RANTINGS OF A RANDOM (Gay) NIGERIAN (Entry 22)
After the US Supreme Court made the landmark decision to legalize gay marriage across the 50 states of America, there were lots of reactions across the world. Nigeria in its true fashion went ballistic, mostly with people condemning the ruling and saying all manner of horrible things about the country. The hate that was spewed online could actually bake a cake. America was called godless, satanic and all, even by people who had applied for American visas several times and would move to America in a heartbeat.
I went on the attack, hacking down any hateful comment that made its way to my timeline on all my social media accounts. I did not care whatever impression these commenters had about me. I just attacked and hacked at every homophobic post that I saw till I got exhausted and realized it was really no use. Just as Khaleesi has often pointed out, homophobia is entwined in the DNA of Nigeria as a nation. So I gave up and resorted to blocking/deleting. If I saw any hateful comment or post, I either unfollowed its owner or blocked him. And by the middle of the day, I had deleted over 12 contacts on BBM alone and was looking forward to a no-negativity internet experience.
However, what I find very puzzling is that gay men are involved in spewing this hate, like your head has to be really messed up for you to get online and vigorously condemn homosexuality whilst being gay. I remember my first job, when I lived in mortal fear of people perceiving my homosexuality. Whenever the LGBT issue came up in conversations, I’d remain totally quiet and vigorously focused on my computer, giving off the air of one who would join the discussion if he wasn’t so busy. So while I don’t expect you to defend gay rights (closets, anyone?), I don’t get how you shit on the very couch that you sit on. I don’t even know what goes on in your head for you to be gay and still join the opium-ed Nigerians to diss gay rights.
I woke up the day after the gay marriage ruling to see my friend’s boyfriend’s DP, which was a meme saying that God created Adam and Eve, and not Adam and Steve…yada, yada, yada. My first thought was to delete him of course, but I buzzed him and called him a hypocrite.
He responded: “Dennis, leave that thing. Let us tell ourselves the truth, you no go fuck man forever. You go still marry. Find a girl you will use and be covering body while you do your gay stuffs by the side. We are in Nigeria after all…”
I deleted him while he was still typing and refused to answer his calls afterwards. Everybody is entitled to their bullshit. I just will not be a part of it.
To the gay men who are part of the hate-spewing bigoted crowd – SHAME ON YOU!
On a similar note, I have resolved not to get into certain discussions with gay folk except they are close friends of mine. Sexual identity is a very personal journey that people should embark on their own, something they should figure out their own way and at their own pace. I will no longer play daddy cock (pun intended) to anyone. I was at a wedding recently and I sat at a table with other gay men (two of whom are married, and I did not know). The conversation soon drifted, of course, to sexuality and being gay and Nigerian. All of a sudden, I was getting accused of being “in your face with your gay attitude and forcing the rainbow flag down people’s throats.” One of them said that “maybe not everyone wants to evolve like you.” (What does that even mean?) My feelings were a bit hurt by the things said to me that day. And thereafter, I resolved not to bother to steer anybody anymore. Everyone ought to figure life out the way they want to.
Deep down, a lot of Nigerian gay men believe that this – this thing is just a brief stop along the way to eternal pussyville. After all someone once said here that we must end up like our ancestors. This ultimately is why many gay Nigerians oppose gay marriage, because they mostly do not believe that two men or two women can (or should) end up together. I argued with a dear friend recently, who said he did not believe in marriage and I told him that he did not believe in marriage mostly because he is gay. I know straight people who do not believe in marriage, but there are very many more gay men who throw around that phrase and it’s simply because on a subconscious level, it has been ingrained into them that two men cannot end up together. It is after all against the plan of God, so they resent the idea of marriage in its entirety. This is just my opinion.
This is why someone will tell me to “just do your gay stuffs by the side”, and I wondered briefly if heterosexual relations are also called “stuffs”. But I let that slide.
At the end of the day, ladies and gentlemen, you only have to do what makes you happy, what makes you feel alive. Set your own rules and define your existence.
*
I am not a fan of roles. *ignoring the blank stares from PP and Chestnut* And one of the reasons why I do not endorse roles is that it often breeds stereotypes, and these stereotypes are not even left in the bedroom. People bring them to everyday living.
My friend met up with a guy recently and they went out. When he came back the following morning and was talking about how great the sex was, I was curious because I know the guy he met lives with his folks. So being the busybody that I have always been, I asked where they had sex. And my friend called the name of a hotel which I knew was not exactly cheap. Rooms go for up to 13k there. Still driven by curiosity, I asked who paid for the hotel.
And his response was typical: “He is the man na, he gotta pay. I like when men show me that they are men and give me a good time, treat me like a lady…”
Now I don’t have an issue with gay men referring to themselves as women, lady, nne etc. Sometimes I find it funny because it is often a cheesy joke. However the kind of philosophy that my friend was postulating is exactly why I don’t support roles and their definitions, because it rarely ever stays in the bedroom. Being Bottom now means you sponge off Tops – who are supposed to take care of you and treat you like a princess? Being Top means someone cleans up after you, cooks for you and dares not talk back at you?
Odiegwu!
This is just messed up. My friend, who earns a decent salary, refused to spend a dime on a night out, because a Top took him out, and was therefore obligated to spend money on him. I have seen where Bottoms are teased because they maybe dated below their social strata and their friends say to them, “You dey spend money on man, when na man suppose dey spend money on you.”
These roles even get in the way of fun as people spend enormous amounts of energy trying to classify you before deciding whether to have sex with you. I have heard of people who became distressed to the point of tears when they discovered that they were topped by someone who had bottomed in the past, irrespective of how great the sex was. lol. We be having roles like Top, Bottom, Versatile Top, Versatile Bottom, Masculine Bottom, Feminine Top, Power Bottom, Top-quality Top (hello Trystham), Closeted Bottom (someone called me that recently lol) etc.
This shit is extremely hilarious! Ndi roles, dalu nu o! *walks away with big mug of coffee*
*
On a final note, please, please, two people are impersonating me on grindr, using the pseudonym ‘Dennis Macaulay’ to defraud people. I hear they are asking for airtime to send nudes, as well as small cash and data plans. I want to believe that nobody is really dumb enough to fall for this. But in any case, it is not me. If I use the name to make money, I would understand why they do this. As it is, it makes no sense to me.
Anyways, yes I am on grindr. But no, I do not use Dennis Macaulay. And yes, I have addressed this issue before, but I hear they are sending nude photos and all in exchange for airtime. *sigh* Don’t fall for it.
Adios
DM
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58 Comments
pete
July 08, 07:03I agree with you on all counts. the guy that used that Adam & Steve dp,is he Yoruba & lives in Abuja #AskingForMyself
pinkpanther
July 08, 07:07Someone I know identifies with one role. Major Power Bottom. lol. He’ll see my comment and come for my head. 😀
Max
July 08, 07:25Tufia!!
IVANKO
July 08, 09:51PP u eeh LMAO
#TeamKizito
July 08, 07:12Hmm. (Try not to rolls ’em pretty eyes, Kizito)
Dennis do you believe in marriage, no or no?
(Dogs and puppies..)
Lol. That bit about people shedding tears over the bottom/top ish.. So hilariously pathetic.
Max
July 08, 07:23“To the gay men who are part of the hate-spewing bigoted crowd – SHAME ON YOU!”
Lemme add to that SHAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SHAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(X1,000,000,000)
SHAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!((1,000,000,000,000) you need a walk of shame on the streets naked, just like Cersei.
I voltroned on fb.. Deleted about 10 people or so and gladiated on bbm too. But in the end, it no use. I got weak when I saw gay people were among those spewing the hate. Each time I think about it, it breaks me.
And for role people, smh for you. That’s the only reason I hate the usual name calling(NNE, gurl etc), because they already believe they’re girls and should be taken care of. The mere mention of “take care of” should piss any dude off(big time). Are you a child????????? That needs to be taken care of????
To all the role people, A SPECIAL SHAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!! on you people.
trystham
July 08, 10:19Funny, even women are stronger and more independent than some men and some ppl just want to not pay for their own meals…geez!!!
Chuck
July 08, 10:30Co – sign, Max. No tips or cash changes hands when I meet someone. We’re going Dutch or going home.
Khaleesi
July 08, 11:51Hihihiihiii … am glad you people are now seeing what i’ve been saying all along … Homophobia is deep, deeeeeepppp in Nigerians’ DNA – even a lot of the gay ones … 200 years from now, it’ll still be alive and kicking vigourously – — thanks especially to religion!
daniel
July 08, 07:25I loved this!!
Diablo
July 08, 07:29The thing i do not get is, how you can be top or rather be the penetrative partner and claim you are not a fan of roles? You’ve hinted and have even directly said at some point that you are top, but now suddenly its not cool to have roles and labels? Those that truly aren’t fans of roles and labels, are for the most part not into penetrative sex so their’s is abit understandable…but i dont get yours? Are you trying to be ‘cool’ or what? ‘Cause thats what it comes across as, and its annoying
Max
July 08, 07:51Ok Dennis please tell this bickering girl you want her to fuck you, so that she can rest.
That’s if she’ll be able to gerrit up for you.
Mtchew.
handle
July 08, 07:52Sigh. When people talk about roles, they generally talk about lot of different things. I identify as top but I don’t perpetuate roles(as DM said it breeds stereotypes), Roles being a set of societal normative dictating behaviors, personality, traits and attitudes that people see as appropriate to a particular group based on gender or sex but now being illustrated by us(gay people).
This isn’t biological but environmental, in other words people are born to enjoy one or more forms of sexual preference but learnt roles on what it means to be/act masculine or feminine.
You can see DM’s rant about roles beiing/becoming set of norm defining how people should behave, rather than being what people like in bed.
Peak
July 08, 08:48@Handle, dude u laid out my thoughts. Yes, roles are important and are suppose to help establish what we have preference for in the BEDROOM because of the homogeneity feature associated with being gay. It eliminates misunderstanding and help us navigate through confusing situations. When ppl say they don’t like labels/roles, they are referring to the divergent issues that arises form its usage. The abusive usage of roles is why some ppl frown against it. I would like to say I’m a Top, but since we are trying to be politically correct, I would say that I ve a preference for being a top and also hate labels. Labels create all forms of stigma and expectations, that ppl in their quest 4 inclusiveness tell all forms of lies to fit in all cos they think there is a stigma that comes with their preferred roles. It equally creates unrealistic expectations, a good example is the situation described above.
@Diablo, one can easily infer that you are indirectly saying that bottoms are weak, and at a disadvantage in the pecking order in the gaybourhood, which is why they more likely to have cause/reason to “Hate/reject labels” compare to their top counterparts. Yes?
handle
July 08, 09:38You are right Peak. As Dimpka said jokingly below, we will soon see role discrimination, which something close is happening already with bottoms discriminating against tops that have bottomed or guys that stopped bottoming so they won’t be treated or seen as weaker(girls) by other men or tops that won’t let bottoms touch anywhere near their anal region bcos they think if they feel comfortable others might see them as weak. Heck, my best friend did just that.
These are unrealistic expectations we have which falls under heteronormative behavior based on gender roles. Perpetuated by both tops and bottoms, example being Diablo’s comment below.
We all need to have honest conversations around this. Especially, on roles not being a sexual preference issues but one of social behavior and attitude based on abuse and misuse of sexual preferences.
JaneTheVirgin
July 08, 07:54Now i finally agree with Posh…..Hello Chizzie!!! We’ve missed you. *kisses* lol
pinkpanthertb
July 08, 07:57You think if Diablo was Chizzie, he’d be this mild in his irritation for Dennis? LOL. I think y’all have forgotten the strength of Chizzie’s vitriol.
JaneTheVirgin
July 08, 08:02*In Posh’s voice* He is the REFORMED chizzie…..btw he got me at ‘Trying to be cool’ Chizzie used that statement alot against DM.
posh6666
July 08, 08:10Lmaooooo glad to know some1 has finally realised.Am so so sure this stupid boy is chizzie who wasnt man enough to come back with his old name.If by the slightest chance his not chizzie den this lame attempt to be mean is so pathetic.Have u guys noticed he has never had anything good to say about anybody on this blog?my God chizzie what terrible event made u become this bitter evil person?u really need to pray to God for healing.No true christian should have so much hate in him.
Gad
July 08, 15:30@ Diablo,I thought my memory failed me.so you too remembred?
Belcullen
July 08, 07:36Saw sum1 on my timeline. Who 1st of all defended himself of “not being into GAY SHIT” b4 saying he thinks its dose gay ppl shud be alowed to do wateva. I was like why not just SHET Da F*** UP, yu must not comment.
kacee
July 08, 07:37*frowns* Woke up to a morning crier preaching about “America legalising gay marriage* wtf….back to the subject, is it that bad to marry someone of the same sex…… Mhen i so wish i was a guy….sucks been a girl sometimes……..back to ndi role..
pinkpanthertb
July 08, 07:46Wait, what? Kacee is a girl?
posh6666
July 08, 07:45Dennis ehen they r using ur pics?r u dat hot?last week some1 said u have an anaconda in ur pants .abeg o i need ur phone number i think its finally time to settle down with one man so we can live happily ever after in our house filled with dogs and maids.I will do nothing all day but shop.My man works hard and will make sure i lack nofin and drink my tea while gossiping with the neigbourhood ladies
pinkpanthertb
July 08, 07:47Hahahahahahahaa!!! Oh Posh…
Diablo
July 08, 07:46And yeah its agreed that tops spend more, but it isn’t exactly easy taking a dick (or two) up the ass so i guess its fair for both parties. Also if a btm identifies as a woman or the more feminine one when a top is involved, then his feelings aren’t entirely misplaced. Tops for the most part like to be the more dominant one and like to assume responsibilities as the ‘man’. My bf is convinced he’s the man in the relationship and I’m the woman and laughs me off when I suggest otherwise. He also caters to most of the expenses when we go out regardless of how i try to chip in. I guess with guys and our massive egos, dominant and submissive roles have to be established to ensure compatibility. Roles go beyond just who’s penetrating who, and that’s why they are relevant and have to be defined
*** My browser for some strange reason doesn’t seem to want to post all of my comments at once
Absalom
July 08, 08:03So Bottoms should now be paid for taking dick?
That is good oh… I can’t wait for when our employers will start giving us Bottomity Leave!
#DiarrisGodOnKDOh!
handle
July 08, 08:09So you don’t feel emasculated for all this. Even my sibling does feels and think all this you just mentioned is emasculating and she is a girl o. You want a top to spend bcos taking a dick is hard? But you enjoy it?
Can see why women would never get equality, if gay guys are the new females.
trystham
July 08, 10:23thousand of likes biko
JaneTheVirgin
July 08, 08:12Nne, I’m a full bottom (for 5years now) and im proud to tell you that during my student days, I’ve never collected ‘T-Fare’ or any form of reimbursement after sex, reason bin that it makes me look like a whore getting paid after sex.
I take dick for the fun of it not as a form of Bureau-de-change. I take care of myself with my money. I work like a MAN that i am.
Max
July 08, 08:15You take the D and he pays= Balance
*sighs..
Even your browser is smarter than you.
JArch
July 08, 10:24Lady Maxine… Always going for the jugular without any remorse
Peak
July 08, 09:07Now I’m beginning to understand why (some) bottoms here think 2 bottoms hooking up equates lesbianism, cos there would be confusion not just about who is going to penetrate who, but who is going to pay who.
To think you would protest or start a storm if the general public or a homophobe calls you a woman!
The weapons we craft for our undoing as a people.
Diablo
July 08, 09:17I might not speak for all btms, but i am comfortable paying my own bills and catering to myself, note the clause here is ” when we go out” and that i also try “to chip in”…if i have a partner that has no qualms catering to expenses ( not bills) when we go out, cause he feels he should, should i then roll on the floor and wail? Isnt it a perfect example of how some tops like to show dominance? Weither that’s right or wrong is debatable.
Don’t try to start something where there isn’t
Peak
July 08, 10:07Thanks for taking the time to clear things up. I have a better understanding of ur comment with this.
handle
July 08, 10:08Read your comments as “I think it’s fair to me for him to spend more on me bcos it just aint easy taking his dick up my ass and fair for him to laugh off my remarks about being equal bcos I take his dick and he does the spending, so I think it OK for everyone”
2. “Ok for a man to identify, behave and treated as feminine(adj. social construct, associated wit weaker sex) because in the bedroom he accept cocks(lack of better word) from men”
3. “I allow my bf to emasculate me, so not not to bruise is massive ego bcos he is just so dominant and he takes care of my expense even when I try to chip in”
Read again. Same conclusion
trystham
July 08, 10:28Excuse me!!! How big is ur brain and how well do u comprehend issues? Mtchewwwwww
trystham
July 08, 10:32Oh btw, story or not, the only one who has ever had sex for pay since I started reading stories on this blog happened to be A TOP. PASCHAL!!! The bottoms were OFFERED. So, tell me now who the gigolos are. Iranu!!!
#TeamKizito
July 08, 08:01Tsk. Tsk.
Lanre S
July 08, 08:33Perhaps, when it comes to defining roles, there are 2 types of people. One is those who know they can never switch. So they make their position clear so u don’t waste their time. That’s the strict tops or strict bottoms.
Two, those who are capable of switching, aka versatile, are likely to say there’s no such thing as roles cos they can be whatever they want depending on which way the wind blows.
Dimkpa
July 08, 08:36Soon we will be making an issue of role discrimination and clamouring for role equality, and same role marriage. Ike gwu…
Masked Man
July 08, 08:43Grindr and Manjam never made any sense to me.
QueerMike
July 08, 09:17LMAO
Mitch
July 08, 09:25First of all, I do not try to correct, inform or even condescend to arguing with Neanderthals or folks with I.Qs lower than my GPA. Haven’t we come to notice that most of these hate spewing bishes be sporting I.Qs on a negative scale? Honestly, I’d rather listen to the croaking of a toad or the whining of a mosquito and stare at some nonsensical barcodes than listen to or read homophobic trash!
Then again, I’ve come to realize that most gay folks are HUGE COWARDS! We claim we are tough and society can’t break us yet we struggle daily to live in conformity with society’s idiotic standards. We do things not because we are happy doing them but because it is what society wants. Puh-leeze! F**k socity! Do you and be happy.
On the roles ish, could everyone please not drag me back into the Stone Age. Roles are not chipped and set in stone. For fuck’s sake, it’s called a preference for a reason. Let’s all just get our heads outta our asses and start living to be happy and free not caged in some nonsense creation of ours. For bottoms that want a man to look after them, I ask: What do you have in between your legs? A pussy or a dick? Abeg, get off your lazy slimeball ass and make yourself useful to humanity. Nonsense and ingredients! For the tops that expect to be treated like gods, pray I never catch cos I will enjoy breaking your sorry ass. F**kers!
JArch
July 08, 10:22Hmmm Deola, does you see what am saw… It doesn’t easy ooo
I’ll just jejely sit it one corner and munch on my fried plantains with fish and watch all the drama unfold.
Deola come and join me ooo. Bring those your amazing smoothies biko
Chuck
July 08, 10:39Diablo, why do tops tend to pay? Ask yourself that. Also share the survey you took. I see you’re ok with being dominated because you take dick. Seems you’ve lost respect for yourself. A marriage or relationship is partnership. The way you define yours is ok for you – there’s some self hatred at work in there. But don’t push it as a norm.
GOld
July 08, 12:01Pls,DM identifying with ur role isn’t bad.knowing what suits u best isn’t bad.
I’m a bottom. At the same time, I don’t like being called girl,nne and the likes except by two people in this world
If people decide to be stereotypical about it,that’s their problem. But don’t make it look like it’s a bad thing which everybody should stop.
Nice read though. U are just a busybody and amebo. U should concentrate on getting KB to ur bed and not on other’s sexcapades.
Chuck
July 08, 12:06A bit of age determinism thrown in too? Got it, thanks
As I said you’r e welcome to structure your relationship as you would like. Your previous comment framed it as a norm. That’s what I have an issue with. Thanks.
Khaleesi
July 08, 12:12****rubs hands in glee***, soooo Dennis, you’re now coming around to see what i’ve been saying abi? Nigerians are an unrepentantly homophobic lot, there’s very little you can do or say to change that … so long as Leviticus condemns gays to death; you can scream and block and delete till you’re breathless, not much will change. I’ve learned to just ignore them; let them stew in their hate filled opium while i #JustLive …
An MGM friend sent me a disgusting broadcast on whatsapp, condemning same – sex marriage. I flipping lost it! depsite his being much older than I am, i cussed him out and warned him to never ever in his miserable life send me such an offensive piece of filth!
And yes!!! Being gay in this part of the world is a highly personal journey, we each and everone of us, have to find our own path, own it and walk it with strength and courage – so help us all!
I dont blame gays who resent marriage, they know its an institution they will likely be shut out of in the truest sense of the word; and so in their subconscious they feel a seething rage against it – complex topic for a different day …
The current brouhaha over roles is directly related to our Society’s preference for masculinity and the way in which an inferior role is assigned to females. Its directly carried over into the gaybourhood, it is what it is! For guys like us who prefer to identify as versatile/universal, it gets pretty awkward and confusing often. I basically like a man for who he is and in bed, we go with the flow and let things take their own course. I certainly dont feel that any man is obliged to care for and pick up bills for me; nor do i feel obliged to be responsible for the welfare and upkeep of a full grown adult male. No Sir!
R.A
July 08, 12:17Lmaoooo!! We never hexperredit oooo
Chuck
July 08, 14:54@tryst_ham, prostitution is role agnostic. Tops , bottoms, versatiles all have sex for money. It’s your personality that determines it, not your role
trystham
July 08, 16:06I know that. He actually implied that bottoms want tops solely for financial gains. His wanting to be safe with the use of ‘some’ didn’t ‘gel’ with me at all. It was insulting.
sensei
July 08, 15:27Great write up, DM.
I schooled someone today concerning this US law on homosexual marriages. Polls indicate that homophobia has dropped in America and they are terrified. Lol! Make we dey look
Dimkpa
July 08, 15:31OAN, I have noticed that in the recent past you bring up your bf often no matter what the discussion is. You must really have something good going on. I just love it when guys are in a relationship, it tugs on my heart strings. May it last long. Jisienu ike.
Colossus
July 08, 17:32I want to Top Dennis, take him out for dinner thereafter and have him pay.
We don’t care about roles, we’re versatile like that.
samsey
July 08, 18:38Oh! I almost passed on this but I’m glad I read it. That your analysis about role and stereotyping is spot on and it’s like you entered my head to craft that.
In my opinion, being strictly one thing is against who we are and I can never be with someone who is strictly one thing.
The problem plaguing the community is the dearth of model gay relationships to learn from. Many gay guys come into relationship armed only with the archaic heterosexual relationship manual. Archaic because even heterosexual relationships are beginning to move away from that narrow view with the advent of feminism and the Economic reality.
It is worrisome that most gays are interested in this kind of arrangement. But then whatever floats anybody’s boat
Tiercel de Claron
July 08, 20:43‘sexually frustrated and lovelorn’
Damn!
That is wicked!
Oluwadamilare Okoro
July 09, 12:19Hey DM. Good you decided to let people walk their journey acceptance personally. I thinks that’s best for them mostly; so they do not feel it’s not what they really want.
About hating marriage and being gay… Well it might be like that for some people but certainly not me. It just happens that some silly occurrences just made me zero my mind against it. Unjustified but certainly not a gay thing.
About roles and stereotypes.SIGH… Nothing in the gaybourhood annoys me more. I find myself putting more ppl in their place once these traits are exhibited… I may die without taking the D and hate cooking with passion or doing any form of chores but I certainly do not believe it has to do with what I do in d bedroom…. For this reason, a hook up or friend may wanna try to start being “maid”; I soooo hate that. Makes me feel incapable.
But well these things may never leave the community but it is well….that’s is how one said I am verse at best; just because I ate his ass good and he asked to do same to me and I agreed (also enjoying it). *SIGH. Too tiring to keep up with*