KIZITO SPEAKS XXV
Oh but I’m not a whore. Why do y’all say I am? Hmm. Yes I’ve had sex with a few men in my lifetime, dated a handful. You, check yourself? I bet your body count is three times larger than mine.
Whore.
There are three types of whores: the one who isn’t a whore but is called a whore, the one who is a whore and knows it and claims it, and the one who is a whore but denies it and is offended by the word.
So you’d ask, what’s the point of this bit?
I’d reply, I dunno.
But there it is, takes from my life. My story. My encounters. My escapades.
And now let’s get back to Owerri and our gist on Kene.
I was done with Kamsi, Danny, Kosiso, and any other eastern trip. My exam results had clicked on just great. I was great. However I decided I’d stay awhile; it was election period anyway, and of course the issues on security weren’t quite clear. My parents had advised me to stay on in Owerri for a little while. Nice. I mean, I miss them at home but they give me trouble. So I’ll gladly stay… *sigh* with Kene.
This ‘very cute’, ‘very clean’, longtime friend (and crush) of his was coming to stay with us for awhile also. Of course I wasn’t leaving the house because of the Egg-roll that was coming. He looked basic. The usual Igbotic yellow pawpaw, no offence intended. (Even if ewure Kene thought he was pizza and I doughnut because he’d seen me naked before, tsk). He was planning on winning Egg-roll’s heart and doing his possible best to have sex with him. He’d been trying for years. It pained me o, but I sha still know my worth.
Anyhoo, cutting away the irrelevant scenes of this story, the three of us got on well. I am a very gentle, calm and silent person. I’m an introvert, so of course I kept to myself. I only spoke when I felt I had to. Kene was still doing mumu-mumu over Egg-roll. Urgh! Eye sore! But one thing that made me admire Egg-roll was his taste – his taste in men, and his unequivocalness. Kene couldn’t even in his dreams get what he wanted with Egg-roll. That was good. Very good! I was starting to like Egg-roll. Good for Kene. Ntoor!
Days passed and Kene began to regret ever having us together in his room. He started to get pissed easily and looked even more stupid because the reason for his antagonism was clear. But he really tried his darnedest to get into Egg-roll’s pants, or anywhere close to his pants. But Egg-roll was just an Ekwe-ekwe, that is, a no-nonsense person, a no-dey-gree pikin.
And then the night came when keg of gun powder we had been sitting on exploded, mostly under Kene’s butt. It started with the rough play between him and Egg-roll. The light had gone out, it was raining heavily.
“Stop it. Stop it oh! Ah-ahn! Owuzigini?” Egg-roll was protesting. “Biko buru uwa gi gawa!” (What is it na? Please carry your wahala and shift).
The stupid play was getting out of hand. Kene was acting stupid.
Smh. I just carried my sweet sef and laid at the edge of the bed. But they were rolling all about the bed, threatening to displace me sef.
“Ohm! What is this now… Kene, goan rest!” I snapped when they threw their weight on me for the umpteenth time.
“I don’t know for him oh,” Egg-roll heaved. “Lekwa mu o! Kene, rapum aka.” (See me oh! Kene, leave me alone.)
The goat was horny AF. He didn’t leave the poor Egg-roll alone. He tried to kiss the guy. And then heaven came down!
“Tah! Will you gerrout!” Egg-roll rebuked him.
Pained, Kene retorted, “What is it sef? Rubbish boys! I don’t even know why I’m allowing you guys to stay with me. Ah-ahn, no fun at all!”
I opened my sweet mouth, but my chi spoke the words that came out, “See this one! You think it’s everybody that will get down with you? Better sleep.”
Egg-roll gave me a high five at this.
“Will you shut up there!” Kene thundered at me. “Look at this small rat!”
I bristled. “Me, small rat? Thunder fire you!”
“Chineke! Can you imagine this small boy – this small rat –!”
“Walahi, if you call me that again, I’ll slap you!”
“You will slap who – me?” He gave a short laugh. “Kizito, you will slap me? Chai!”
“Walahi! Try me!”
“Look at this small boy oh, because I’m sheltering you –”
“That I’m paying with my shobosho. Oloshi! Walahi, try nonsense and I’ll beat you here this night.”
He was dumbfounded. I meant what I said that night. I swear, I was ready to beat Lilo and Stitch out of him. What was the worst he could do? Send me out of his place?
Yes.
Bitch please! It’s not in this room I want to die put.
“I want you to leave my house tomorrow morning,” he said coldly after some silence.
*inserts evil laugh*
“I’ll leave.”
And then, the night passed and morning came. Behold another day. I packed my bags and my stuff, all in a glorious manner, and left with a glorious attitude.
Owerri…
Buh-bye!
Lagos…
Here I come!
You know I won, because I’m…???
Written by Kizito
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21 Comments
Mandy
August 27, 05:35You and Egg-roll were just being mean. Egg-roll especially. I don’t subscribe to this attitude where gay men are aware of someone else’s ardent attraction, and still put themselves before that guy’s way as if to say: ‘Look at me. You can look but you can’t have me.’ If you know a guy is so into you that he’s always trying to get into your pants whatever chance he gets, don’t encourage him or give him any more opportunities to want to do so. So you don’t keep turning him down and coming across a wicked tease.
Lorde
August 27, 07:33Cos that’s Hw you get raped one day
Mitch
August 27, 07:39Uh Mandy, if I ain’t attracted to you, ain’t nothing gonna make me have sex with you. As for parading myself, Peacocks always preen darling. It’s their nature. In the same vein, queefs always show themselves.
FOOFOO
August 27, 10:05My dear, chop knuckle you are on point! They can pretend ehn and Na them neg pass….lol. No tym for nonsense. If it ain’t mutual, nigga walk ?
Leo
August 27, 06:24That’s kinda a nightmare situation for skinny twinks the world over.
Nuel
August 27, 07:48Eggroll could be someone who likes a one-on-one action without a third party. Like myself I wouldn’t have anything to do with anyone if dia is a third person in d room. Sex or love should be a private thing.
Mandy
August 27, 09:47“But he really tried his darnedest to get into Egg-roll’s pants, or anywhere close to his pants. But Egg-roll was just an Ekwe-ekwe, that is, a no-nonsense person, a no-dey-gree pikin.”
That shows a repeated condition. So it wasn’t just about not wanting to share intimacy with someone else in the room.
FOOFOO
August 27, 10:01Yes! Very true… Kizito should have excused them. He was there using style to eye threesome
sucrescalada
August 27, 07:53Why does this story sound all familiar…
FOOFOO
August 27, 10:02Hey baby, Twerking n waving ?????????
Lord Naughtiness
August 27, 09:21Well I kinda quite agree with Mandy, if u don’t like a guy… Don’t let him think that there is hope, be nice but don’t go and spend weekends when u know he likes u and nothing gonna happen
Sucrescalada…hmmm. Don’t tell us u are egg roll o…
FOOFOO
August 27, 10:03No oburu ya☕?
FOOFOO
August 27, 10:00Ummmmm there are actually 4 types of whores…
*1. The one who isn’t a whore but is called a whore.
*2. The The one who isn’t a whore and is not identified as a whore.
*4. The one who is a whore and knows it, owns it and claims it. (Hello haters? ?)
*5. The one who is a whore but denies it and is offended by the word.
Now analysing your story, why will egg roll come to Owerri and still try to form serere for Kene? It is absolutely unfair, he should have stayed in his house if he was planning on preserving his secondary virginity. That said, jealousy go do you something, see how you berated the guy and pepper body still made you bad mouth your host. E nor make sense Na… May God punish egg roll and men of his type, Na that kind people dey first dey straff your friend behind your back while holding out on you…?
YOU-KNOW-WHO
August 27, 11:16So something similar happened to me recently. A guy was disturbing me to come spend the night, I initially refused but after several plea and pestering, I yielded. This a guy I was not really into but we had sex on our first meet. So this is not a Case of him not liking me. Lo and behold, after inconvenienting myself. Discharging boo for the night for this dude, he came over and decided to sleep str8 away. Initially I didn’t want sex with him hence why i didn’t want him to come, but this guy strted sex chatting me, telling me how he enjoyed our last meet and he wants to do this and that. I eventually succumbed.
So long story short, this guy came and slept off right way. When I wanted to have sex he said he was tired and was having head ache. Initially I thought it was a joke but he was serious and he insisted he couldn’t do nothing that maybe later at night. I was furious, I just slept off like that. The next morning very early I woke him up, Oya Oga start going. I wasn’t even in the mood for small talks.. this dude had the effrontery to ask me for tfare. I was flabbergasted.
Initalliy I refused but then I pitied him and gave him just his tfare after calculation.
Essence of my story, I hate people like this, people like egg-roll deserve whatever comes their way. People with this attitude would one day try this with a serial killer and you end up missing.
Kizito I like your person and your write ups a lot.
Pink Panther
August 27, 22:13Just imagine! The nerve! You made yourself available, then made yourself unavailable, and you’re expecting tfare on top?! What nonsense!
Klaus
August 27, 11:52lmao!!!!!! this is hilarious! If someone doesn’t like me , I just carry my remaining self pride, dignity and glamorously sashay away! because we all know someone doesn’t like him back too! so what’s the big deal? life goes on biko! the moment you start using material stuff to attract this person, you’ve sold yourself short and lost all respect!
Delle
August 27, 13:57All that Mandy said.
Oh and I was expecting a brawl biko. How can u guys vent and fume like that only to go back to sleep afterwards? What’s the fun in that?
Not even a drop of blood wasted? Sigh.
INDIGENE
August 27, 21:46And I wouldn’t have sex when there’s a third party! guess Egg-roll reasons same way… let’s not blame him
Pink Panther
August 27, 22:15It wasn’t just that night though.
Jeova Sanctus Unus
August 28, 19:21And you all just sanctioned date rape. What if he sent you a video of him masturbating before coming to your house? What if he was fingering himself in front of you? What stupid excuse you all are giving. Very disappointed with the comments here.
You all have been to malls or passed stores with displays. Why not walk into that Samsung store and grab that Galaxy S7 they’ve been flashing in front of you, after all they know you’re attracted to it and are unrepentantly teasing you with it.
The nonsense.
Lord Naughtiness
August 29, 17:39Sorry o…no vex, were u allowed to spend the night in the Samsung shop, its a different situation if the person disturbs u to come and u let the person know that sex might not happen, not when u would na tell the person u wanna come over and then u come and inconvenience somebori only to tease the person and then u are leaving in the morning….
I am sorry, is there bed bug on ur bed, y did u not just relax in ur house or are u a bed sampler, u come and be testing peoples bed….