LIFE AS HE KNOWS IT (Chapter 2)
Tunde settled into work more comfortably. He even got friendlier with the female staff, especially Shalom. Most of the females thought his reserve was cute. He’d go get lunch with them often. He also made sure to always lock his computer.
A couple of days had passed, and Kola hadn’t said anything about anything. Soon Tunde almost put the incident out of his mind. He still saw Kola staring at him when he thought he wasn’t looking but he refused to be nervous. He did wonder if he – Kola – had told anyone else about what he probably saw, but nobody else seemed to treat him weirdly. He probably hadn’t. And Tunde wasn’t interested in stirring undisturbed waters.
He had reprimanded Ope heavily about his carelessness, and Ope became really sulky as a result. Feeling a bit bad, Tunde took him to get some food at KFC and told him about how his workmate had probably found the porn. Ope played with the straw in his drink while he listened and apologised for putting him in such an awkward situation.
Tunde had found out Ope was gay through a popular gay dating website. Earlier that day, Ope had asked Tunde to take a picture with his back turned away from the camera. Ope had on a particularly bright green backpack when the photograph was taken. Later that day, a horny Tunde was perusing the website when he came across the picture with the nickname “hopster.” The picture he’d taken of Ope’s back and his bright green backpack.
He was a bit surprised. Though not as surprised as he ought to have been. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he’d always known his cousin was gay, but didn’t really acknowledge the thought because the person it centered on was his cousin. However, he decided to play a prank on Ope.
He changed his profile picture to a handsome dude and began to chat up Ope. Ope was pretty receptive especially after Tunde swore he was the one in the profile picture. A week later, they picked a place and date to meet. Tunde made sure he got there earlier than he was supposed to, and sat waiting while texting Ope with words designed to show how anxious he was to meet him. Ope arrived five minutes late and looked visibly shocked to find his older cousin sitting in the booth where the handsome stranger he was there to meet had told him he would see him.
Tunde burst out laughing at the look of panic on his cousin’s face. “Abegi, come and sit down joor,” he said. “See wetin fine boy fit do to you.”
Ope cracked an unsure smile and sat next to him. “Please, Brother Tunde, don’t tell mum and dad…” he began.
He was cut off when Tunde hissed and said, “What would I tell them I was doing on a gay dating website? If you haven’t already figured out what’s up, I’ll blame it on the fact that you’ve fucked your common sense away.”
Ope gave a hearty laugh, and that was how they became closer. Ope had just left secondary school, and Tunde was almost through with his undergraduate studies when they found out about each other. Presently Ope was in his third year studying pharmacy, while Tunde was a working class man.
And he was working in an office where one of his colleagues most likely knew he was gay. Oh well.
As Tunde got more involved with work, the workload got heavier, so that he found himself occasionally staying back late to finish some paperwork. It didn’t help that his mind drifted off every once in a while.
It was on one of such days that Kola walked up to his cubicle. Everyone else had gone home and Tunde was too engrossed with his work to notice he wasn’t alone.
“Hey Tunde…”
He stopped typing and looked up to see the handsome face looking down at him.
“Kola, what’s up?” he said flatly. His heart hammered a bit. Was the confrontation finally happening?
“Not much,” Kola said. “I need your help. I’m sort of stranded. My car became faulty this morning and I thought the mechanic would bring it here to me once he fixed it. But he hasn’t been able to. So I was hoping I could join you on your way home. I’ll get off at the nearest possible bus stop.”
Tunde considered the request. A drive with the dude who probably knew he was gay. His head screamed ‘No’, but that would just be rude.
“Sure, no problem,” he replied. “I will be done in about fifteen minutes.”
“Thanks, man,” Kola said. “I might as well do some extra work while I wait.”
Tunde nodded, wondering what this was all about. Ope had been of the notion that Kola might be gay too. If not, he reasoned, why would he go nosing around a laptop because he heard the sound of porn? Tunde had laughed and said Ope would find any reason to see a fine dude as gay. But maybe Ope was right. Maybe Kola was gay. Tunde felt his dick respond as he thought about kissing Kola’s lips.
But wait! Maybe he wasn’t gay… maybe he wanted to blackmail him. It might be one of those kito stories… Maybe…
Tunde shook his head. He was doing it again. Over thinking. He sighed. He couldn’t do any more work now. He was nervous as hell. He packed up his things and told Kola he was ready.
The drive was mostly silent except from the soft music coming through the speakers. Kola had asked to go through Tunde’s music collection. Tunde obliged him. His music collection was full of the girly stuff and mostly old school. He loved Diana Ross and Whitney Houston. Emili Sande had become a new favorite too. Tunde wondered what was going through Kola’s mind as he shuffled through the CDs. He was probably thinking, Gay… gay… gay… sooooo gay…
“So, do you have a boyfriend?” Kola suddenly asked.
Tunde’s hand tightened on the wheel. “What?” he gasped, trying to sound casual, but failing in his own ears.
“I asked if you have a boyfriend,” Kola reiterated the question.
“Guy abeg, which kind question be that?” Tunde said with a shaky laugh.
“I saw the videos,” Kola said softly.
Tunde’s hand tightened harder on the wheel and he stared straight ahead. “Why the fuck were you going through my laptop?” he snapped. His voice was hard.
“I was curious,” Kola said dismissively. “I honestly just wanted to get a stapler, but I thought you might have something I’d like to watch, and I’ve been looking for a chance to talk to you. I thought we could be friends.”
“You wanted male bonding over porn videos?” Tunde queried with raised eyebrows.
“That’s beside the point. I asked a question. Are you gay?” Kola said.
“I thought the question was if I had a boyfriend.”
“Don’t be a wiseass,” Kola murmured.
And Tunde took his eyes off the road to glance at his colleague’s face. It didn’t hold any reprimand. He simply had on an expression of genuine curiosity.
“What’s it to you if I am anyways?” Tunde said. “Are you?”
“No,” Kola said simply. There was a pause before he added, “But my brother is.”
“Whoa,” Tunde said. “That’s…interesting.”
“Dude, I don’t mind you being gay. I really don’t care. I grew up with my brother and he was always there for me. My mum is late and my dad is a drunken mess, and my big brother did everything to make my life as safe as possible. So I know that I shouldn’t hold anything against gay people because they are humans like me. I’m sorry I asked the question abruptly, seemed to have scared you to shit. But I didn’t know any way to bring it up, and I’ve not always been good at social interactions.”
Tunde glanced at Kola again. He was looking at the road ahead of him.
He was still talking. “I asked if you had a boyfriend, because my brother seems to be working himself to death. He hardly has any fun. We talk about everything and he’s never once mentioned anyone in his life.”
“You’re trying to hook me up with your brother?” Tunde asked incredulously.
“Sort of,” was the reply.
Tunde wondered if the world had turned upside down or something. He was in a car with a straight Nigerian who was trying to hook him up with his gay brother.
“Not hook up per se,” Kola added. “I know you guys have sex a lot. I just want something steady for him. Someone to make him happy.”
“And what on earth makes you think I’m that guy?” Tunde asked still trying to figure out if he was dreaming. He’d decided not to deny the fact that he was gay.
“I’m not saying you are,” Kola said. “I just want you to meet him. He’s loveable.”
Tunde’s mind flashed to the kito stories he’d been reading recently in a growing Nigerian gay blog, and this reeked of mischief. He turned to look at Kola again. His hand was no longer tightened on the wheel. Then he said, “I’m sorry, Kola. But I have to refuse. I’m not looking for anything serious right now and even if I was, all this is too weird for me.”
Kola laughed. “You gay guys though. Not willing to commit. Just wanting to fuck and leave.”
Tunde bridled at that. And he said, “FYI, I haven’t had sex in about eight months.”
Kola gave another derisive laugh. “Say what? What happened nah?”
Tunde felt heat creeping to his face. There was a reason why he hadn’t had sex in a while, but he wasn’t going to tell that to Kola. The only person who knew was Ope. “It doesn’t concern you,” he said through gritted teeth.
“Or you can’t get it up anymore?” Kola said, apparently teasing.
“No!” Tunde almost shouted.
And Kola burst into more laughter.
“Guy, abeg, when are you getting down? You’re just making my day weird.” Tunde was not sure whether to be annoyed or amused by this conversation.
“Soon,” Kola said as he caught his breath. “At the next junction. I will write down my brother’s pin here,” he added, penning down something on a business card. “Please think about what I asked.”
Tunde slowed down for his colleague to get off. Then he drove off, and when he was some considerable distance away, he threw the card out the car window.
Written by James
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59 Comments
Absalom
September 26, 05:13LOL. Tunde though. I like the way he says “Guy abeg” every time. Are we getting Chapter 3 tomorrow?
pinkpanthertb
September 26, 05:16Yea, as soon as Idris Elba divorces his wife and starts to shag me.
Dennis Macauley
September 26, 05:24Isn’t it too early in the day to be thirsty for Idris?
So much for Disney princess!!!
pinkpanthertb
September 26, 05:28HEY BACK OFF!!! *angry un-Disney-princess-like glare*
Absalom
September 26, 05:25Asewo no go kill you oh, aswear!
Metrosexual
September 26, 06:42Pigs haven’t started flying yet, have they…???
king
September 26, 08:26Lol!!! You wish!
Ben
September 28, 23:13I’ve been reading this blog for quite a while even though I’ve never commented. In fact, I’m almost sure I’ve read all the posts on this blog. Pinky has never and will never change! I’m sure he wishes his destiny was just to be Idris Elba’s slut! Lol!
pinkpanthertb
September 29, 03:23Lol. Touché
Brian Collins
September 26, 08:16The ‘guy abeg’ is so UTI.
Colossus
September 26, 18:50Lol, oh i agree. So so Uti
Dennis Macauley
September 26, 05:24It’s always like this with straight folks. Immediately the “open minded” ones find out, they wanna hook you up with their cousin or gay best friend.
I had this oyibo woman whom I worked with on a volunteer mission. Immediately she found out she wanted to hook me up with her son in Vermont!
Exactly!!! Vermont? Where is that even?
pinkpanthertb
September 26, 05:27For some reason, as gay folk, we are somehow compatible with every other gay man. lol
Colossus
September 26, 18:53Its a State in United states, i should know, i just googled it.
simba
September 26, 05:50See my James has been groomed and gradually has entered into the prestigious writers cult. In ur face chizzle..
pinkpanthertb
September 26, 05:51Hahahahaahhaa!!! Simba, you just had to add that last bit, huh?
Dennis Macauley
September 26, 05:51Eclipse is Major
Diarisgodooo
Lothario
September 26, 13:45I swear! This isn’t shade, it’s a total eclipse!
Stickysly
September 26, 06:38Is it just me or has chizzie been awol?
Metrosexual
September 26, 06:43Still writing his much-awaited story…remember.?
pinkpanthertb
September 26, 07:16Hahahahaa! Kai you guys today
Dennis Macauley
September 26, 06:54Shade of life
*sips chamonile*
Aproko Pikin
September 26, 06:28Oh, I’ve been off for a while, but back…
@Dennis, Vermont is a place in the US.
I always love your writings James, this one almost made me pass my bus stop. Nice one! I don’t blame Tunde anyway, Kola may just have been brewing something terrible! Who knows?
Rapu'm
September 26, 06:36Men, me I can’t wait till next week oh. Nice one Chizzie.
Rapu'm
September 26, 06:43Jesus! Sorry oh. Nice one James! I blame you, Simba, for this mistake.
Aproko Pikin
September 26, 06:44Lol, U are just a brewing trouble maker!
Dennis Macauley
September 26, 06:57My Rapum! You too?
Okay!
Continu!
All these shades you are throwing!
Diarisgodooo
Metrosexual
September 26, 06:43LOL…. Tis James, not Chizzie…
pinkpanthertb
September 26, 07:14Chizzie? *raised eyebrows at Rapum*
chestnut
September 26, 06:46Wow! What a twist…what an unexpected turn of events. Here I was thinking Kola wanted a “piece of that” for himself (who woulda guessed he was just being his brother’s keeper?lol).
James,u’re becoming quite d master of suspense,aren’t u? I’d like to know why Tunde hasn’t been able to have sexual relations anymore…
daniel
September 26, 07:27That awkward moment when everything becomes so awkward… Chai… Pinky,I heard Idris Elba is about to divorce his wife, we getting the next Chapter 2mao?
pinkpanthertb
September 26, 07:31He hasn’t chyked me yet, has he?
olima
September 26, 07:48Abeg tunde, where u drop dat card? Lmao
king
September 26, 08:33Lol!!!! Haba Oluma diarisgod oooooo
Paul
September 26, 07:55Perfct example of d saying-wen pple hate U tink of dem as sandpaper-U may b scratched bt u’d come out smoother.
James U r doin pretty good.wouldn’t u rada wish for more “hate”?
I luv ur story
#TeamKizito
September 26, 08:01LOL. Hmmm.
king
September 26, 08:24Ooooh you didn’t have to throw the card away now…..oh goodness I just love the way this is turning out…James you are simply gorgeous!!!!!!!
JustJames
September 26, 08:39I am, aren’t I? *bats eyelashes*
Thanks King!
pinkpanthertb
September 26, 08:48Who you batting those lashes for, eh James? *itching to go snippity-snip with my scissors*
Brian Collins
September 26, 08:28Me i have to say Tunde is a cow o. Who throws away a card with very potential hook up on it. In this Nigeria where legit hook up is hard to find. He is such an ‘americana’. Well…..It’s not as if Kola is going to up and move to Canada tomorrow right?
JustJames
September 26, 08:38It might not have been legit though.. just saying
benson
September 26, 08:46Respect to foremost commenters been a silent reader. This story…..hmmm I can’t wait for d part 3. Seee me oh in my shakabula shoes and labulabu trosers hyperventilating…dat Kola sef wetin!
Lothario
September 26, 13:54Lmao! Abeg what are shakabula trousers?
benson
September 26, 15:39Shakabula shoes ar 70s clogs and labulabu trosers or like pallazo
Lothario
September 26, 17:02Lmao! Amazing… Can I join your fashion squad?
Andrevn
September 26, 13:14Now what did Tunde do that for?. Does he know how hard it is to get someone who is legit?,even if Kola’s bro isn’t @least for keepsakes!…..OAN:hey hey JJ you are so my inspiration right now..now as the saying goes practice and a lil’ bit of cheese makes it all perfect….from a rambler (which i loved more) to a blog topping and best selling Author you’ve beat the critics wings down and risen to stand with the likes of Rapu’um,PinkyP,Absolom etc….come on KD’s with a rousing and hardy ovation let’s give it up for JustJames.
Lothario
September 26, 13:56Nice one James….
s_sensei
September 26, 15:02James this was good! Well done!
Dominic
September 26, 16:04Congratulations James. See hoe your writing has improved. Awwwwwwww
Lothario
September 26, 17:04Oh Dominic….if I tell you how I read your comment.
“See hoe! Your writing has improved…”
king
September 26, 17:17But Dats even what he wrote!!! How dare he??? “Getting ready my oiled shotgun and aiming”
pinkpanthertb
September 26, 17:49Hahahahahaa! Bless you, Lothario. Aswear, that’s what I read too
Lothario
September 26, 19:00Lmao….PP you know the drill!
Legalkoboko
September 26, 17:57Written like a real master story teller.
And this Tunde guy is my kind of guy. So a so called straight gay friendly Nigerian, who isn’t your friend yet, hands you a pin telling you its his gay brother’s pin. What do you do with such contact? You throw it away and forget abourit! Good job James.
Colossus
September 26, 18:49“Tunde’s mind flashed to the kito stories he’d been reading recently in a growing Nigerian gay blog, and this reeked of mischief.”
Well that part got my eyebrows arched. What better way to see your product.
Nice story, turning into something heart warming……. Damn it!!!
pinkpanthertb
September 26, 21:01LOL! Yea, that inescapable bit of advertizing…
T÷
September 27, 07:53Lemme guess…Tunde stops the car later, reverses to go pick up the card…
My straight inlaw has hooked me up with his tb coworker bfore…he came to d house and was like there’s a guy I’d love u to meet. You guys behave alike. Yup! We are that close and he’s totally accepting and last two months he wanted to hook me up with another tb guy he recently met jts d distance ish discouraged me.
pinkpanthertb
September 27, 07:55WOW!!! 😀
Ben
September 28, 23:23I love this story so much and I can’t wait to get my hands on the part three! Lovely job, James! I couldn’t just stop laughing at the part where he thought Kola would be screaming gay!!! Soooo gay….when he saw the music collection! I also love Whitney Houston, Adele, Emeli Sande. I guess that’s why I could relate.
One of my ‘straight’ friends once went through my playlist looking for songs to collect. At the end he shook his head and said, “You’re gay right?” It just hit me out of the blues! I mean, he said it with so much certainty as if he just needed a confirmation.