Linda Ikeji is a veteran blogger who courts controversy. Some people say she does this soullessly, I don’t know. Very recently, she updated (as she very often does) a post about her ‘first son’, Onyx Godwin, a post in which the controversial pikin is seen in different provocative poses by the pool. According to Linda, he was ‘bringing out the Sasha Fierce in him.” lol
Anyway, I was part of a conversation where the topic of this post was brought up. There was general concern for Onyx, who some amongst us believed was flirting with the fires of Nigeria’s homophobia, by letting Linda put him in the public’s eye like this. Some others didn’t think there was any danger. Some believed Linda was inadvertently using Onyx to force conversations about the Nigerian LGBT, while some others opined that such posts weren’t causing any conversations, instead Nigerians LIB readers would always be too provoked by the nature of Linda’s Onyx posts to ever really take us seriously.
During the course of our conversation, a friend of mine, who is particularly not a fan of Ms. Ikeji, said, “You see how she’s fueling the already existing hate using the gay subject to generate more buzz…remind me again why I shouldn’t hate Linda.”
To which I replied, “But would you rather the ‘gay subject’ not be a subject at all?”
He said, “I sincerely doubt that the good of the gay community is what she had in mind with this…I mean, there is positive representation of the gay community, and there is this!”
Our discourse begged several questions: Is there any good way or bad way to make the Nigerian LGBT visible to Nigerians? If there are, what are instances of either way? We need visibility, that’s for certain. Should we take it every way and any way we can? Or should there be appropriate ways to keep the conversation going in Nigeria?
Can we discuss this? Do sound off in the comments section.
*March 13 – 00:30. Uziel read the comments made on this post.
*March 13 – 00:42. And Uziel wept.
Posting pics of Onyxx in suggestive poses is a NO No when it comes to visibility. Linda is just using him to garner more traffic to her blog. You need to show the world that gay people are just as normal and as regular as they are, we need to be humanized and Mr Godwin isnt exactly the poster boy for “normal” .Even gay people are offended about Onyxx Godwin’s pics. Most gay people I know also don’t behave like him so through him, Linda is creating more disdain for gay people by Nigerians. She’s increasing the danger of a single story. Thats the same problem I have with Denrele; if the only unofficial gay person they know is some entertainer who looks like he just waltzed out of a psych ward and stole some people’s clothes, then chased down by dogs and ripped the clothes to shreds<< If that's the kind of gay people they see, they won't take us serious.
A psycho entertainer and a #ConfusedTeenager who looks like he needs to grab some cookie, those are the two poster boys for gay people in Nigeria.
We're really doomed.
I’m new in Ife. Would U should show me around? I’ve been wondering if there was an LGBT scene at all.
This is the exact argument I have with my friends when they show disdain for a very feminine guy. Who told your your gay experience is superior to others? Who told you there’s a “normal” way to be gay? Even when you want to be normal, how different is forcing yourself to conform to that normalcy from forcing yourself to play straight? Feminine gay men are visible because they don’t blend into their “normal” gender role. If Onyx wore baggy jeans or Denrele stopped wearing wigs and put in gold teeth and a beater, they wouldn’t be their authentic selves in a bid to conform.
If you are so bothered about normalcy and visibility, then send your photos to LindaIkejiads@gmail.com and show her what “normal” gay Nigerian men look/act/pose.
They may not represent the gaybourhood but who really does? Gays are humans & come in different shapes, forms & mannerism. Gays who are offended by Onyx may be those who can’t be seen with effeminate guys in public. Max, who is really the poster boy for ‘normal’?
“She’s increasing the danger of a single story.” Pot. Kettle. Black. Ain’t you guilty of this too from some of your comments on KD?
Effeminate dudes like gays are who they are. It’s not a choice.
Chestnut, you echo my sentiments exactly.
I may hold off branding Linda Ikeji a homophobe…
BUT…
She uses “gay” stories to stoke controversy and drive traffic on her blog. For someone so influential she does not use her powers to do us any favours. But then, who really does Linda help (lol)? Does she do any charity, have any initiative where she’s a voice for the marginalized etc? What was her own opinion during the Sugarbelly and Ese Oruru cases? I Googled, couldn’t find anything.
What is a “Linda Voice” really – except when there’s new house or handbag ? to be bought? ???
I’m just saying, in the long run, baby-girl is a hustler: scandal and controversy are what pay her bills. Including “gay” stories. ?
@geeluv: oya, who are the well-behaved,”respectable” gay ppl that will show Nigerians the “true characters of the LGBT” ? Have they come forward and Linda (and other media platforms) told them “NO! We only want to showcase ppl like Onyx and Denrele”?
It’s predominant, Henrie
Good question. The ‘respectable’ gay people aren’t exactly coming out to publicize their lives for the representation of gay Nigerians
So effeminacy now means “madness”, Geeluv?
Ha!
What is stopping YOU from showing yourself so that people can see an alternative image of “gayness”?
Or is your future not in your hands anymore? ?
@Absie: I thought Linda had this “I’d rather be self-made” project,where she empowers young girls financially and otherwise?
so, why not worm ur way into Linda’s heart and be the poster boy for ‘The Ideal Gay’?. I’ll bet u’d be too boring to worth more than a feature. Allegations against Yul, Alex, Uti and d rest of d actors in Nollywood have NOT been refuted but no, it is always Denrele n Onyx who are most assuredly gay. That tells you that different is what sells/is remembered.
Oh, she does?
I didn’t know that. That’s cool then.
(Though my comment was questioning more her work in issues-based advocacy – because I really have no idea what Linda’s opinions on anything are. So Dennis shouldn’t complain too much.)
thanks
@Dimkpa, you’re one person I always root for on this blog because you often make well grounded educated comments. I get your point, however my comment isnt about effeminacy. I’m sure you’ve seen Onyxx’s pics and Denrele’s, these are two poster boys for controversy, they simply do it for the fame. Its just like putting up a porn star(whose image is compromised in the eyes of the society) to be fighting for human Rights of his race(Hypothetically). No one will take them seriously, no one. I wouldn’t buy what they’re selling.
We need better representation and truthfully all those two are doing is bringing more hatred towards us. I enjoy the controversy they stir and the comments that are thrown at them etc, I often find myself smiling and saying “you go gurl, yeah throw it on their homophobic faces”.. But in the end, I know that its not the way forward.
The only thing I know Denrele has confirmed is that he’s an effeminate man.
Those who know he’s gay know it unofficially.
The rest speculate when he releases new photos.
It is a fantasy that the “masculine” gay man will solve all our problems. He won’t.
Why?
Because EVERY Nigerian – I’m willing to bet – has seen/knows an effeminate guy or butch girl, but there are thousands that have not met an actual gay person.
A bigot who latches onto a person’s gender presentation to hate gays is simply looking for an EXCUSE. Is it his first time seeing a “girl-boy” or a “manly girl”?
The issue here is LGBT visibility not who makes us visible. We are not visible.
Approaching visibility should be multidirectional. As femme guys are being the face of the community, let the non-femme ones pitch in too and represent their constituency – who is holding anybody? And let those coming out to family do so as well. Let those countering antigay sentiments in their workplace and neighbourhoods do their own bit too.
And so on.
Visibility doesn’t have to start and end in one place.
I love Denrele and I have high hopes that when he comes out, he is going to have relevant things to say about LGBT rights in Nigeria – even with the red braids, feather lashes and high heels.
All I got from this comment was staunch IH! The very same IH you, Max, are so quick to bite necks off for, what did you just do? You just jumped into the same pool you tag DISGUSTING!
So now there is a particular sect of LGBT that’s psych and silly? Because Onyx is flamboyant, then he should be categorised as Mad and not Gay? Wow! How intelligent of you, just how intelligent! You know what, you just a rolling ball of contradictions…it’s really disheartening that someone who’s so quick to read people their rights at the slightest hint of homophobia would comfortably write this gibberish. Denrele is psych cos he has a fashion edge you’re so chicken to exhibit? Mtcheew…keep wearing you very wonderful clothes while they wear their rags, doesn’t make you any better, not in the slightest bit! Until you get that, I’m done with your incessant silly jabs!
Thank you, Pete. Bless your soul.
Aren’t you just a walking confusion for spewing this hate you call comment?! Oh so an effeminate guy (who I believe is the most courageous of all gay folk) is mad? Really? Are you kidding me right now? And you say you are educated? What makes you different from those fucktards called homophobes. If you have nothing intelligible to write, stay away from your keypad and get educated!
This right here is a comment worth reading. Thanks Absalom
I am Tiercel de Claron,and I endorse this comment.
Any publicity,”respectable” or not,is good publicity.Ask any politician
Before they didn’t know we exist,now they do,albeit non-accepting yet.
They’ve seen/are seeing the “worst” of us,according to the guardians of what’s respectable,it can only get better.
From where I sit,i’ll say Linda and Onyx are doing us a huge favour.
My take on the issue
I don’t think Linda has ever mentioned the guys sexuality. And the guy himself is not officially out as a guy, so I wonder why he is being referred to as one of the faces of the Nigerian guy community by max.
But I do agree with max on the security implications of exposing Mr Godwin on linda’s blog. Some crazy dude out there might harm the guy. It’s just not safe for him at all.
Thank you, pete.
You should have asked him whether we have his kind of “normal” gay persons that are willing to be featured as gay for Nigerians to start seeing gays as “normal.” If he has any, I’m certain Linda will happily oblige to post on her blog.
Your ignorance is mind-boggling. #Sigh.
I disagree with you that linda ikeji’s audience, or homphobes in general have only been exposed to the flamboyant effeminate kind of gay guys.
But onyx is not gay nah. He said he’s straight
I disagree Max. Onyx is an undergrad here in Ife. I dunno if he stays in one of the hostels in school but I did not see a mob with cudgels and sticks the twice I saw him. While it iis true dt with most Nigerians. the more degrees and certificates we acquire, the more close minded we get and the less sense we get, I don’t think he is in any danger. People are all talk and bluster and all clanging tins online and the exact opposite offline. Infact, he was…just regular
But anyway, who says its d same thing outsipde d walls with the joblessness and hopelessness? Then again, u’d expect ppl with sense to b using phones
I argued abt Linda’s stance on LGBT issues with Dennis once. He was of d opinion that she’s homophobic,and mocks gay ppl with such posts, but how can one really tell whether she’s homophobic or not when she posts gay-themed stories without voicing any personal opinion? She could make a post about Mona Lisa getting married, then make a post about Bisi Alimi getting engaged; how do we now know that she’s mocking the latter,when she also posts such stories abt straight ppl? Or would we rather she posts only stories abt heterosexuals? I honestly don’t get d impression that she’s homophobic (she has never said anything to indicate that). Ppl just feel that once she posts a random gay story (same way she posts random straight stories), she’s mocking us. I honestly think the Linda Ikeji issue is a matter of perspective; go thru some of her comments on gay-themed articles; straight ppl be like : “Linda,God will judge u for supporting gayism…u must be a closeted lesbian”, while gay ppl be like “Linda u’re an irritating homophobe for always mocking gay pp” these opposing types of comments are usually in response to d same post o.
As for Onyx (hey Onyx,how u doin! I know u’re reading this), I always say I respect his boldness (and I’m sure he sends those pics to Linda,of his own free will). Max, who really,should Linda post abt,as the face of LGBT in Naija? Is it not the person that agrees to be “advertised” that she’ll talk abt? If gay ppl who are not as “quirky” as Denrele and Onyx,constantly present themselves to be shown on LIB,I don’t think she would reject them. But as it is, those of us who are not that quirky, seem to be afraid of that kind of spotlight (with good reason),so she can only work with what she’s given.
But did Linda say anything about Onyx being gay on that particular post?
No need to get ahead of ourselves and put words in her mouth.
And the conversation you had with your friends demonstrates one of the oldest of gay problems: blaming effeminate guys for everything.
If you don’t like Nigerians seeing a certain “type” of gay, climb on that visibility stage yourself and present yourself as an alternative narrative. It’s not hard.
A final confirmation that the skinny dangle scare crow Somalian refugee called max is a deranged lunatic with loads of deep issues that I doubt even the ‘lord’ can fix. The fool speak vehemently of IH and constantly shame all sort of people here. Well breeze has blown and have seen the ynash of the fowl. So deep in ur mind u see anything effeminate, girly or in anyway related to the female gender as something to be ashamed of? Wow! No wonder. Now I know where ur hatred for MGM is coming from, the very fact that u ain’t even capable (yes u can’t get it up) of doing it with a girl so u would rather shame and insult those that can. It’s not about them, it’s about ur own demon: inferiority complex. You feel they are better than you because they have societal approval, well u can jump of 3rd mainland bridge. Who fucking cares.
And saying some folks ain’t good representation….Oga come out and represent na so people can know there are other skinny boys but who work in offices ( and not girly…how exactly are u masculine self?)that r gay. Walahi I think I have underestimated just how so much dumb u r.
Our future is in our hands… I strongly agree with max. The aforementioned BITCHES ain’t doing us any good in showing Nigerians the true CHARACTERS of the LGBT… all they see is madness… ” gays are mad people” that’s all I get ear in my neighbourhood…
KD has not been this contentious since blood was shed over the lesbian voice. Wow!
See,I totally understand that it would appear as though the public gets to see only one type of gay ppl. It’s not fair that they don’t get to see gay ppl who they would (myopically) consider respectable. But no one is coming out (again,with good reason) and u can’t drag them from their homes to come and become poster-boys.
At the end of the day, if you haven’t done anything to shed some visibility on the Nigerian LGBT community, you really have no business denigrating those who either wittingly or unwittingly do so.
I really think this idea of a ‘normal’ or regular gay person should not come up amongst us because in my opinion, there is no such thing. As was said in Noah’a arc “Normalcy and sex are two words that should not be used in the same sentence’. We are already outside the norm and trying to be that which we are not perpetuates this idea that there is something wrong with us. It gives the idea that the masculinity in anyone with a dick is the way to go and it goes contrary to the rainbow symbol of the LGBT which means all are welcome no matter what your sexuality or preference.
There are effeminate gay dudes and there are the masculine ones, there are the butch lesbians, the fems and stems, the transgender, cross dressers etc. We are a rainbow coalition, everyone is welcome and all gender identities are accepted.
Anyone that has issues with someone else’s identity or choice of self expression should examine why he or she is so affected. Could it be that the same homophobia we accuse others of still lingers in some dark corners of our minds. It is funny that we crave acceptance but don’t fail to discriminate against other gay people or people who are different from us. An example is the stupid ‘drop the T’ campaign.
Denrele or Onyx are not the problem, a bigot is a bigot no matter the gay person he sees. If they want ‘regular’ people who are gay, there are many well accomplished gay people both living and dead who I’m sure they have heard of, from Tim Cook to Bisi Alimi to Kenny Badmus to Leonardo da VincI. If they have not taken us seriously now with all these people about it should be clear the problem is in their hearts. Like God told the rich man in the parable of Lazarus and the rich man, if they have not listened to the prophets they have, they won’t listen to Lazarus even if he wakes from death to tell them.
I don’t think we should advance this notion there is something wrong with being effeminate. Lately I have actually been wishing I didn’t ‘straighten’ myself back when I did. I actually think on some level it amounts to living a lie and makes it a bit more difficult coming out.
I don’t know Linda’s motives but whatever it is, the good thing is that she is providing visibility, Chikena! At least no one can say there are no gay Nigerians.
Please, did anyone see this comment from God himself? The “Onyx looks skinny because of his indecent sex life, GOD made you a man not a woman. Forget all these, Its only a fool that will say there’s no….” I actually trembled at the power of the heavens in each letter.
I know from conversations with Onyx that he considers fame a number one priority and is willing to go after fame or notoriety wherever he can get it. He considers it a dream come true to be known and talked about. Linda wants traffic. These posts achieve both their goals.
I’ve seen Onyx several times on campus, people mostly just stare at him and mind their business. It’s only online that you find stupid people spewing homophobic crap about. Most of them probably can’t face him in person. As for Linda, her intentions for posting things like this are unknown because she really doesn’t say much, it could just be to bring traffic to her blog. I don’t recall her being out rightly homophobic in anyway.
On a totally unrelated note, it’s my birthday today☺
Outside this continent a lot of people don’t even know we have internet, or even drive cars, they still think we’re all apes. They think all Nigerians do is fraud, and we’re constantly thrown shades at in the entertainment industry overseas together with the rest of Africa. Why?… Danger of a single story. Because of this narrative, others countries are biased about us.Believe it or not, what people perceive is what they’ll keep spreading and spreading until it becomes what you’re known for. For example what comes to your mind first when you think about GT Bank? Or Yoruba people? Or Igbos, or Hausas. If my guess is right, you all already have a preconceived notion about these examples I just mentioned which is mostly based on biased views of the general public which nobody cared enough to address until it became their story.. Of all the examples above, the case of GT Bank is the only positive one.
Up until last yr, a good number of websites didn’t offer shipping to Nigeria and we’re constantly being marginalized because of the image we’re represented by.
I get that my first comment was taken out of context, but its not my job to tell you how to interprete, I just write it and you’re free to interprete it anyway you like.
United states of America and a whole lot of other countries didn’t go this far today on LGBT issues by putting forward people who are mock-worthy due to the kind of controversy they stir for themselves. Contrary to popular opinion, not every kind of visibility is good, bad press isnt good for the LGBT.
When you’re fighting for acceptance, you have to go with a tried and tested method. Everyone who doesn’t know about Harvey Milk should read up about him. We’ve been doing this thing the wrong way and been failing at it over and over again. Believe it or not, homophobia increased after that bill was passed and I’m speaking from my own personal experience daily. I work in a place where I meet dozens of people daily and I know what goes on.
Onyxx and Denrele aren’t gonna make people accept us, whoever doesn’t know that is clearly deceiving themselves. Linda may not be homophobic, but she doesn’t care about LGBT community, let’s not delude ourselves.
Oh and another thing- I’m not anti-femme and the fact that I have to add it as a footnote in my comment means nobody here actually knows me and what I stand for.
Yes we need visibility but why aren’t people coming out? The kind of visibility that people like Bisi Alimi provide comes at a GREAT cost. Years have passed and almost 100% are deep in their closets. The mere fact that it is so must mean that whatever is keeping them in is almost 100% effective. It must be quite formidable. If people have not been coming out, they won’t start coming out just because someone says should.
We need another strategy. Funny enough, the people who will stand publicly and speak about LGBT issues without much harm coming their way are MGM (let’s keep cussing and hating them, una hear?), bisexuals and then heterosexuals. We need people who will prepare the ground first by speaking up and engaging the public, perhaps making it easier for LGBT to come out in the future. Imagine if one senator who is MGM, bisexual or straight, issues a public statement to the press that he does not see anything wrong with being LGBT, won’t that help our cause?
Secondly, I think there are other ways of providing visibility. There are some people out there who irrespective of their orientation have a kind heart and can reason. I am certain that there are people who are just sitting on the fence on this issue but if they hear about the suffering of LGBT Nigerians, the shock will kick them from that fence.
I was heart-wrenched by the comment of one Law yesterday who seemed to say he had lost 3 LGBT friends to suicide. There are some stories that are likely to awaken the humanity in a human being, stories of deep suffering that awakens compassion, sadness and anger. Before we show the world our face, let us show them our scars. They need to know that we are here and we are suffering, getting maimed, attempting and committing suicide.
We need to tell our darkest stories. Let’s have a book project. A compilation of our kitostories and other stories about pain, depression, discrimination and death. In between those stories we will have others through which the reader will experience what it feels like to be “born this way”, especially in a country like Nigeria. We hope to reach out to the humanity we know is there deep inside us and connects us through pain. If we can win just 1% of Nigerians to our cause, that is a HUGE achievement.
Just a final thought on this issue, charity begins at home. We seem to be preoccupied with others accepting us when we haven’t totally accepted ourselves. To paraphrase and twist the Bible a bit, ‘How can we expect them to accept us when we have not accepted ourselves?’
If we, who are wearing the shoe have problems with fellow members of the community, how can we expect others not to be the same way or even worse.
We should be careful not to send out the message that whoever is not regularly gay (whatever that means) is abnormal. We are all gay and humans with our individual differences and are all worthy of the same rights.
Never heard of this dude before today. I looked him up and 1) he really isn’t the best representation of the community, 2) someone really needs to feed that boy.
I have said it here severally that Onyx only does it for the fame,one thing i’m sure of is that the boy has no lgbt awareness in mind when he sends those pictures.
He’s an attention seeker and will obviously do anything to ganner attention,besides he also get to collect 100k from Linda at the end of the year which she has consistently been giving him cos he actually helps her get traffic on her blog.
Linda is a user I believe she’s gay friendly cos Denrele is her bestie from way back! But anyday she wants traffic on her blog she puts up Denrele’s pic or that of Onyx,Linda is devious and she does it in a very coy manner you dont even know she’s using you.
At the end whatever really obviously am not family with the Onyx so I guess my concern for his wellbeing is unfounded let him live his life how he wants.For those saying they know him in skul and nobody has ever attacked him really???so you just think some1 will just walk upto him in a skul setting and whoop his ass just like that?nope something has to trigger it and I know how evil Nigerians can be trust me some peeps are probably cooking up some evil plan against him as we speak.
All they need to do is set him up with one random hottie who links up with him on social media and gradually lure him into having sex or visiting his apartment after which they get all the evidence they need against him and thats all! Anyways do you boo boo I wish you well personally cos I see you like my younger brother who needs a lot of guidance and real life advice on how not to unnecssarily trigger situations.
So, wen one post his bday here, anoda person who visits d site “rats” him out….. Well…. mayb d problem with d community is d community itself…. Gays hate bisexuals…. Gays hate lesbians…. And Vice versa….. Now sum1 lives his life like he is comfortable with, and d cowards comment dat he is not a “good” poster boy…. Well den, mayb I know how to read and write dosnt tranacribe to am educated…. God help us.
TO ALL KDIANS:
I think it’s about time decided who is and who is NOT a legitimate PART and/or representative of the BLOG community and the LGBT community as a whole. From the sentiments expressed directly or indirectly on this blog, it following have been attacked and made to feel they are not welcome.
1. Lesbians
2. Transgender
3. Bisexuals
4. Maried Gay Men (whether exclusively gay or bisexual). Being gay or bisexual, they are supposed to be part of LGBT. Nor not.
Abeg, let’s come out and say it. Welcome or not? Let us know so our alliances will be clear.
And posh6666 and chizzie,please stop trolling me on Instagram/twitter,talking bout how sick i look,terrible dress sense ..bla bla bla. life isn’t that awful to the point you go online to insult me . with how both of you insult others, one would think you two fell outta sophia vergara’s womb when you can’t even stand Mr ibu in a pageant!
First of all, This onyx guy has not come out to say he is gay so I will assume he is not gay unless their is a confirmation from him.
However I find it deeply disturbing that some people believe that there should be a “proper” representation of gay people to the world. We often forget that gay people ate humans and humanity is a spectrum of behavior and archetypes and same applies on this side of the road. As Chinua Achebe will say, “if you want to read a story, write it”; if you feel that this representation is not accurate then give is the accurate one yourself. It’s troubling that this boy’s demeanor is this reason for this classification as not being a good representation. The reality however is that there are effete gay men and there are masculine gay men, they just are and this is not a matter of which is more appropriate and which is not.
Now Chestnut mentioned my earlier stand that Linda is homophobic and I maintain it. To me she pokes fun at these issues and merely uses it to draw traffic to her blog. She likes to throw them to the lions that read her blog for them to be eviscerated. One time we tried to get Linda to throw publicity on a gau bashing incident what we got was crickets. The blog is a reflection of its editor, Linda posted a picture of Bisi and his mom and the vile things people were saying about Bisi’s mom were left to stand. Linda deletes comments where she deems necessary but by her inaction its glaring where she stands. I agree that one can force conversation about taboo subjects, but please balance the conversation and not only steer it towards negativity.
Sensei I agree with you on the MGM issue and I had talked about it in one of my journals. The same way a male feminist’s voice is often stronger than a female one, an MGM assumed to the straight by society will push a stronger message, people will be inclined to listen because they will feel his ox is not gored.
I also agree that a collection of kito stories is something we should look at and see if we could tug at the heartstrings of a few good people in the society. We can even make it an online journal and get people to visit it. This is something we can pull off and I will be very happy to help with that project.
Max I disagree with you on the MGM issue especially your assertion that they want to hide away seeing as they have earned validation. I have a good friend who is an MGM abi MBM, and he pushes LGBT activism harder and stronger than I do sef with all my left leaning. I always tell you there are no finites to these issues and I agree with sensei when he says that we need their voices to water the ground.
I was privy to a WhatsApp group conversation on the gay issue recently, and Nigerians (mostly doctors) showed off their bigotry, a married professor came in and told them how stupid they sounded saying that homosexuality is a mental illness; most of them listened.
I believe this is what sensei is talking about and MGMs have a great role to play, we should not just dismiss them as scums in search of acceptance.
Today is quite busy for me, I may not be able to post another comment.
Going through the comments, shock and irritation are not enough to classify how put off I am. How can gay men be so unaccepting and yet crave acceptance? I mean, there are be straight people who come in here to read and maybe ‘try’ to understand homosexuality and this isn’t a good representation of what we stand for. Have you ever wondered why the ‘Rainbow’ is used as our theme? The different shades and colours coming together to make something beautiful and worth beholding…that’s what it is. Masculinity, femininity and what have you have no business whatsoever to do with your persona. If Onyx and Denrele (who aren’t even out officially, funny enough) are seen as bad representatives, then please someone else with all the muscles and swag of Michael Jordan should then come out and represent us. It’s that simple. How you see yourself as more superior or better when you can’t do half what they do in such a hellish place as Nigeria, baffles me.
You castigate them because they are so comfortable in their skins and try to ridicule them, and still share the same sexuality? How ironical! Onyx may be doing it for the fame and whatever but the truth is that’s just his own motive, a personal objective, it doesn’t affect the fact that he’s the poster boy on this platform (LIB) and as such we should see him as someone who’s bringing attention to the gay world in Nigeria. Negative or positive shouldn’t matter, not when you constitute part of the negativity. If he’s being torn to shreds on LIB, not here too. Not here! I don’t even know what to do with all these spite being exuded by so-called gay men. It’s pathetic. We mustn’t all be Matt Bomer or Wensworth Miller. No one has the right to make anyone feel less of a human just cos of his myopic view of life!
Linda has a fascination with gay stories, or stories where ppl involved have suggestive gay and LGBT themes. The thing is, it’s not just Linda, it’s Nigerians in general. Bring in a topic about how your male neighbour was caught shagging a man, and you’ll see how the average Nigerian wants to share his / her opinion about this.
Linda is smart, she knows posts like these boosts her ratings, her comments soar, folks talk about her blog like we are now, it’s good word of mouth, which translates to more coins in the bank. If she’s ever worried about a dip in ratings, all she has to do its post a story about a gay man dying of anal cancer, a botched trans woman, one of Denrele’s antics or as in this case another one of Onyx’s foolish stunts.
She’s a passive aggressive opportunist and a user who has nothing to lose in all this and so much to gain.
Now the foolish one in this case is Onyx. I worry for him. This exposure does nothing but endanger him and subject him to more ridicule and shame. It also doesn’t paint the LGBT community here in good light as I’ve come across comments where ppl claim that Onyx’s intrusive, irritating, flamboyant and attention seeking antics is the precise reason why they hate “fags”.,
If Linda had his best interest, (which she clearly doesn’t) She wouldn’t continuously post his pics on her blog.
Now I am going to address this to Onyx, because I know the child is reading.
Can you stop? I believe there’s more to you than your LIB antics. If you had any form of self worth, you wouldn’t subject your self to continous degrading antics on what is Nigeria’s most read blog. Think about your future? Future employers might be turned off by your antics, instead of using LIB as a platform for buffoonery, use it for something substantial. You have an opportunity that many have to pay for, do you know what I’d give to have an ad on LIB at the moment? But here you using it to instigate more ridicule on yourself and the LGBT folk.
Also think about your mother. She is a widow right? How will she feel if any harm came your way! Ppl have threatened to kill you Onyx and believe me in this country they can and will get away with it. Please lie low. Work on your self esteem, you are better than what you constantly portray. Stop being a joke.
Also please cut your nails and eat some food. And surround yourself with real friends that give you good advice!
first,Linda isn’t homophobic,i know first hand that most guys that work with her are effeminate guys.2ndly,I’m not representing any society,I’m simply living on my own terms,values, and morals,I’m not the “visibility” for Nigeria LGBT,neither is denrele,we are just people living freely and expressing ourselves as we feel, regardless of what society say or think of us being abnormal/disgusting. Linda ikeji isn’t using me,we are friends,it’s more like a symbiotic relationship, she gets traffic, i get “famous”, i never had any intention of been famous, until 2014,when she posted some pictures of me and it had 1,800 comments, then i realized I’m actually controversial and people wants too talk about me,we both cashed in on that. I’ve claimed not to be gay,i don’t fathom how a sensible Nigerian will expect me to come out as gay knowing fully well how homophobic Nigeria is.some of y’all don’t even use your real identity on this blog,so? hypocrisy anyone? And that person that said I’d do anything to get famous,i dunno what you’re talking about. And yes,I’m safe,one thing i realized is most Nigerians can’t do anything (environment matters anyway) most of these people see me,they are too scared to even walk up to me,most see me and are super friendly, i watch where i go too,reason you’ll never catch me in parties except the person is very important. So guys,chill,I’m not representing LGBT in Nigeria, I’m just living my life,its internal phobia for effeminate guys that’ll make gays not want me or Denrele too represent them -that’s if we actually are. i don’t understand how a gay man will see effeminacy as negative and bad representation ,yet they fight for gay rights knowing fully well the world See’s it as a big big taboo. if you can’t accept other minorities, how are u comfortable wanting others to accept you?
I also recently read a post on another Nigerian blog, authored by a gay Nigerian seeking advice. I took my time and read all 300 plus comments. What impressed me the most was the another’s writing, he wrote in a way that was extremely articulate, witty, funny and perfectly portrayed the struggles of being LGBT in this country. It was no surprise that many many of the comments gave praise to his writing, and gave him constructive advice. Yes they were a handdful of homophobic comments, but these were in the minority.
Some commenters even wrote that they wanted the author as a friend. All in all I was proud and abit more confident to be a gay man here. This is the kind of representation LGBT folks need in Nigeria. That’s the kind of visibility we need.
Certainly not the likes of Onyx.
Linda Ikeji’s take on LGbt is so confusing, sometimes she is ‘For’ later she is ‘Against’. When it comes to gay marriage(Bisi Alimi and other gay Nigerians abroad) she is very mean labelling them as “Nigerian Gay man weds Gay lover” *rolls eyes* before u know it she will upload a picture of a cute boy putting on a gown as say “Dont you think he looks cute”.. like what the hell…. she is something else.. Why can’t she be like Ade Bantu who has a video on YouTube where he spoke about gay rights and having gay and lesbian friends.
Well….. U can now imagine wat goes on in here….. Am impressed….. Now, as divided as here is u guys can now stand up to d society dat dosent accept d existence of LGBT…. Impressive.
@ambivalentone, I support your comments.
An MGM us a victim the way Olisa Metuh is a victim. He had to steal because social pressure forced him to live like a big boy
Max! Max!! I can see ur Internalised Homophobia is finally shinning bright like a diamond!
Unfortunately, it is one heck of a ugly diamond in the sky.
It has come to my attention that my earlier comment about transgender people was wrong. Apparently there’s a difference between transgender and transsexual. While transgender people feel like they’re in the wrong body, transsexuals are transgender people who go for gender reassignment surgery to be able to fit in more appropriately with the gender which they identify as.
With this and other new information, I can tell you that there are transgender people in Nigeria (people who feel trapped in another body) and there are also a number of transsexuals living among us.
Sincere apology to all the trans people in Nigeria reading this who I failed to acknowledge their existence in my earlier comment.
*gasps* O dikwa nu egwu ! ???
A whole lot of mess up in here, a whole lot. We do clearly love to judge, to write other people’s story. Before I used to be vexed, now I’m just amused.
It really is simple, if you want to be the face of LGBT, go ahead and do so. Just know that when you do, people will also judge you over very trivial things like the kind of jeans you’re wearing, how it’s too baggy for a gay man.
The world might have stereotyped gays but it’s gays themselves that have placed the biggest stereotype on themselves.
I am thoroughly ashamed and “shockingly” disappointed by the comments associated with this post. I still don’t know why I am shocked though, I mean we deal with this level of mess on a daily.
Coming from torturesome post about acceptance/depression and suicide yesterday, one would expect some of the above comments to be tempered with a good dose of empathy, open mindedness and a great deal of understanding, of our individual and collective struggles. We are quick to unleash our tongue to the common enemy who we see as homophobes and the society as a whole, but as soon as the coast is clear, we turn on each other like wild animals.
I am still trying to wrap my mind around the idea where gay man turns and tell another that they aren’t “normal” or good representations? Niggah! You have been told that your entire life! Your family low key/outrifgtly told/thinks you are a disgrace and not a full representation of your family name and what it stands for! Society throws that to your face on a daily basis and thinks you are not normal, an abormination a disgrace to the human race and lord knows what else. And what do we do? We sit back and take it like little bitches that we are, then come here and find someone to pick on. You who have suffered the same torment all ur life, suddenly think it’s progressive to point out who is “Legitimately gay” and who is not. I didn’t realise that being gay now deserves a meddle of honour and valour that should be worn with gusto and pride. An elite circle fit for those who have sexual attractions and intercourse with men and men alone.
We all have suffered first hand, the realities of being dehumanised, rejected, cast aside, condemned but here we are, basking in the flourishing glory of our hate and bitterness. Please what then sets us apart from the homophobes who have sworn to see the end of out kind? Why then should I believe the narrative of what my fellow gay about love, respect, inclusiveness, acceptance, self worth over what the society thinks of them? If they can’t ACCEPT themselves, then what’s the point of sacrificing everything just to be one with them? What guarantee do I have I wouldn’t be cast out with my membership revoked the day I don’t dace to their tunes? These are some of the questions you guys are raising if you don’t know.
None of these guys (Onyx, Denrele and co) stepped forward and said they want to be the face of LGBTQ in Nigeria. It was a label and responsibility that was forcefully hung on them. Like onyx outrightly said, he is living on his terms and threading on HIS truth. If you feel poorly represented, the forward thinking thing to do is “step up and speak up”..all I’m seeing here are self entitled people thinking they own and dictate the existence of another. This pretty much reads like the infantile outrage of parents when they blame their poor parenting skills on celebrities and the media.
This isn’t about representation, its about visibility, about starting, opening and maintaining a discussion. Back in the 60s, 70s, 80, and 90 and I dare say early 2000s, no one knew or talked about homosexuality around these parts. The fact that it’s a major discourse means ppl are socially aware and informed, thereby creating a platform for future discourse and debates on the subject matter. And it is taking the likes of Onyx and Denrele who risk their lives daily to keep this dialogue open and fresh in the memories of our detractors. The least we could do is show support. The young me was never a fan of Denrele and I doubt the present day me would get along with Onys. But I have come 2 respect and appreciate them. While you and I are busy cowering away in our closet, they are out there giving a face to our facelessness, and identity to the unknown, the “outlawed and condemned”.
Onyx I’d like to dedicate my closing remark to you. I recently stumbled on a wise quote from an inspiring woman (sort of) ” You know you that bitch when you cause all these conversation”. So slay! And just do u papi. As for those hating on you getting coinage while you are still a student and in school? Well just tell them “You just might be the black bill gate in the making”. So leave them and allow them to get in formation with their hate.
Onyx is indeed famous anyways, look at how his story’s causing fuss and generating so much comments in less than a day. No wonder Linda uses him to gain traffic.
In my opinion, its always a good thing when Nigerians begin to see that there actually are gays in Nigeria and that homosexuality isn’t just that weird, bizarre thing that only white pple do. I’d say we v made some improvement from a few years ago when most Nigerians assumed there were no gays in Nigeria to where we are now, where a large chunk of Nigerians now know that we exist and are likely going nowhere, the next step in the evolutionary process would be for them to realise that the poster boys for gays arent necessarily Onyx & Denrele (whom i have nothing against by the way, i absolutely adore and always defend Denrele) .. That there are lots of gays in every facet of life …i don’t think Linda is homophobic, she strikes me as subtly trying to open Nigerians up to the fact that its possible to embrace and accept gays … That we can all live and let live …
Looks like KD emails no dey deliver properly again!
MAX, person hack your account?! All these ish you spilled here ?! ?? You really need to start looking at yourself thrice in the mirror before accusing peeps of stuff like IH and what have you. Oh boy, looks like you have issues you aren’t aware of yet. ?
This is a horrid sad mess.
And here we are again!
It’s really sad and tiring that we just keep moving in circles; Just when we about thinking we’re finally on our way,we somehow find our way to back our vomit.
For the sake of younger LGBT one’s and even ourselves,we need to be more accepting.
KD isn’t the place I knew way back! Can’t we just air views in a constructive way that’s beneficial?
Must there be a lot of insults and chaste before you say what’s on your mind?
Na wah oh!
P.S. I don’t mean to be rude or anything, but which one is ‘Linda’s first born?’ Just asking.
My comments may be coming in late. But i think the LGBT community is everything we can ever imagine!