PSYCHOSIS: A Story About A Man Who Defies Society
I stumbled on this piece penned by Kingsley Okechukwu and originally published on kingkingsley.wordpress.com, and I felt compelled to share it here. The protagonist talked about in the story is the writer’s uncle, and the writer details how, for years, his uncle had defied the societal standard of marriage. I decided to share the story here, not because this uncle was portrayed as a gay man (he wasn’t) but because I wanted to let us know how powerful society can be when it strives to maintain its norms, and how any means is employable by it to ensure this.
Check on it below.
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Uncle Chukwuka is the most famous character in our entire family circle. His popularity is stretched by his refusal to adhere to the normal fabric of life, and coloured by some of the weirdest attitudes that have shocked, amused and infuriated his kinsfolk. I have been trying to write a story about Uncle Chukwuka for six years now. Each time I picked up my pen, the words came out in small, turgid mounds so that after few paragraphs, I would conclude that I have been writing nonsense, that these strange words weren’t describing my uncle; these words were in fact dishonouring him. Then I would tear off the paper from my workbook, squeeze it into a ball and hurl it out of the window. And forget about my uncle for a month.
No, I never forgot about my uncle. I only tried to force him out of my mind, succeeding only in pinning him to the backmost part of my mind were he never remained for long, though I pretend to the contrary. These past few days Uncle C, as we fondly call him, has been looming immensely in my mind. Thoughts of him have become like a bad omen which would never go away until the worst happens. And the worst is writing this story. I still feel I am writing lies about my uncle, but my conscience is nearly convinced that, though the truth would not be told by these words, but that the truth would seem to have been told. And with little luck, you might be able to construct a viable picture about my great uncle. Or just enjoy the story.
Uncle Chukwuka is actually my cousin, but his advancement in age was so much that we had to call him – not Brother Chukwuka, no he had exceeded that level – Uncle Chukwuka. I have been hearing about my uncle for many years before I finally met him. He was the first among my father’s sister’s family of five sons, and was at home for one of his brother’s wedding, he himself unmarried, a major ulcer in his widowed mother’s heart. He had little excuse for not marrying for he was what my people would call ‘stinking rich’. My people believe that if you can feed a woman and send her kids to school, you are ripe for marriage.
Since his youth, Uncle Chukwuka could feed six women and send seventy children to school, but he didn’t marry. He said he hadn’t found his taste. Although he was uneducated, dropped out of secondary school months to WAEC, he had been linked with the most beautiful and educated women in my village; he had, in few whispered occasions, sampled these girls in bed before deciding they weren’t what he wanted. She has stretch marks. Her mother is a world-class troublemaker. Bad luck runs in that family. She has body odour. She has long-throat. And one million other excuses. These excuses ate at his parents’ hearts, mostly his mother’s.
His mother had first called him when she decided he could feed a woman and support a family and told him, ‘My son, look around Ogbunka and get yourself a beautiful, well-behaved girl. Please let it be Ogbunka; your father and I won’t want you to go far.’
Uncle Chukwuka said yes, Ogbunka was the best place to get a wife, and he met with an assortment of women, slept with few (they said), flirted with all, and met one or two pairs of parents. Then he returned to Kaduna, saying he would return at Easter (this was Christmas) and finalize the wedding. No one saw him in Ogbunka for two years. In fact he only came home to attend his younger brother’s wedding. It is largely normal for younger sisters to get married before their older ones. But this isn’t normal for brothers. The order of marriage for men is age. And for a first son to be bypassed by his younger one and exercise his conjugal rights is considered a near-taboo, painting the son as weak-willed at best, or the ultimate woman at worst.
Uncle Chukwuka was indifferent. He was the first son, yes, he had given his brother the go-ahead, yes; he was pursuing something and would marry as soon as he settled that in two or three months’ time. Of course, no one believed him, but such was his parents’ anxious hope that they auctioned their doubt for the comfort of his half-truths. Before he returned to Kaduna, his mother called him aside and said, ‘Ogbunka is not the only good place to get a wife. The entire Orumba area is not bad. Not as far as Nanka and Awgbu, of course. Women from Umunze are proud, but girls from Umuchukwu, Ezira and Ufuma will make great wives.’
He was in a hurry to return to Kaduna to tie up some business venture, Uncle Chukwuka told his mother, but he would return during August Meeting just to take a wife from around Ogbunka. Uncle Chukwuka didn’t come home till December. By now, his second younger brother was dropping serious matrimonial hints and the rumour mills were working overtime. People said Chukwuka was a member of an occult and was under oath against taking a wife; they even said he had sold his manhood—no, not really manhood—but his right to manhood to the devil who gave him riches. Some said he was too miserly to get a wife, that money was a trophy he was more interested in heaping than in putting into valuable use. And that the expensiveness of our traditional marriage rites would leave a big hole in his heart and pocket, forever.
The last rumour was nearer to the truth than we might want to accept. My cousin was indeed a great magnet of money. He would quarrel and curse over 50 thousand naira contribution to bury a dead aunty or uncle. His younger ones suffered in school because he queried every request they made, agreed to render only half of them, and then give a quarter of the requested amount. In one or two occasions, his mother had to call him on phone and cried before he sent his brother money to pay for his accommodation.
There were even those who claimed that Uncle Chukwuka worshipped money. This was almost true. After the post-election violence of 2011 forced my parents to leave north, I began to spend short holidays in my big cousin’s house. There were two other cousins (Uche and Nono) who lived with him. Chukwuka owned the house—the entire house was made up of four two-bedroom flats, and he lived in one and rented out the other three. His sitting room had just the plasma TV set, the sound system and a table. No furniture for sitting. When he had visitors, they sat on the floor like Arabic scholars or at the veranda, or, if the visitor were female, he took her to the bedroom. He had no plates. When Uche or Nono finished cooking, they went to the tenants to borrow plates. He had only one pot, so there was no talk of cooking rice and stew or something that required two pots—every meal was a cook-all. The boys, Nono and Uche sold cooking oil on retail, which Chukwuka supplied to them. And even though he got half of the profit, he required them to pay the shop rent to him, and the two lads took turns to contribute for meals.
Chukwuka hardly used the bank. He usually carried his money in a rucksack while he moved around in the market place. When he was ready to go home, he would lock the money in his boot. At home, he would put it under his bed and lock his door. If he made out to get something from the shop across the road, he would carry his fortune with him. He wouldn’t leave it in his bedroom lest Nono or Uche or I, or all of us, broke down the door and carted away with his treasure. One time, rain beat him and his money, drenching the notes badly. Chukwuka had to spread all the notes on the sitting room tiles. That night, we boys didn’t sleep in the house. ‘I hope you little criminals know you won’t sleep in this house tonight,’ was how he dismissed us.
In appearance, my uncle was imposingly tall and well-fed, almost overfed. His neck is fleshy and his cheeks full, as though he carried a permanent piece of meat in each cheek. His face was fair and clean-shaven and his cunning teeth shone like the inside of a coconut. I holidayed thrice or so in Uncle Chukwuka’s house and nearly every time, he wore a T-shirt that had been worn in respect for some dead uncle with the inscription ‘Adieu Papa’ on the back, over some whitewashed jeans and matching boots. His head was always in a flat cap, even when he slept, I suspected. A cap so old it now took the appearance of a battered motorcycle seat. I couldn’t see what he spent his money on, so I refused to dismiss strongly the claim that he worshipped money or belonged to an occult group were marriage was a taboo, and spending money attracted harsh penalties.
When Chukwuka’s second brother wedded, Chukwuka didn’t even bother coming home. He only returned when news repeatedly reached him that his father was ill, and he was sure it was true and not just a ploy to get him home and rope a wife around his neck. When he got home, he met his father in a stroke. The old man said he was going home; indeed most of his age grade members had gone, but he wanted to see his grandchildren from his first son before he left. He might not carry them, but would his first son deny his fading sight this honour? And Uncle Chukwuka wept.
Then the search for a wife for my kinsman became a worldwide hunt, and names poured in from the four corners of the world. Women, well-educated, refined, well-cultured, even retired society ladies were mentioned. Every friend and relation had one or two candidates for Prince Chukwuka. A prankster, perhaps an outright idiot or someone who spoke on behalf of gallons of sour palm wine, actually suggested Tonto Dike.
Long lists were drawn. Then a shortlist. Then a master list. These were discarded and redrawn. His mother was anxious, and before His Majesty returned to Kaduna to tie up that thing he had always been tying up, and probably would tie up forever, she pleaded with him. ‘Any Anambra girl would do. Apart from those girls from Onitsha and Nnewi who don’t stay at home, any girl from a decent home would do. Don’t forget, a Catholic.’
Our hero returned to Kaduna. And he forgot everything. Then his father died. The words in the lips of everyone in Ogbunka were that Chukwuka had killed his father. Oh, what a kind-hearted innocent man, so unlucky to have a walking evil as son; now that he was dead, the wayward son would never settle down. What a wicked generation!
His mother wailed at him, ‘Give me babies before I join your father. Give me children; I want to lay hands on my grandchildren’s heads.’
And Chukwuka shook with tears of regret and conciliation. Chukwuka told his mother he would be bringing a woman home during his father’s funeral.
‘Any girl will do!’ she told him as he got into his car. ‘Any Igbo girl will do!’ she added as he shut the door. ‘Real Igbo girl. Please no girl from Rivers or Delta o!’
And Chukwuka said, ‘Okay,’ and returned to Kaduna.
Kaduna, the cemetery of his marital wills. He would come home, get charged with the fire of marriage, then go to Kaduna and this fire would die. It was like there was a group of people who lived in the entrance to Kaduna, on the ready, waiting for Chukwuka’s car to appear, blazing with a beacon of marriage. And they would throw a tank of water on it and quench it. Chukwuka didn’t come home with a woman for his father’s burial. He loved his father so much and marriage was the last thing in his mind, all he wanted to give the old man a befitting burial.
Before he returned to Kaduna, his mother sighed. ‘My son, they all say you have sold your manhood for money, why don’t you prove them wrong.’
Chukwuka laughed. ‘Do you believe any gossip you hear?’
‘It’s not for me, just prove them wrong.’ But she couldn’t resist adding, ‘Any girl will do, provided she is not Hausa. Any girl who prays to Jesus.’
‘What if she is Hausa and prays to Jesus?’ There was mirth in the corner of his mouth.
The woman shrugged. ‘Bring her home.’
Chukwuka’s mother had first hinted marriage to her son when he was twenty-seven, now he is forty-five. His three younger ones had married and the eldest of his nephews is now in secondary school. I was a boy when I first met my famous cousin, now I am grown, gone to the university, come out and almost finished my youth service. Uncle Chukwuka is still unmarried. Still ‘searching’.
Last month, I went to Zaria to get my transcript processed for my Masters and stopped by in Kaduna. He didn’t take me to his house, so I couldn’t tell if he now has furniture and utensils at home. Nono and Uche have since moved on; they now study in Nekede, I think. Some younger cousins are slaving away in Uncle Chukwuka’s house.
Chukwuka took me to a restaurant and we sat facing each other before the ambitious dishes. ‘You are now a big boy,’ he said.
I smiled.
‘Very soon you will make money and start talking through the nose.’
I chuckled. ‘Thanks a lot. You contributed a lot to it.’
He waved me quiet. ‘It is my duty.’
As we exhausted the little avenue of conversation we shared, I asked him the question that had been burning me for more than one and half a decade. ‘Uncle C, when will you settle down?’
And he pushed his chair back and laughed so loud and uncontrollably that everyone stared at him like he had lost his mind. I strangled the embarrassment threatening to colour my face. ‘Now you sound like my mother!’ He brought out his hankie and wiped his tears. ‘Did my mother send you?’
I shook my head.
‘I will marry when I see the woman I like. Girls nowadays are so sharp eyed, looking for whom to devour.’
When he dropped me at Kawo Motorpark, I asked him if his mother still gave him specification of whom to marry. He opened his mouth wide and for a second I feared he would resort to his crazy hilarity, but he only chuckled and said, ‘The old woman ask me to bring anything home, any living thing of my choice.’ He was still laughing as he drove away.
What a man.
As my bus drove off, I felt the tell-tale signs of a major depression. I shut my eyes and refused to give this any power by thinking of it. I dozed off and dreamt that I was fifty years, unmarried and my people were in my house throwing my things out, saying that I have been excommunicated, that their town was a normal town, not for people who had sold their manhood for money. I woke up with a bad headache and a foul anger.
‘Marriage is not by force,’ I said aloud.
Every passenger turned to glare at me.
‘Nonsense,’ I spat.
Their look of ill-concealed astonishment lingered for a few long seconds, then everyone returned to their troubles and business. I shut my eyes but I fought to remain awake. The fear of facing my people’s resentment in dreamland was enough to send me clamouring for the joy of transit insomnia. I began to turn Uncle Chukwuka’s issue more carefully in my mind. Here I was, afraid to dream of being scorned for shunning marriage. But Uncle C had survived intense scorn for nearly twenty years. This really requires an overdose of guts. And Uncle C seems to have it. You may call my great cousin whatever you want, but one thing is clear, he is not a coward. And perhaps, for a few, he has earned the status of a hero.
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87 Comments
Mandy
May 23, 06:29This just makes me wanna ask the gay men in @TeamForeverSingle… Are y’all ready for this? Jeez! Uncle Chukwuka was having it rough.
Dennis Macaulay
May 23, 06:43Waves membership card at you! Has the uncle been killed? I mean has he been beheaded for being single? This will be me in 20 years, except that I will have a fabulous house crawling with domestic staff and very many dogs.
Oh and erm Horses too and antique furniture from europe
pinkpanthertb
May 23, 06:45Hahahaahaahaaa. And I’ll be the next door neighbour with a tea-drinking patio overlooking an unbelievable view of the ocean.
sensei
May 23, 06:46*sigh* @DM and Pinky: I love my friends!
Dubem
May 23, 06:34The one that has me shaking with laughter is the mother.
First it was:
‘My son, look around Ogbunka and get yourself a beautiful, well-behaved girl. Please let it be Ogbunka; your father and I won’t want you to go far.’
And then:
‘Any Anambra girl would do. Apart from those girls from Onitsha and Nnewi who don’t stay at home, any girl from a decent home would do. Don’t forget, a Catholic.’
And then:
‘Any girl will do! Any Igbo girl will do! Real Igbo girl. Please no girl from Rivers or Delta o!’
And then:
‘Any girl will do, provided she is not Hausa. Any girl who prays to Jesus.’
LMAO! With each year, the requests for a choice of wife depreciated. What desperation can cause. Chai! This Uncle Chukwuka strong o.
pinkpanthertb
May 23, 06:36That is eh… Hahahahahahaaa. You forgot the last one. Any living thing of his choice.
sensei
May 23, 06:47My dear, I almost died! Hahahaahahahaha!
Mercury
May 23, 06:49I swear the poor woman couldn’t be wanting specifics again….. Lol. I feel for her.
pete
May 23, 06:39the uncle is a brave man. our society esp immediate family likes to dabble into our affairs. even here on KD, there is this tendency to whip everyone on same path
McGray
May 23, 08:33There is nothing bravery and heroic in Chukwuka. Anyone can lash out at me anyhow he wants but the word Heroic is not in Chukwuka! Rubbish.
sensei
May 23, 06:45Lmao! Omg, where do I even begin. This was BEAUTIFULLY written. And Uncle C is just CRAY!!! Unbelievably stingy yet unbelievably tough! I hope he is a real person. Hilarious!
pinkpanthertb
May 23, 06:48Oh he is. Apparently the writer is quite proud of the man.
Dennis Macaulay
May 23, 06:49Very funny I had this convo with a dear friend yesterday. A mutual (gay) friend of ours had sent bulk sms announcing his wedding, so this one called and was saying that the intending groom was gloating that after all everybody will still marry.
I cut in instantly and said not everybody will marry, and we had a big argument with him reminding me that I am african and I should stop fooling myself etc
I just laughed and told him I will do whats best for me, and ONLY me knows whats best for me.
See nobody has been beheaded for not being married or having kids! Worst case family will ostracize you and that will be a “yinmu” moment for me. Yes its going to be a toff journey, but when my whole life’s happiness is at stake I have to be ruthless
pinkpanthertb
May 23, 06:56Dennis, forward this post to that friend.
Dennis Macaulay
May 23, 06:59Already emailed him darling! No time
Tayo
May 23, 07:02Any girl who prays to Jesus… *chuckle* Desperation, thy name is Mother.
Absalom
May 23, 07:14This almost read like fiction. Maybe because of the way the writer presented it with a weighted slant on the uncle’s wealth – bringing to mind the Nollywood trope of the rich cultist forbidden to marry… But the comments on the original post have convinced me otherwise.
Away from the speculative and superstitious, what I find sad is the uncle’s inability to state his REAL reason for remaining unamarried, so he sticks to the easier explanation: “I haven’t found the one…” But for how long will a person not find the one? Finding a partner is easier than finding a job, you know – unless you really are NOT looking. (I think.)
Perhaps Uncle C is not the marrying type. Perhaps he’s asexual (or grey-asexual), regardless of the women “they said” he bedded…
But, will his mum understand any of these reasons?
pinkpanthertb
May 23, 07:19No she won’t. She just wants her grand babies.
KryxxX
May 23, 07:20Lmaoooooooooooo!
Any living thing of his choice ehkwa?
Ma ewu, efi na okuko abi?
Issoright!
I dont see myself going through this stress oh! I can’t! The only way I can escape this is to leave d country nd severing all ties with family! But as long as am in dis naija, I haff married finish! Iron lady mum nd her minions that r my sis would make my life miserable then marry one abakiliki gal(heard that they r hardworking) nd shove her down my throat!
But truth be told……………………. I’d love to have a wife. The thought gives me joy. I need help abi? I know…….. But I can’t help it.
Nice write up Mr King!
Dennis Macaulay
May 23, 07:32Kryxx if u want a wife and all its great! As long as its what you want and what will make you happy!
At all times the narrative must be yours, about what makes you happy! So do get married someday and send me an invite!
NB: I love gbegiri and ewedu
sensei
May 23, 07:47Thank you@DM
trystham
May 23, 09:25A wife is a very good thing. To even thinj of cheating on her makes me ur enemy tho..
Max
May 23, 09:53As long as its what you want and Youre happy …
Ace
May 23, 07:54This story was everything for my bedtime. I just don’t know where to begin. It was wonderfully written, I had a vivid picture of who I imagined Uncle C to be and the challenges he is facing from his family. I just wished he wasn’t stingy, he would have been an ideal character for me but I guess everyone has their flaws.
Teflondon
May 23, 07:57Probably the best written piece I have read on here. The story is almost like a a fiction.. It was really an intriguing and exciting read.
It felt like I just watched a short movie. The only disappointment for me.. Like Absie rightly said.. Is the facts that no one truly knows the reason why Uncle C refused to marry all this years.. Surely I would have love to know.
I have an Uncle C in my family but the difference is after much pressure from family he as finally succumbed and he is getting married soon. Tho I doubt if that’s what he really wanted..
So I’ll say in the context of upholding ones principles.. Beliefs and values… Uncle C can be considered a Hero!
Ruby
May 23, 08:00To each His Own….
To Each His Own
Brian Collins
May 23, 08:10Wouldn’t Dennis hold this post to heart. I very much believe that i might have to succumb to pressure to get married to a woman if worse comes to worst. But it would have to be a woman i adore and finding her may take some time. But i dont know if i would really want to get married to a man or maybe that’s my African mentality speaking. Spend my life with you, maybe, but the whole marriage ceremony, not so sure.
Ps: @Dennis, do you hate all ideas of marriage or would you get married to a man you love given the chance?
Dennis Macaulay
May 23, 08:24Ore mi if i meet a man who will take all my crazy, my eccentricity, my ocd and my plenty dogs and I am smithen by him? Ofcourse id marry him! No time!
I want a wedding in Bora Bora
trystham
May 23, 08:22As much as I am for teamSingles, let it be known now that no matter how much u want to declare ur desire to be alone on rooftops, man wasn’t created to be alone. Not necessarily marriage. Just someone to constantly invade ur space, someone to nag, someone to crack jokes with…someone, not dogs. Dennis, hear now o. That said, #teamSingleANDNOTCONSIDERINGMARRIAGEEVER
Yorubas sef are lenient a bit. That this Uncle Chukwuka survived this, he does deserve an award…minus the miser part sha
Dennis Macaulay
May 23, 08:26You can be single and not alone na honey, surely you must know this
Absalom
May 23, 08:31Yes, yes, because you’ll be sleeping with twinks fresh off JAMB hall! 😛
Brian Collins
May 23, 08:51LMAO @ fresg off JAMB hall.
Trystham dearie, Dennis is not opposed to getting married as a concept just getting married to a woman. And i hear you are an OCD expert. You can be the Will Schuester to his Emma Pilsbury.
Dennis Macaulay
May 23, 08:51Ah Jambites! and College of arts and science PH students!
Mercury darling, in the mood for tea?
trystham
May 23, 09:11@Absalom you dey mind the bloody paedophile. Go dey use mature plantain slay innocents. Agbaya!!!
@Brian Abi me sef dey see therapist for ‘near OCD’. Na Dennis biko. I no do.
Mercury
May 23, 09:51Yeah DM dear, you know I luh ma tea…..spill it.
JamesJemima
May 23, 08:23Presently I don’t see myself getting married to a woman especially if it means she will be oblivious to (or pretend not to see) my sexuality. Pretending takes its toll on me everytime and I lash out in damaging ways. It’s starting to take it’s toll again. Pray for me. I hope by the time they are expecting me to marry I will be very independent and wave my middle fingers at the people disturbing me to do what I don’t want to do.
Sinnex
May 23, 09:10How did Uncle C become the hero of the story again? I don’t see why you guys are celebrating him. This is not just about marraige but his personality as a whole. He has an issue and it would do him and his entire family a whole lot of good if he seeks medical help.
Nonsense and ingredients.
trystham
May 23, 09:20Kindly list ONE issue he has so we can critically examine together
JamesJemima
May 23, 09:26Please what are you talking about??
Max
May 23, 09:58Hmmm, sometimes I just don’t know why i even try..
Vhar.
May 23, 10:07Ihere adịghị eme onye ara ka ọ na-eme ụmụ-nna ya.
McGray
May 23, 11:32Vhar, Will u marry me??
Absalom
May 23, 11:41Of course, this comment gave you JOY, McGray! 🙂
JamesJemima
May 23, 11:52Please interprete this
Absalom
May 23, 12:21It’s the family of the “madman” who feel the shame (over his condition, that is), not the “madman” himself.
@James
McGray
May 23, 11:58Absie Dear, ppl see pesin wey dey stingy to d core and dem tok say na Hero and Mr. Brave, inukwa?? If na our brother im be i for reserve my comment but seeing as him dey chuck gals anyhw nd dem say him be gini?? Keredim kedu?
Absalom
May 23, 12:16McGray. But the fact that he is “stingy” – I’d say miserly – is a different kettle of fish. We can dedicate another thread to analyse that.
The focus here is his refusal to get married despite pressures from family.
What is also the focus is the possible reasons behind his decision. That statement about not having found the right girl is likely crap…
Beyond that, does a person HAVE to explain to us why they are unmarried? Isn’t the decision to stay single enough?
The focus is also on social attitudes towards the institution of marriage. There are lessons to be learnt here from the evolution of his mother’s pressure etc.
His miserliness – real or imagined – is a non-issue.
Ringlana
May 23, 12:56Fanning myself,@PP Hope you are getting Ready for Denrele ,Ashebi?
pinkpanthertb
May 23, 14:03LOL. Good one, keredim
Diablo
May 23, 14:20I think Uncle Chukwuka is selfish and self centered. and at this rate he might die a miserable lonely man. I don’t see him as a hero, neither do I think his behavior is one that should be emulated. A real hero is selfless and sometimes willing to sacrifice. Uncle Chukwuka on the other hand is tight fisted, stingy to a fault ( this is a dude that can’t even get himself furniture) , isn’t a man of his word! This guy clearly has some deep rooted issues and I don’t see him as a proper example for the deviant and stronged willed gay man, that wants to remain true to himself than conform to society.
Dennis Macaulay
May 23, 14:53Sweetheart separate the issues and see him through the glass we are looking at
JArch
May 23, 15:22Hahaha Keredim you’re all shades of messy I swear.
Should we have emergency services on standby in case of a full meltdown
Diablo
May 23, 16:35Well to be honest , lets not kid ourselves, we have to be willing to compromise from time to time. Cause society isn’t just about us, many people make up society. Our parents would probably have saved tons of money if they didnt have us, yet they chose to. Sometimes it shouldnt always be abt us and what makes us happy alone. I believe genuine happiness comes when ppl around u are happy because of you. Happiness isnt a selfish concept. Deep down inside, who’s to say Uncle Chukwuka is happy?
Francis
May 23, 16:49You seem to have plenty of happiness to dash out. Nna good for you oh. I don sacrifice my happiness tire. Enough is enough. This life sweet and I must enjoy am just like everyone else is trying to do.
pinkpanthertb
May 23, 17:29Hear, hear! @Francis
Chris
May 23, 17:07“i believe genuine hapinness comes when ppl around u are happy because of you.
Happiness isnt a selfish concept” Very deep food for thought. Weekend mantra.
trystham
May 23, 18:04When u refer to ‘making ppl around u happy’, do u think Uncle C’s mother and his village ppl would be happy if he had adopted a child? Knowing full well the happiness that singular act would bring to several other hundreds? They prolly wud av still insisted on him marrying and fathering a biological child just to be content.
Society too is selfish. Nobody sees that. But when it is now someone’s turn to want to be happy, chooses to be happy, all hell is let loose.
Francis
May 23, 18:07@Trystham: gbam! Excellent point.
trystham
May 23, 18:18You should not be in Olodo Gang. Seriously. You really shouldn’t.
Francis
May 23, 18:20@trystham huh? wetin i talk now?
pinkpanthertb
May 23, 18:27Lol.. Yea, trystham, kilode? Wetin im talk
trystham
May 23, 18:46Everything and Nothing.
olima
May 23, 19:15Family n keeping up appearances..
McGray
May 23, 19:22Francis mwetekwe gi…..
McGray
May 23, 19:20Oh Diablo Dearest, Will u marry me??
Max
May 23, 20:04He doesn’t fit the “olodo gang” profile…
gad
May 23, 20:45one beautiful thing about life is that events keeps repeating themselves in time and life’s of individuals past and present. Not all men are called to marry. None should marry if he is not ready to give himself away to another almost like a drink poured out. Life is complex. Many find real happiness and meaning in life by sacrificing their “happiness” for others while many who won’t never really find happiness. I knew two men who never married nor had children all their lives in my village. one led a most miserable life and when he died he was buried like good riddance to bad rubbish and I haven’t had anyone talk about him till this day. while a day hardly passes in the village without people making fond and kind reference to the other. it all depends on how we chose to use our God’s given resources. Chukwuka was clearly a coward,lier and self-centered man. He should be bold enough to tell people that he wasn’t cut out for marriage or that they should let him be. There is nothing heroic about a lier. of course to all who feel hunted by the inability to marry,he is understandably a hero and a mentor.
JArch
May 23, 21:08Gad… You have simply put my jumbled thoughts on this piece into writing. I tried to comment earlier but my thoughts weren’t coming through and you’ve managed to say it the same way I was thinking.
I don’t drink palmy i would have suggested we meet up while you’re in Abuja haha
Gad
May 23, 22:00That would be nice and an honor to my person. I’m not allergic to people who drink ice cream.
keredim
May 23, 21:35“He should be bold enough to tell people that he wasn’t cut out for marriage or that they should let him be.” – Is that really possible in our society? In our culture. You say to your family, “Mama, Papa, i don’t want to get married, i am not cut out for it”.
They won’t let you get away with it.
Also you say “There is nothing heroic about a liar……” I think i would rather lie and string my family along, than marry a woman and make her miserable rest of her life due to no fault of hers, just to make my family happy. They are both sins, but one is more forgivable than the other.
Gad
May 24, 21:57@ Keredim,marrying someone you dont love just to please people is tragic and wicked both to you and the one you married.Living a lie is as bad.its cowardice.its not the same as being diplomatic so as not to hurt your loved ones
pinkpanthertb
May 24, 04:01Nothing heroic about a liar.
So lying to family for the sake of one’s own peace of mind is a terrible thing?
And you’re the one saying this, condemning another?
How ironic.
Gad
May 24, 15:19Why are you surprised that I said that? What’s the irony?
Max
May 24, 06:32“There’s nothing heroic about a liar”
How truly ironic
trystham
May 24, 06:55Can I sneer at this comment?
Dimkpa
May 24, 07:10‘I believe genuine happiness comes when ppl around u are happy because of you.’
I just want to ask which ‘you’ the reference is to. The real you or the one you want them to think you are. And again we advocate self sacrifice for others but fail to ask what they sacrifice in turn for us. We excuse their bigotry but flagellate ourselves for even the thought of gaining a little personal peace and happiness.
I don’t see why all the sacrificing has to be from us. Give family and friends a chance to sacrifice too, we’re all human.
Chris
May 24, 09:31I always do say marriage is not meant for everyone regardless of the gender. It is just that african culture
stipulate marriage and lay great emphasis on it. I dont know whether to say that marriage is overrated
because of popularity of marital breakdown nowadays. However i will say it is great and wonderful union
between two people or maybe more according to other peoples culture and religion.
To be honest i dont know what to make of Chukwuka’s case or situation. One cant have answer to everything just like trying to understand homosexuality, lesbianism and bisexuality. Let just agree that somethings are
mysterious and only God understand and Him have the answers to that.
I didnt grow up in a community where the word eligible bachelor would stay on any marrigeable male for so
long even now with all the economic meltdown. As a male in my culture, it is hard to survive not being
married by the time you are thirty five, how? for where? If you like run to Australia because America and
London is just stone throw for them, you would be ‘remotely’ brought back home to face the music.
Some males in some cultures are lucky, if the pressure to get married doesnt kill you by the time one is
forty,it would have killed either of the parent or both self. I have heard that some males in my culture did try
to take the Mr Chukwuka’s way out, let just say the paid price is too high and it is not or would never be worth
it in my eyes. The social ostracism, the stigma, the indefinite happiness of the parents, never mind their
society embrassement, not not worth it
This is where i remember again……”happiness isnt a selfish concept”. I dont think Chukwuka is in happy state
of mind especially the way he responded to his cousin’s question of when he would get married.bIt is every
parent joy to see their offspring get married, if they cant produce thie own biological kids, adoption is becoming
popular these days. A kind hearted person loves to see their parents happy sometimes compromising one’s
own happiness. Happy sunday.
The story is depressive self, my take, peace out.
Francis
May 24, 10:39@Chris one thing you need to realize is that life isn’t fair and we can’t have it all so they (awon folks) should have several seats and deal with it.
The one wey dey pain me pass be say some are not even grateful to God sef that their remaining kids don marry born grand pikin for them. They just have to act all greedy and shit.
Like I said, life sucks and we can’t have it all. Just enjoy what you have access to and accept ya fate.
Chris
May 24, 10:54Francis stop saying “awon this or awon that” i personally i find it hilarious. ? Cant stop laughing here.
Well back to the koko (matter). It is not as easy as that o, only a parent can understand this, sorry, none
outside that box would be able to decipher this. Some fate as you said or some cross no easy o, especially, imagine in an estate in 9ja, 45yrs old man , never marry, no wifey? no girlfy? and he is not a divorcee?
Me, i dont know o, well life sucks…
keredim69
May 24, 11:00Has he not got nephews and nieces to pass it on to?
Brian Collins
May 24, 14:44So i decided to watch Ebony Life TV today and how delightful are the programs. Desperate Housewives Africa. Saw a rerun of episode four and i was cracking up. Pretty much the same storyline but with the Nigerian twist and they are shooting some lush estate. The Martha Huber character Mrs Benson is just delightful. And i really do hope they will not chicken out on making Leo gay.
And isn’t Ebuka Obi-Uchendu just a beautiful man? Too beautiful not to bat for out team?
*rapping MI* ‘you too fine they say you turn gay’
chalantx
May 24, 20:35Someone discuss how he became a hero again?, uncle C is a plaim coward, prankster, a man at what age devoid og respect, whose words cant be counted for anything. As a man and that age he should be man enough to state his got no intention whatsoever too get married, now thats a hero. Havnt you’al heard of women with the idontneedaman theme, career focused n all, those are heroines.
Modern day psychology has shown us not everyone is cut out for marriage, family and child bearing, it perfectly normal n ok not to be.
There is this tickly cuddly feeling people get around babies, the “huh, his adorable”, i sure the hell dont get, there fragile and vulnerable state just gives me the need to protect not not necessarily grow attach or tolerant.
Point been uncle C is a coward.
Gad
May 28, 16:11Real coward
Francis
May 24, 20:43Hmmm, abeg those wey dey call Uncle C coward and dey plan do fake marriage later, what does that make you guys abeg oh? #ImJustAskingOh
Chris
May 24, 22:41*indefinite unhappiness
absinthe
May 28, 01:26Amazing piece! Felt like it was Chimamanda Adichie Telling The Story! Humoured me all through.
Gad
May 28, 16:08Better stick to them and stop seeking attention. I don’t do whores.