Let’s Discuss…About Sex And The Nigerian Gay Guys’ Libido
In every society across the world, gay men have always been seen as being synonymous to sex…lots of sex. We are perceived as sexual animals who can’t function when we’re not doing it. And that narrative is hugely what colours and fashions the prejudice of the antigay community. The moment you mention the issue of homosexuality, the homophobe – when he’s not distracted by his religious condemnation of us – is verbally flinching from the image of gay sex. I remember one time on twitter, when I was minding my own business, simply retweeting tweets from GLAAD and Stop-Homophobia. And this follower, who I presumed had followed me without knowing what the profile ‘Pink Panther’ is about, tweeted a question at me: ‘Excuse me please, but are you gay?’
To which I responded: ‘Yes.’
His reply? ‘Jesus! You for talk since, so I can protect my ass.’
And he’s a virtual acquaintance, who somehow believes that I’d have an interest in his ass (which I know not what it looks like) and probably violate it (from across the streets of Twitter).
This narrative of gay men as sexual animals is too strong. But overtime, especially in more developed societies, more and more people have come to perceive gay men as individuals who are capable of love and long-lasting relationships.
This however is especially not so in Nigeria. In parts, the rejection of the notion of Nigerian gay men as loving couples comes from the innate anti homosexuality of the nation, and in other parts, it sadly comes from the conduct of the very gay community.
A close friend of mine updated the following grievance awhile back in a private LGBT chat forum that I felt was necessary to share.
‘I recently had a very big fight with a very close straight friend of mine about my sexuality. I really got mad at him and I decided never to talk to him again. Only for me to discover much later that our fight originated because of a couple of gay acquaintances I had on Facebook. They saw the way I exchange comments with him on our posts and pictures, and so they assumed he is my boyfriend, and went to harass him via inbox. They pestered him for sex and accused him of being gay, and told him they liked him and all. My friend of course got scared, blocked them and lashed out his anger on me.
‘They even went to the length of outing me to him, telling him that they are friends with me and that he shouldn’t be scared to admit to them that he is gay. Yes, my friend already knows that I’m gay. And he had been cool with it until that fateful day when he took umbrage with me over the antics of my gay Facebook friends.
‘What if he had been someone who doesn’t know that I’m gay? How would this have turned out? In the course of my discovery of why our fight happened, he told me that he can’t afford to have my gay friends disturbing him.
‘And I was left to wonder, why are some people this stupid? Even after politely telling them that he is not gay, they didn’t back off. And out of the two guys in question, one of them is up to thirty-five years old. I don’t even know if I can call them my friends because we have never met. They are only my Facebook acquaintances. Why are some gay guys this desperate? Sometimes, I don’t blame the general public for not accepting us, and for calling us perverts. I imagine if I were straight and I have someone harassing me this way, I wouldn’t find it funny. This is now the image my friend has of gays – as those who are so sex-hungry, they’d want to sleep with any male at any cost. He now imagines I’d be doing the same thing to other guys to have sex with them. *shaking my head*’
Now, let me just state right off the bat that this post isn’t about slut-shaming anyone. God knows I can’t even locate my way to that podium, unlike some people I know 🙂 I will be the first to admit that I am a very sexual person. But there is a difference between wanting to shag the entire GAY community and wanting to shag the entire MALE community. The difference is the former probably wants to shag you back, while the latter may most certainly have other sexual interests that don’t involve a dick. We have to learn to draw the line, and understand that not every man’s penis is available. For those who are avowed ‘convertionists’, I have nothing but a shake of my mind. There is nothing wrong with lusting after an attractive male, who just so happens to be straight. What you do with your lust however is the issue. I find it bewildering when one goes after a heterosexual guy, proposition him, and after he has said no, you keep at him over and over again. Like really, is such a person’s self-respect that low?
Ok, before I go off on a rant, I have to remember that this forum is set for a discussion. So, let’s discuss about that thing called the libido of the Nigerian gay men.
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77 Comments
Mandy
October 10, 06:27And right off the bat, you can expect to read in the comments section today a lot of outrage from indignant KDians. Not a word will be heard from these desperados, even though we know they exist among us. Everyone will be saints today. Lol
And oh, PP, you totally tried it with this post. I spotted two not-so-covert shades tucked away in the concluding paragraph and aimed at two prominent KDians. Chai! Their God is watching you o.
pete
October 10, 07:41I’ll drop such a friend like hot akara. Why people always choose to reason only with their dicks, I won’t understand.
Mwaniki
October 10, 08:04Could it be that we spent the whole time we should have been learning how to be respectful responsible adults mulling over when and how we would finally get to play with our toys?
Intolerance has a nasty way of setting up the untolerated to imbuing themselves with qualities that undermine their tolerability! SMH.
We are just human beings who happen to be gay, and we need to understand that life cannot be made all about being gay and getting laid, because it isn’t.
simba
October 10, 08:12Gay communities regardless of climes are known to be hypersexual. Just like males are erroneously known to have higher libido than their female counterparts. And yes LGBT fucks,some openly brags about their sexual prowess just like some straight folks. There is nothing peculiar about Nigerian Gay community. As for ur friends,choose them and sieve them. When I was a student,my white friends hit on my younger bro,tho he is homophobic. And what did I do? I severed the relationship cus I don’t want my bro to know me as that. His straight friends hit on our sisters and he doesn’t cry …he simply cuts them off or keeps them abay.. so pinky I think it’s erroneous to think LGBT Nigeria is different..nah it’s same problem worldwide and same with straight folks..they fucks
Colossus
October 10, 08:15We complain because we are now the ones being objectified. It’s not a gay thing, it’s a MALE thing.
Now I’m not saying it’s a good thing what those guys did but imagine the life of an average lady, the cat calls and constant barrage of sexual propositions, exactly the same. Men have a healthy sexual appetite, always have, always would. The guy shouldn’t have to destroy a friendship because he couldn’t understand that and remain persistent with his turning down requests.
People are different, people lack tact. It’s life
Max
October 10, 14:36It’s unhealthy.
Colossus
October 10, 16:33And we’ll survive.
Mitch
October 10, 08:30This is not about having a huge libido. This is about people having very little manners and little or no sense. Why the hell would one persist in pursuing someone who has said he is straight and as such, is obviously not interested in you. Honestly, some gay people need to have their heads checked by a seasoned psychiatrist. Nonsense.
Sheldon Cooper
October 10, 08:31I have a straight friend who goes about sending friend request to any female friend who comments on my post on facebook. And goes about “harassing” them.
I don’t think it a “gay Nigerian” thing. I think it’s a male thing. Beautiful things attracts attention
Sheldon Cooper
October 10, 08:40…continuation, beautiful things attract attention. I’m not trying to justify the act though. But you can take it as a compliment and politely decline. I think it’s just natural for guys to hit. Just mind your friends. There are some psychos out there though.
Duke (formerly Ace)
October 10, 08:57I think the impersonality of cyberspace has made people take risks or do things they would never have thought of doing in real life. Now add lust and sexual tension to that mix and we have a huge mushroom cloud shaped in form of a huge erect dick. I believe we think this is bad because gay sex is a taboo in this part of the world. In more tolerable communities, if a gay guy hits on a straight guy, he sometimes thinks of it as a compliment and politely declines.
My problem is not with trying your luck, the problem lies in pushing that luck too far. Persistence is not always the answer my gay folks! Sometimes when you seek and cannot find, kindly check another door!
Pink Panther
October 10, 09:04Sometimes when you seek and cannot find, kindly check another door!
Oh I LOVE that quote. 😀
Peak
October 10, 10:48**Applause**
Tiercel de Claron
October 10, 08:59“there is a difference between wanting to shag the entire GAY community and wanting to shag the entire MALE community.The difference is the former probably wants to shag you back, while the latter may most certainly have other sexual interests that don’t involve a dick.”
You tie yourself in a pretzel trying to justify what shouldn’t be.
We all are sexual beings,male or female,hetero- or homosexual,but the degree to which we lack control,to which we throw caution and all sense of decency to the winds,especially in this clime,disgust even me.
Pink Panther
October 10, 09:05I’m justifying something now, am I?
Tiercel de Claron
October 10, 09:07Yes,you are.Or you are trying to.
Need I lay it out?.
Pink Panther
October 10, 09:11By all means. Illuminate me.
Tiercel de Claron
October 10, 09:34Indiscriminate,out-of-control sex.
We’ve become one large meat market.
It’s what’s now leading to this naked dance in the market square your friend experienced.More happening or yet to come.
We’ve lost all sense of decency.
Pink Panther
October 10, 09:39I’m still logged on to confused.com 🙂
Tiercel de Claron
October 10, 09:59Ndo o.
Welu ile gi guo eze gi onu.
Pink Panther
October 10, 10:00*sigh* And I was really looking forward to you to telling me what you believe I did. Oh well…
Tiercel de Claron
October 10, 10:30I did na.
Your trying to distinguish between sex in the gay community and sex with the male community.
Same as telling the difference between 6 and half a dozen.
Tiercel de Claron
October 10, 10:01OAN,how’s that UAE thing coming?
Pink Panther
October 10, 10:02What UAE thing?
Tiercel de Claron
October 10, 10:27Hian.
It’s an off-kd joke you well know about.
I should let it lie.
Peak
October 10, 10:51@Tiercel de Claron, Well said sir, very well said!
Tiercel de Claron
October 10, 11:00Just this week,two so-called friends,who well know I’m not in the market,came on to me.
One even went as far as asking why we are friends,if I won’t get down with him.You can imagine my reaction.
These days,one can no longer form friendships with those of the gay community,without sex being assumed as part of the deal.
Ihe emebiwo.
Max
October 10, 14:54Thanks TDC. If I talk, I’ll be accused of slut shaming.
Duke (formerly Ace)
October 10, 09:00… And Deola, I will not read your post now cos I haven’t seen the latest episodes of HTGAWM and Scandal yet but I hope we will both agree that Empire kinda stepped their game up.
Pink Panther
October 10, 09:05Please, not another word of Empire. *still feeling nauseous from last week’s episode*
Duke (formerly Ace)
October 10, 09:12I know but it was better than the last two horrible ones. Let me reserve all the TV talk for Deola’s post when I catch up with the other shows later today.
Max
October 10, 14:58I agree, they stepped up their game.
Silver Cat
October 10, 09:09I don’t even understand this. I flirt with everyone; male, female and everything in between but it is never more than harmless flirting. I know how I panic when another guy indicates sexual interest in me so I can only imagine how it feels for a straight guy.
Teflondon
October 10, 09:10Firstly the guy that commented brought this upon himself by adding people you don’t really know as Fbk frnds.. I have said this on here before abt the importance of screening your Fbk frnds. One day I logged into my fbk and low and behold on my timeline was black ass on display, I quickly scrolled down to remove that view before preying eyes will see and as long as I was scrolling I was just seeing all kinds of shirtless bodies, nudes on my timeline and that was the every day I decided I had enough of rubbish.. I was young then and eager to meet people, I had abt 6k fbk Frnd’s. I cut them it down to abt 2k fcbk frnds but even tho it’s back to abt 5k+ again you will never see such nauseating and disgusting people on my time line anymore. essence of my story? No matter the amount of fbk frnds you got, you just have to take your time to screen every single one of them before accepting any request. if not things like what happened to this guy above will always happen even worse.
Secondly, I think the str8 guy in question above has some sort of homophobic traits in him no matter how minute. What happened above is not enough to end a frndship biko I’ve got loads of str8 frnds (i don’t keep gay Frnd’s) but they still get disturbed every now and then, I mean cute people will be approached all the time but my Frnd’s dont make a deal out of this, infact our frndship grows stronger per every homo approach and encounters they have, cause they are amused and like to ask questions. But one thing I know, they str8 as fuck not bicurious. It’s not enough to end a frndship so let’s not give unnecessary excuse for this str8 guy. He was a tad homophobic. Heck! Every str8 guy (that isn’t homophobic) should be flattered he is fancied by both sexes! Atleast that what I think.
Now as for the ” Conversionist” Lol we are not the problems of the LGBT community as you are trying to claim in your article. An homophobe will always be an homophobe if not educated appropriately. Infact, I’ll like to beleive (this might run the rush of sounding insensitive) we are kinda helping the community by making ordinary people that weren’t BORN gay see that, it’s not really a bad idea being gay and it’s perfectly normal and humane to engage in gay sex. We are actually reducing the homophobes in the world. Lol (Oh I’m so crazy) atleast that’s how I see it.
I don’t know if am a lucky being but so far so good have never forced my self on any str8 guy, I have only cajoled and convince them that’s it okay. And out of my 200+ guys I’ve convinced.. *winks* I have only been rejected 1s and I moved on. It’s not the end of the world. People get approached all the time, people reject people without making a fuzz abt it, people move on. Life goes on.
You would ask why my rant this morning; well I have lots of time and I also won’t stay here just looking while I and other Conversionist are bereaded as the or one of the problems of the LGBT community. Cause I beleive we are doing a good thing for the course.
XOXO
Mandy
October 10, 09:16Another load of baloney from a sexual predator looking to justify the lines he has crossed.
Reducing homophobes indeed. Do you actually mean the nonsense you spout here sometimes?
Mitch
October 10, 09:49I swear my IQ suffered a massive reduction trying to sort through this load of toxic garbage. Honestly, how you can call yourself a RIGHT-THINKING person is beyond me. In your case, dear Tef, I recomend Hara-kiri as that os the only thing you’d do that would make your total waste of a life have even a little vestige of meaning.
Jumbo
October 10, 09:51Dude, u can’t have more than 5000 friends on Facebook except you have a fanpage. Nice try. Another lie plz?
Pink Panther
October 10, 09:52Hihihihihihihiiii!!!!
Jon Snow
October 10, 09:57How this delights Pinky’s soul. You are going to hell PP ????
Pink Panther
October 10, 09:58Both me and my soul absolutely do not know what you’re talking about. 😀
Jon Snow
October 10, 10:05I saw a mental picture of you doing your
” Hihihihihihihiiii!!!! ”
Darling that’s your signature-laugh-of-mischief ????
posh6666
October 10, 10:066k frnds?isnt the maximum facebook frnds 5k?
Chizzie
October 10, 10:06You should do stand up, Teffy. You have a calling. It’s very Vic O ?
Teflondon
October 10, 11:16Mumbo jumbo
You really don’t know me if you think I don’t have a fanbase. Ask around, do a little research. As at this morning I have 4999 fcbk Frnd’s after deleting a couple of people. I used to have 6k fcbk frnds. (And don’t think for a sec am thinking it’s an achievement.) I’m just clarifying that I ain’t lying. I hate when I come here to reveal things about myself (which takes some guts by the way as most of you are cowards) and then people that don’t know you or have facts say am lying. a lot of people that know me personally read this blog and I’ll be stupid to keep coming here to lie. What does it say of my person. Let’s just say am honest to a fault.
You people here don’t encourage someone coming here and being his/herself. You only like people that will say things you like or want to hear. You try to ridicule what you don’t understand or can’t do. It’s a shame really. When I come to KD, I come here to be myself crazy, warts and all. I don’t hide anything. If we can’t be ourselves here then where can we be ourselves. So much pretense on the blog it’s sickenen.
Let me not go on another rant but I had to get that out of my chest. I get it a lot of people hate me for the kind of person I am (being real and all) let me just say this right now. The feeling is very mutual.
Chizzie
October 10, 11:26Warts as in genital/anal warts? Kk ?
Pink Panther
October 10, 11:35Hahahahahahahahahahaa!!! Chizzie, who knew you had the shady in you
Jamie
October 10, 11:52Hmm. Mr. Frank, the holiest of all popes in DAss land…
Jumbo
October 10, 12:094999? Well, that lie is still acceptable (at least it’s lesser than 5000). Good to knw u’re trying to take some corrections.
BTW, ‘I’m’ and ‘Am’ are quite different, so be a good boy and add that to ur to do list (read more about that).
And Mumbo Jumbo sounds better than TefMushin or TefAbuleEbga.
posh6666
October 10, 12:47U have a fan base?lol really?who knew tefmushin was a celebrity?like we have an actual celeb amidst us?*clutches pearls*☺ my dear have seen ur pictures and trust me theres nothing to envy/hate about u and also thinking back that fine young man who u claim stole ur things that later resulted in kito must have been really desperate and horny.Lmaooooo wat a joke u even said they were fighting to get ur attention?lol gurl pls!
Jeova Sanctus Unus
October 11, 11:16Monsieur Teflon, even as far as 2009, Facebook had a 5000 cap on connections. Notice “connections”? That’s right. That included pages you liked. Friends and Pages all within 5000.
But then, until last year most browsers were messed up. They often jumbled up texts. When I at 600+ connections, I too kept seeing 6000+. It was annoying as fuck.
And BTW, I was your fan then.
Chizzie
October 10, 09:17Actually straight Nigerians are more promiscuous than gay Nigerians. For starters they have an unlimited pool of reproductive organs at their disposal, whereas even though they are arguably a lot of gays here, they are hard to spot, so in most cases we end up sleeping with the same cycle of people .
It marvels me how Nigerian straight guys will sleep with anything that moves: house helps, children, animals, prostitutes, mad women, corpses ( Necrophilia is a thing). I can bet if the guy in the incident given above, were being solicited by girls, he would’ve slept with them w/o thinking twice
Trust me, our gays have a little more restraint and yes, the majority of us might be whores ( waves flag) but we’re picky whores and thats how it should be.
Duke (formerly Ace)
October 10, 09:21Picky whores? Lol! Now that’s a first.
Duke (formerly Ace)
October 10, 09:19God please let someone say what I have in mind as a reply to the comment I just read. I am too much of a nice guy to say it. Please somebody, anybody… Max? Chizzie? Pinky? DM? Any freaking body!
Pink Panther
October 10, 09:20LOL! Duke, these days I simply waka pass some people and their comments. Really. It’s the best way to preserve my blood pressure.
Max
October 10, 16:01Hahahaha ?? @Duke.. I’ve learnt to ignore such comments. Dwelling on them gives it power and I can’t continue to feed them with such power.
So just learn my new trick- when you read such comments, just think about something nice like a rainbow unicorn ☺?? and pass
Ruby
October 10, 09:27If only people would try to think with their Brains and not their Balls… Nigeria would be a Tad more Habitable for us all…
Honestly, I’ve Subtly propositioned a straight friend of my Gay friend *whatever that means* before *through gifts, calls etec and when I saw that I wasn’t making any progress, I backed off.
So if you try and don’t succeed… DON’T TRY AGAIN!!!!!!!
Pink Panther
October 10, 09:29Lol. I think most of us are going by the original version: ‘If at first you don’t succeed, you try and try again.’ 😀
Jamie
October 10, 09:32It’s not a male thing!! You people just need to cool temper and learn some manners… Anyone can do anything!!!
Tiercel de Claron
October 10, 10:33Where is Max?.
Such well prepared dish as this and he’s not yet here to partake of it.
Pink Panther
October 10, 10:41Awww, look who misses Max. 🙂
Tiercel de Claron
October 10, 10:53Isi gi there!
Max
October 10, 16:15Lol @Tdc. I decided to sit on the sidelines today.
Tiercel de Claron
October 10, 19:54Okay o
Delle
October 10, 11:25I had to read all the comments and then forgot what I was going to contribute! Lol.
Ooops! I think I just did.
sensei
October 10, 11:30Inability to control one’s sexual impulse and tactlessness has got absolutely nothing to do with one’s sexuality. These are simply personality traits. There are people who can control their impulses and there are those who can’t. And that’s just the way it is.
A have seen a study that found that on the average, homosexual men have about the same number of sexual partners like heterosexual men. However, when “high sexual activity” sub-groups in both groups were compared, homosexual men had significantly higher sexual partners. A possible conclusion is that a “promiscuous homosexual is more promiscuous than a promiscuous heterosexual” (awkward sentence. Lol). It is also therefore possible that it is this small group of highly active gay men that create a the general impression people have about homosexuals. And people who are more sexual active will be more visible, since they are always up and about, “looking for whom to destroy”. Lol
I think even this difference is a result of homophobia. “Stolen water is sweet”, said King solomon. By outlawing gay sex, it could possible become more interesting to indulge? I’m just theorising. And we should bear in mind that this is just one study I’m referring to so it’s not really conclusive.
Richard Moore
October 10, 11:39Don’t stop preaching, Pinky. This is indeed the major cause of the various problems LGBT Nigerians have to face in the real world. Someone hears you’re gay and all they can picture is your dick constantly stuck in a guy’s ass or the other way round. Even a non-religious person would jump to that conclusion.
If we can deal with this, it can be a new beginning for all of us.
ronniephoenix
October 10, 12:31O m g.
If this is what the life of a (sexual) person is like, then I thank my stars I am ace.
I don’t understand what people mean by “males have higher sexual appetite” like seriously is that even an excuse?.
I will just leave the house and recoil into my asexual shell and let the sexual ones comment.
Byeeeeeee.
posh6666
October 10, 12:54U seem to really like that word “asexual” so much?u are always so eager to fling it to our faces.So tell me if u actually dont have sex at all,how do u enjoy life?how do u release stress?wat a bore bleh…..
Max
October 10, 16:19@Ronnie, the fact that everything you write starts and ends with asexual means you’ve actually started doubting yourself.
I don’t need to remind you the need for moderation in everything you do.
ronniephoenix
October 10, 16:49@posh and @max, life as an asexual trans person is fun actually (when am not in my depressive or manic mode).
Life is more than sex.
I don’t have to feel threatened or unsure of my (a)sexuality.
I feel attraction, it just isn’t sexual.
posh6666
October 10, 16:57Well bitch so glad to know u still find time to be happy despite ur depression which u seem to also enjoy mentioning which for some reasons i actually think u find it like sumtin that makes u look “cool” weido!pls n pls this should be d very last time u mention anything asexual related in here shey u hear me?i feel like pulling&ripping off my invisible hair anytime i read ur stupid asexual comment….Iranu abasha
ronniephoenix
October 10, 17:02………….And I only use the “ace” word when I need to.
You scream gay every time, does that mean you are second guessing your sexual orientation? I think no would be the answer.
I will scream from the roof top.
I am a demisexual panromantic grayce asexual.
Toooooo long?
I know.
Xoxo
ronniephoenix
October 10, 17:08@posh, I don’t have time for your bullshit.
Bitches like you cry everytime you hear homophobic statements you cry, but feel good to throw acephobic comments.
I won’t let you tempt me to take this to another level.
Just shut your ignorant stupid food hole and brain.
posh6666
October 10, 17:16Lmaoooo acepho what????gurl u are even more dramatic than khaleesi mother dragon herself…Gtfoh…anyways since am not the mean type let me leave u in peace just warn urself!
ronniephoenix
October 10, 19:20@posh, I thought you were someone reasonable, but now I know I thought wrong.
Acephobia is no different from homophobia.
But then you would know these if you were a thinking person.
Max
October 10, 16:36Men are promiscuous. Its not a gay thing. Now before the hoes in here start jumping up in jubilation, I still hate hoes.
Girls are harder to take to bed than men, they’re mostly not always wiling to engage in sexual activity. They always need a lot of sweet talk and convincing. But its a different story for guys and Thats why when you pair two guys who want the same thing, it becomes promiscuity amplified. To simply put it- Gay sex is easier to get than straight sex, Thats why it always seems as if gay men are more promiscuous.
With that said, I still think we need to tone down our libido. The hoes in here call it “healthy” sexual appetite, I call it unhealthy. If you can’t go a week without having sex with another human, then you need to seek help. We are gay and aren’t bound by alot of laws which our society is built on, but that doesn’t give you the nerve to be seeking out people who aren’t interested in you. Normally, it takes an everage of 10minutes of chatting to know if someone is interested in you or not, so I don’t get why some desperadoes among us will go as far as outing a friend in front of a straight guy all with the hope of getting down with him.
And our amebo is too much in the gaybourhood.. Too much talk talk!!!. Tufia. I do amebo too, but that’s a different kind of amebo, but there’s good and bad amebo ( *hey Deola*). Amebo can be fun when you’re talking about your trysts and “easy days” and it’s also therapeutic and a good way to release tension and stress. However when its about slander or badmouthing people and outing people to straight people, Thats just plain stupidity and silliness served in a cocktail. Whenever you out a gay person, you’re shooting yourself on the foot.
I know hoes will always be hoes, but can you guys just stay off straight people please. It’s helping to fuel their already alarming homophobia. Stick to your gay brothers.
I actually think I know why they hit on straight people…
Reed
October 21, 23:05Pls share that info with us max.