People Always Leave
People always leave…
I remember the words ever so clearly now from a TV show I watched a few years back.
People always leave, she’d said.
And I never really understood. That is, until you left, and I only realized many days later. You see, you knew how to make me feel you were still around. You knew how to say those words that’d make my heart skip a thousand beats, make my eyes flutter and the birds in my head sing. You knew how to give me butterflies. That day, as I walked on the road and read your message to me explaining, as you have been doing very frequently these days, why you didn’t reply another one of my messages, which I sent you the night before, I knew, without being told, that things were no longer the same. I realized how ‘busy’ you had become for months now and it was as if the scales fell off at that point. I was walking to where I’d go eat breakfast, and coming to the realization that you had left made me see no need for food anymore: I suddenly wasn’t hungry. All I felt in my tummy was my sunken heart, and it was heavy.
You moved on and you didn’t tell me so I could try move on too. You left me to keep tossing and turning in a hurricane of feelings I thought were mutual. Every night, I slept in doubt, I woke to words of reassurance. Little did I know it was part of your grand plan to let me down gently. It hurt the more to think about it; my slow death in your hands. I’d rather you dealt me a single fatal blow than this slow death by a thousand cuts. Even today, you still tried to reassure me that we were okay. But we aren’t. I know this just as well as you do.
We aren’t ok. We haven’t been for a while.
When we started a few months back, everything I felt then was new to me: the ceaseless smile on my face as the thought of you was always on my mind, my sunny approach to life because I knew I had you. I no longer had my mild anxiety and panic attacks because you had encouraging words for me daily. In just a few months I had forgotten how I used to live before you. Now I don’t know how to go forward or go back.
But I smile as I write this, because one thing I had before you, and still have, is the strength of my resolve to never stay down. My life has been characterized with endless rises from the ashes of depression, confusion, pain, self-esteem/BDD issues, and I have always been able to fight my way back up. This time won’t be any different.
I will rise again. I’ll live and I’ll smile, not so I can show you what you’ve lost, but to remind me that I have been through the fire before and I always heal from the burns. I’ve had to learn to deal with life on life’s terms, and this is just another lesson in living: People always leave, and it’s ok. Lesson learnt.
Written by UC the Misfit (formerly known as Chandler B.), tweets @UC_TheMisfit
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9 Comments
DI-NAVY
February 27, 09:45Eh yah .
bruno
February 27, 11:34so have asked yourself why they leave?
UC TheMisfit
February 27, 12:55Lol. I didn’t say they always leave ME. I said people always leave.
It’s very common that people who were close friends yesterday are strangers today
Mitch
February 27, 18:47True that! People always leave.
Which is why I’ve decided to shut my heart to people. I don’t care who I hurt now. All I care about is me not getting hurt anymore
Nel
February 27, 20:58Since people would not always be here, there…
They just _Up and leave…
Leave ya without a clue …
Should we then walk solo?
A lot of times I think the answer is -YES!
OJ
February 28, 11:49People always leave… It’s always at the back of my mind whenever sparks start flying. I never expect too much; that’s why I am never disappointed.
Charloxy
March 01, 03:49I can totally relate to this… I felt that way couple of months back…People Always Leave
dizzyboy
March 01, 22:39I felt like my ex was talking to me… I broke his heart by leaving…I just got tired and instead of explaining I just took a walk… only to realize my wrong wen it was too late… cos I still love him… but that’s all history lesson now….
peaches
March 04, 00:22Its been years and I can’t love again cos someone walked out my door with all of me under him feet, trampled. So I sit there emotionless, you come, you leave, its just one big hollow that even him coming back can’t fix.