Random Questions: To Have A Gay Person As An In-Law
When we talk about issues regarding gay people who enter into heterosexual marriages, whether in commiseration or condemnation, we talk about these issues with the understanding that these people are friends or acquaintances or strangers. Separate from us. Distant from us.
But what if that person you know to be gay, man or woman, were to be in a relationship with your sibling, and they suddenly announce that they’re getting married?
That gay man who you know has been around the gay block is the one marrying your sister… Or that woman who you know slept with some girl who slept with some other girl who slept with you is now about to wed your brother…
What would you do? 
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37 Comments
Buddha
September 06, 07:39A guy I used to ride like a horse for 6 months, 10 years ago, called me and made his intention known. Dude wants to marry my baby sis. It wasn’t hard. Called my sis and asked just a question. “Can you manage someone’s mental condition for the rest of your married life?
A conversation ensued. Then a break up.
Mandy
September 06, 09:19Men, this question is heavy. Lol. At the end of the day, for me, my reaction would depend on what I know of the character of the gay man coming for my sister. If you’re a jackass, an indiscriminate hoe, filled with IH, have no respect for the LGBT community members who are trying to live the authentic lives you cannot live, then muthafucker, I’m having the talk with you where you’re either coming out to my sister or I’m hosting your coming out party myself.
Wiffey
September 06, 09:24Osigini….?
The drag ehn, don’t bring that rough play to me or my family o cause I lack the patience to even allow you say hi to my sister talk more of dating her. If he looking for someone to marry, I’m still very single. I’m confronting him with an ultimatum to quite the relationship or we will get very physical. I won’t out him to her or to anyone but I’ll handle him myself.
I love my sister too much to see her walk the path I can’t send someone’s daughter to, she deserves better than an MGM. Oh and did I forget to mention I know some serious thugs? I really can’t guarantee that his bones won’t be broken.
J
September 06, 09:55I’m telling my sibling right away ?
Façade
September 06, 11:10Oh hell to the MTF no bitch, you tell her or I’m telling. And not that stupid sob story all em MGM hoes tell their wives about being with guys once upon a time and have been trying to stop, nah-uh bitch. You’re telling her you gag on dicks and you love it and you have no plans of stopping cos we all know you don’t. Ain’t nobody who wants her marrying you hoping she’d fuck the years worth of rainbow cums out of ya system
So bitch you tell her or I’m booking ya coming out interview, sorry boo
trystham
September 06, 17:37And the MGMs will come right about now telling us how they had (have?) already told their wives kinikan kinikan. We know.???
Pete
September 07, 07:28I almost didn’t comment cos I know what to expect in the comments’ section but changed my mind.
Let’s flip the script a little. You know the dude coming for your sister as a chronic womanizer, will you still maintain same energy? I bet the answer will be no. Why? Cos despite our perceived level of personal acceptance, most here have a different version of IH; a version that has a template on how LGBT people should be/act/love/live and any one who deviates is breaking some imaginary gay codes.
If cheating in a marriage riles you,maintain same energy across board. Quit being selective in your outrage. It’s like CisHet men who will lynch gay men but will love to watch women make out.
On a lighter note, I know most of your social media handles and those of you who comment against MGMs and yet slide into my DMs to shoot shots, think I’ll start exposing you on this blog.
Francis
September 07, 08:48I’m maintaining same energy for EVERYTHING/EVERYONE that threatens the peace of mind of my sister/family abeg.
When it’s not like I hate her guts and would rather see her suffer proper
Colossus
September 07, 09:13How exactly do you determine what threatens the peace of mind of your sister? You say it under the assumption that he’ll never be good to your sister, he’ll never love her enough and continues to cheat on her. You take the stories you’ve heard of some terrible MGMs and you quickly apply it to this scenario.
What if at the end, what threatens the peace of mind of your sister is lack of finances in the marriage later, lack of a child not as a result of them not having sex, the infidelity of your own sister. How do you tackle those before they even get married? The things you didn’t foresee? After all, it is a lifelong contract, everything isn’t exposed in a day.
Toocool4dworld
September 07, 13:28God bless you bro. I have been reading people’s comments on here and am like WTF is your problem? What if this gay guy coming to marry your sister turns out to be the messiah in your family and loves your sister till death?
Francis
September 07, 22:00How wouldn’t I know what threatens her peace of my mind? We talk extensively about her needs and wants. If they ever change and she doesn’t mind marrying a gay man then so be it.
The definition of marriage has changed over time sha and everyone just gets into it for their own selfish or not selfish reasons. Makes the whole thing look very unappealing to me.
If I ask why these gay men don’t stick with lesbians, nobody go open mouth and the fearless ones will say they want a real woman. ??♂️??♂️
I don’t understand what a 200% gay man is doing staying in a relationship with a woman. I have seen people defend it and what not but I still don’t get it and until I do my default setting for now is to protect my sister’s interest AS LONG AS she ain’t pulling a fast one too. In that case scenario, I siddon look after I’ve said my piece ?♂️
Some of the very same MGMs defending this would most probably not want some types of gay men coming anywhere near their family so who are we deceiving in the end? ?
BRYAN PETERS
September 08, 09:39It’s not about what threatens her peace. It’s about falsehood and misrepresentation. I stand to be corrected though but I think stuff like this are actually criminal and grounds for lawsuits sef. Just like having a child and not disclosing it to an intended spouse before marriage. If its not that important, then why be scared of having a brother-in-law to be tell your wife to be about it? If it’s not vital information that can totally tip the scales, why keep it secret?
Colossus
September 07, 09:07Hahahahahahaha.
Oh the responses, though predictable are quite hilarious. Look at some of you who aren’t out to your family talking about outing someone else.
My people my people, tiri gbosa for una.
Francis
September 07, 22:10If finally confirming their “fears” that I’m gay, helps my sister dodge a bullet then so be it. That said I don’t think I’d be quick to out anyone explicitly sha; just simply tell a girl to continue shopping small as the current buy no be am?♂️
Jinchuriki
September 07, 09:27I’d let them be. If he fucks it up and she finds out who he is, I’d support my sister because family first. Being gay and wanting to Murray my sibling isn’t what matters, what matters is the question: are you ready for that life?
ChubbyLover
September 07, 17:16The only reasonable response so far
Xaviee
September 07, 10:02The last comments really resonated with me. We are our own problems. question is, if you didn’t know the gay part would you still apply the same thunder and lightening and outing drama? …if he wants to marry my sister, so be it!! I will wish them best of luck,rather than presume an MGM can’t make the best husband, even if he still cheats..I know wonderful husbands who are MGM…testimony from their wives…what the heck, almost all married men cheat at some point!
Xavier
September 07, 10:03The last comments really resonated with me. We are our own problems. question is, if you didn’t know the gay part would you still apply the same thunder and lightening and outing drama? …if he wants to marry my sister, so be it!! I will wish them best of luck,rather than presume an MGM can’t make the best husband, even if he still cheats..I know wonderful husbands who are MGM…testimony from their wives…what the heck, almost all married men cheat at some point!
Black Dynasty
September 07, 20:09I genuinely get why some gay men marry women as we’re stuck between a rock and a hard place but I simply do not agree with it @ all when 1 party is being misled and deceived.
It’s all good and well if everything is laid out on the table between the couple and they’re fine with it but i won’t sit back and allow people i love to enter into anything blindly, especially if there is a high chance they will get hurt.
This applies to any sort of deception, be it sexuality, a str8 guy/lady who’s a player or even STI status. Sure it might not be a popular opinion and i couldn’t care less but to me it is betrayal in every sense to see the ones i love walk into a preventable disaster and keep quiet, my conscience simply won’t let me.
So on that basis and for this instance, i would approach said person and ask them to disclose the information to my sibling or i will and if they can’t, then end the relationship. If they refuse, then i will speak up and let them sort it from there. As long as they’re both aware, whatever happens onwards I’m good with.
Yes, i would have gladly been outed if need be (and i believe i wrote a comment to a similar effect last year) but I’m now out to my parents and one of my siblings so…..
And it’s nothing to do with IH, we all have choices and we make the choice that seems most manageable with our circumstance… however, each has consequences we should be prepared to handle as well. The same energy is applied across the board…
BRYAN PETERS
September 07, 20:48And this is the real reasonable comment on this issue. Deception is deception.
BRYAN PETERS
September 07, 21:04It is in noooooo way the same thing comparing a womaniser trying to marry my sister to a Gay man trying to marry her.
First off, I’ve been in a situation where my sister dated a serial cheat and I had encourage her to walk away because that’s ABUSE.
I did this in the case of a relationship. For marriage, if i have evidence, I’d make sure he tells her or I tell her and then let them decide if they want to go on with it.
If he were gay, he would either have to come out to her and have them talk about it and decide what they want to do, or I’d find ways to keep them apart.
It is totally wrong to enter into a marriage with deceptive intentions. Its not a function of what aches the partners heart.
Let’s not kid ourselves. As a gay man who isn’t out to their wives, there cant be complete openness and vulnerability. And if you can’t be totally open with your wife, then that’s not real love.
Let’s not kid ourselves still. A gay man can never completely satisfy his wife, sexually and emotionally. Maybe a bi man can but not a gay man. Let us call a spade a spade biko.
He might think he is, and this wide might think she is being satisfied, but truth is such unsuspecting partners desrve better.
It’s just like knowing someone’s HIV status and he wants to come and marry your sister without disclosing his status to her. That’s deceptive and wrong. If you truly love her, you should tell her. I mean, there are serodiscordant couples these days. Just like there are couples where the wife is aware of the husband’s sexuality because they have talked about and come to some kind of agreement.
True love is honest and does not decieve. Even in all our wokeness and living to let live, let us try and be honest with each other.
I’m in no way castigating MGMs but truth be told its unfair to willingly hide such information about yourself from your intended spouse. If you disagree, why do you guard such information so dearly and hope to God they don’t find out?
Black Dynasty
September 07, 22:06Honestly this!
It baffles me that anyone would knowingly let their sibling (they love) be deceived. Each to his/her own sha but i just can’t……
Gringori
September 07, 22:17using HIV as a point here, you definitely have no right to go disclosing to a third party information that you are privy to.as for sexuality, I choose to think same as well…is it cos you know? So what if you didn’t know? Besides, why is everyone on the assumption that a gay man can’t make a good husband and father? And even if he can’t, why are you projecting you own fears and perhaps insecurities unto your sister??…I taya
Black Dynasty
September 08, 07:09The woman is a human being like you and has every right to informed consent! Who are we to decide that she does not have the right to know something that critical?
As for HIV, in every sensible country you are legally and ethically required to disclose your status prior to sexual intimacy. Again, the other party has a right to know what they are getting into, that choice is their fundamental right and you do not have the right to deny them that knowledge. HIV or any STI for that matter is sensitive information and I will do the same as earlier written, ask the affected person to disclose their status, end the relationship or I will (especially if they’re already intimate). Yes, most STI’s today are curable or fully manageable, however the latter requires a significant life adjustment and it should be up to the other individual to make that choice to stay knowing the risk, however little it may be.
I don’t think we understand the importance of informed consent in this country until it’s taken away from us personally. Please ask anyone who’s gotten HIV how they felt when they realised they got it from someone who lied that he was -ve or a bf who was infected whilst cheating and brought it back home. I’ve read too many stories on here, elsewhere and watched 2 friends go through it. When both of them asked me if I knew about the cheating or the status of the affected partner, I was able to say no with a clean conscience as I was genuinely unaware.
If you have nothing to hide, then speak up, otherwise it is intentional deception, selfish and those to me are borderline malicious behaviour i will simply not allow happen to someone i love. The very same way I would expect my siblings and friends to inform me.
If you can’t watch their back, don’t expect them to watch yours when you need it too.
Eric
September 08, 04:06If a gay man has intentions of marrying my sister, I would first ask him if my sister is aware of his sexuality and still wants to go ahead with the marriage. If yes, I would wish them the best of luck. She is old enough to know what she wants and what she can handle. If no, I would ask him to let my sister know. If he refuses, then sorry, but that marriage is not gonna happen. I will do that without necessarily outing him. Most stories I’ve heard about women finding out that their husbands are gay always ends in disaster. I don’t know how my sister would feel if she finds out that I had a chance to save her from a crashed marriage and unhappiness and I didn’t. Assuming I didn’t know of his sexuality, that would have been a different case.
“What if he turns out to be a very loving husband and the right person for her?” That is for my sis to decide BEFORE the marriage. Marriage should be built on honesty and communication. Don’t assume what the other person is comfortable with or should be comfortable with. There are women that are comfortable with being married to MGM’s. Good for them! That might or might not be my sister. Don’t decide for her.
Putting myself in her shoes. As a gay man, if I should be in a relationship with or married to another man and I later discover that he is straight and has female concubines and children elsewhere, that he married me just to establish a status, I would feel very betrayed. Even if he was loving and sexing me right(the possibility is quite low though), I would still feel stupid and betrayed. The hurt will be intensified if I find out that my sister knew about it beforehand and made no attempt to prevent my misery.
Black Dynasty
September 08, 07:12Thank you, louder please!!
Mitch
September 08, 08:18Seeing how my only sibling is openly homophobic, I’d do nothing. Say nothing.
I’d even urge him to be as ‘Christian’ as the rest of the family or even out-christian them without losing himself.
Then, if he’s attractive, plays top or vers and I’m still single at the time, I’d probably get a few fucks of my own for free from him.
They think their Homophobia is doing us? Na theirself dem dey do!
???
BRYAN PETERS
September 08, 09:23???
And there is this angle too
J
September 10, 21:43What? I wouldn’t expect your only sister to be accepting of your sexuality if you would treat as you’ve mentioned here. You can do better Mitch, you can work on yourself, you can be a good person.
trystham
September 08, 08:31Loool. I go away for a few minutes and Infidelity Incorporated come out to play.
Please Pete, tag all those who use toh come and shoot their shots in ur DMs because this your appeal must be the stuff of angels.
Colossus, I am not surprised, only disappointed that a someone like you who it seems everyone looks up to has REDUCED WOMEN INTO NOTHING MORE THAN MATERIALISTIC BEINGS WHOSE ENTIRE HAPPINESS IS DEPENDENT ON MONEY…but what was I expecting an? Shebi ez bcos u dinnor respect her in the first place is why u had even thought to marry her.
BTW Pete, I’m destroying the engagement if he happens to be a womanizer. I’m too old and my shoulders too stooped to be cried upon when shit hits the fan
trystham
September 08, 08:36Loool. I go away for a few minutes and the Infidelity Corps comes out to play.
Please Pete, tag all those who use toh come and shoot their shots in ur DMs because this your appeal must be the stuff of angels.
Colossus, I am not surprised, only disappointed that a someone like you who it seems everyone looks up to has REDUCED WOMEN INTO NOTHING MORE THAN MATERIALISTIC BEINGS WHOSE ENTIRE HAPPINESS IS DEPENDENT ON MONEY…but what was I expecting an? Shebi ez bcos u dinnor respect her in the first place is why u had even thought to marry her.
BTW Pete, I’m destroying the engagement if he happens to be a womanizer. I’m too old and my shoulders too stooped to be cried upon when shit hits the fan
ChubbyLover
September 08, 10:31The funny thing is that same guys that swing both ways will eventually marry someone’s sister.
You people should face the reality…..that man a a selfish animal!
Most peeps here have slept with married men, most peeps here have GFs(a sister to someone). What exactly is the reason for shaking Abi na breaking this same table?
Law9
September 08, 21:52Am one of them i tell you it s full of regreat nd pain.
No
September 09, 08:15See the Nollywood actor Ken Erics for more. LMAO
Posh666
September 10, 08:31I heard he abandoned his wife is he bi????
Audrey
September 10, 22:23Nigga is the GAYEST of them all and I know so because I’ve watched him beg to choke on a friend’s dick(A community friendly cute straight friend).He’s wedding ceremony was like a reunion of queer folks and like a prphet(Feel free to add of doom)I told a friend that the union was a disaster waiting to happen and I sure as hell was right.
Jinchuriki
September 14, 23:42And this information is necessary because?