Let’s Discuss . . . About How Gay You Are
A fellow Kito-Diaries-ian sent me a message recently on BBM. Apparently, he’d forwarded some posts of Kito Diaries to a guy he knows to catch up on his reading, and this friend replied him with the following admonishment:
‘Biko, I’m not that gay o. I just do this for fun and I’m going to stop soon and go fully into girls.’
Then he continued with:
‘I hope you do girls o. Make sure you swing that way sometimes so you don’t lose touch with females. As for me, I’m not really into the gay life, I just dabble in it sometimes.’
Priceless response, isn’t it? Makes me think of Jonathan in my Love And Sex In The City series.
Apparently, being homosexual is like sipping a cocktail. You only get a glass every now and then. You can always decide to stop drinking it and switch to beer. This tendency some gay people have for ‘selective sexuality’ baffles me often times; I’m not sure I quite understand how one can decide which gender he or she fancies, and for how long that attraction will last. Perhaps it’s my naïveté talking. And so, that’s why I’ve brought this up here.
So, let’s discuss . . . about how gay anyone can be?
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35 Comments
trystham
June 21, 06:56Its fine with me if, while questing to define one’s sexuality, u do guys experimentally and find out you don’t like em and leave off. Which one be going back over and over again and then claiming “I’m not gay o”? Shebi na tap. Off am na
You get to hear-“Its the frequency with which I do it that determines. I do it only twice every year”. Ta dia!!! Amadioha roast ur pekus. How many straight guys can boast of having sex once in a year?
Abeg, its all denial. Once you’ve had same-sex sex, and you still find urself wanting more, you are GAY. Even that Bisexuality thing is just aponle. #justsaying
JustJames
June 21, 07:08The guy’s response reeks of insecurity and the inability to accept who he is and what he likes. Won’t be surprised if he read everything especially those erotic ones with a hand in his pants.
That said… I think it’s possible for some people to not be soooo into men. I believe that sexuality if measurable can be me measured in degrees. There are grey areas between gay and straight. Some might get down with both sexes but only want to date the other and stuff like that.
I’m not a scholar so ill leave the intelligent answers for lanreswagg and the likes.
trystham
June 21, 07:18Abeg, lef tori. If he is caught having sex with a man, what would they call him? Will the crowd be interested in his sexual history??? Exactly my point.
Absalom
June 21, 07:19JAMB question!
I’m not sure the question rhymes with the idea of “selective sexuality” the way it’s been put. How gay a person is would be trying to gauge their place on the sexuality spectrum (which of the many spectrums now?). Personally, I do not care. I like you, you like me, end of story.
About “selective sexuality”…I don’t care either. Anybody who wants to switch can. It’s their right. It’s got nothing to do with me (as a 100% gay man, by the way). What bothers me though is the implied homophobia, the contempt with which your friend’s friend treats gayness. Personally, I recommend that such people personalize their switch gospel and not make it seem like homosexuality/homosexuals are the problem here. That becomes homo-intolerant.
pinkpanthertb
June 21, 07:23Whoa! The contemptuous ‘gay’ person isn’t my friend ooo! He’s a friend of a friend. #DenialMode I could never stomach being acquaintances with people like that.
Absalom
June 21, 07:25But that’s what I said. Your “friend’s friend”! #ClarificationMode
pinkpanthertb
June 21, 07:26Phew! So I saw wrong. #PanicModeSubsiding 🙂
VR
June 21, 07:41Obviously the guy is in his “teen age ” hood has research has shown most teens are pretty confused on there sexuality …..or better still the guy is just deluding him self that if he sleeps with girls then he isn’t GAY true to an extent but he is sure a BISEXUAL….
john
June 21, 07:41Gay don turn per-term job…
pinkpanthertb
June 21, 08:59That is eh. Ees norray small sontin
kendigin
June 21, 07:47Action speaks louder than words. That bitch ass be so gay! Lol
Fucking homophobe. I tend to strangle such pple, tear their scrotum and lace their pee-hole wit acid
Chizzie
June 21, 08:17Interestingly I had a rather lengthly conversion abt the same issue with someone over the phone last night . I think most gay Nigerians are “Bisexual by default”, and do u know why? In one word : Marriage! Our society has this warped sense of reality that everyone of us and I mean every single Nigerian must get married, we see marriage as an eventuality, something inevitable that we cannot escape. So the average gay Nigerian knows that he/she must eventually get married, and therefore whatever gay relationship or encounter or experience they have, cannot compare to this high pedestal called Marriage; An institution we have all been forcibly conditioned to adhere to. And that’s why our alot of our marriages are so messed up but thats an argument for another day.
I am as gay as can be, I used to lie to myself that I was bi to avoid the the usual how-will- you -get -married lecture, but now i’m nonchalant. I cant even stand the sight of Vagina. in my mind I want to get married to a man and have a few kids but i know this is just wishful thinking. I know I will have to get married one day to a woman but I hope that day never comes.
and Ps love this blog the more since u added this discussion forum thingy!
@garriso345
June 21, 08:27ok plss warris dat? i’m so not going to do that kinda person, the drama queens, you fuck asses today and deny them tomorrow, they also can never be in a relationship, that is why they will continue to fuck around like that, and claim they aren’t so gay, they wouldn’t even read gay stuffs to learn the dangers and advances we face as being gays, so they will always fall victims of such things by claiming they are not gay. any of my friends with such attitude is so not getting my attention, he is unstable and unstable people can do anything at any moment.
Chizzie
June 21, 08:34*clicks on Like button*
luke
June 21, 09:57The funny thing about this post is that we have guys like this around us everywhere, and by default most gay guys in West Africa have to grow up realising that we have to live double life, where we get down with guys today and be screaming that’s my girlfriend to your friends for them to know how straight you are.for me l allow people like this live their lifes cause it’s never being easy being in West Africa as a gay man,they are on a journey, so they will discover themselves, we all had that phase of life. but what kills me are the type that spilt on dicks today and then turn around to say am not that gay, and then trying to force their own stupidity on people around them,or the types that get act like they are drunk then get dirty with u, wake next day and act like nope l don’t suck dick, that never happened, be with his buddy and call out someone using the word “fag” now those ones l can’t deal.
DeadlyDarius
June 21, 10:02Humans always resort to coping mechanisms. And denial is the most classic…
sensuousensei
June 21, 10:25Ewooo! I find the responses more intruiging than the question. It shows clearly how guys feel about this issue. My own is, aren’t we taking this a bit too personal? Yes, you all made good points but there is also the other side. The dude is simply afraid. That’s it. And that’s understandable. As someone has said, its not easy to be gay in this country. They are just trying to cope and survive.
CeeCee
June 21, 11:49Loving all the responses! My take is this: due to the dynamics of our society, you have to be married, have kids, have a wife/wives etc, a lot of us have grown up with deeply etched cases of internalized homophobia. I challenge any of us to take a random sampling of 20 gay guys (born&raised in Nigeria) you will find that most believe that being gay is very wrong, nevertheless they do it and hope to one day grow up, get hitched to a woman and put being gay in their past as a phase they outgrew at then end of their youthful age. A lifetime of conditioning is extremely difficult to undo and this is why someone who deeply enjoys sex with men could make such a comment…
He really is a confused guy, this same guy is always going on and on about the kind of life he’ll want to have with his future wife and in the next breath rambling on about how he admires so and so guy, hes my friend but his issues wear me out … he is indeed deeply confused and he certainly hasn’t been a teenager for at least 10years!!
Williams
June 21, 12:09I am gay!Very gay!!!its innate.Therez a lot of social pressure,even within the gay community,that’s why I can freely tell you I’m so gay on platforms like this.You won’t open up to just anyone,cos your future,career or life could be @ stake.;worst still when you’re a celebrity,in govt or in public eyes
We have to give credit to those who have had the rare courage of coming out or even the misfortune of being outed against their own will….
I totally understand those ‘unstable’ guys,I guess @ some point,even to ourselves,we’ve had some level of self rejection/denial…..some people even claim to have metamorphosed from being gay to totally straight men. In the end,we are what we are.
@chizzie, you rock.I love the rvd article,made mega sense.
Mart
June 21, 12:37My dear it baffles me too. I’m so gay when I watch straight porn it is the guys I’m looking at, like sex with woman don’t cross my mind. If and when I’m done with men, it is time to put on my celibacy cloak, not to switch to women. With most guys it is not bi-sexuality. It is just a deplorable sense of denial.
Stud
June 21, 13:56Ok. This is coming from a “pretty” straight guy’s point of view. (I should make it clear at point that I don’t subscribe to labels, they simply can never paint the right picture.) I’ve kissed, received a bj from and been stroked by a male out of curiousity while growing up. I enjoyed it for the most part. Gay porn still does turn me on, all types of porn do actually…maybe because I have an incredibly high sexual appetite. Nonetheless, I just cannot fathom being in a relationship with a man, can’t imagine fucking one in the arse, the idea of being fucked in the arse by another guy is even more repulsive. Fucking a guy could pass for a fantasy I’ve had at some point in my teenage life, but I just could never act on it. I’ve been with women, I’ve fooled around with them…though technically I’m still a virgin, trying to be as good a Christian as I can be. Anything I ever did with a male was simply about either my extreme curiosity or the fact that I’m horny 24/7…never about finding the guy sexually appealing. With ladies it’s very different…I’m attracted all round and can truly say I’m in love. So while I do agree that some gay men may be in denial, some of us truly are straight, but have had opportunities and experiences that are “unusual”…and might have enjoyed them enough to crave more. Sexuality really messes with our heads sometimes…it’s a really crazy spectrum with a million different shades of grey. This is a beautiful blog by the way, glad I stumbled upon it.
pinkpanthertb
June 21, 14:22Wow! Our first ‘heterosexual’ commenter. Welcome to KD, Stud. 🙂
So, horny 24/7, huh?
JustJames
June 21, 15:25My point exactly.
Chizzie
June 21, 17:10you have tendencies. ..all u need is a trigger; and I feel its only a matter of time.
sensuousensei
June 22, 07:50Omg. My comment was supposed to be here but ended up as a reply to ceecee’s. Lol
CeeCee
June 21, 20:09Welcome Stud, its a breath of fresh air to have a heterosexual Nigerian man who doesnt recoil and reach for the nearest weapon whenever he hears the word gay, yours is indeed an interesting case and corroborates what I tell a lot of my friends, ‘some guys are just not gay and cant be gay’. You have had sexual encounters with men which were sorta sexually pleasing and yet you feel no attraction for men because you are not wired (like a lot of us are) to be gay. During my tjme outside the shores of Nigeria, I made friends with a number of straight guys who told me that growing up, they were unsure as to their true sexuality and since they lived in tolerant gay friendly countries, they tried both men and women before realising that they were strictly heterosexual, this is in response to some of my friends who say it’s possible to ‘convert’ any guy and make him gay especially when a financial incentive is introduced to the mix. To that I say – bullshit!! Those guys are simply gay guys probably living in denial and who have turned being gay into a source of income!
Once again welcome and plz remain open-minded, live and let live …
sensuousensei
June 22, 06:59I’m so glad you showed up and made this comment. I don’t know what it is with us and stereotypes. Some don’t believe bisexuals don’t exist. Why? Because they don’t just want to believe it. Me for instance. I don’t like anal sex. I have done it because my dates have wanted it. And that was because I believe that in a relationship, you put the other person first. Infact, on many occasions I lose my hard-on when its time to “enter”. Now you can imagine how awkward it was for me all those years I was meeting people and they kept asking, ” what’s your role?”. I kept trying to explain that I wasn’t top or bottom. I just loved guyz. That’s it. But now, they wudnt let me rest until now I have become a “pseudo-top”. Another point is that I have dated more guyz than girls. And I can say without the slightest hint of doubt, that a girl (who I had proposed to and almost married) IS THE LOVE OF MY LIFE. No guy has come close! So u see, this thing aint in black and white as we assume.
enkayced
June 21, 14:15These are same kind of guys who set ‘gay’ guys up in a bid to cure their ‘gayness’ without actually realising that they do it because they hate the gay persona in themselves.
I am perfectly bisexual and enjoy sex comfortably with members of same sex, but when I am faced with a gay-related debate at my workplace or school, I learnt early in life to just shut up rather than voice hatred at MSMs.
I remember when my Boss at the office asked me the ‘Are you gay?’ question. Make I no lie ooo, I tell the woman say I no know wetin she dey talk about but I didn’t preach or criminalize issues.
My take: Whenever someone asks you ‘The question’, most times, their mind is made up. They just wanna hear from the horse’s mouth!
Lanre Swagg
June 21, 17:18Thank you Just James, and yes , Professors Karl Jung and Sigmund Freud said that sexuality is a spectrum. That means you can be 0-100% of any mix, people are different.
I know bisexuality is real, some people like both dick and pussi, usually one more than the other.
I also know that being gay is stereotypically defined as being bottom. One day I shall write my treatise about that.
Finally, the dude in this article is more likely in denial than being honest.
But that’s what we do in Nigeria.
Not a stud
June 21, 19:28Its people like him that give a bisexual like me a bad name.
Lothario
June 22, 06:48How gay am I? Very gay…very very gay. I love gay culture, I love everything that has to do with being gay, I just love it all. I remember watching RuPaul’s Drag Race with an ex and he went like ‘Can’t be watching this shit Abeg, it’s too gay’….I couldn’t get over that statement. I don’t want to be a drag queen, can’t even be bothered to wear a wig, let alone heels, but it’s because I want to be a well rounded gay man that I watch stuff like that. Meanwhile here was my boyfriend, quite the little lady, who’s even a make up artist on the side NOT enjoying RPDR…..
So my people, that spectrum is a really large one. That’s why we’re so different, some people are so fashion forward and extremely effeminate, but can’t stand the thought of dicks going into them. And you have the extremely muscular ones who spend all their time at the gym and look like they’re carved from rock, and THEY can’t imagine sticking their dicks into holes because they are pure bottoms.
So my dears, I really don’t think anyone should judge. It’s the way he’s chosen to live HIS life, doesn’t mean he’s homophobic. That’s just him.
therealsalte
June 23, 11:47Well as for me; I am as gay as being gay could be’. I mean come out and check my assets and credentials. #Gaysarenotplaying #iamnotajoker.
Obari-Kote
June 27, 14:01I’m Gay as Gay can be….I would rather blame the society than blame the guy….A friend of mine(also gay) still talked to me about getting a girlfriend just to take the society’s eyes off me…It’s not his fault…..It’s the Nigerian Society…..
agbani
October 02, 09:2450%
pinkpanthertb
October 02, 10:20…is the percentage of what?