
The way he hissed my name, with absolutely no affection, with nothing of the way he used to say my name, slapped me really hard.
“At least tell them to release me,” I pleaded.
He gestured at the guards, and they released me, giving me hard glares before stepping away from me to stand on either side of Prince.
“Just leave. And stop stalking me,” Prince said then.
This was the time to make things right. I hadn’t rehearsed what to say or how to say it.
God! This is the time for You to take control.
I started talking fast, suddenly so desperate for Prince’s kindness that I became totally unaware of everyone and everything but him.
“Look, Prince, I’m sorry about Anne and the baby. I know I hurt you and I’m very sorry. I know you hate me. Again, I am really sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I still lo–”
The rest of that word was choked off when Prince whipped his hand back and slapped me across the face. I was stunned. Before I could react, he had grabbed my hand and pulled me away from the guards.
“Are you mad?” he hissed once we were out of earshot. “Oh, so it’s not enough you did what you did to me, you want to finally destroy the rest of me. You want my father’s guards to know I’m gay? Are you insane?” The fire in his eyes scorched me.
“No! I would never do that,” I cried. “I’m sorry,” I said miserably, feeling tears sting my eyes. “Prince…”
I reached out to hold his hand, but he slapped my hand off, before giving me such a hateful look that I flinched inwardly.
Still, I pushed on. “I just want you to know that I’m terribly sorry,” I said. “I haven’t been myself since I left. I realise my mistake and I fully own up to it. I’m not asking for you to take me back. I just want your forgiveness. Please, Prince.”
The tears were flowing now, pouring down my face under the weight of my anguish.
He grabbed my hand again, this time gripping my wrist so tight, I was scared blood would stop flowing.
“Read my lips, Tony,” he said tightly. “I am over you and nothing will make me forgive you. You left me just like that. That hurt me, but what hurt the most was the aloofness and nonchalance you displayed that day.” He was tearing up now, his eyes turning glassy one moment and then tears dropping from them the next. “You treated me like shit. Like I never meant anything to you! Like I was being used all that time! I looked into your eyes that day: no remorse, no hurt. You were unmoved by the pain you caused me!”
The grip tightened and I swallowed a wince of pain.
“I felt stupid. I felt used. All because of what? Some stupid word you wanted me to say to you?” He gave a sarcastic laugh. “You sure did prove your love for me. By sleeping around.”
That barb found its way straight to my heart. Why had I wanted him so desperately to tell me he loved me when I hadn’t even loved him enough to stay faithful to him?
“All you had to do was give me time to find myself,” he was saying, “time to embrace love. You could have walked me through the path of love. But no, you went about fucking every guy in Lagos.”
“It was just Kore,” I protested feebly, as though that would somehow make things better between us.
“Oh, am I supposed to clap for you?” He released me and took a step back, looking me squarely in the eyes. “I felt very strongly about you. My heart beat faster for you. I could have laid down my life for you. I just needed time so I wouldn’t abuse saying the words to you, so that I would mean it when I told you I love you. But you didn’t give me that time. You found love or whatever the fuck you were looking for somewhere else. And so, all I feel for now is rage and bitterness. I am angry, not only at you, but at myself. I let myself fall into a pit and I made very grievous mistakes which have destroyed my relationship with Anne and a few others.”
He paused and then let out a weary sigh. The fire seemed to be leaving him, but he looked at me with no kindness whatsoever. “Look, Tony. Just leave me alone. The sight of you reminds me of so much pain. I am trying to heal and I can’t do that with you stalking me. Don’t ask for my forgiveness because you’ll never get it. But just know one thing: you caused the beginning of my pains, but that’s it. I take sole responsibility for the aftermath. I could have handled things better but I failed. Don’t go beating yourself up over what can’t be undone. Yes, I’ll be leaving Nigeria soon. And I’ll be moving on. You should do same. Maybe one day, when I’ve completely healed, or when I’m dying, I’ll forgive you.”
He looked hard at me. And then –
“Just fuck off.” And with that, he walked away from me.
I went home and cried my eyes and my heart out.
I guess I’ll never get his forgiveness in this lifetime.
Even though I didn’t get the closure I needed, I’m going to take Prince’s advice and move on.
I won’t blame myself anymore.
I won’t dwell on the past.
I won’t make the same mistake again.
I will focus on more profitable things.
And, most of all, I’m going to totally erase Prince out of my heart and mind, no matter how hard it is no doubt going to be.
My healing process begins today.
PS: I saw the comments on my last story and I want to say a big thank you to all those who criticised me constructively and lent an advice or two. I love you all.
Thank you.
Written by Tony
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11 Comments
Zoar
August 07, 08:01This story right here is exactly the reason why I say people don’t really know the weight of what that simple word “LOVE” means.
They just say it so casually that it baffles me because if you actually “Love” someone. Then you would look for any means possible to make it work with the person no matter what comes. Prince knew this all along.
And secondly Loving someone really deeply comes with sacrifices and patience and it can hurt even to death if that feeling is betrayed.
How the fuck are guys not understanding this thing? ????
What people do these days is to say the word very reluctantly, superficially which they know within their heart of hearts that they don’t mean.
Tony you were supposed to Experience the best form of love with Prince but you used your hands to destroy it thereby even affecting severely your partner who truly knew what he was doing with you.
I don’t blame his Reactions because people act in different ways to ease their hurt and pains.
I pray you and every one reading this Blog learns from this story so we don’t go throwing Love word anytime it’s convenient for us to use it vainly.
I almost got to the point of behaving like Prince because of the betrayal I had with my now Ex. Even though the Feelings still hurt me, I managed it the best way I think I could and time will do the rest for me.
But I will never want to see this Dude ever in my life again no matter how badly he really wants us to be friends. I was polite to tell him the reasons why I am shutting him and his family members out of my Life for good after he had been stalking and trying to get me to be his “Friend” after the betrayal. I did it as politely as I could before blocking both him and all his family members out of my accounts and my life!
Black Dynasty
August 07, 09:28Well, take it as a series of painful life lessons you had to learn the hard way so you do not forget anytime soon.
You will be fine in the end if you forgive yourself and give yourself a chance to move on.
P.S. closure from someone else doesn’t exist. Little they say or do will make you feel better, it’s up to you to accept what is or what’s happened, process it appropriately and start moving on.
Mandy
August 07, 09:52I’ve sometimes wondered about that thing called closure. Some people seem to think it doesn’t exist. I think I watched a video where a speaker was talking about how closure is nonsense. That nobody can give you a sense of ending on a traumatic situation but you. He gave examples of America, about how parents of murder victims, especially young children, still go on to break up and remain tortured even after the murderers of their children has been convicted. That the closure they hoped to get from seeing the bad guys get what they deserve still doesn’t prevent them from suffering until they forgive themselves and make the effort to move on.
In other words, your closure doesn’t lie in the hands of someone else. It’s always going to be to you.
But then, I sometimes feel like there is power to move on when the person you seek that redress from somehow gives you “permission”. Like it’s not all on you to move on. You sort of need something from the other person – whether an ex you wronged or the person who has wronged you and who you want to see punished – to be able to move on. That is why people are so hung up on karma. Karma represents this thing that gives them what they need to be at peace with themselves.
I dunno sha. What do you think, Black Dynasty?
Black Dynasty
August 07, 14:10Hmm, I’d have to say I’m firmly with the former.
To me, looking for closure is not yet accepting the reality of what’s happened. Like dwelling over it, regret etc etc. The past is gone and can never be undone, if you wrong them. The best you can do is be sorry, apologise and hope they forgive. If you were wronged, there is literally nothing they can do that will change the fact that they did something to you.
That said there is a difference btw that and seeking justice or revenge etc. However neither of those things will bring you peace or closure. Sure, it’s satisfying to watch them get what they deserve but until you decide that you’re moving on, you will remain in that place mentally. It’s literally all about you and how you process it and start to move forward. They can’t give you permission, only you can do that for yourself.
I had to learn this the hard way tbh.
Sky
August 07, 23:14You’re going to be just fine
At least you have learnt from your mistakes.
Moving on can be hard but it’s part of the healing process.
Sending warm hugs and love to you
Mandy
August 07, 09:55On some level, Tony, I feel as though you need things to be right with Prince because you regret no longer being the boyfriend he had. On some deep level, you do want to get back together with him. Or maybe you couldn’t give up trying until you had firm evidence, as in face to face evidence, that he hates you.
Well, you’ve got it now. Hopefully, this will be the closed door you need to put him out of your mind and focus on forming healthier relationships moving forward.
Kachukwu
August 07, 12:24Tony breathe in and heal… You have learnt your lessons ?
Ken
August 08, 07:40So so sad. *Sniffles*
It takes guts to admit you’re wrong and beg for forgiveness. Nobody is perfect. You have done all u could do just let it go. Learn from this and move on..
Liam
August 11, 00:32The way that word ‘love’ is misused and abused baffles me… You start talking with somebody today and before the end of today he begins to use the word and expects you to say it back…. Well keep expecting cos I won’t. You can love as quickly as you want but you gotta give the person you are loving time time to at least you talk more of making meaning of the emotions they feel
Bliss
August 21, 08:03I just read the three post. I feel for yhur both.
To err is human, we are bound to make mistakes in our life.
Tony just try blocking Prince(so yhu wont stalking him again), so that yhu can heal (completely). Trust me it takes time to heal.
For Prince, he still loves yhu so much that he can’t imagine the pain yhu costed him.
He has claim to move on or he has, Tony, yhu should also move on.
ChristianGayBoy
January 01, 21:25My heart goes out to you Tony.
Prince might have said he will never give you his forgiveness but please, pretty please, know that you DESERVE to be forgiven. Not by him (he is the author of his own life and choices). But even more important than Prince’s forgiveness is personal forgiveness.
FORGIVE YOURSELF. LOVE YOURSELF. AND RULE YOUR WORLD. The loss of a lover can damage your world but you can ensure that it does not destroy it.
I hope you are healing just fine, seeing that 4 months have passed since the time you wrote this post. Should in case you haven’t done much healing yet, take your time. Time is a prescription too. A step at a time, a breath per moment.
You deserve Love. So, Tony love yourself. I am very confident you will find love again. Unsurprisingly one even better than Prince.
One big heart from me to you.