Let’s Discuss About…Linda Ikeji, Onyx Godwin And The Nigerian LGBT
Linda Ikeji is a veteran blogger who courts controversy. Some people say she does this soullessly, I don’t know. Very recently, she updated (as she very often does) a post about her ‘first son’, Onyx Godwin, a post in which the controversial pikin is seen in different provocative poses by the pool. According to Linda, he was ‘bringing out the Sasha Fierce in him.” lol
Anyway, I was part of a conversation where the topic of this post was brought up. There was general concern for Onyx, who some amongst us believed was flirting with the fires of Nigeria’s homophobia, by letting Linda put him in the public’s eye like this. Some others didn’t think there was any danger. Some believed Linda was inadvertently using Onyx to force conversations about the Nigerian LGBT, while some others opined that such posts weren’t causing any conversations, instead Nigerians LIB readers would always be too provoked by the nature of Linda’s Onyx posts to ever really take us seriously.
During the course of our conversation, a friend of mine, who is particularly not a fan of Ms. Ikeji, said, “You see how she’s fueling the already existing hate using the gay subject to generate more buzz…remind me again why I shouldn’t hate Linda.”
To which I replied, “But would you rather the ‘gay subject’ not be a subject at all?”
He said, “I sincerely doubt that the good of the gay community is what she had in mind with this…I mean, there is positive representation of the gay community, and there is this!”
Our discourse begged several questions: Is there any good way or bad way to make the Nigerian LGBT visible to Nigerians? If there are, what are instances of either way? We need visibility, that’s for certain. Should we take it every way and any way we can? Or should there be appropriate ways to keep the conversation going in Nigeria?
Can we discuss this? Do sound off in the comments section.
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192 Comments
Max 2.1
March 12, 06:31Posting pics of Onyxx in suggestive poses is a NO No when it comes to visibility. Linda is just using him to garner more traffic to her blog. You need to show the world that gay people are just as normal and as regular as they are, we need to be humanized and Mr Godwin isnt exactly the poster boy for “normal” .Even gay people are offended about Onyxx Godwin’s pics. Most gay people I know also don’t behave like him so through him, Linda is creating more disdain for gay people by Nigerians. She’s increasing the danger of a single story. Thats the same problem I have with Denrele; if the only unofficial gay person they know is some entertainer who looks like he just waltzed out of a psych ward and stole some people’s clothes, then chased down by dogs and ripped the clothes to shreds<< If that's the kind of gay people they see, they won't take us serious.
A psycho entertainer and a #ConfusedTeenager who looks like he needs to grab some cookie, those are the two poster boys for gay people in Nigeria.
We're really doomed.
pete
March 12, 06:55They may not represent the gaybourhood but who really does? Gays are humans & come in different shapes, forms & mannerism. Gays who are offended by Onyx may be those who can’t be seen with effeminate guys in public. Max, who is really the poster boy for ‘normal’?
“She’s increasing the danger of a single story.” Pot. Kettle. Black. Ain’t you guilty of this too from some of your comments on KD?
Effeminate dudes like gays are who they are. It’s not a choice.
Delle
March 12, 11:31Thank you, Pete. Bless your soul.
Tiercel de Claron
March 12, 12:14I am Tiercel de Claron,and I endorse this comment.
Henrie
March 12, 16:13Thank you, pete.
You should have asked him whether we have his kind of “normal” gay persons that are willing to be featured as gay for Nigerians to start seeing gays as “normal.” If he has any, I’m certain Linda will happily oblige to post on her blog.
Delle
March 12, 11:29All I got from this comment was staunch IH! The very same IH you, Max, are so quick to bite necks off for, what did you just do? You just jumped into the same pool you tag DISGUSTING!
So now there is a particular sect of LGBT that’s psych and silly? Because Onyx is flamboyant, then he should be categorised as Mad and not Gay? Wow! How intelligent of you, just how intelligent! You know what, you just a rolling ball of contradictions…it’s really disheartening that someone who’s so quick to read people their rights at the slightest hint of homophobia would comfortably write this gibberish. Denrele is psych cos he has a fashion edge you’re so chicken to exhibit? Mtcheew…keep wearing you very wonderful clothes while they wear their rags, doesn’t make you any better, not in the slightest bit! Until you get that, I’m done with your incessant silly jabs!
Marc Francis of Chelsea
March 13, 02:48This is the exact argument I have with my friends when they show disdain for a very feminine guy. Who told your your gay experience is superior to others? Who told you there’s a “normal” way to be gay? Even when you want to be normal, how different is forcing yourself to conform to that normalcy from forcing yourself to play straight? Feminine gay men are visible because they don’t blend into their “normal” gender role. If Onyx wore baggy jeans or Denrele stopped wearing wigs and put in gold teeth and a beater, they wouldn’t be their authentic selves in a bid to conform.
If you are so bothered about normalcy and visibility, then send your photos to LindaIkejiads@gmail.com and show her what “normal” gay Nigerian men look/act/pose.
alex
March 13, 16:00But onyx is not gay nah. He said he’s straight
ambivalentone
March 12, 07:07I disagree Max. Onyx is an undergrad here in Ife. I dunno if he stays in one of the hostels in school but I did not see a mob with cudgels and sticks the twice I saw him. While it iis true dt with most Nigerians. the more degrees and certificates we acquire, the more close minded we get and the less sense we get, I don’t think he is in any danger. People are all talk and bluster and all clanging tins online and the exact opposite offline. Infact, he was…just regular
But anyway, who says its d same thing outsipde d walls with the joblessness and hopelessness? Then again, u’d expect ppl with sense to b using phones
Interestedone
March 14, 00:35I’m new in Ife. Would U should show me around? I’ve been wondering if there was an LGBT scene at all.
#Chestnut
March 12, 07:18I argued abt Linda’s stance on LGBT issues with Dennis once. He was of d opinion that she’s homophobic,and mocks gay ppl with such posts, but how can one really tell whether she’s homophobic or not when she posts gay-themed stories without voicing any personal opinion? She could make a post about Mona Lisa getting married, then make a post about Bisi Alimi getting engaged; how do we now know that she’s mocking the latter,when she also posts such stories abt straight ppl? Or would we rather she posts only stories abt heterosexuals? I honestly don’t get d impression that she’s homophobic (she has never said anything to indicate that). Ppl just feel that once she posts a random gay story (same way she posts random straight stories), she’s mocking us. I honestly think the Linda Ikeji issue is a matter of perspective; go thru some of her comments on gay-themed articles; straight ppl be like : “Linda,God will judge u for supporting gayism…u must be a closeted lesbian”, while gay ppl be like “Linda u’re an irritating homophobe for always mocking gay pp” these opposing types of comments are usually in response to d same post o.
As for Onyx (hey Onyx,how u doin! I know u’re reading this), I always say I respect his boldness (and I’m sure he sends those pics to Linda,of his own free will). Max, who really,should Linda post abt,as the face of LGBT in Naija? Is it not the person that agrees to be “advertised” that she’ll talk abt? If gay ppl who are not as “quirky” as Denrele and Onyx,constantly present themselves to be shown on LIB,I don’t think she would reject them. But as it is, those of us who are not that quirky, seem to be afraid of that kind of spotlight (with good reason),so she can only work with what she’s given.
Pink Panther
March 12, 07:23Chestnut, you echo my sentiments exactly.
Absalom
March 12, 07:42I may hold off branding Linda Ikeji a homophobe…
BUT…
She uses “gay” stories to stoke controversy and drive traffic on her blog. For someone so influential she does not use her powers to do us any favours. But then, who really does Linda help (lol)? Does she do any charity, have any initiative where she’s a voice for the marginalized etc? What was her own opinion during the Sugarbelly and Ese Oruru cases? I Googled, couldn’t find anything.
What is a “Linda Voice” really – except when there’s new house or handbag ? to be bought? ???
I’m just saying, in the long run, baby-girl is a hustler: scandal and controversy are what pay her bills. Including “gay” stories. ?
#Chestnut
March 12, 07:58@Absie: I thought Linda had this “I’d rather be self-made” project,where she empowers young girls financially and otherwise?
Absalom
March 12, 08:10Oh, she does?
I didn’t know that. That’s cool then.
(Though my comment was questioning more her work in issues-based advocacy – because I really have no idea what Linda’s opinions on anything are. So Dennis shouldn’t complain too much.)
Absalom
March 12, 07:21But did Linda say anything about Onyx being gay on that particular post?
No need to get ahead of ourselves and put words in her mouth.
And the conversation you had with your friends demonstrates one of the oldest of gay problems: blaming effeminate guys for everything.
If you don’t like Nigerians seeing a certain “type” of gay, climb on that visibility stage yourself and present yourself as an alternative narrative. It’s not hard.
Mr. Fingers
March 12, 14:06I don’t think Linda has ever mentioned the guys sexuality. And the guy himself is not officially out as a guy, so I wonder why he is being referred to as one of the faces of the Nigerian guy community by max.
But I do agree with max on the security implications of exposing Mr Godwin on linda’s blog. Some crazy dude out there might harm the guy. It’s just not safe for him at all.
Geeluv
March 12, 07:34Our future is in our hands… I strongly agree with max. The aforementioned BITCHES ain’t doing us any good in showing Nigerians the true CHARACTERS of the LGBT… all they see is madness… ” gays are mad people” that’s all I get ear in my neighbourhood…
#Chestnut
March 12, 07:42@geeluv: oya, who are the well-behaved,”respectable” gay ppl that will show Nigerians the “true characters of the LGBT” ? Have they come forward and Linda (and other media platforms) told them “NO! We only want to showcase ppl like Onyx and Denrele”?
Pink Panther
March 12, 07:48Good question. The ‘respectable’ gay people aren’t exactly coming out to publicize their lives for the representation of gay Nigerians
Tiercel de Claron
March 12, 12:27Any publicity,”respectable” or not,is good publicity.Ask any politician
Before they didn’t know we exist,now they do,albeit non-accepting yet.
They’ve seen/are seeing the “worst” of us,according to the guardians of what’s respectable,it can only get better.
From where I sit,i’ll say Linda and Onyx are doing us a huge favour.
My take on the issue
Absalom
March 12, 07:49So effeminacy now means “madness”, Geeluv?
Ha!
What is stopping YOU from showing yourself so that people can see an alternative image of “gayness”?
Or is your future not in your hands anymore? ?
ambivalentone
March 12, 08:05so, why not worm ur way into Linda’s heart and be the poster boy for ‘The Ideal Gay’?. I’ll bet u’d be too boring to worth more than a feature. Allegations against Yul, Alex, Uti and d rest of d actors in Nollywood have NOT been refuted but no, it is always Denrele n Onyx who are most assuredly gay. That tells you that different is what sells/is remembered.
Delle
March 12, 11:36Aren’t you just a walking confusion for spewing this hate you call comment?! Oh so an effeminate guy (who I believe is the most courageous of all gay folk) is mad? Really? Are you kidding me right now? And you say you are educated? What makes you different from those fucktards called homophobes. If you have nothing intelligible to write, stay away from your keypad and get educated!
Henrie
March 12, 16:20Your ignorance is mind-boggling. #Sigh.
#Chestnut
March 12, 07:48See,I totally understand that it would appear as though the public gets to see only one type of gay ppl. It’s not fair that they don’t get to see gay ppl who they would (myopically) consider respectable. But no one is coming out (again,with good reason) and u can’t drag them from their homes to come and become poster-boys.
Henrie
March 12, 16:23I disagree with you that linda ikeji’s audience, or homphobes in general have only been exposed to the flamboyant effeminate kind of gay guys.
Mandy
March 13, 06:42It’s predominant, Henrie
Dimkpa
March 12, 08:04I really think this idea of a ‘normal’ or regular gay person should not come up amongst us because in my opinion, there is no such thing. As was said in Noah’a arc “Normalcy and sex are two words that should not be used in the same sentence’. We are already outside the norm and trying to be that which we are not perpetuates this idea that there is something wrong with us. It gives the idea that the masculinity in anyone with a dick is the way to go and it goes contrary to the rainbow symbol of the LGBT which means all are welcome no matter what your sexuality or preference.
There are effeminate gay dudes and there are the masculine ones, there are the butch lesbians, the fems and stems, the transgender, cross dressers etc. We are a rainbow coalition, everyone is welcome and all gender identities are accepted.
Anyone that has issues with someone else’s identity or choice of self expression should examine why he or she is so affected. Could it be that the same homophobia we accuse others of still lingers in some dark corners of our minds. It is funny that we crave acceptance but don’t fail to discriminate against other gay people or people who are different from us. An example is the stupid ‘drop the T’ campaign.
Denrele or Onyx are not the problem, a bigot is a bigot no matter the gay person he sees. If they want ‘regular’ people who are gay, there are many well accomplished gay people both living and dead who I’m sure they have heard of, from Tim Cook to Bisi Alimi to Kenny Badmus to Leonardo da VincI. If they have not taken us seriously now with all these people about it should be clear the problem is in their hearts. Like God told the rich man in the parable of Lazarus and the rich man, if they have not listened to the prophets they have, they won’t listen to Lazarus even if he wakes from death to tell them.
I don’t think we should advance this notion there is something wrong with being effeminate. Lately I have actually been wishing I didn’t ‘straighten’ myself back when I did. I actually think on some level it amounts to living a lie and makes it a bit more difficult coming out.
I don’t know Linda’s motives but whatever it is, the good thing is that she is providing visibility, Chikena! At least no one can say there are no gay Nigerians.
bruno
March 12, 08:14thanks
Max 2.1
March 12, 08:59@Dimkpa, you’re one person I always root for on this blog because you often make well grounded educated comments. I get your point, however my comment isnt about effeminacy. I’m sure you’ve seen Onyxx’s pics and Denrele’s, these are two poster boys for controversy, they simply do it for the fame. Its just like putting up a porn star(whose image is compromised in the eyes of the society) to be fighting for human Rights of his race(Hypothetically). No one will take them seriously, no one. I wouldn’t buy what they’re selling.
We need better representation and truthfully all those two are doing is bringing more hatred towards us. I enjoy the controversy they stir and the comments that are thrown at them etc, I often find myself smiling and saying “you go gurl, yeah throw it on their homophobic faces”.. But in the end, I know that its not the way forward.
Absalom
March 12, 09:53The only thing I know Denrele has confirmed is that he’s an effeminate man.
Those who know he’s gay know it unofficially.
The rest speculate when he releases new photos.
It is a fantasy that the “masculine” gay man will solve all our problems. He won’t.
Why?
Because EVERY Nigerian – I’m willing to bet – has seen/knows an effeminate guy or butch girl, but there are thousands that have not met an actual gay person.
A bigot who latches onto a person’s gender presentation to hate gays is simply looking for an EXCUSE. Is it his first time seeing a “girl-boy” or a “manly girl”?
The issue here is LGBT visibility not who makes us visible. We are not visible.
Approaching visibility should be multidirectional. As femme guys are being the face of the community, let the non-femme ones pitch in too and represent their constituency – who is holding anybody? And let those coming out to family do so as well. Let those countering antigay sentiments in their workplace and neighbourhoods do their own bit too.
And so on.
Visibility doesn’t have to start and end in one place.
I love Denrele and I have high hopes that when he comes out, he is going to have relevant things to say about LGBT rights in Nigeria – even with the red braids, feather lashes and high heels.
Delle
March 12, 11:40This right here is a comment worth reading. Thanks Absalom
Mandy
March 13, 06:46Very on point, Absalom. Very well said.
Peak
March 12, 12:11Words of wisdom from Dimkpa as always.
Well said Absalom, well said!
ambivalentone
March 12, 08:10Please, did anyone see this comment from God himself? The “Onyx looks skinny because of his indecent sex life, GOD made you a man not a woman. Forget all these, Its only a fool that will say there’s no….” I actually trembled at the power of the heavens in each letter.
Mandy
March 12, 09:41Lmao. The sarcasm here is rich.
chuck
March 12, 08:11I know from conversations with Onyx that he considers fame a number one priority and is willing to go after fame or notoriety wherever he can get it. He considers it a dream come true to be known and talked about. Linda wants traffic. These posts achieve both their goals.
Kenny
March 12, 08:48I’ve seen Onyx several times on campus, people mostly just stare at him and mind their business. It’s only online that you find stupid people spewing homophobic crap about. Most of them probably can’t face him in person. As for Linda, her intentions for posting things like this are unknown because she really doesn’t say much, it could just be to bring traffic to her blog. I don’t recall her being out rightly homophobic in anyway.
On a totally unrelated note, it’s my birthday today☺
Dimkpa
March 12, 08:51Happy Birthday!
Max 2.1
March 12, 09:02Happy birthday @Kenny..
2Cents Advice- At least a quarter of KDians already know who you are because of this comment. Don’t make the mistake of announcing your birthday here again if you value annonimity, but if you don’t, well more lube to your hole.
Cheers.
Kenny
March 12, 09:13Thanks Max, how though can one’s birthday expose one’s identity? I can be clueless like that
Max 2.1
March 12, 09:49Some of your friends are gonna put you up as dp, facebook is gonna notify your friends of your birthday too, you’re probably gonna make a bday post on IG or be tagged by someone gushing about you. And KDians are always quick to connect the dots. Any person who pops up on their gay friend’s dp will be scrutinized and stalked on. And they can stalk from Fb to IG to the far ends of Badoo.. Checking word and sentence patterns in your comments.
Pink Panther
March 12, 09:59Lmao. Kenny, listen to Max on this one. He knows what he’s saying. Many a KDian have been outed because of the birthday comment mistake.
Kenny
March 12, 10:05PP there should be a way comments can be edited or deleted after posting. Pls look into it
Kenny
March 12, 10:04Lol. I get you now and I appreciate your concern.
Max 2.1
March 12, 10:48I now know who’s behind the monicker@Kenny.. But don’t worry, I’ve known you for more than a decade now. ?
Kenny
March 12, 11:26More than a decade? *sweating profusely* Do I know you?
Max 2.1
March 12, 11:49Lol.. Oh I’m sure you do.
Kenny
March 12, 11:55Gimme hints…. I’m confused here especially about the ‘decade’ part of your commment
Peak
March 12, 13:39Happy BDay ejire.
Kenny
March 12, 13:42Thank you Peak.
Mandy
March 13, 06:47Happy Birthday, kenny.
Do you feel outed yet? 🙂
Interestedone
March 14, 00:46Happy birthday in arrears, Kenny. Pity I’m only learning that now. We could have gone for a drink
Max 2.1
March 12, 08:52Outside this continent a lot of people don’t even know we have internet, or even drive cars, they still think we’re all apes. They think all Nigerians do is fraud, and we’re constantly thrown shades at in the entertainment industry overseas together with the rest of Africa. Why?… Danger of a single story. Because of this narrative, others countries are biased about us.Believe it or not, what people perceive is what they’ll keep spreading and spreading until it becomes what you’re known for. For example what comes to your mind first when you think about GT Bank? Or Yoruba people? Or Igbos, or Hausas. If my guess is right, you all already have a preconceived notion about these examples I just mentioned which is mostly based on biased views of the general public which nobody cared enough to address until it became their story.. Of all the examples above, the case of GT Bank is the only positive one.
Up until last yr, a good number of websites didn’t offer shipping to Nigeria and we’re constantly being marginalized because of the image we’re represented by.
I get that my first comment was taken out of context, but its not my job to tell you how to interprete, I just write it and you’re free to interprete it anyway you like.
United states of America and a whole lot of other countries didn’t go this far today on LGBT issues by putting forward people who are mock-worthy due to the kind of controversy they stir for themselves. Contrary to popular opinion, not every kind of visibility is good, bad press isnt good for the LGBT.
When you’re fighting for acceptance, you have to go with a tried and tested method. Everyone who doesn’t know about Harvey Milk should read up about him. We’ve been doing this thing the wrong way and been failing at it over and over again. Believe it or not, homophobia increased after that bill was passed and I’m speaking from my own personal experience daily. I work in a place where I meet dozens of people daily and I know what goes on.
Onyxx and Denrele aren’t gonna make people accept us, whoever doesn’t know that is clearly deceiving themselves. Linda may not be homophobic, but she doesn’t care about LGBT community, let’s not delude ourselves.
Oh and another thing- I’m not anti-femme and the fact that I have to add it as a footnote in my comment means nobody here actually knows me and what I stand for.
Dimkpa
March 12, 09:16Which ‘us’ do you want people to accept, The ‘straight-acting’ people or every person who is a sexual minority? Last I checked the group includes everyone including the effeminate, the cross dressers and the drag Queens. If they are going to accept, it should be clear to them what they are accepting so they don’t have to do it twice.
What if they accept the regular gay person and reject the fabulous, flamboyant and flaming amongst us, would we have achieved equality? Is that worth settling for after all these years of discrimination?
If everyone is not accepted then we have not been accepted. What is wrong with Denrele or Onyx? Are they not human beings like anyone else? Are they less deserving of respect than anyone else? Are they not living their lives like they know how just like anyone else? Are they evil or have they killed anyone? Why the fuck should they not be treated like everyone else?
Mandy
March 12, 09:42Deep breaths, Dimkpa. Deep breaths.
Chandler B.
March 12, 15:06One of the very few dimkpas’ that actually has wisdom attached to his ‘dimkpa-ship’. Thanks for your educating, but sparse, comments.
Harrison
March 12, 16:36But seriously, who do you say we use as the poster boy for LGBT Nigeria? Neither of these two guys you’ve mentioned are openly gay. People are only making speciations and you say we should stop them from doing so? Linda Ikeji carries Bisi, she carries Brandmuse, she carries Denrele and Onyx, why do you think she must drop the latter two if you say you’re ready to accept diversity and visibility?
Wayfaring Stranger
March 12, 23:07We know you. We just don’t know what you stand for, your religion etc
Marc Francis of Chelsea
March 13, 03:01Shallow ignorance! Google Stonewall. You really think it is the closeted, straight acting men then fought for gay rights enjoyed overseas today? Think again!
sensei
March 12, 09:08Yes we need visibility but why aren’t people coming out? The kind of visibility that people like Bisi Alimi provide comes at a GREAT cost. Years have passed and almost 100% are deep in their closets. The mere fact that it is so must mean that whatever is keeping them in is almost 100% effective. It must be quite formidable. If people have not been coming out, they won’t start coming out just because someone says should.
We need another strategy. Funny enough, the people who will stand publicly and speak about LGBT issues without much harm coming their way are MGM (let’s keep cussing and hating them, una hear?), bisexuals and then heterosexuals. We need people who will prepare the ground first by speaking up and engaging the public, perhaps making it easier for LGBT to come out in the future. Imagine if one senator who is MGM, bisexual or straight, issues a public statement to the press that he does not see anything wrong with being LGBT, won’t that help our cause?
Secondly, I think there are other ways of providing visibility. There are some people out there who irrespective of their orientation have a kind heart and can reason. I am certain that there are people who are just sitting on the fence on this issue but if they hear about the suffering of LGBT Nigerians, the shock will kick them from that fence.
I was heart-wrenched by the comment of one Law yesterday who seemed to say he had lost 3 LGBT friends to suicide. There are some stories that are likely to awaken the humanity in a human being, stories of deep suffering that awakens compassion, sadness and anger. Before we show the world our face, let us show them our scars. They need to know that we are here and we are suffering, getting maimed, attempting and committing suicide.
We need to tell our darkest stories. Let’s have a book project. A compilation of our kitostories and other stories about pain, depression, discrimination and death. In between those stories we will have others through which the reader will experience what it feels like to be “born this way”, especially in a country like Nigeria. We hope to reach out to the humanity we know is there deep inside us and connects us through pain. If we can win just 1% of Nigerians to our cause, that is a HUGE achievement.
Pink Panther
March 12, 09:39I like this budding idea, Sensei.
ambivalentone
March 12, 09:49MGMs are not the people who WILL speak out public about LGBT. They SHOULD BE doing so but we know they are busy conforming to society’s expectation and CHEATING on the wives, as well as turning down noses on “guys who can’t get it up’ for ladies. Please, let’s leave the story telling telling for REAL heterosexuals and gay men
Pink Panther
March 12, 09:58Jesus! Ambivalentone, I get that you’re derisive of the MGMs, but you are being hypocritical here with your generalisation, considering how on this same post, you’re clamouring for the recognition of diversity. Not all MGMs are self centred, philandering cheats with no LGBT interests. And your distaste has gotten very old very fast. Get over yourself abeg.
ambivalentone
March 12, 10:09Cool. When our gisting reach ‘gossip between friends’ levels, you can point at one who isn’t. I’m sure I’d point several. *scoffs*
OAN, this is not about me. Then again, it is about me.
Pink Panther
March 12, 11:54Yes ambivalentone. Because you know several, then gosh darnit, the entire MGM universe is filled with cowardly selfish married gay men. I’m glad you’re standing by absolutes here. So the next time you wanna slam those who preach absolutes, I’ll know to point out your hypocrisy.
Pink Panther
March 12, 11:56And yes, it’s about you.
And me.
And the entire LGBT community, which last I checked includes these men you scoff at. Granted there are conceited gay men in marriages but it’s nauseating when all we do is take our bad experiences to becloud issues and taint the general gay population.
sensei
March 12, 11:09Please I have a question for you, Ambivalentone.
1. I think we need to really define who “MGM” are. Are these exclusively gay may who got married? Or does it include bisexual men who got married? Bisexual men are capable of genuinely falling in love with a woman and are truly happy doing so, no merely in conformity to society. Or you don’t think bisexuals exist?
2. So for those exclusively gay men who got married because of societal pressure, what exactly are you hating them for? That they are weak? Or afraid? Who are you and what puts you in a position to sit as pontiff, judging lives you know nothing about? Have you asked them about the depression, the suicide attempts, the tears at night before they reluctantly wore that suit? My friend, THOU SHALT NOT JUDGE.
sensei
March 12, 12:02And why can’t you see that we need MGM not just cause they are legit members of the community but because of what they can provide?
If you don’t want gay men to get married, who would they be doing that for? For you? Or for themselves? And why would they live their lives for you? If for themselves, why won’t you let them live for themselves?
And why can’t you see that the MGM has a VERY important story to tell? Gay men need to know what it feels like to be an MGM. They NEED to know. The world out there NEEDS to know about the suffering of gay man that buckle beneath societal pressure and gets married.
MGMs have lots and lots of important stories to tell.
Wayfaring Stranger
March 12, 23:17You’re so brilliant. I have plans to be married to a woman in the nearest future and I would never cheat.
Chuck
March 12, 14:57I agree with you, ambivalentone.
Someone who is gay but has decided to marry a woman to hide has shown where his priorities lie.
Are we really asking those guys to be advocates? IWe might as well invite Dasuki’ to teach a course on anticourruption.
Colossus
March 12, 15:36Ah yes, we always find a way to come back to these terrible MGMs. Men that won’t even speak up, Men that are complete cheats. Oh well, let’s get back to the comments.
ambivalentone
March 12, 18:28@Colossus LOL Your sarcasm is humorous
@Sensei You and d rest seem to always think it is only bout MGMs and MBMs. I say it over (and Pinky, this is where it cannot be stale if I still keep being asked), u do anything short of being faithful to a marriage you opened ur eyes and walked into, u r scum. But this is where polygamy apologists will call for my head.
There are gay ppl, there are straight ppl and there are bisexuals (I’m so not interested in trying to understand dem. Sha don’t cheat, whether with man OR woman)
Anyway, as to caving in to societal demands and getting married, I guess its ok to keeping listening to society and cheat on his wife WITH WOMEN. He can as well be the society’s model citizen and not say anything about the despicable lifestyle homosexuality is. They feel depressed? Who would av thot? But I am not judging. Whars my own?
Mandy
March 13, 06:50How did this turn from an issue about visibility to a war on MGM? You people sha can like to resurrect panadol over headaches that shouldn’t exist.
Max 2.1
March 12, 10:23MGMs are comfy in their deep cover closets and I haven’t met one who’s willing to do what you suggested @Sensei.
Max 2.1
March 12, 10:25And also theyre too busy trying to deflect the spotlight from them, Thats why they got married in the first place.. Theyre not gonna risk it by speaking up on LGBT issues.
sensei
March 12, 11:00You said “MGMS are comfy in their deep closets”. I never knew the closet could be comfy. I ask you, are all MGMS happy in their marriages? If no, how can you say they are comfy? Unless one can be comfy and unhappy. You also say “I don’t know of any MGM who is willing”. So because you don’t know, it means they don’t exist? I know some who are even more passionate about the cause than you. There mere fact that you don’t know or have not seen does not mean they do not exist.
Max 2.1
March 12, 11:52You can be comfy and not happy. There are alot of comfortable unhappy rich people in the world. There’s a reason we have those two words in the dictionary. Thats because they mean different things.
sensei
March 12, 11:57I speak of comfy and happiness ABOUT the marriage. When you say they are comfy, you sound like they are HAPPY to be married when they don’t want to be.
And besides, Max, you are not an MGM. How on earth could you know whether they are comfy or not? Even if you know a few, how many of these people have told you about their suffering in the marriage and what they have to endure? The fake masks that have to put on? Max, tell me how one can be miserable and comfy.
Max 2.1
March 12, 12:41I’m not the one who put them in that uncomfortable situation. They chose it because they’d rather be seen as straight and miserable than to be seen as gay.. Therefore I don’t know what they have to offer because they chose the easy route.. Yes believe it or not, getting married to a woman is the easy route. And I don’t wanna hear about everyone being different and some people not-being-able-to-take-it for long, Thats why they got married yada yada yada. You keep portraying MGM’s as some sort of victims on this blog @Sensei. Theyre not victims, they’re part of the problem. Theyre not like us, they don’t have the same struggle like us, they have a different struggle which they put on themselves, so don’t make the mistake of saying they’re victims of the society. No one drags your ass to the alta .
Max 2.1
March 12, 12:42I’m not the one who put them in that uncomfortable situation. They chose it because they’d rather be seen as straight and miserable than to be seen as gay.. Therefore I don’t know what they have to offer because they chose the easy route.. Yes believe it or not, getting married to a woman is the easy route. And I don’t wanna hear about everyone being different and some people not-being-able-to-take-it for long, Thats why they got married yada yada yada. You keep portraying MGM’s as some sort of victims on this blog @Sensei. Theyre not victims, they’re part of the problem. Theyre not like us, they don’t have the same struggle like us, they have a different struggle which they put on themselves, so don’t make the mistake of saying they’re victims of the society. No one drags your ass to the altar
Peak
March 12, 14:57What do you mean by “Us”? Was any MGM “once upon a time” not a young and had to go through the same struggle you are going through? Have you grown pass unmarriageable age and still chose to remain single, hence why ur struggle differs to that of an MGM?
2ndly, does every LG person go through the same uniformed experience or journey?
Did we all get thrown out of our homes for being gay?
Was the attempt to “beat the gay” out, suffered by all of us?
Was the attempt to ” rape us straight” suffered by everyone?
Were we all force to strip naked and take oats never to engage in homosexual acts?
Were we all embarrassed in front of our family members and friends on the account of bing gay?
Were all forced 2 endure unnecessary exorcism to take out the “gay demon”?
Along we the endless inhumane treatment and scarring we had to endure INDIVIDUALLY! Please I urge you for the sake of growth and health mental development to invest more in what you put out, you just NEVER KNOW who you are pushing an inch closer to darkness. Your usage of “us” is not a REPRESENTATION of what I have live and survived and stil struggling through. You don’t know the HALF OF IT. So making such reckless statement is really inexpedient.
Delle
March 12, 15:15I’m just glad people like you are on this blog.
sensei
March 14, 07:19MGMs are not victims cos no one dragged their ass to the altar? Interesting. That’s just like saying a person who committed suicide is not a victim because nobody forcefully poured the poison into his mouth. And you have said on this thread, that the gay man’s struggle is different from the bisexuals because he has to be drunk to have sex with his wife. This sort of life for you is the “easy way out”. Nice definition of Easy, Max.
Mandy
March 13, 06:44We should get this project started. It’s all part of individual effors to creating visibility for the LGBT
Dimkpa
March 12, 09:58Just a final thought on this issue, charity begins at home. We seem to be preoccupied with others accepting us when we haven’t totally accepted ourselves. To paraphrase and twist the Bible a bit, ‘How can we expect them to accept us when we have not accepted ourselves?’
If we, who are wearing the shoe have problems with fellow members of the community, how can we expect others not to be the same way or even worse.
We should be careful not to send out the message that whoever is not regularly gay (whatever that means) is abnormal. We are all gay and humans with our individual differences and are all worthy of the same rights.
Harrison
March 12, 16:44Thank you, Dimkpa.
Terra
March 12, 09:59Never heard of this dude before today. I looked him up and 1) he really isn’t the best representation of the community, 2) someone really needs to feed that boy.
Harrison
March 12, 16:47He is not out to represent anybody. I don’t recall him introducing himself as a representer.v
posh6666
March 12, 10:15I have said it here severally that Onyx only does it for the fame,one thing i’m sure of is that the boy has no lgbt awareness in mind when he sends those pictures.
He’s an attention seeker and will obviously do anything to ganner attention,besides he also get to collect 100k from Linda at the end of the year which she has consistently been giving him cos he actually helps her get traffic on her blog.
Linda is a user I believe she’s gay friendly cos Denrele is her bestie from way back! But anyday she wants traffic on her blog she puts up Denrele’s pic or that of Onyx,Linda is devious and she does it in a very coy manner you dont even know she’s using you.
At the end whatever really obviously am not family with the Onyx so I guess my concern for his wellbeing is unfounded let him live his life how he wants.For those saying they know him in skul and nobody has ever attacked him really???so you just think some1 will just walk upto him in a skul setting and whoop his ass just like that?nope something has to trigger it and I know how evil Nigerians can be trust me some peeps are probably cooking up some evil plan against him as we speak.
All they need to do is set him up with one random hottie who links up with him on social media and gradually lure him into having sex or visiting his apartment after which they get all the evidence they need against him and thats all! Anyways do you boo boo I wish you well personally cos I see you like my younger brother who needs a lot of guidance and real life advice on how not to unnecssarily trigger situations.
pete
March 12, 10:24Onyx has always claimed not to be gay. Ain’t you jumping the gun for him by implying so?
posh6666
March 12, 10:30Ah yes I was actually about to add that and this my reference is to Pink panther whats the essence of this post really and why do you think Onyx is trying to create awareness?cos he has denied several times here on kd that he isnt gay the boy is not even ready to tell himself the truth talkless of trying to further a gay course.
Max 2.1
March 12, 10:34A lot of people often claim to be what they’re not.
onyx godwin
March 12, 12:25Posh,I’ll gladly grace you with a reply.i don’t know who is worse between you and chizzie,i don’t get the constant jabs from you both on social media.you both are always busy trolling i wonder what happened to your esteem to make you both bitter,unnecessarily mean and hateful!. I’m just simply shocked that you stay in Abuja,cos your sense of reasoning sound like someone that stays in ugwashuku! Even jesus,he can’t fix you and chizzie,the damage is real!
KennedyI
March 12, 10:18So, wen one post his bday here, anoda person who visits d site “rats” him out….. Well…. mayb d problem with d community is d community itself…. Gays hate bisexuals…. Gays hate lesbians…. And Vice versa….. Now sum1 lives his life like he is comfortable with, and d cowards comment dat he is not a “good” poster boy…. Well den, mayb I know how to read and write dosnt tranacribe to am educated…. God help us.
posh6666
March 12, 10:37My dear thats the norm in here they will trace and stalk your social media accounts and just await the day you offend any of them to announce all your personal bussiness,how ugly they think you look and how you must be a poor person.
Infact one of the lame ass bitches posted my picture online and referred to me as a fag to the whole world.Imagine a confirmed gay person actually did that to me not that I have forgotten that just taking my time.So lots of crazies in here.
Harrison
March 12, 16:51Hmmm. Seriously? Nawa! TB and drama. Smhs
Max 2.1
March 12, 10:37Bottoms, always jumping to people’s defence when they feel their fabulosity(flamboyance) is being threatened.
Delle
March 12, 11:47Trust Max to always give tags even when not necessary. Bottoms? Stereotype much? Because they are known to be dramatic, then it has to be them even when there are countless ‘tops’ I’ve seen with more drama than Cate Blanchett. Smh
Max 2.1
March 12, 11:53#Ignores
KennedyI
March 12, 12:48Mr. Max…. I assume ur reply to my earlier post wasn’t 4 me…. Or mayb lets both assume its not.
Max 2.1
March 12, 13:38Oh it sure was for you @Ken
KennedyI
March 12, 14:35Hahahaha….. Dont bother…. Am neither both….. Just a human…. Am sure u got a lorry load of tags to give pple; u r gonna need them 4 ur judgmental messed up life.
Tiercel de Claron
March 12, 12:55Say,aren’t you one,in denial,as to be handing out tags?
Mandy
March 13, 06:40Hey, oga TDC, welcome back! 😀
sensei
March 12, 11:29TO ALL KDIANS:
I think it’s about time decided who is and who is NOT a legitimate PART and/or representative of the BLOG community and the LGBT community as a whole. From the sentiments expressed directly or indirectly on this blog, it following have been attacked and made to feel they are not welcome.
1. Lesbians
2. Transgender
3. Bisexuals
4. Maried Gay Men (whether exclusively gay or bisexual). Being gay or bisexual, they are supposed to be part of LGBT. Nor not.
Abeg, let’s come out and say it. Welcome or not? Let us know so our alliances will be clear.
sensei
March 12, 11:31And from the comments on this thread so far, effeminate guys are not representative.
Max 2.1
March 12, 12:06They don’t paint the full picture !!!!!!.
If aliens exist and look anything like is being portrayed in the movies( large lizard-like with slimmy greenish skin and almond shapes eyes), you think humans would be quick to accept them?
We’ll be more willing to accept an alien who looks like, walk like and talk like us.
Thats all I’m saying!!!!.
MGM’s –betrayed the gay community, so they can’t represent us, heck a lot of them would rather tell you to fall in line and behave like them (get married)
Transgender- There are no transgender people in Nigeria.
Bisexuals- Never get to choose their male counterparts in the end, and most are filled with IH and sense of superiority just like the MGMs. Thats why people hate them.
Lesbians- Most go ahead to marry a man and breed children, forgetting their sexuality. Coupled with the fact that Nigeiran women aren’t really empowered due to our societal clime. So they’re out of the question for representation.
Effeminate guys- Are like albinos that people make fun of all the time. Albinos are still being marginalized till date. To be a woman is a shameful thing in Nigeria, giving birth to only women is also a shameful thing: as a woman your husband can decide to get a son through another means because you gave birth to children without value (girls). It’s no wonder women get praises when they behave like men, while men get shamed when they behave like women, to be a man is something to be proud of whole being a woman is something to be ashamed of. Until that narrative is changed(which still has a long way to go), until the demand for male children becomes nonexistent, effeminate guys would always be seen as weak and useless by the Nigerian society. Dehumanizing women numbs men and the society in general to their pain, so even when a woman gets raped, the blame is quickly passed unto the woman, not the man.
Max 2.1
March 12, 12:07*shaped
kacee
March 12, 12:57Max are u kidding me!!!. .. this is all I can say to people who think like this “Always remember… Rumours are carried by haters, spread by fools and accepted by idiots.
sometimes think before u type…
sensei
March 12, 12:20Max, I don’t understand what you mean by “MGM betrayed the community”. Please tell me what exactly the OWE the community. People are struggling with their lives and patching it together the best the can, in the midst of much pain, regret, depression, after fighting of suicidal ideas for their whole lives, and you come here and speak of what they owe the community?
Max, think not what the MGM owes the community. Rather, think what the community owes MGM.
And I cannot believe you just said that. Max, did you just say there are no transgender in Nigeria? Care to clarify please?
And I think there was too much generalisation bisexuals and lesbians. There are thousands to millions of those in Nigeria. Please how many have you met to know how they are and what they feel? How could you possible make a statement that accounts completely for thousands and millions of people. Why generalize?
Max 2.1
March 12, 12:47Is there any hospital that does gender reassignment surgery? @Sensei? I want to know. And I also maintain my stand that there are no trans people in Nigeria. There may be Nigerians who are trans outside the country, but not in here. And when I say trans, I don’t mean, weave flipping and peacock eyelash wielding cross dressers. I mean people in this country who have done the whole process of transitioning.
kacee
March 12, 13:39you need to ask google…. are fucking kidding me… jeez being transgender isn’t all about surgery…. being transgender is also not being happy with ur gender. Not every transgender go through with the full transition.
sensei
March 12, 12:28And it would be nice to hear you say who is a legitimate member of the LGBT community. Or perhaps your interest I just the gay folks, since others are “representative”.
Max 2.1
March 12, 12:56Bisexuals don’t have the same struggle with us either (note: I’m not discriminating, just saying it as it is). They are attracted to both sexes, so it’s easy for them to swing to pussyville and get the acceptance they crave for. Its a different ball game for a gay peraon whose entire life is spent, trying to convince themselves theyre not crazy. For bi people, its easy to dismiss either side of the attraction (usuly the gay side) and focus on the mainstream one which is why a lot of bisexual men who are married become one of the most formidable homophobes ever, because they think their attraction is somehow a habit which could be dealt with, since they still have their attraction to the female folk.
For a gay person however, the story is different. I have people who have to get drunk each time to be able to sleep with their wives.. They have to numb themselves to the agony of it.
So Sensei, we all have different struggles, the only thing we have in common is that we’re all in the minority..
sensei
March 14, 07:24So you admit they have agony, but it’s the “easy” way out. The LGBT alliance was forged with reason and it has worked in other climes. People who UNDERSTOOD what it means to be different because they were different decided to come together and fight against this discrimination. So are we gonna resort to measuring and comparing our degree of pain? To what end? Do you know what a Nigerian transgender goes through? We need to focus less on your differences and more on our similarities.
When people are killing homosexuals on the streets, we are here fighting each other instead of banding together. God help us.
Delle
March 12, 13:09Okay, it’s official…you’re clueless. Confidently so. There are no transgenders in Nigeria? Lmao…did you even pause to check on it before clicking on the ‘comment’ icon? (Google pls, or do you need its link?) I mean, how OP can you possibly be. You sound like a cave man who just stumbled upon civilisation. All those nonsense about women, children and what have you, please don’t you advance with time? Do you just grow but leave development aside? I’m so glad you this part of you is showing, this part with the baseless premise for an argument. So, the next time you want to bring down someone’s head or pluck out someone’s eyes, start with the man in that broken mirror!
Max 2.1
March 12, 13:44Mr flamboyant, its like it’s that time of the month again, I’ve been ignoring your comments because I mostly see you as a clueless and naive teenager who doesn’t know better. You rarely make objective comments. Your comments always lack facts and never provides a counter argument. You just open your trash bin and spew all sorts of crap without presenting your case. I challenge you today to start making comprehensible comments which has focus that doesn’t have to do with insulting people who you feel don’t like you.
Until you can show me some examples of transgender people in Nigeria, then all your comment is balderdash.
Delle
March 12, 14:43Sorry for the late reply. Was just putting finishing touches to my make-up. Now to that migraine-giving comment of urs, Mr Max.
Lmfao! Really? Who would have known someone, in this modern era, could let his worm-filled skull think out something like this: ‘To be a woman in this country is a shameful thing’…not only are you a daft, living essence of stupidity, you’re a misogynistic dog. So that’s an argument with a concrete premise, I suppose? Well, I’m not surprised seeing as you never really have any point to pass across, just a hate people don’t care about anymore. You sit comfortably, in front of a beaten phone or an overstressed laptop and think out such and then hit your chest confidently that you’re making a point? What is that thing that’s consistently deceiving you cos it’s bad enough that you exude hate and uncalled for bigotry, adding self-deceit to it, now that’s a bad combination. Pls, do yourself a favour and learn to reason before typing…don’t just comment cos you know some English words and how to join them together, make sure they are coherent also.
Oh and whoever told you I want your likeness or love?! Eewww! Please, reserve it for your kind. Hate-filled people need some love also, no? I’d have the ones that matter. Thank you, Max and so sorry cos while there are masculine and feminine gay guys, you on the other hand, hmm…category-less? As confused as the individual himself.
*drops phone*
Max 2.1
March 12, 18:25I couldn’t even read past the first few lines of your silly comment. The mere fact that you don’t understand my comment shows how low your sense of understanding is. Your head is filled with nothing but thoughts of make -up, hate and stupidity.
U should seriously get your head checked, a CAT scan is probably the best idea.
Note- Don’t comment/reply a comment if you have no understanding of it, though for someone who has the thinking faculty of an 8 year old, I’m not surprised.
Delle
March 12, 21:09Smh…you’re horribly lame.
grass
March 12, 11:55And posh6666 and chizzie,please stop trolling me on Instagram/twitter,talking bout how sick i look,terrible dress sense ..bla bla bla. life isn’t that awful to the point you go online to insult me . with how both of you insult others, one would think you two fell outta sophia vergara’s womb when you can’t even stand Mr ibu in a pageant!
Max 2.1
March 12, 12:11You’ve been exposed on this blog before for having three different monickers… Now you’ve added a fourth.. @Kristopher B, pls confirm
grass
March 12, 12:48work on your phobia for effeminate guys and leave “fake identities” alone! HYPOCRITE!
Max 2.1
March 12, 12:58????.. I believe chizzy has already said all there is to say about you Mister Godwin
Mandy
March 13, 06:52Wait, grass is Onyx too? I’m lost here.
kacee
March 12, 13:06LWKMO
posh6666
March 12, 12:31Me trolling u?really girl? I only advised you like twice to stop wearing clothes several sizes smaller than you and stop buying cheap roadside clothes which doesnt befit a gay boy cos you make gays look tacky.
This advise is what I can give any friend or brother,i have never insulted your looks in terms of being too skinny or whatever now i’m sure you know the person that actually used your pictures on twitter and tagged you as poster child for gay hiv awareness campaign.
Dennis Macaulay
March 12, 11:59First of all, This onyx guy has not come out to say he is gay so I will assume he is not gay unless their is a confirmation from him.
However I find it deeply disturbing that some people believe that there should be a “proper” representation of gay people to the world. We often forget that gay people ate humans and humanity is a spectrum of behavior and archetypes and same applies on this side of the road. As Chinua Achebe will say, “if you want to read a story, write it”; if you feel that this representation is not accurate then give is the accurate one yourself. It’s troubling that this boy’s demeanor is this reason for this classification as not being a good representation. The reality however is that there are effete gay men and there are masculine gay men, they just are and this is not a matter of which is more appropriate and which is not.
Now Chestnut mentioned my earlier stand that Linda is homophobic and I maintain it. To me she pokes fun at these issues and merely uses it to draw traffic to her blog. She likes to throw them to the lions that read her blog for them to be eviscerated. One time we tried to get Linda to throw publicity on a gau bashing incident what we got was crickets. The blog is a reflection of its editor, Linda posted a picture of Bisi and his mom and the vile things people were saying about Bisi’s mom were left to stand. Linda deletes comments where she deems necessary but by her inaction its glaring where she stands. I agree that one can force conversation about taboo subjects, but please balance the conversation and not only steer it towards negativity.
Sensei I agree with you on the MGM issue and I had talked about it in one of my journals. The same way a male feminist’s voice is often stronger than a female one, an MGM assumed to the straight by society will push a stronger message, people will be inclined to listen because they will feel his ox is not gored.
I also agree that a collection of kito stories is something we should look at and see if we could tug at the heartstrings of a few good people in the society. We can even make it an online journal and get people to visit it. This is something we can pull off and I will be very happy to help with that project.
Max I disagree with you on the MGM issue especially your assertion that they want to hide away seeing as they have earned validation. I have a good friend who is an MGM abi MBM, and he pushes LGBT activism harder and stronger than I do sef with all my left leaning. I always tell you there are no finites to these issues and I agree with sensei when he says that we need their voices to water the ground.
I was privy to a WhatsApp group conversation on the gay issue recently, and Nigerians (mostly doctors) showed off their bigotry, a married professor came in and told them how stupid they sounded saying that homosexuality is a mental illness; most of them listened.
I believe this is what sensei is talking about and MGMs have a great role to play, we should not just dismiss them as scums in search of acceptance.
Today is quite busy for me, I may not be able to post another comment.
Harrison
March 12, 17:03Although i have some reservations about the lines on linda and her intentions, this is a brilliant submission.
Delle
March 12, 12:00Going through the comments, shock and irritation are not enough to classify how put off I am. How can gay men be so unaccepting and yet crave acceptance? I mean, there are be straight people who come in here to read and maybe ‘try’ to understand homosexuality and this isn’t a good representation of what we stand for. Have you ever wondered why the ‘Rainbow’ is used as our theme? The different shades and colours coming together to make something beautiful and worth beholding…that’s what it is. Masculinity, femininity and what have you have no business whatsoever to do with your persona. If Onyx and Denrele (who aren’t even out officially, funny enough) are seen as bad representatives, then please someone else with all the muscles and swag of Michael Jordan should then come out and represent us. It’s that simple. How you see yourself as more superior or better when you can’t do half what they do in such a hellish place as Nigeria, baffles me.
You castigate them because they are so comfortable in their skins and try to ridicule them, and still share the same sexuality? How ironical! Onyx may be doing it for the fame and whatever but the truth is that’s just his own motive, a personal objective, it doesn’t affect the fact that he’s the poster boy on this platform (LIB) and as such we should see him as someone who’s bringing attention to the gay world in Nigeria. Negative or positive shouldn’t matter, not when you constitute part of the negativity. If he’s being torn to shreds on LIB, not here too. Not here! I don’t even know what to do with all these spite being exuded by so-called gay men. It’s pathetic. We mustn’t all be Matt Bomer or Wensworth Miller. No one has the right to make anyone feel less of a human just cos of his myopic view of life!
onyx godwin
March 12, 12:35Thank you delle! I’ve also maintained gay Nigerians are the major problem to the growth of lgbt Nigeria, the hate within the community is alarming! They see effeminate guys as negative ,quirky,bad representation to the lgbt,yet these same people want to be accepted for having same sex attraction. I don’t know how their mind work,but all I know is they have internal homophobia ,funny enough the guy who is first to scream internal homophobia also see’s effeminate guys as a negative representation! .it’s just like this biafra nonsense, ibo’s want to rule themselves because they are being “marginalized” ,yet within these ibo folks,the imo’s don’t like the anambra people and vice versa, Abia can’t stand enugu people…. Doesn’t even make sense!
Max 2.1
March 12, 13:00Onyxx Godwin, are you a flaming gay or not??
Why have you constantly denied being gay?
Why do you constantly dodge the question?
onyx godwin
March 12, 13:08Why haven’t you come out to your family,straight friends,that you’re gay? Why haven’t you come out in Nigeria? Why ain’t you using your real name on this blog? Why did you advice Kenny not too say today is his birthday ? Guess we have more in common than you think!
kacee
March 12, 13:50omg nice reply Onyx
Harrison
March 12, 17:10I just ejaculated from reading this reply.
Gosh! The sweetness of it.. Chai!!
Duke
May 20, 20:49LOL… This reply right here should take the trophy! Nice one Onyx!!!
Delle
March 12, 13:20@Max…*clapping my hands together in a ‘boy-am-I-surprised’ manner*
So because he is effeminate, then he’s gay? Oh, so you’re not done with your baseless stereotypes? Now, all effeminates are gays? In what law is this stipulated? I wanna know. If a person doesn’t come out himself to tell you face-on that he’s gay, then you don’t have any right, judging from his physical disposition to say otherwise. Why should he come out when you’re still planning on installing a new Flat Screen TV in your closet? Aren’t you also gay?
Your even a gay man that cannot take a trip to pussyville (just like me and some others), so please where’s the edge you have, since you’re so quick to talk and castigate femme guys?
Just so you know, I’ve met Onyx and I can say he isn’t even flamboyant. Yes, he is feminine but not flamboyant.
Max 2.1
March 12, 13:52??? And he always have to type two pages of text just to prove he’s not crazy..
We get it now, You’re not cray.. Now shoo.
chuck
March 12, 14:00Men who fuck women have can edge over those who don’t?
Hmm
Harrison
March 12, 17:08I love this Delle.
I love Sensei, too.
These two usernames give me hope for the Nigerian LGBT community. With more like them, hate and stupidity are bound to fail. Thank you guys.
Chizzie
March 12, 12:09Linda has a fascination with gay stories, or stories where ppl involved have suggestive gay and LGBT themes. The thing is, it’s not just Linda, it’s Nigerians in general. Bring in a topic about how your male neighbour was caught shagging a man, and you’ll see how the average Nigerian wants to share his / her opinion about this.
Linda is smart, she knows posts like these boosts her ratings, her comments soar, folks talk about her blog like we are now, it’s good word of mouth, which translates to more coins in the bank. If she’s ever worried about a dip in ratings, all she has to do its post a story about a gay man dying of anal cancer, a botched trans woman, one of Denrele’s antics or as in this case another one of Onyx’s foolish stunts.
She’s a passive aggressive opportunist and a user who has nothing to lose in all this and so much to gain.
Now the foolish one in this case is Onyx. I worry for him. This exposure does nothing but endanger him and subject him to more ridicule and shame. It also doesn’t paint the LGBT community here in good light as I’ve come across comments where ppl claim that Onyx’s intrusive, irritating, flamboyant and attention seeking antics is the precise reason why they hate “fags”.,
If Linda had his best interest, (which she clearly doesn’t) She wouldn’t continuously post his pics on her blog.
Now I am going to address this to Onyx, because I know the child is reading.
Can you stop? I believe there’s more to you than your LIB antics. If you had any form of self worth, you wouldn’t subject your self to continous degrading antics on what is Nigeria’s most read blog. Think about your future? Future employers might be turned off by your antics, instead of using LIB as a platform for buffoonery, use it for something substantial. You have an opportunity that many have to pay for, do you know what I’d give to have an ad on LIB at the moment? But here you using it to instigate more ridicule on yourself and the LGBT folk.
Also think about your mother. She is a widow right? How will she feel if any harm came your way! Ppl have threatened to kill you Onyx and believe me in this country they can and will get away with it. Please lie low. Work on your self esteem, you are better than what you constantly portray. Stop being a joke.
Also please cut your nails and eat some food. And surround yourself with real friends that give you good advice!
onyx godwin
March 12, 12:16Dude just shut tha hell up,fucking shut up! I’ve been to ur twitter handle and see the mess you do there, yet u can criticize and advice me? You and your boobs need it more! I don’t know what your problem os with me,i don’t care either,but focus on working on your own insecurities, bitterness and many self esteem issues you have! I don’t need advice from you! And oo,next time you are creeping on my Instagram page ,don’t mistakenly like my picture!
Chizzie
March 12, 12:46Initially Onyx I was bewildered about how someone so strikingly thin and seemingly under fed could still be alive. I have since gotten over whatever bewilderment your frail figure and your annoying antics had on me. And the only time I, and most ppl are reminded of your existence is when you, through the help of Linda decide to make a mess of yourself and essentially your family name.
I’ve come to realise there isn’t that much to gain from notoriety than notoriety. You aren’t famous, you are notorious. Sure it was fun to tweet abt nonsensical things on my twitter, but now that platform is used extensively to pitch my business, and I hve gained more from doing so.
So take a few tips, stop this crap, the 100k Linda gives you every Xmas isn’t enough reason to be her fool. When the chips are down, you really are an embarrassment in all honesty. You are being used, and it’s only a matter of time before any illusion of safety you have is shattered by one of the many hungry, frustrated, poor and unemployed Nigerians you constantly expose yourself to who have vowed to do you harm, while Linda continues to chill in her banana island house
Absalom
March 12, 13:10*gasp*
onyx godwin
March 12, 13:01Yes,I’m strikingly skinny, no I’m not under fed.For someone who couldn’t stop making noise bout his Nysc,you will think you are educated to know about weight,malnourished, skinniness and metabolism, i guess you’re too busy bleaching your already dead skin. I love my extreme narcissism, i love me soo much i wouldn’t change anything, this,cant be said about you,most here know how you hate yourself, pathetic. And you saying I’m an embarrassment, oo well,its what you think,thats one opinions out of many many other opinions, and gladly,it doesn’t define me.so please, go fix your issues,insulting me wouldn’t change anything in you that you hate,it may give u temporary relief that you are “better” than me,but at the long run,you chizzie,is still bitter,insecure and hate yourself!
onyx godwin
March 12, 13:05Making many errors typing today,lol..
onyx godwin
March 12, 12:12first,Linda isn’t homophobic,i know first hand that most guys that work with her are effeminate guys.2ndly,I’m not representing any society,I’m simply living on my own terms,values, and morals,I’m not the “visibility” for Nigeria LGBT,neither is denrele,we are just people living freely and expressing ourselves as we feel, regardless of what society say or think of us being abnormal/disgusting. Linda ikeji isn’t using me,we are friends,it’s more like a symbiotic relationship, she gets traffic, i get “famous”, i never had any intention of been famous, until 2014,when she posted some pictures of me and it had 1,800 comments, then i realized I’m actually controversial and people wants too talk about me,we both cashed in on that. I’ve claimed not to be gay,i don’t fathom how a sensible Nigerian will expect me to come out as gay knowing fully well how homophobic Nigeria is.some of y’all don’t even use your real identity on this blog,so? hypocrisy anyone? And that person that said I’d do anything to get famous,i dunno what you’re talking about. And yes,I’m safe,one thing i realized is most Nigerians can’t do anything (environment matters anyway) most of these people see me,they are too scared to even walk up to me,most see me and are super friendly, i watch where i go too,reason you’ll never catch me in parties except the person is very important. So guys,chill,I’m not representing LGBT in Nigeria, I’m just living my life,its internal phobia for effeminate guys that’ll make gays not want me or Denrele too represent them -that’s if we actually are. i don’t understand how a gay man will see effeminacy as negative and bad representation ,yet they fight for gay rights knowing fully well the world See’s it as a big big taboo. if you can’t accept other minorities, how are u comfortable wanting others to accept you?
pete
March 12, 12:32Well said, Onyx.
Tiercel de Claron
March 12, 13:38“We have met the enemy,and he is us”
Peak
March 12, 14:35I couldn’t agree more. This views pretty much explains why we are where we are today.
sensei
March 12, 12:33Thank you for posting this, my brother. You are just living your life on your own terms and suddenly people are thinking you represent them and are doing a bad job at it. Just imagine! I don talk tire. Allow people to live their lives. Do they say they aim to represent you? If you are dissatisfied with the “representation”, come out and do better.
KennedyI
March 12, 13:03Quite bold…. Nice… Mr. Max am sure has read this….
Max 2.1
March 12, 13:07I think you’re mistaking notoriety for fame.
And wearing crop tops, jeggings and applying makeup while striking suggestive poses on social media, add that to constantly putting yourself in crossfire to be ridiculed by people online.. In a country where even the animals are homophobic.
No that’s not the person I want to represent me.
The same way you wouldn’t want someone like Donald Trump or Ben Carson to endorse or represent you!!
MBA.
Max 2.1
March 12, 13:09Oh and effeminacy isnt what bothers me, it’s the #CheapHoe undertone that is written all over your pics.
onyx godwin
March 12, 13:20A cheap hoe that definitely won’t f**k u!! You’re skinny,I’m super skinny!can’t be concerned bout you breaking while I’m also bothered bout me breaking! So biko,shift!
Max 2.1
March 12, 13:57If what they say about you is true @100k/December. Then nne, you’re cheap as fuck, even a banana loving monkey can afford you.
With your tacky clothes and ratchet poses, its very hard not to hate you.
Wayfaring Stranger
March 13, 01:15Queen!!
onyx godwin
March 12, 13:12Femmephobia and Internal homophobia!glaring allover the comments you’ve made on this post!
chuck
March 12, 14:03You just admitted to cashing in. Sounds like trying hard to be famous
Harrison
March 12, 17:22Oh no onyx! You owe neither of these stupid bitches an explanations!! You fucking freaking don’t!! Don’t ever try this again!! Apologize to a freaking sanctimonious faggot? Oh cmon!!
Chizzie
March 12, 12:24I also recently read a post on another Nigerian blog, authored by a gay Nigerian seeking advice. I took my time and read all 300 plus comments. What impressed me the most was the another’s writing, he wrote in a way that was extremely articulate, witty, funny and perfectly portrayed the struggles of being LGBT in this country. It was no surprise that many many of the comments gave praise to his writing, and gave him constructive advice. Yes they were a handdful of homophobic comments, but these were in the minority.
Some commenters even wrote that they wanted the author as a friend. All in all I was proud and abit more confident to be a gay man here. This is the kind of representation LGBT folks need in Nigeria. That’s the kind of visibility we need.
Certainly not the likes of Onyx.
kacee
March 12, 12:32Linda Ikeji’s take on LGbt is so confusing, sometimes she is ‘For’ later she is ‘Against’. When it comes to gay marriage(Bisi Alimi and other gay Nigerians abroad) she is very mean labelling them as “Nigerian Gay man weds Gay lover” *rolls eyes* before u know it she will upload a picture of a cute boy putting on a gown as say “Dont you think he looks cute”.. like what the hell…. she is something else.. Why can’t she be like Ade Bantu who has a video on YouTube where he spoke about gay rights and having gay and lesbian friends.
Max 2.1
March 12, 13:12A lot of my friends hates Linda and I think it can be justified. She often starts out with the phrase “I don’t judge Oh, but…what do you guys think”..: she knows exactly what she’s doing.
KennedyI
March 12, 12:42Well….. U can now imagine wat goes on in here….. Am impressed….. Now, as divided as here is u guys can now stand up to d society dat dosent accept d existence of LGBT…. Impressive.
chuck
March 12, 14:05@ambivalentone, I support your comments.
An MGM us a victim the way Olisa Metuh is a victim. He had to steal because social pressure forced him to live like a big boy
bruno
March 12, 15:09i love this comment.
Peak
March 12, 14:08Max! Max!! I can see ur Internalised Homophobia is finally shinning bright like a diamond!
Unfortunately, it is one heck of a ugly diamond in the sky.
Max 2.1
March 12, 14:38Pls shut it and go deal with ur demons.
Peak
March 12, 15:05Hahahahahahaha, but I am St Max.
I just can’t help but stand in awe of ur glorious illumination.
I doubt if LAWMA, Olivia Pope and Iyanla Vanzant can fix this mess
Max 2.1
March 12, 14:36It has come to my attention that my earlier comment about transgender people was wrong. Apparently there’s a difference between transgender and transsexual. While transgender people feel like they’re in the wrong body, transsexuals are transgender people who go for gender reassignment surgery to be able to fit in more appropriately with the gender which they identify as.
With this and other new information, I can tell you that there are transgender people in Nigeria (people who feel trapped in another body) and there are also a number of transsexuals living among us.
Sincere apology to all the trans people in Nigeria reading this who I failed to acknowledge their existence in my earlier comment.
Delle
March 12, 15:12Hahaha! *inserts an overly long hiss and walks away*
Max 2.1
March 12, 18:28You’re not a transgender/transsexual are you?
Now swerve MoFo…
KingBey
March 12, 14:36*gasps* O dikwa nu egwu ! ???
Colossus
March 12, 16:11A whole lot of mess up in here, a whole lot. We do clearly love to judge, to write other people’s story. Before I used to be vexed, now I’m just amused.
It really is simple, if you want to be the face of LGBT, go ahead and do so. Just know that when you do, people will also judge you over very trivial things like the kind of jeans you’re wearing, how it’s too baggy for a gay man.
The world might have stereotyped gays but it’s gays themselves that have placed the biggest stereotype on themselves.
Peak
March 12, 16:22I am thoroughly ashamed and “shockingly” disappointed by the comments associated with this post. I still don’t know why I am shocked though, I mean we deal with this level of mess on a daily.
Coming from torturesome post about acceptance/depression and suicide yesterday, one would expect some of the above comments to be tempered with a good dose of empathy, open mindedness and a great deal of understanding, of our individual and collective struggles. We are quick to unleash our tongue to the common enemy who we see as homophobes and the society as a whole, but as soon as the coast is clear, we turn on each other like wild animals.
I am still trying to wrap my mind around the idea where gay man turns and tell another that they aren’t “normal” or good representations? Niggah! You have been told that your entire life! Your family low key/outrifgtly told/thinks you are a disgrace and not a full representation of your family name and what it stands for! Society throws that to your face on a daily basis and thinks you are not normal, an abormination a disgrace to the human race and lord knows what else. And what do we do? We sit back and take it like little bitches that we are, then come here and find someone to pick on. You who have suffered the same torment all ur life, suddenly think it’s progressive to point out who is “Legitimately gay” and who is not. I didn’t realise that being gay now deserves a meddle of honour and valour that should be worn with gusto and pride. An elite circle fit for those who have sexual attractions and intercourse with men and men alone.
We all have suffered first hand, the realities of being dehumanised, rejected, cast aside, condemned but here we are, basking in the flourishing glory of our hate and bitterness. Please what then sets us apart from the homophobes who have sworn to see the end of out kind? Why then should I believe the narrative of what my fellow gay about love, respect, inclusiveness, acceptance, self worth over what the society thinks of them? If they can’t ACCEPT themselves, then what’s the point of sacrificing everything just to be one with them? What guarantee do I have I wouldn’t be cast out with my membership revoked the day I don’t dace to their tunes? These are some of the questions you guys are raising if you don’t know.
None of these guys (Onyx, Denrele and co) stepped forward and said they want to be the face of LGBTQ in Nigeria. It was a label and responsibility that was forcefully hung on them. Like onyx outrightly said, he is living on his terms and threading on HIS truth. If you feel poorly represented, the forward thinking thing to do is “step up and speak up”..all I’m seeing here are self entitled people thinking they own and dictate the existence of another. This pretty much reads like the infantile outrage of parents when they blame their poor parenting skills on celebrities and the media.
This isn’t about representation, its about visibility, about starting, opening and maintaining a discussion. Back in the 60s, 70s, 80, and 90 and I dare say early 2000s, no one knew or talked about homosexuality around these parts. The fact that it’s a major discourse means ppl are socially aware and informed, thereby creating a platform for future discourse and debates on the subject matter. And it is taking the likes of Onyx and Denrele who risk their lives daily to keep this dialogue open and fresh in the memories of our detractors. The least we could do is show support. The young me was never a fan of Denrele and I doubt the present day me would get along with Onys. But I have come 2 respect and appreciate them. While you and I are busy cowering away in our closet, they are out there giving a face to our facelessness, and identity to the unknown, the “outlawed and condemned”.
Onyx I’d like to dedicate my closing remark to you. I recently stumbled on a wise quote from an inspiring woman (sort of) ” You know you that bitch when you cause all these conversation”. So slay! And just do u papi. As for those hating on you getting coinage while you are still a student and in school? Well just tell them “You just might be the black bill gate in the making”. So leave them and allow them to get in formation with their hate.
Deola
March 12, 16:41Yasssss! Come thruuuuuuu with that peak milk! ??????
Comments today are faya!
onyx godwin
March 12, 17:44Peak! Thank you very much!
DI-NAVY
March 12, 16:41Onyx is indeed famous anyways, look at how his story’s causing fuss and generating so much comments in less than a day. No wonder Linda uses him to gain traffic.
Khaleesi
March 12, 17:41In my opinion, its always a good thing when Nigerians begin to see that there actually are gays in Nigeria and that homosexuality isn’t just that weird, bizarre thing that only white pple do. I’d say we v made some improvement from a few years ago when most Nigerians assumed there were no gays in Nigeria to where we are now, where a large chunk of Nigerians now know that we exist and are likely going nowhere, the next step in the evolutionary process would be for them to realise that the poster boys for gays arent necessarily Onyx & Denrele (whom i have nothing against by the way, i absolutely adore and always defend Denrele) .. That there are lots of gays in every facet of life …i don’t think Linda is homophobic, she strikes me as subtly trying to open Nigerians up to the fact that its possible to embrace and accept gays … That we can all live and let live …
Maliq Dredsh
March 12, 19:25And here we are again!
It’s really sad and tiring that we just keep moving in circles; Just when we about thinking we’re finally on our way,we somehow find our way to back our vomit.
For the sake of younger LGBT one’s and even ourselves,we need to be more accepting.
TheMagnus
March 12, 21:27KD isn’t the place I knew way back! Can’t we just air views in a constructive way that’s beneficial?
Must there be a lot of insults and chaste before you say what’s on your mind?
Na wah oh!
P.S. I don’t mean to be rude or anything, but which one is ‘Linda’s first born?’ Just asking.
Uziel
March 13, 00:43*March 13 – 00:30. Uziel read the comments made on this post.
*March 13 – 00:42. And Uziel wept.
Dominic
March 13, 06:25A final confirmation that the skinny dangle scare crow Somalian refugee called max is a deranged lunatic with loads of deep issues that I doubt even the ‘lord’ can fix. The fool speak vehemently of IH and constantly shame all sort of people here. Well breeze has blown and have seen the ynash of the fowl. So deep in ur mind u see anything effeminate, girly or in anyway related to the female gender as something to be ashamed of? Wow! No wonder. Now I know where ur hatred for MGM is coming from, the very fact that u ain’t even capable (yes u can’t get it up) of doing it with a girl so u would rather shame and insult those that can. It’s not about them, it’s about ur own demon: inferiority complex. You feel they are better than you because they have societal approval, well u can jump of 3rd mainland bridge. Who fucking cares.
And saying some folks ain’t good representation….Oga come out and represent na so people can know there are other skinny boys but who work in offices ( and not girly…how exactly are u masculine self?)that r gay. Walahi I think I have underestimated just how so much dumb u r.
Max 2.1
March 13, 09:54Easy for you to hide behind your keyboard and spew your bile all over the place. If you can’t comprehend what I wrote, then you’re free to interpret it in anyway you like. I’d beat you black and blue if u said those things to my face.. Anuofia.
Tiercel de Claron
March 13, 23:37You do realize a lot of guys you’ve threatened violence on can break you into pieces if they so choose,don’t you?.
And the funny thing is,you don’t know any of them,can’t tell one from Adam should you pass them on the road,while lot of folks here know who you are.
You really should be more careful way you peck fights here and there
Mandy
March 13, 06:36KD has not been this contentious since blood was shed over the lesbian voice. Wow!
Mandy
March 13, 06:56At the end of the day, if you haven’t done anything to shed some visibility on the Nigerian LGBT community, you really have no business denigrating those who either wittingly or unwittingly do so.
Francis
March 13, 17:26Looks like KD emails no dey deliver properly again!
MAX, person hack your account?! All these ish you spilled here ?! ?? You really need to start looking at yourself thrice in the mirror before accusing peeps of stuff like IH and what have you. Oh boy, looks like you have issues you aren’t aware of yet. ?
This is a horrid sad mess.
Mike Daemon
July 05, 06:30My comments may be coming in late. But i think the LGBT community is everything we can ever imagine!
Social Commentator
July 20, 16:56I’m the anonymous commentator on LIB and my philosophy is simple, when one gives you lemons, you make lemonade, whether or not Linda is homophobic is besides the point, the issue is what we do with the representation, do we set it as an opportunity to expose people to facts or do we hide away and let people tell us what they think the LGBT community is, which often is misconstrued and misunderstood. I think Linda is savvy enough to recognise the fact that she is evening the playing field, she doesn’t and shouldn’t be expected to represent the LGBT community, that duty falls on the community, making sure that it is unrelenting in making a stand to have its voice heard, however much we ruffle feathers. Onyx, regardless of how you see him, is still a pivotal and remarkable advocate in his own way. I reserve my judgement on how we go about making people realise that LGBT people are not a threat and that they are human. We must continue to normalise the conversation and humanise ourselves to all those who through not fault of their own, have been conditioned to be fearful and miseducated about sexual orientation.