Let’s Discuss…About The Stereotypes We Perpetuate (Part 3)
FOREWORD: KD Support is now active! Volunteers and people needing virtual support can email us at kds.system14@gmail.com. And now, on to the post of the day…
If you were a fan of the hit TV series, Desperate Housewives, and you were very familiar with the characters, then you’d probably remember the gay couple that occupied Wisteria Lane, opposite the street from Susan Mayer. One of the characters was named Bob Hunter, played by actor Tuc Watkins (pictured above left).
Last year, Watkins took a shot at the Modern Family gay couple (pictured above right), Mitchell Pritchett (played by Jesse Tyler Ferguson) and Cameron Tucker (played by Eric Stonestreet). He said he had “a hard time laughing at the gay guys on Modern Family,” arguing that the show’s portrayal of a same-sex couple “doesn’t feel ‘modern’ at all.”
“It feels a little bit like the gay equivalent of ‘blackface,’” he added, according to reports. “Sure, people come in all shapes, sizes etc. So why are we fed such ‘80s stereotypes every week.”
I googled ‘blackface,’ to find out that it was a form of theatrical makeup used by white performers in the 19th century to represent a black person, and it apparently contributed to the proliferation of certain stereotypes surrounding the issue of race. In other words, by drawing parallels between blackface and Modern Family, Tuc Watkins was trying to say that the TV show was nourishing the stereotype that gays are…well, a feminine, superficial lot.
Of course, Jesse Tyler Ferguson responded to the criticism in a Facebook post, in which he said, “We can’t be expected to represent every gay person. We can only represent these two people.” You can check out his full Facebook post HERE.
A furor was kicked up over this criticism, both for and against the TV show’s portrayal of LGBT. In the wake of it all, Tuc Watkins made one final response to his controversy. He made quite the compelling argument, and that is what I’d like to share. Read below:
‘I’d like to thank everyone for both the support and admonishment I’ve received since my comment about Modern Family a week ago: “I have a hard time laughing at the gay guys. In fact, I kinda cringe. It sorta feels like the gay equivalent of ‘blackface.”
‘Since then, some people have expressed feelings similar to mine, while many others have expressed opposing views. I think that’s great. It is my opinion that the ‘gay character’ in TV and film has been too similar, too often, for too long.
‘On December 19, I cried, ‘Blackface!’ I did it in a fit of exasperation over a stereotype that shook me when I was a kid that I saw alive and well today.
‘Stereotypes create judgments. When those judgments lead to bullying…or worse…we’ve got a problem. I don’t hear a lot of bullying around the ‘cranky old man,’ ‘neurotic wife,’ or ‘bumbling husband’ demographic.
‘What’s happening over at Modern Family is not blackface. Blackface is hateful. However, I do believe a stereotype is being perpetuated that can be harmful.
‘Growing up, I was scared of the ‘over-the-top flamboyant gay stereotype’ I saw on TV and film. I’m not now. Hell, I can ‘queen out’ with the best of them. But when, I was a kid the stereotype distanced me from who I would eventually become. Maybe I would be a little further up the pyramid towards self-actualization if I had a role model at that age. Instead, I buried myself so deep into trying to make my friends laugh, theatre, sports, etc., so I wouldn’t have to spend a moment thinking about what a ‘unique’ person I was. I appreciate that the stereotype in question may have helped someone else.
‘It did not help me.
‘It confused me. It kept me in the closet. Actually it was worse than that, because I hit the denial button before I’d even heard of ‘the closet.’
‘I want to confuse the current stereotype. Gay people, like any minority, know the power of comedy. It’s often our lifeline. Don’t tell me we can’t still be funny while we do it.
‘“This gay character isn’t a stereotype, I know people just like this.” Sure, so do I. I love them and appreciate that they are different. But when I want to visit Europe and the travel agent sends me to London over and over again, I don’t feel like I’ve really seen Europe.
‘Yes, different gay characters are trickling in. But Hollywood is the gatekeeper of the cultural lexicon. We set the pace. Let’s step it up. America can handle it. If we conjured Kim Kardashian out of nothing, can’t we do the same with a gay badass who fights crime?
‘I’m glad gay characters have such central focus among truly loving characters on a comedy like Modern Family. On our next trip to Europe, let’s visit a different city. I hear Paris is pretty funny this time of year.
‘I ain’t a hero. Nor am I a villain. I’m a guy with an opinion that comes from my gut and I want to change the world. Through the gay characters that I have played, I have attempted to confuse the stereotype instead of perpetuate it. Bully for me.”
That is a portion of the actor’s post, and it had me thinking about this particular stereotype about gay men. I remember an incident that happened a couple of years ago. I was in the company of some friends. All of us were in high spirits, laughing and joking and laughing some more. One of us had just entered the room with this guy he’d recently started seeing, a relatively new face in our midst. And then, the self-professed drama queen amongst us shrieked when he saw the guy, “Ah, my sister! Na fine pikin you be o!”
And the guy snapped back, “What nonsense is that? I’m not your sister please. Better respect yourself.”
The drama queen wasn’t one to back down from a confrontation, and he instantly bristled, chastising the other guy and quickly starting a spat that was rich with recriminations and words like ‘self denial’, ‘internalized homophobia’ and ‘be a man not a woman.’
At the time, I sort of resented the new guy for being such a stuck-up dude. But as the years went by, I began to realize that the flamboyant gay man probably wasn’t the kind of homosexual he identified with. Like Tuc Watkins pointed out, there are several cities in Europe, and London shouldn’t be the only place tourists get to see.
However, I’d like to hear your opinion on this. The flamboyant gay man. The butch lesbian. Let us discuss about this particular stereotype that we perpetuate in the gay community.
About author
You might also like
Job Opportunity: To Be In A Band
A band is looking for the following instrumentalists and the community is being given an opportunity to apply. The positions are for a: Keyboardist Drummer Bass Guitarist Lead guitarist And
Can We Talk About The Sex Tapes Getting Leaked In Our Community?
First off, I would like to say that I have absolutely no judgment against the way people choose to express themselves sexually. And I believe that revenge porn – or
Have Yourself A Merry Christmas, KDians
This has been a tough year. But even if you have no reason to be joyful, remember that there is life. And with life comes the promise of a better
){kind=link}
77 Comments
Handsomely Inclined
January 10, 05:37What’s up with this *my sister*bitches,divas,drag queens,queens nne,agadi nwanyi,nwanyi amosu..and all what not sef?you will see your fellow guy just because he likes cakes like you do,you call him *nne* or nwanyi amosu*?
The other day I was driving with my colleagues and boss inside the car,we were dressed in our outfit heading for the court,that is how one saw me,ran to the car(we were in go slow)…..the first thing he said is *nne kedu*?…..imagine me,a full fledged guy,with beards,without any sign of a woman..here someone came in the midst of my boss(a woman for that matter)and called me *nne*…..you needed to see the sudden silence and stare from that moment till we got to the court…..
While waiting for the judge to sit,I got a text from my boss*you sure have an explanation to give me when we get to the office *…..i couldn’t concentrate through out the whole day,,.,
If that’ not enough,the guy continued after the greetings *why you no want to scram my shobosho na*(whatever that means)
Personally,it nauseates me like mad.
Gays are gays..the fact that one is gay or you see your fellow comrade,respect his person first before you go into the other aspect na…na wetin?na only yash and prick dey all about in a guy?is that the first thing you see when you meet someone……
I don’t even entertain razz guys sef talk more of getting close to them….some guys can just talk any how….to the extent their gayness smells like a perfume even from a far distance….
I heard that same guy had issues with another guy,according to the report,he forcefully had anal sex with a guy in a deeper life camp meeting….and as usual,he needed an attorney……
He dialed my number,I didn’t even know it was his number sef,I missed his 21 calls..
Good I did sef,considering I almost lost my job and my personage amongst my colleagues and boss……i felt it was good radiance to bad rubbish….
pinkpanthertb
January 10, 05:43Wait, what?! ‘Nne kedu’ in the face of company? What is that guy, stupid?!
Max
January 10, 05:54I also hate that.. Some people don’t know when to be “proper ladies” (pun intended). I personally caution my friends that have the tendency to do that to turn down their “sisterhood” a notch. Other times I get the NNE greeting, I just take it light heartedly and move on.
Dom
January 10, 12:12Nne I cover myself with the blood of chisos!
Your friend was just way out of line to have done that in public. I have a very good friend of mine that I call Nnenne, but that’s on BBM or in a phone call. I’d never take it to a public place how much less in the midst of strangers. We are both mature about our jokes and very much respect each other.
My biggest problem with the gay community is one of maturity and respect!
Anonymous
January 10, 13:42Can someone be kind enough to help this Yoruba boy with the equivalence of “nne kedu” in English.
Max
January 10, 05:49Hollywood loves ratings and they’ll do anything to get it. Let’s face it, gay people become just normal boring average Joe’s when you take the flamboyancy away. That’s why they always portray the dramatic ones.
Flamboyant gays brings ratings. Even though it’s very wrong of them to keep feeding us with such shallow representation of gays. It’s just like the way they portray black people in their movies, they’re always the thugs, the crack dealers. Etc..
Peak
January 10, 07:13Word!!!
In hollywood its all about the ratings, but let’s face it, while the network/production company & team/casts and what not, are making their coin, the gay community/public image is getting a big blow in return.
Public opinion is shapened to a great extent by what the media Puts out/ feeds the general public. The general perception that most nigerians ve of a gay man is someone who is efeminate, talks/walks funny, wears tight cloths and has a shallow and flamboyant life style. This idea is largely attributed to what has been picked up from the media over the years, so gay man are therefore considered as weak, shallow minded and can’t be taken seriously. This idea has been so entrenched in us that even we as gay ppl aren’t comfortable hanging around our flamboyant brothers or butched sisters cos we feel its a dead give away. So yeah! The media is doing one hellava job #misrepresentation
trystham
January 10, 06:04Brrrrr….when the bathroom mirror refuses to fog even as u use hot water, know the cold is from hell
Truth be told, I’m very stuck with stereotypes tho. I kinda tend to think this act is particular for this role. I have room to be shocked over and over again but hey, its deep rooted. The more flamboyant you are, the more of a rival u seem. At other times, I see butch lesbians as overdoing it *slaps forehead in astonishment at my silliness*. One thing I sha know sha, sumbodi who has the same mannerisms as me in the same degree or higher cannot top me no matter how sworn he is at topping.
And as per breaking the societal image, I’m sure Pinky wouldn’t mind 007 being black and gay and Idris Elba.
pinkpanthertb
January 10, 06:10Oh I wouldn’t mind that AT ALL! 😀
Max
January 10, 06:15I’m sure you didn’t see other things he wrote once Idris Elba came into the equation.. I suggest you read it again
pinkpanthertb
January 10, 06:18I’m ignoring everything else in that comment and You. *still keeping my world focused on Idris* 😀
Deola
January 10, 06:54Lol…thirstiness everywhere this morning.
Chuck
January 10, 12:44@ trystham, I’m assuming you’re mostly attracted to the social image/ profile of masculinity, rather than wanting to be fucked / anally stimulated per se.
Ace
January 10, 06:28I want to hug this guy till all the bones in his body cracks. These has always been sentiments about mainstream portrayal of theLGBT in mmedia and movies. It is either they are extremely flamboyant, deeply depressed or highly promiscuous. Till date, i no still understand the modern family equation. Save for the comical effect, two extremely feminine guys as a couple is just disaster. Roles are the undeniable truths of our community, it is how we define them that matters.
We need more shows that shows powerful, ruthless and even villian gay guys. Lets kill the stereotype. Hopefully, i will successfully apply for to a film school and make a more suitable movie that really potrays the LGBT.
pinkpanthertb
January 10, 06:32‘Save for the comical effect, two extremely feminine guys as a couple is just disaster.’
Hahahahaa. My brother, to tell you the truth, I keep wondering about that couple too myself. I be watching Modern Family, and find myself wondering: Who is the top and who is the bottom amongst these two abeg?
LOL
Ace
January 10, 06:39Same question i ask everytime! I think they just want us not to imagine them have sex because i honestly can’t imagine it.
P.s i just sent you a link to a short comedy clip that my help speak on this topic.
pinkpanthertb
January 10, 06:41Seen.
Ace
January 10, 06:42Kindly ignore errors abeg. Sleep dey my eyes and my touchscreen.
Colossus
January 10, 06:52But isn’t that going against stereotype? Leaving you wondering who is the top?
Absalom
January 10, 07:53Spot on, Colossus.
chestnut
January 10, 06:34Hmmm…the stereotypes of flamboyance annd effeminacy. To be fair to movie producers, a lot of gay guys in real life are effeminate and flamboyant (by nature and by peer-influence). And unfortunately, those are some of the identifying features of a gay man.this is probably why movie makers are quick to run to those stereotypes when incorporating a gay character into a plot.
However, to be fair to Tuc Watkins, not all gay men are built like that; not all gay men enjoy the flamboyance, and “divatude” and all the other extras. And truthfully, I think impressing it on the world,that ALL gay people are like that, is wrong.
Regardless of the fact that we shouldn’t care what society or anybody thinks about our lives and personalities and choices, the truth remains that the extra-flamboyant gay guy is always seen as a “freak” of sorts, to MANY heterosexuals
(Hell,even to some homosexuals; I know I cringe each time I see E.J Johnson in the chiffons and satins and silks and lace and head-scarves and lip-gloss and contouring and Hermes hand-bags…).
I understand Mr. Watkins, wanting to see the hard,ass-kicking, regular, action-character (who just happens to be gay),on tv. It would go a long way to show people that gay guys aren’t locked in only one type of box; different types of personalities exist in the gay community, I don’t think it’s helpful or truthful for movie-makers to make it seem as though every gay man is loves pink, or screams and faints when they see a spider.
pinkpanthertb
January 10, 06:38Screams and faints when they see a spider… LMAO!!! Peeps be killing me this early morning.
chestnut
January 10, 06:47Oh yea, and b4 Dennis and co will come and accuse me of internalized homophobia, I’ve always said it here: some men prefer being referred to as women;that’s fine, and some men prefer being referred to as men; that is also fine. I know how I prefer being addressed; shouldn’t I be allowed that choice without being labelled and “internal homophobe”?
And I just hate it when u try to politely point out that u’re not comfortable with being addressed as a gender that it not yours,then some gay guys will attack u from all angles and insist on doing that which u don’t like! Someone says he’s not comfortable being called “nne” or “my sister” and u start abusing him for it. If u don’t call somebody “nne”, will u die? Hian!
Absalom
January 10, 09:05Chestnut, nnA, calm down, ok? Anybody who calls you a name you do not like is being disrespectful. Hell, I hate it when someone I barely know calls me my full name like they were in the labour room with my mum when I was born. Argh!
Deola
January 10, 07:09There are a lot of ass kicking gay men on tv. Agron from spartacus, mickey and Ian from shameless, Omar little from the wire, all the gay Characters in LA Complex especially Kaldrick King, nick jonas’ character on kingdom who is literally a boxer, zero from hit the floor, ethan and danny from teen wolf and so many others
I think Mr Tuc Watkins just focused on modern family because of the show’s popularity. You cant mention 10 gay characters on TV without mentioning cam and mitch.
Besides despite my huge love for desperate housewives and i do love it so dearly, Tuc’s partner in that series was also a bit of a stereotype, but i don’t see him complaining about that.
Mr. Watkins also recently played a gay character on mtv’s comedy Faking it. And that was also a walking stereotype. So he should park well and take several seats.
They are two gay guys on the show, they can only portray two gay gays and thats what they have done, and done pretty well. If you dont like them, watch something else abeg.no be by force.
trystham
January 10, 07:50You know us humans na. We can like to conveniently FORGET sumtin
Handsomely Inclined
January 10, 06:38Lol,@Pinky and Max…..there is another one I just remembered now,one of their slangs when they see you *you know all of are women who bends down to urinate *…,imagine me,a woman who bends down to do what?
This is one of the agonies of having bitches and drag queens around….
Wish I could write that slang in igbo….the effect will be more felt…..but I am kinda limited now
pinkpanthertb
January 10, 06:41*waiting with bated breath for James to get here*
JustJames
January 10, 07:12Biko.. Pinky. Why did you mention my name now?
pinkpanthertb
January 10, 07:12😀 Oh hi, love. how are you doing this cold Saturday morning?
Max
January 10, 06:53Hahahaha
JustJames
January 10, 07:09I think you’re just around the wrong set of guys… If you don’t like them and their drama why don’t you work at changing friends or the people you relate with?
Chizzie
January 10, 08:08Bitches and Drag Queens? You are ignorant, so i’ll try not to emphasize on how obtuse that was
Colossus
January 10, 06:48There already are movies that portray gays against the stereotype, none comes to my mind now but I strongly believe I’ve seen a movie or two. The thing though is that the sexuality of the characters was not the main focus. In modern family, it kinda is and it brings the laughs. It might be stereotyping but I don’t think its all out stereotyping. He should also give them credit, they broke boundaries on that show. They got married, adopted a baby, raising that baby, all in a TV show on a major US network.
At least, they have a better gay couple on modern family than the one portrayed on desperate housewives. I do think in this case,I absolutely do not agree with him.
pinkpanthertb
January 10, 06:57Colossus, that part about breaking boundaries is so right, it actually irks the heterosexual conservatives in the US.
Earlier last year, Modern Family came under fire from the American Family Association’s Bryan Fischer, who argued that the series was “designed to make you think that same-sex households are wonderful” and “the optimum nurturing environment for children,” while depicting heterosexual marriage as “bondage, dreary,” and “gloomy.”
The guy said, “People are just watching TV to be entertained, not realizing that their view of life is being twisted in a way that’s very harmful to them and harmful to our culture.”
Lol.
Colossus
January 10, 07:09Exactly. Modern family does break boundaries. I mean just watching them raising their daughter, flaws and all, goes to show that a gay couple makes the same mistake a heterosexual couple does.
To be analytical, the gay couple on desperate housewives was written more to stereotype. One goes to work and the other sits at home to gossip? I really don’t know what he is complaining about.
Meanwhile, “If we conjured Kim Kardashian out of nothing”? That part got me laughing
pinkpanthertb
January 10, 07:11Didn’t they though…you know, conjure Kim Kardashian out of nothing?
😀
Deola
January 10, 07:15Thats what i don’t get the couple portrayed on modern family is far more ‘modern’ and is less of a stereotype than the one on desperate housewives, and he hasn’t said nothing about that. Mr Watkins I am looking at you with some serious side eye….
Colossus
January 10, 07:33My brother look at him well well oooo. He is talking about breaking stereotype, wanting Paris instead of London, yet na only London he give us for desperate housewives.
pinkpanthertb
January 10, 07:37Career jealousy perhaps? lol
Colossus
January 10, 07:43I did not want to suggest that but I can’t help feeling its a little bit of the green monster at work.
Deola
January 10, 07:47Career jealousy???
All i know is that Eric Stonestreet was won two Emmys, with three nominations and Jesse Tyler has about five Emmy nominations. And those are just the Emmys, there’s golden globes, SAG, Crictics Choice to take into account too.
Also Maybe fact that they both earn over 250,000 dollars per episode which is expected to rise up to 350,000 has him in a mess. Who knows???
pinkpanthertb
January 10, 07:48LOL! Ya just had to hammer it in, eh Dee?
Peak
January 10, 07:32@ colossus I think the gay couple on scandal is what you are looking for. Cyrus beam (my bulldog) and james. We need more of those portrayals on tv.
Colossus
January 10, 07:41Oh yes, how could I forget Scandal. Thanks Peak. You see, they are really good big network shows that portray same sex relationship in a good light. Grey’s anatomy is another one. I really don’t know what Mr. Desperate HouseHusband is complaining about.
pinkpanthertb
January 10, 07:43Hahahahahahahahahaahaaa!!! Desperate Househusband… LOL!
Deola
January 10, 07:57Lmao!!! Colossus you are a mess for this!!!
JustJames
January 10, 06:48I see absolutely nothing wrong with the portrayal of Cam and Mitchell. I love them very much and sure they seem cliché but that’s just the way their characters are… I know a few gay guys who are like them so I believe they are representing real people. It’s also nice to know that even though they are both Queens they can still get a relationship going unlike some shallow nigerians I know (no shade) *eyes trystham*
About the use of feminine terms among gay guys… I have no qualms with it as long as it’s done in the right place and right time (most preferably in my room when the gist is getting too hot). And flamboyance… It does sometimes makes me uncomfortable to be around flamboyant people (I hate myself for that) but it’s not like they can help it exactly. You reach a certain age and there’s no going back if you’re flamboyant. You can however help the way you dress and I sometimes wish my girly friends would tone it down a hundred notches when we go out. I’m however a strong believer of people expressing themselves however they want so I don’t like to complain much.
Among all these, whether butch or femme or looking like a rainbow puked on you, I still say we should learn to be tolerant. I know it’s not easy in a country like this but we shouldn’t put people down just because they are different from us.
I hope I didn’t talk off point sha…
Mercury
January 10, 10:35Best comment so far……gosh you’re smart.
Deola
January 10, 06:49They really isnt just one type of gay guy, which is why modern family isnt the only show out there that has gay characters. Sure, the characters can get a little stereotype-y but they also break stereotypes, Eric Stonstreet’s character Cam, is a feminine gay guy who also happens to be a high school football coach who loves sports like crazy.
I love modern family, i love the show’s type of comedy, and each family on the show makes me laugh, what Tuc needs to realize is that this is all done to make is laugh. Not to be taken seriously.
Till this day, the best gay representation i have seen on tv is On Spartacus’ gay couple, Nasir and Agron. It was so well done, that I think other tv shows can learn a thing or two from these characters and how they were portrayed.
If you don’t like the gays on modern family, then watch the gays on shameless, Torchwood, looking, or other shows, because like jesse tyler said, they can only represent two types of gay guys, and saying modern family’s portrayal is like black face really diminishes the other gays which the show represents,because stereotypes or not there are gay guys out there like Cam and Mitch.
Handsomely Inclined
January 10, 07:00@Just James….please read my comment again…
You say be tolerant?
If you were in my shoes then,what would you have done…
Your job maybe on the line just because of one guy who couldn’t control himself?
Haha….there is a limit to tolerance not when the person has made an agreement with his generation to be continually stupid when he sees a fine dude.,,.
JustJames
January 10, 07:24I’d be mortified and livid too.. but just because one guy is lousy doesn’t mean the rest are. I’m not saying you should welcome him with open arms when you see him or any femme guy for that matter but don’t let the fact that they make you uncomfortable make you feel like they are not “normal” or humans or shouldn’t act a particular way cause they are guys. Remember society expects us to fall in love with and fuck women but most of us would rather not.
Pete
January 10, 07:33People will continuously perpetuate stereotyping. Best we can do for them is to educate them. Even here on KD,most people expect you to conform to certain standards whether it sits well on you or not
Chizzie
January 10, 07:58Biko the Nne, Gurllll and Ngozi & Agnes amongst other such suggestive names is something I permit amongst my closest bottom friends, ( more specifically just 3 of them), I don’t see it as stereotypical or derogatory in anyway. Sometimes its good to let your hair down and just act like the flaming homosexuals that we are. This is often done within closed doors, need I say. I’ve even had Tops address me as ‘Girl’ or ‘thier girlfriend’ and I don’t see that as being stereotypical too, possibly cause I am effeminate.
Sometimes what we call stereotype, is just stating the obvious.
and as for the modern family thing, I think that other guy needs to have several seats. Modern family if anything is the most non-stereotypical non-generic potrayal of a gay couple. The show manages to convey the fact that they are a gay couple without centering around the fact that they are gay. You see them as just a couple, having issues that other couples (straight or gay) have. That other guy is just bitter cause he is out of work
Chuck
January 10, 12:54Are you implying that all bottoms are effeminate? The whole “I want to act like a girl” thing isn’t true for all bottoms, so it shouldn’t be obvious.
I’m trying to counter some implications from your comment.
KryxxX
January 10, 08:52I just died @ the “conjure Kim K out of nothing”! Lmaoooo!
Give Kim some credit naa, she has a sex tape nd 3 failed marriage(I think) to her credit oh! Babe haff tried, If u think she hasn’t then beat her record.
On the topic @ hand, I am limited bcos I haven’t been in contact with a lot of that kind although I have a lil diva hidden inside but some slangs can be so annoying! That shobosho nd kporo in particular dey vex my spirit!
I will just leave the discussion to my more experienced comrades to dissect. Coming back to read comments………
Deola
January 10, 11:28She’s had two failed marriages dear…two.
Getting ahead of ourselves are we KryxxX??
Chuck
January 10, 12:55So? You can be married as long as you want, or as short as you want. It’s like a house. If you build one and you don’t like it anymore, move.
Absalom
January 10, 08:57I see we’ve settled the Modern Family controversy. Moving on…
I like to be called nne, biatch, asewo, ashii (my favourite), girl – lovelovelove it! My straight friend and I call each other “Baby” on the phone… Maybe because, in the past, I used to censor myself a lot; now I don’t and it’s freeing. It doesn’t kill, but you don’t have to like it. It’s well within your rights not to.
That said, we can stop talking about effeminacy with such condescension, really. It’s not some pitiable “condition” nor is it freaky. There are all kids of men; that’s why Jason Statham is more masculine than Barack Obama (I don’t hear Michelle complain).
So to those who say they avoid femme guys as a rule, I don’t see how that is not bigotry – help me out here. In forming friendships, what we should be concerned about is the content of the person’s character: Is the person a good person? Is he loyal? Can you trust him to have your back when things get rough? Do you connect on a deeper level? etc. All these qualities have nothing to do with if a guy seems to have more estrogen than you do.
Deola
January 10, 11:38Thats it Absie.
The way some of us talk about fem guys like its some affliction or something pitiable is what is confusing to me. Whether your a masculine gay like Michael Sam or Effeminate like Ej Johnson, we all like men and dicks simple.
Masculine or effeminate, if you’re both caught doing another man in Nigeria,I don’t think the homophobes would care about the distinction.
If you are telling your fem gay friends to to tone it down when they’re in public then thats fine, but I know gay people who are downright offended and repulsed by fem guys and that is a shame. We want acceptance from the public but have such hate within our own community. Pity.
Chuck
January 10, 12:58I’m with you here. The problem is that many Nigerian gay men are homophobic. It’s a result of education and socialisation( the attitudes of the people/ authority figures around you). Even effeminate men are homophobic. Have you never heard a bottom use “bottom” as an insult?
Absalom
January 10, 13:26True, Deola. But in asking a person to “tone” down whatever, where do we draw the line between concern for his “safety” and trying to suppress him in the way he expresses himself?
Personally, I’d rather spend my saliva telling the homophobes and testosterone-obsessed misogynists to shut the fuck up and stop harassing a poor man. As long as a person is smart, funny and nice, I’m comfortable with them anywhere.
Nobody should have to apologise for the way they are. IT. IS. WRONG.
s_sensei
January 10, 09:07People started posting comments before 6am? Chai!
As has been said, hollywood shows are all about rating. And this is a comedy, biko. and I think that in real life the funniest homosexuals are the ones with feminine mannerisms. I got one who makes me laugh till I cry with his jokes. And the effeminate, flamboyant homosexual is probably more likely to get attention just because of his appearance. Most times, the attention is negative. It could be argued that it is precisely this “brand” of the homosexual that should be continually portrayed in movies, until people get used to them.
Brian Collins
January 10, 09:20And the guy snapped back, “What nonsense is
that? I’m not your sister please. Better respect
yourself.”
So i just knew i would tell my story here on KD someday, today is da day.
Was with a group of friends discussing how to plan a get together and the discussion spiralled and had us talking about being a man. Then i said i am a man of my own and someone ( who was the group’s resident bitch, who i’m not very close to) coughed and said are you a man? I was like “bitch what u say?” and he repeated matter-of-factly “are you a man?”. I disrupted the meeting after that. I demanded an apology and got it eventually after a ‘shout down’. Because i decide to bottom during sex, or be effeminate for that matter, which i am not, doesn’t make me a woman. But an igbo friend of mine calls me ‘iya’ and i don’t really mind. i guess it comes with the territory.
ION I don’t see anything wrong in being a ‘homolesbian’. Two people meet and both are seemingly effeminate, one maybe a versatile and the other a bottom (ayam not insinuating that everyone is effeminate o) and a nuclear bomb explodes between them and they decide to date and people are like “see dem – lola, who dey top who?”, my response is “how e take consign u?”. If two bottoms fine each either attractive and want to be together, what they do in their alone time is nobody’s business.
Vhar.
January 10, 09:41I was about to wrap up my Show few weeks ago when a call came in.
The caller went “Hello Ma’am” (a guy with a high-pitched voice “femme voice” called me ma’am)
I paused. (Thankfully I was on a music break to come back on air and sign-out. Calls were recorded)
I added every Baritone I could muster in to my voice and said
“Good morning sir. How are you today”
He went
“I’m fine ma”
At that point, I flipped.
I acted like the network was crappy and ended the call.
I never aired the call.
My point.
Femme guys should know when and where to do their stuffs. Don’t over do it.
Don’t try to out someone because you play for the same team.
I curb my femme acts when I’m outside.
I like names. I love nick-names and I give them.
But not when It defines the other person outside your “habitat”
We shouldn’t go with the stereotypical Shit.
We are different.
You’re different.
I am.
Don’t be like everyone else who’s head flies high with fluffy shallow thinkings.
pinkpanthertb
January 10, 12:23i absolutely love this comment. Vhar on point.
Chuck
January 10, 13:00I know who you are! Interesting.
Vhar.
January 10, 15:35Yaaay.
He knows me (not).
Am I to cringe in fear
or
Master the art of praise?
Chuck
January 10, 16:49It’s interesting. IRL you don’t show the tensions/bitterness etc
Vhar.
January 10, 17:16Chuck.
What’s your deal?
Do you have one?
Samurai
January 10, 09:50Seriously, Chizzie???
I take an exception to that.
There is nothing wrong with being effeminate. Granted. There are many effeminate tops and many masculine bottoms. But assuming that every “homosexual” is flaming is very wrong.
Suffice it to say that just as many “homosexuals” are peacocks and desire to strut about showing their multicolored plumage, there are some other “homosexuals” who are eagles, who are swans, who are robins, who are magpies, and even those who are vultures.
Not every “homosexual” is flaming and therefore needs to let their guard down once in a while. Some “homosexuals” are as cold as ice as well and have no guard to let down.
You should know that.
Absalom
January 10, 10:21Samurai, Lmao, who are the “Vultures”? Hahahahahha.
s_sensei
January 10, 11:11hahaha!
Mercury
January 10, 11:13I’d like to think I’m a robin kinda guy….
pinkpanthertb
January 10, 12:25Love, love, love. As there’s diversity in the general population, so is there in the gay community
Khaleesi
January 10, 11:22Gay peeps come in all sorts of different personalities just like straight peeps. Just as there are flamboyant, gregarious str8 men, the same goes for gays. I can queen out and all when am around friends, but it’s all light hearted fun done when we are indoors. Am a firm believer in the right of flamboyant gays to be themselves if that’s the manner in which they feel they can best express themselves. The increasing visibility of gays in most contemporary tv shows is a good thing – a major factor in the increasing acceptance and tolerance …
Mr Kassy
January 10, 14:35Different faces=different characters,GAYS or STRAIGTH alike.Deal with it guys.You need to hear one of my guys making call;words like these usually accompany it viz:Nne ooo,Witch,Nwanyi amosu,diva,bitch,dragon,Agadi Nwanyi,Dragon from the pit of hell,Larrita nwanyi akawo,ezenwanyi…cannot even remember some.Egwu dikwa hahahahahahahahaha!.in another news I am so horny rt nw;and my baby is not around.*Dennis cold tea pls*