RANTINGS OF A RANDOM (Gay) NIGERIAN (Entry 30)
The other day, I was chatting with a friend of mine whom we shall call Emeka for the purpose of this story. Now Emeka really likes a guy, like really likes him, and this guy (who is also gay by the way) belongs in the same art workshop class with both of us. So I was chatting with Emeka and I began to ask him why he hadn’t made his feelings known to the other guy, seeing as we know that the guy is gay. He told me that he did not want to be rejected, that it would crush him. So he would rather let it hang in the air, hoping the guy will pick up the scent. He also said that being a Bottom, it’s not his responsibility to chase men, that they are supposed to chase him.
Now the issue of role stereotypes and gender archetypes with their often silly expectations has been over-flogged here, so I won’t even bother going into that area, even though I think he sounded very silly.
I realized that my friend was just afraid of rejection. He is not alone in that. Very many people are in that kind of situation where they are afraid to take that kind of step because they do not want to be rejected; but for all we know, the other guy may also be in the same situation. However for me, I do not have any qualms with making my intentions known to another person, letting them know I like them or that I have an interest in them; if we are not on the same page or if the feelings are not mutual, I simply move ahead, no hard feelings.
I think most times, it is just an ego trip that causes this sort of reticence, where people do not want their precious egos bruised. If I had a dollar for every time I liked someone who did not like me back, I would buy out Elegushi Beach and turn it to a gay resort. Some time ago, I met someone whom I really liked and was into, and all was going very well blissfully, and I was really happy with the way we were going; we would talk on the phone for long periods of time and spend the rest of the time on BBM. It was amazing. However it got to a point where I realized that I was the one doing all the work. I was the one literally dragging him along and even though he was following me, it was all me. So I stopped. After a few days of me stopping, it became crickets between us. Weeks came and went without a word from him, and I got my answer. It did hurt for a few days, but eventually I got over it and forgot about the entire thing.
My point this morning is just as I told my friend, Emeka. He should take the step and let the guy know how he feels about him. If it doesn’t work out or if the feelings are not mutual, then at least he would know he tried and forget about it.
*
I really envy people who are very hands-on, people who can do stuff around the house. I remember when I moved homes a few years ago, one of my friends (who funny enough is the most effeminate friend I have) was the one who took down the ceiling fans and mounted them in the new place. He also connected the sound system and mounted the TV on the wall. I remember looking at him in awe, because I would have looked for someone to pay to do those things for me. At one point, he made a quip about me ever receiving Introductory Technology classes in high school; as much as I remember being taught that subject, I doubt if anybody taught me how to couple a ceiling fan, or was I too busy looking at Nnamdi Okeke’s lips to pay attention in class?
Let me tell you people a funny story.
Lothario (who will kill me for spilling this) is a very good friend of mine, and he was visiting me one weekend many moons ago. So on an evening, we wanted to go “fishing” in Uniport (if you know what I mean). We got dressed, came out to hit the road and get there before the finest fish are taken (it was a Friday after all), and we discovered that we had a flat tyre. Well, we had a spare tyre, so it wasn’t a big deal, right? Remove the flat one, fix in the spare and drop the flat one with the tyre man on your way out. We however spent the next one hour trying to remove the flat tyre. We were taking turns to remove it, but the tyre just wouldn’t budge, which was really strange. Lothario attributed it to the flooded roads which had made the wheels rusty. After the tools we were using got damaged, we gave up and called the tyre man.
The man came in, took one look at what we were doing and said, “Oga, una dey lock the tyre na, you suppose turn am the other way. All this time you dey push am the wrong way, so e go hard now. I go pour small hydraulic make e loosen small and I go remove am.”
I was completely flushed with embarrassment as to how both of us were sweating on this tyre, meanwhile we were doing it wrong all along. It was hilarious. It took the guy less than five minutes to get it out, fixed the other one and we were on our way to Choba in no time. While we were en route, Lothario said to me, “We just have to hustle to make money, since we aren’t handy. So we can afford to pay someone to do some of these things for us.” I agreed with him 100% lol.
DISCLAIMER:
He is going to sound off in the comments section, denying some parts of this story. Disregard what he has to say. This is the true account of the events.
*
I have been watching ‘I am Cait” on E!; this is the first time I am closely following a reality show. I normally don’t watch reality shows as I don’t think anybody’s life is that interesting for me to sit and watch. Besides they are often scripted anyways. However I became very interested in this particular show because I knew so little about transsexuality and I needed to understand. When the show was first announced, I was one of the people who dismissed it as a show for us to watch Caitlyn Jenner play dress-up, which she has always wanted to do. But after the first episode, I became hooked.
I understand why there are many sentiments with Caitlyn Jenner; it’s basically because she is a very high-profiled personality, both before and after her transition. There was that beautiful Trans woman from Orange Is The New Black before her of course, but what makes Caitlyn stir a lot of conversation is that we knew her when she was Bruce the Olympic champion and star of many commercials as well as his regular appearance on his family’s reality show. So it’s kind of hard for some people to adjust to seeing Caitlyn. If Caitlyn had just shown up as a Trans woman on TV without us knowing who she was previously, then it would have been a different kettle of fish.
However if you can put your prejudice aside, you will see that the show is amazing especially, as it concerns the work she is doing with Trans teens, helping them battle depression and suicide, as well as how she is giving a face to the Trans community. The show is very educating too, I have learnt the difference between transgender, transvestite and cross dresser, and I have to admit that these terms used to confuse me, as I was not sure which meant what.
I am very proud of the work she is doing, in spite of being the butt of all the jokes on the earth today; she is soldiering on and making a difference. What saddens me however is that majority of the criticisms I hear thrown towards her are from gay people, some of who use very harsh and derogatory words to describe her. You would think that a gay man would be more understanding of difference. But that is matter for another day. Not today, Dennis…another day.
XOXO
DM
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80 Comments
pete
October 14, 07:25One hour trying to change a tyre!
Pink Panther
October 14, 07:27It is much better when rejection frees your heart to crush on someone else, than when fear keeps it trapped in longing that remains unexplored.
Mandy
October 14, 07:36Word! lol
Dennis Macaulay
October 14, 07:45Yes yes!
Rejection sets you free!
Mandy
October 14, 07:30Gay guys who wait to be pursued though…I truly don’t get that. To like someone and then settle down in wait-ville for him to pick up the scent and come and start chasing you. Inukwa! In this Nigeria! Where market is truly for the hustlers and chykers taketh by force? Mba nu! If I like you, I tell you. I wear my heart on the sleeve most times. It has suffered some bruises cos of that. But the beauty of me is my ability to bounce back and move on.
Dennis Macaulay
October 14, 07:46Lol I like this mandy sha!
Oge adiro nwanne!
The violent taketh it by force
Pink Panther
October 14, 07:35Because of a comment I just deleted (yes, I said it. I deleted a contentious comment), let me just state here that I will not stand for anyone coming here with the sole intention of causing trouble with the worn-out and tired negative assertion about the writer of this post and the things he has chosen to share.
Let me repeat myself. I will NOT stand for it. If you don’t have anything other than trouble to say, then don’t say anything at all. It baffles me that after the past couple of days, people like the person whose comment I just deleted still have not learned to disagree within the bounds of propriety.
Mandy
October 14, 07:39Lol. DM and James have the unique gift of fetching the trolls to KD.
Dennis Macaulay
October 14, 07:49Odiegwu!
Max
October 14, 08:10Whose comment? I really feel like voltroning today after what happened/has been happening for the past couple of days in and out of KD.
Bade
October 14, 07:50I love dm!!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Mandy
October 14, 07:51Careful, Bade. The anti ass-kissing police may be around today to read you your rights for that comment.
Kristopher B!
October 14, 07:53Fish hunting at Uniport How does that actually work? Do you go about hollering at random good looking guys or just meet someone you know, who links you up to someone they know? DM abeg enlighten this brother…lolx. I was at that school for a conference a few months back and must confess it has a teeming population of virile young men. Although, i prefer older n wiser specimens… YKWIM?
Dennis Macaulay
October 14, 08:06Lol
My dear there are people who run the campus ooo! Gbo gbo bigs Babes that you go to their houses!
These area mamas have a steady stream of boys that flow into their houses! You make a choice Na, and funny enough many of these boys aren’t looking for money, they just wanna have fun; take them out and ensure they turn up
drizzle
October 14, 07:57Well, I belong to the class of people who would not let their feelings known except the person involved shows promise. It has nothing to do with ego(atleast in my case) but mere fear of being rejected or turned down. That stuff feels/hurts like a break up.
On Cait, I am not a fan, but i am happy she is doing good stuff for the community.. The reason behind her transgendering and the timing doesn’t quite sit well with me, and if u aint Cait, I don’t see how u r gonna change my opinion on this.
Interesting Entry DM
Pink Panther
October 14, 07:59The reason behind her transgendering?
I’m curious. What reason might this be? Pray tell…
drizzle
October 14, 08:03I honestly don’t know PP..
Pink Panther
October 14, 08:04You honestly don’t know the reason behind his transgendering? Uh, the reason that the entire world already knows or the reason you think in your heart? Which one?
drizzle
October 14, 08:08Not quite sure which, but something aint right about her. It’s a personal feeling.
Bade
October 14, 08:05There’s no hidden reason behind her transgendering.
Max
October 14, 08:08She told a reporter that she’s tired of all the make up ??.
I stopped approaching people from 2009-Date. Whatsoever will be, will be. I can’t be a man chaser and be throwing myself at men all the time, mba. Even if I like you, a lot, you’ll probably never know. The only indication may be my niceness towards you(and I’m not normally too nice). Boys aren’t loyal, the moment they know you like them, they’ll start pulling all the strings and I don’t wanna be played like a guitar, so I stay on my own. And some of you might say that I’m letting good people pass me by, not enjoying life, yada yada yada!, but I think I’d recognize a good man if he comes around.
You and Lothario should come for classes ??. Bring extra elastic spandex while coming and lots of lube because we are gonna get our hands dirty with boy stuff ??.
Pink Panther
October 14, 08:10How is it you talk about motor engineering and make it sound like you’re talking about ‘motor engineering’, eh Max?
Dennis Macaulay
October 14, 08:26Max you will be looking out on amazing opportunities to meet great people, not everybody has an agenda, you don’t have to be paranoid all the time.
As per the classes? I’m in
**wide smile**
Pink Panther
October 14, 08:28Make sure you’re an A student o. Remember Max is not a teacher to let tomfoolery go on in his class.
Max
October 14, 08:42??? PP. You’re right, A-listers only.
Sinnex
October 14, 11:43Mehn, some guys ain’t loyal jare.
posh6666
October 14, 08:12Lmaoooo you and lothario are so clumsy it made me laff,i can imagine how awkward it was when u guys realised ur fuck up lol.I think u suppose to be turning to the left instead of right.Pls n pls are gays that much in uniport?or maybe gay for pay?cos the way u Dennis goes to shop for them like some retail theraphy at a store makes me wonder and u obviously get to bring take away with u mostly.I wont mind moving to the oil city some days sha *side eyes*Lastly on the Cait ish oh there’s been Candice even b4 the one in orange is the new black,Candice was in the series brothers&sisters that was my 1st time seeing a tranny,she features with Cait on E! rumour has it they are looking to date each other.I think why some peeps are shading Cait is cos she cums frm the family of attention seekers so everything she does just looks like she’s doing it for the camera.
Dennis Macaulay
October 14, 08:23But the then Bruce started transitioning way before he met the kardashians!
His first wife talked about it in that letter she penned! I think we should cut Caitlyn some slack, she wouldn’t go through all this trouble for just a 4m dollar reality show which will eventually be cancelled!
Django
October 14, 14:38Hello,
If you want to say something nice about someone, try using the right words.
Calling a trans(gender) man or trans(gender) woman a TRANNY is the same as calling a gay man a FAGGOT. See? Sounds unpleasant, ei?
BTW, I hate getting my hands “dirty” except I’m searching for diamonds inside that honey pot. YKWIM?
Django
October 14, 14:43Post was meant for posh666, not you @DM.
Nice read BTW.
posh6666
October 14, 15:19Oh really?never knew it was an offensive word have watched several shows including jerry springer where they refer to themselves as such,well if it really is an offensive word apologise to the affected parties.Ps there was no need for the diamond blah blah dramatics when criticism is given constructively to me i take corrections without taking it personal.
Django
October 14, 16:19Dear Felicia, you thought I was criticizing you?
Diamond blah blah, huh? What do you even know I was thinking about when I posted that? Taking things personal? I’m lost, but…
BYE.
Django
October 14, 16:30LOL.
Tufia kwa.
Just negodu!
Hehehehehehehehehehehehehe
Henrie
October 15, 06:02Your comment was fairly harmless. I don’t know why he read all that meaning into it.
Django
October 15, 09:25What meaning did I read into his comment? Pray tell. Seems you also do not care to acquaint yourself with any other knowledge apart from gay sex.
What was wrong with my comment to posh666 that he had to show me the size of his brain in his last response to my post?
What was wrong with asking him not to call people trannies?
You know what? You don’t have to dignify me with a response. You two obviously know nothing beyond gay sex.
posh6666
October 15, 09:42Like seriously wtf is this stupidity of urs?wats ur problem?am tired of stupid boys like u who try to throw subtle shade and now try to pretend to be innocent and not starting up drama making sum1 look like a bitch.You django is very stupid,yesterday after correcting me actually threw an obvious shade at me then later said u were actually not refering to me and i misunderstood you.Am not a dummy we both know wat u did there,honestly if u pretend u dont like drama then dont try to start none.In my reply i didnt insult you,then u called me felicia is my name felicia?then i called you a bitch so how is this my fault in anyway?now this morning u started it again insulting me and an innocent Henrie who didnt do u no wrong,saying all we know is just sex.Yet u are not one to start drama right?better take ur time and stop acting like a madman.
Django
October 15, 10:02You obviously have a problem with this post
“BTW, I hate getting my hands “dirty” except I’m searching for diamonds inside that honey pot. YKWIM?”
…because apparently, you do not KWIM. LOL. I wasn’t even referring to you when I wrote that. It was my contributory comment to DM’s article. There is a paragraph demarcating my response to you and my comment for the article, but since you don’t know the value of the space bar on your device(check all your recent posts on KD), you couldn’t possibly have seen where my comment to you ended, and besides, I began my comment with “BTW”
It’s not you. It’s your device. And stop getting all defensive and abusive. Do I know you or something?
Francis
October 15, 10:46Awesome ??. I was typing my last comment before you posted this ?
kacee
October 14, 15:36*in Shangela’s voice” Hallelu sister preach on MAMA….
#Chestnut
October 14, 08:18Hahaha…Dennis,when u’re loosening the nuts from a tyre,just remember this: “righty-tighty, lefty-loosey”.
sensei
October 14, 08:41Thanks for the loosening rule. How about a screwing rule?
*wide smile*
#Chestnut
October 14, 09:31Same applies, when u’re screwing a nut, u turn the … oh,wait,that’s not what u’re talking about,is it? Ajo nwa!
Henrie
October 15, 06:00I hope to remember this. Thanks.
sensei
October 14, 08:36Hahaha! The tyre loosening thing killed me!
Max
October 14, 08:47Isn’t it funny, he knows how to screw an ass but can’t unscrew common tyre.
Chizzie
October 14, 09:27I don’t have anything shady to say about this post, actually I thought it was entertaining. The entries I have read since I have been back, haven’t been ridiculously outlandish, so I hardly have anything mean to say unfortunately, and if i did It’ll be deleted so, whatevs
Your friend Emeka; Obviously if he were attractive, with an ass worthy of a shag, then his crush would’ve long hinted interest. But seeing as he hasn’t, its safe to say he doesn’t find him attractive. So he should get the hint.
I think everyone should get hints thrown at them, so that they handle rejection well and move on
Kumbaya everyone, kumbaya.
McGray
October 14, 13:26*joins hands with Chizzie* Kumbaya……
Francis
October 14, 09:59I don’t talk a lot as I literally have nothing to say and I make it a point to let peeps understand that less they start thinking I’m feeling myself. If I don’t have anything major to say to you, I ZIP it and stay on my lane. Sincerely speaking it amazes (sometimes na envy. Lol) me how some people can chat for Africa. Those that are close to me understand sha even my bestie. We can go weeks without yarning but when we finally do, it’s like there was no intermission.
DM, the nigga was probably not feeling you or is just like me.
I don’t like chasing people cause of this and many other reasons. Peeps say I’m boring as fuck. ??? I think I’m overused to hanging out solo. Fear of rejection and having to lift all the weight in the relationship dey too.
The Caitlyn hate is just transferred hate for the Kardashians. Na dem sabi. The more you hate and spew trash, the more millions they make. That show was amazing and I can’t wait for season 2. I learned a lot from it too. #TheKardashiansAreHere ???
Dennis Macaulay
October 14, 10:08You are not boring my dear, I actually find you attractive
Francis
October 14, 10:13Aaaw, thanks. Attractive gets you laid but being a conversationalist gets you in a relationship…. I think.
Max
October 14, 11:17@Aha, a consolation compliment, just what Francis needs.
Francis
October 14, 12:50??? This Max sef
Colossus
October 14, 10:41So all the pheromones I’ve been spreading all over, you never see am? Eh Dennis, you never see am? Be there forming hard to get.
On second thought though, I withdraw all my pheromones. A man who can’t change a tire? Mba, lie lie. Not my portion *snaps finger over head*
Reality TV still bugs me, I can watch it. Caitlyn Jenner I’m OK with, whatever criticisms she might be receiving, she is doing good work.
You really should learn how to change a tire or do other hands on work, it’s really really really sexy.
Max
October 14, 11:21Maybe you could teach him one of the several sexy things you do.
Dennis Macaulay
October 14, 13:35Colossus darling, you know I have daddy issues! We can work something out!
**waiting for you in timberland boots and a jock strap**
Dickson Clement
October 14, 12:21Although I make more money than my younger brother who is an Engineer, everyone in my family prefers having hiim around because he is the handy-guy. Fixing the cable, the generator, car.. everything. I remember I had to call him to fix my apartment when I got my residency job, and he tries as much as possible to teach me one or two things. I won’t deny it, I have learnt a few things too. It’s all about putting a Lil interest.
Khaleesi
October 14, 13:16GREAT piece as always DM!!! “… I would buy Elegushi beach and turn it into a gay resort” .. #iDied … LMAO … I cant say why i found that phrase funny as hell … i guess we r all gifted differently, not everyone is going to be good with his hands …
Brian Collins
October 14, 13:28Khaleesi, say again? I want to believe that everyone’s hand is good for holding D. Right?
Brian Collins
October 14, 13:31Lemme say that writing D should not be compared with ‘g**’.
kacee
October 14, 13:31lol all that time changing a tyre LWKMO, pls call me next time i’m very good in changing tyres.
Max
October 14, 15:11Oh my @Kacee, you don’t say.
I thought you were only good with flipping boobs.. But, what do I know?
kacee
October 14, 15:43@max when i get u honey my boobs will be on your cute little face…. that’s a promise….
Max
October 14, 16:44*pukes all over** obara Jeezus.
Dennis Macaulay
October 14, 16:56@max!
Pukes? Because of boobs?
Succulent sweet roundness?
**slaps you**
@kayce, please feel free to put your boobs in my face anytime
Francis
October 14, 17:34Boobs yes, dildo no okwa ya?! ???
kacee
October 14, 21:16Francis hehehehe LMAO
kacee
October 14, 21:16DM hahahaha
Francis
October 14, 17:32???? Motorboating time. ????
McGray
October 14, 13:36Honestly this is one of the piece i love so much. I mean, d way DM shares everything in a pure natural form is nothing but great.
PS: The Author of ‘The boy who has the saddest eyes’ should think of introducing a series. Can’t remember how many times i have gone through that story.
Andrevn
October 14, 17:45@McGray. That would be Rapum Kambili dearest. I miss that dude, I swear.
@Panther. #WhereIsRapum?
Delle
October 14, 14:29I really loved this entry.
Forgive my naiivety but I seriously used to think there should be ‘pursuers’ and ‘pursuees’ in this ‘world’ of ours. I love ‘I am Cait’,and not just because I find it so amusing how her voice is such a contrast to her physique, but because I have not met or seen anyone with such an amount of courage residing in them.
Which brings me to this, why don’t you guys put up something that talks about lesbianism, afterall its LGBT (there’s an ‘l’ in that word). It would be cool for a change.
Ciao
Max
October 14, 15:14Nothing stops you from penning down one yourself, don’t you think?
Mitch
October 14, 15:44Yes Max! Something does and it’s called authenticity. Delle is male not female. Try asking questions before delving straight to conclusions.
kacee
October 14, 15:51@max back off Delle boo, its weird writing down a gay scene when i’m a dyke.
posh6666
October 14, 15:27Nice to know u find her courage inspiring but her transition came at a time when there’s better tolerance to the transgenders.Alot more others like Candice in the series brothers&sisters did hers way back and even affected her getting movie roles well now that she’s really close with Cait doors might open up for her since the Americans know just how to milk an opportunity to boost ratings when they see 1.Cait is just a known face thats why people are more tolerant to her
Delle
October 14, 17:07Whew!
Max I cannot believe you would reply a very innocent request with so much sarcastic bile! Well, I guess some well-meaning KDians hv sorted it all out.
@Posh…yes durling, you are actually right there but then again you won’t deny her ‘transition’ took almost all by surprise. I mean c’mon, from the sporty, competitive Bruce to an LGBT trans activist, Cait…it is mind-blowing. And I won’t deny I was petrified when I first got the news, but she withstood all negative tantrums. That is worthy of respect.
What’s it with Kris Jenner tho? *laughing hysterically*
posh6666
October 14, 17:25Lol bitch is angry her former husband is more of a fabulous lady than she…Tho on a serious note she cant help but feel angry and lash out,like she was married to him for like 25yrs even though its not about her,any woman will suffer major self esteem issue and doubt herself.
Francis
October 15, 10:44@Posh6666 and Django: make una no vex oh but kindly scroll back up and read all your comments from the first one to the last one. Error dey both ends. Make una just admit say una jump the gun/misunderstanding some things, apologize and move on.
Abeg
john
October 16, 14:15Hello. I am a follower of this blog n I really love the way you guys relate. you guys make me forget my sadness sometimes. Being gay has been a problem n finding someone who ll love me is the bigger issue. I am in a medical school n it sometimes occur to me that I might be the only gay guy in my school. This make me have inner cut and my homophobic class mates are adding pepper to it. I just think some are born lucky.
Francis
October 16, 15:34The gays are everywhere bros. You can’t be the only one. I understand how you feel sha but it does get better with time ?