Straight Guys Sound Off On Sleeping With Men (And Why They’re Still Straight)
Can a person have gay sex and still identify as straight? According to a new article by the Guyliner at GQ, the answer is: Totally!
“It rather depends on what you think being gay means,” the Guyliner writes. “For most people, ask what ‘gay’ means to them and, if we’re talking about guys, they’ll say a man who has sex with other men.”
This, the Guyliner says, is “a huge part” of being homosexual, but it’s not the only part. There’s a whole culture around being gay that doesn’t necessarily include getting naked with members of the same-sex. Reading Kito Diaries, for instance. Or wearing designer underwear. Referring to one another as “girl,” categorizing one’s self as an animal, overusing the phrase “yaaaas.” The list goes on and on.
“So if we remove the label of ‘gay’ from sex acts we traditionally assume are only the domain of gay men, does this mean you can take part in them and still be straight?” the Guyliner wonders.
To get to the bottom of things, the Guyliner asked three straight men who have all engaged NSA liaisons with other men in the past their thoughts on the matter. Here’s what they had to say…
James, age 28
Me and my mate would fool around but mainly he would do it to me. I wasn’t as interested in his cock as he was in mine, but I think we both got something out of it. I didn’t have a girlfriend yet and my mate was just discovering his sexuality and wanted to try. I always made it clear we weren’t in a relationship and that nobody should know. But I didn’t feel guilty and I think he was cool with it.
I’ve never been with a man since and I’m happily married now. I doubt I’d do it again as that would mean being unfaithful, but I consider myself straight. It’s fine to experiment; it’s a big part of finding out who you are.
Mark, age 28
I was in the couples room at Torture Garden [a fetish club in London] and a stranger gave me a blowjob. I was there with my girlfriend at the time and we’d both got pretty wild. I just didn’t really feel the desire to fuck him. I suppose it’s possible I might go further one day but I think it’s very unlikely. I almost never think men are attractive.
Why do I continue to identify as straight? I suppose it’s because I couldn’t imagine myself having a relationship with a man. In the same way I have gay friends who’ve fucked women, but would never identify as bi, or worry they’re straight.
I think that ‘being gay’ or ‘being straight’ is about much more than some sexual contact.
Zac, age 25
I’d never really thought about being bi or gay. I’d only ever been with girls and had never really been sexually attracted to any guys.
When I was 20, a load of our sixth form year got together for a party. George was a guy from my year I’d known fairly well but never been close to. We were both fairly drunk and I remember just feeling happy to see him for the first time in ages and for some reason, knowing he was gay, I kissed him rather than hugging him. We chatted for a bit and then we both carried on with the night – not really thinking much about it.
Later on, we were both alone on the landing and he kissed me again. This time, for some reason, I didn’t really stop him and before long we were fully making out – we snuck into one of the bedrooms and one thing led to another.
I did enjoy myself. I suppose I’m quite a sexually liberal person and didn’t really think of it as being ‘gay’, it was just was fun and at the time I was enjoying it. We had sex, both oral and anal. I topped. I don’t think I’d have been comfortable with it the other way around.
So what can be made of all this?
“You as an individual get to decide how you label your sexuality, if at all,” the Guyliner concludes. “As long as nobody’s feelings are getting screwed over, you’re free to have sex with men or women at will and still call yourself straight. But it’s worth acknowledging that you’re merely a tourist.”
The Guyliner continues: “Having sex with a man doesn’t mean you’re gay, definitely not. You get to be who you want to be. But don’t forget the sacrifices your gay brothers make on a daily basis so you can have that freedom to choose. You get to go back to your privileged status in the world – we can only be us.”
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18 Comments
Brian Collins
August 10, 05:40Gbam!!! That second response really encapsulates it all.
Mandy
August 10, 06:15This fluidity of sexuality still very much confuses me. Most people will dismiss a straight person who’s slept with a fellow man as gay. And some others will have you know that as long as there’s no emotional attachment, they’re not gay. You get gay-for-pay porn stars who identify as straight in their real lives. It’s all so confusing.
Viera
August 10, 10:05gay for pay porn stars regarded as straight confusing??
wait, after Johnny Depp acted as a pirate in POTC is he still a pirate?
it’s just a movie ADULT MOVIE
what you do afterwards is exclusive of the life you live
is sexual fluidity in Nigeria that tire me it comes with age
15 to 21 they are btms
21 to 25 verse btm
25 to 3o verse top
3o to 35 STRONG ACTIVE MACHINE tops
35 to 4o bisexuals
4o upwards straight or at most MGM
naija I hail!!!
IBK
August 10, 14:03Well I can’t wait to be 25 and realise I’m vers top ☺
Truth
August 10, 17:01LMFAO @Viera ???
tame
August 10, 19:36So true. I’ve been trying to understand why but don’t just know. I can’t wait to be 30 too so that I can be a strong active top ????
bruno
August 10, 06:35good for them. the last sentence is all i care about.
Canis VY Majoris
August 10, 06:49Valid!
Klaus
August 10, 10:08exactly! I’ve done stuff with almost all my straight friends, some just BJ, some anal, some don’t kiss because its “gay”, and one of them is a big time homophobe, but still crawl to me for bj and some riding. so, i thought about this really hard, and decided sex is liberal and fluid, who we decide to get attached too emotionally determines our sexuality, i know some gay guys that have straight sex but can never fall in love with a girl, same for straight guys that have sex with men. its just too much to decipher and fathom. reason i have no problem with bisexual men(these set of people can fall in love and get attached emotionally to both sex) .
chubbylover
November 15, 10:00Wahoo
Khaleesi
August 10, 10:17Sexuality is very fluid and isn’t Always defined by sexual activity. I think a more accurate measure of sexuality can be found in who a person is drawn to and more easily connected to emotionally …
Pjay
August 10, 11:36So where and how do we draw the line between outright denial, a possible resultant of internalised homophobia and sexual fluidity that has refused a label?
Richard Moore
August 10, 12:46I think it has a lot to do with the guy in question. The tricky part of it all is that we human beings are quick to make up excuses for certain things for the sake of doing so. Hence, we can never always really tell.
For instance, if a guy is gay, it’s assumed that he was either molested as a kid or lured into ‘it’ at boarding school or he just behaves like a girl.
If a guy had sex with another guy only to go back to his girlfriend, he was living in denial.
The list is endless.
My point is sometimes we just have to take some things for what they are (i.e. at face value) and not think too hard about why it’s the way it is.
Truth
August 10, 17:14This whole piece is funny. Last sentence is the only thing that makes sense.
Sammy
August 10, 17:16This post has messed up my head.. ?
Dimkpa
August 10, 18:44In times I wonder if I am truly gay or just playing, one thing that settles it for me is realising I get all hot and bothered when I see a beautiful guy whereas I would not look twice at a beautiful naked woman. I think it is all about attraction. If you are a man attracted to men or a woman attracted to women then you’re gay otherwise you’re straight. If you’re attracted to both you’re bisexual and so on and so forth.
I have had sex with the opposite sex but I don’t consider myself straight or bisexual because I was more or less, almost literally, backed into a corner. I would never seek out a woman for sex. Sometimes a straight person can trip and fall into another man’s anus and a gay man can tumble and fall into a woman’s vagina but it doesn’t change the attraction they naturally have.
That said, I am ideologically opposed to this concept of sexual fluidity for the reason that if we accept it, then we would find it difficult to respond when family and friends suggest that given the fluid nature of sexuality, we as gay men should flow into straightness (or is it straight hood or straight forward) and remain there. If we then refuse, like some or many of us might, it then translates that we have chosen to be gay. Hence being gay becomes a choice and “born this way” argument ceases to be valid.
So I accept the rigidity of my sexuality. Everybody suppose maintain their Lane.
Pink Panther
August 10, 20:51Dimkpa, I believe you just educated me with this comment.
Rexxy
March 03, 02:10Once you accept someone enough to harden your dick, whether you agree or not then your inclined/attracted to that person sexually…
Your Gay bi or straight… There is no swinging or standing on the fence.
Once you don’t mind then you’re it.