SUITS AND TIES (Part 11)
He was employed at my workplace on a contractual basis, as a member of a team of consultants. They were programmers employed to automate a particular process in the company. After about six months, information was disseminated through the office channels that they had been retained as full-time staff. Because they came as a team, most of the rest of us didn’t know them as individuals. They all seemed the same – nerdy, casually-dressed, with a carriage that appeared to insinuate that they fancied themselves better than the rest of us.
He was the only one among them who wasn’t bespectacled. During the months we worked under the same roof, whenever we ran into each other, he would greet me with a smile and my name.
“JBoy, good morning.”
Smile.
“Good afternoon, JBoy. How are you doing?”
Smile.
“JBoy, good evening. Are you done for the day?”
Smile.
He was unfailingly courteous whenever we ran into each other. Unfailingly with a smile to accompany his greeting. This was initially bewildering to me, because I didn’t know him. And I didn’t know where he could’ve possibly known me from. And because of this, his attempts at familiarity with me failed woefully, as I only ever responded to his greetings with a brisk coolness that was my attempt to discourage his interaction. I didn’t bother to find out his name, and he was too pleasant for my liking. Plus he belonged to this team of new co-workers who we all assumed had an attitude.
I also had other reasons for not wanting to be friendly with him. Reasons that had nothing to do with him. You see, because of my outspoken resistance to the homophobia of my colleagues, my sexuality was something they heavily suspected was of the same-sex orientation. I wouldn’t mind this, except that the two times I was passed over for promotion, I suspected that it was because of the company’s suspicion of my homosexuality. Even though one of my coworkers told me after the last Passover that the reason was because I was single and the company didn’t want to give that promotion to someone without marital roots.
Secondly, my colleagues are a very nosy bunch, especially with me and my business. And whenever I’d gotten close to any guy at the office, no matter how platonic it may be, they instantly begin viewing us through the lens of “Oh, they must be doing each other.” (This happened with Luke and then Xavier, from previous entries of this column.)
So, I really wasn’t interested in being acquainted with this guy who liked to greet me with a smile.
However, despite my distance, he was persistent with his pleasantness. For months, he stayed unruffled by my borderline rudeness, always ready with a greeting and a smile whenever we crossed each other’s paths.
The day he finally managed to lob a chink in my armour was one afternoon we encountered each other in the men’s room. The restroom is hardly a place where people hang around longer than it takes them to pee. At least, not for me. I just want to get in, do my business and get out.
That day, he came in and met me in the men’s room, and the greeting and the smile were there with him as well. I noticed how his eyes seemed to focus intently on my face when he smiled, how his smile warmed my face. This time, as I walked away from him, I was, for the first time, aware of how shabbily I’d been treating him all this while. I felt bad.
The next time I saw him was another day in the office kitchenette. I’d just finished having a breakfast of cereal and was washing my dishes when he walked in, apparently to get hot water from the dispenser for his coffee.
“Good morning, JBoy,” he greeted as he filled his cup.
I turned to look at him. He was not a conventionally handsome man, but his smile had a beauty of its own that seemed to lend a strong appeal to his features.
Instead of my usual mumbled response, I said, “Hey, good morning. I’m sorry, but I don’t know your name.”
He did a double take, the reaction of someone who hadn’t been expecting an actual sentence in response to his greeting. His smile broadened as he said, “That’s not a problem. My name is Tony.”
Jocularly, I said, “But you called me by my native name. You have one, don’t you?”
“Yes, I do,” he said, still eyeing me like he couldn’t believe we were having a conversation. “My native name is Bayo.”
“Is that Olubayo, Adebayo or Olabayo?” I asked.
“What do you know about the difference in the three of them?” he queried back, still smiling.
I chuckled. “Well, I know enough Yoruba to know that Olubayo means ‘king meets joy’, Adebayo means ‘crown meets joy’, and Olabayo means ‘wealth meets joy.’ Am I right?”
He looked impressed. “Yes, you are. And I’m Adebayo.”
“Well, if you don’t mind,” I said, “I would love to address you by your native name instead of your English name.”
“I don’t mind at all,” he said. His smile was a brilliant flash. “If anything, it’ll mean you are a very special person to me.”
Those words set off two internal reactions, one right after the other, within me. First, I felt an incredible warmth spread across my heart. It was corny thing for him to say, but I didn’t feel the need to roll my eyes at it. I instantly felt special.
Secondly, I did a mental double take. And I narrowed my eyes on him, wondering what to make of what he had said. I pride myself on having an excellent gaydar, but this guy was giving off no sonar signals. I was confused: did straight men say things like this to other guys?
We chatted for a bit right there in the kitchenette, mostly about Yoruba names and their meanings. I told him that I absolutely loved Yoruba names, and the fact that their meanings are not only literal but seem to hold profound truths for the parents who christen their children with the names. I told him that even though I am Igbo, I planned on having a daughter who I would give a Yoruba name to. That I’d even picked the perfect name out for her.
He asked me what the name was, but I couldn’t recall: I’d actually composed the name by taking a measure of other Yoruba names and merging them as one. But I told him I wrote the name down somewhere and that I would relay it to him later. I asked him for his last name so I could search him out on the office communicator when I get back to my desk.
He told me his last name, and then brought out his phone, saying I should instead give him my number. I called out the digits and he called the line. I wasn’t with my phone and made the mental note to save his number when I’m back at my desk.
As we parted, I told him I would surely call him later in the day when I’d be chanced. We’d talked for so long that his water had cooled and he had to fetch fresh hot water.
When I got back to my work station, I saw one missed call on my phone and I saved it with his name: Tony Bayo.
To be frank, even then, the thought never crossed my mind that Bayo could be queer. Like I said, he didn’t give off any vibes that I could identify as typical of a gay man. I simply regarded him as someone I could be good friends with, nosy colleagues be damned. I used to have such a close friendship with Luke (he features in Part 2). But then, after his wedding last year, we sort of became not-so close anymore. I thought I could rediscover that kind of friendship with Bayo.
I’d intended to call Bayo later that day, but work was so hectic that I plum forgot all about it. By the time I remembered, I was home and it was late. I didn’t think it would be nice to call him by 11 pm. So, I put it off till the next day. But work didn’t let up the next day, and the next day, and it wasn’t very long before I completely forgot that I owed Bayo a call.
Weeks passed, and then we met each other in the lounge. I was having lunch and he had come in to buy some snacks. He walked over to me and greeted me with his smile.
As I opened my mouth to respond, my mind experienced a reset and I instantly remembered.
“Hold on, I owe you a call, don’t I?” I blurted out.
“Yes.” His smile widened. “You said you wanted to tell me the name of your future daughter.”
“Hey! See my life!” I exclaimed dramatically. “I’m so sorry. Look at something I should have told you since… Who knows, you could even become the godfather to that my daughter.”
He laughed. “So, what’s the name?”
I told him.
He said, “Wow. That’s really deep.”
“Yes, I know.” I beamed. “I wanted something unique that I would call her with pride whenever I have to say her name. I want to love her very much, and I want her name to serve as a reminder of how much I started loving her before she was born.”
He looked at me, contemplatively, like he was arriving at some conclusions about me in his head.
“What?” I said with a laugh. “What are you thinking?”
“Nothing. Just that you are a very interesting person.”
First, I was special. Now I was interesting. That familiar warmth erupted in my heart again.
We talked for a while, and then he left, but not before I gave him my word that I would most definitely call him that evening.
At the close of work that day, I hitched a ride home. It was a senior colleague’s car and she was pulling out of the parking lot when I saw Bayo stepping out of the building. That was my reminder right there. I quickly fished out my phone and called him. He answered.
“So, you called like you said you would…”
“I did. Have you closed from work?” I asked, even though I’d just seen him leave.
“Yes, I have. I’m about to start heading home. If you don’t mind, can I call you back when I’m home?”
“Where do you stay?”
“Yaba.”
“OK. I could call you back in, say, two hours’ time. Would that be okay?”
“That’ll be great.”
When I got home, I began telling my flatmate, Michael, about Bayo. I had to tell someone; I was that excited about our budding friendship. As I talked, Michael regarded me with raised brows, and at one point, interjected, “You know you are catching feelings for this guy, right?”
“No, I’m not,” I said.
And I wasn’t. I really wasn’t. Not at that time, anyway.
However, when I called him and we talked for nearly two hours, I ended the call – and then, I began catching feelings.
Oh my God.
The phone conversation between me and Bayo was the most organic conversation I’d ever had with a guy I was just getting to know. It was beautiful. It flowed. It was cerebral. It was one of those conversations where you forget completely that your airtime is ticking away, and then, when that robotic female voice interrupts to tell you that your airtime is almost finished, you want to smash your phone in tears.
I started falling in love with Bayo after that almost-two-hour conversation.
We talked about everything. I was in bed right next to Michael when we started with the pleasantries and he asked if I’d eaten. The phone call wasn’t on speaker, but when I replied that I’d just taken something, Michael turned his raised brows to me and muttered, “This one that’s asking you whether you have eaten… Abeg, he’s gay.”
Michael sowed the seed, and I decided to prod. I told Bayo I wanted to know more about him. He encouraged me to ask anything. I started with basic questions such as his state of origin, where he grew up, where he went to school, his career choices. We moved to deeper talks about life, his depression, and doing what gives him joy.
Then we landed on the atomic bomb: relationship.
He actually navigated us to the topic when he began talking about the things that gives him joy. He talked about how he was feeling a bit frustrated because of the distance between him and his “partner”.
I took a beat to digest his choice of vocabulary. Not girlfriend. Partner.
OK.
So, I asked, “Well, this your partner, where is he or she?”
“Ibadan. It’s a long-distance relationship, and that is making things a bit difficult for us. My partner appears to be going through some personal stuff, and is shutting me out.”
I noticed how he’d shied away from using a pronoun to qualify this “partner”.
OK.
That night was February 15. The day before was Valentine’s Day. So, I asked if he spent any time with his partner. He said they talked on the phone, but he’d ended up spending the day with his friend. (He had actually taken the day off from work.)
All through this talk, he never once used a pronoun to ascribe a gender to his partner. And I didn’t push directly for an answer. In fact, I found myself assuming the unusual position of a counselor, advising him on better communication with his partner, and doing his absolute best to save his relationship. That if he finally gives up, he should be able to say to himself: “I did all I could.”
The conversation soon swung around to me, and since we were on the topic of relationships, that was what we were of course going to talk about regarding me.
I told him I wasn’t seeing anyone, that I’d been burned enough times for me to fear putting myself out there. As we talked, I was careful – or I tried to be – to do as he’d done. Not use any pronouns to define my relationships.
But I was not as good as he was.
When he asked me about the last person I dated, I said, “I really do not want to talk about him.”
He waited a beat. Enough silence for me to realize the slip of my tongue, then he said with a smile in his voice, “Oh, this just got interesting. You finally picked a pronoun.”
I laughed as I realised my gaffe. “I’m not used to playing word games like this.”
“I knew you wanted me to pick a pronoun too, due to the leading questions you were asking,” he said. “But I couldn’t help being careful. And even then, I didn’t want to lie to you about who I was dating.”
“So, this your partner, is it a he or a she?” I asked.
“You should know,” he said.
“I want a straightforward answer.”
“It’s a he.”
“How did you get the courage to say ‘partner’ instead of simply lying and saying ‘girlfriend’?” I asked. “Did you have any inkling that I’m queer?”
He laughed. “Of course, I suspected. Strongly. You don’t exactly hide who you are, you know. Right from the first day I saw you, I knew. And then I smiled and greeted you. But you were a bitch.”
I protested with a laugh, “I was not.”
“Yes, you were. But that’s alright. It didn’t faze me. every time I greeted you and you acted the bitch, I would look at you and say to myself, ‘This guy, this guy, I will break through your wall one day.’ You cannot imagine the joy I felt that first day you finally said actual words to me in the office kitchen.”
I was feeling warm and gooey all over as he talked. I was feeling special. I was feeling interesting. It was not safe, but I was letting this guy barrel his way toward my heart.
He kept on talking. About how he got further confirmation of my sexuality when I talked about the daughter I would have. How I completely omitted the existence of a wife and talked on and on instead about having kids. That it was the same thing he did, because it was the future he envisioned for himself: children, and no wife.
Toward the end of the conversation, he said, “Whatever happens, I want you to know that I am very grateful for this friendship. Grateful to you for finally letting me get to know you.”
When I disconnected that call, I went to bed feeling a glow inside me.
In the following weeks, Bayo and I got closer. We became fast friends. We talked all the time, as much as we could, given the conflicting schedules of our jobs.
Every day, I fell in love with him.
And every day, I had to keep reminding myself that he was unavailable.
One late night, I was at work. It was going to be an all-nighter. He called, and I picked his call, grateful for the distraction and relief it offered. We talked, and I don’t know if it was because of the late hour or because my defenses were completely down due to exhaustion, but I did something I’d willed myself never to do.
I expressed my yearning for him, when I said, “I wish I was around you.”
The moment I said those words, I caught my breath and waited. In limbo. Wondering what he would say. How he would take them. Silently cursing myself for letting my feelings get out like that.
He replied, “I know. But you know we can’t get too close.”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“If we get too close, we’re bound to have sex. And we can’t have sex because I’m in a relationship. You know that. I may still be sorting things out with my boyfriend, but I don’t want to introduce any complications to the situation.”
Something snapped inside me as I listened to him. My temper ignited and rage erupted inside me.
Yes, I wanted to have sex with him.
Yes, I knew he was in a relationship.
And yes, getting close to me would be a complication for him.
He called it.
And I didn’t like that. I didn’t like it one bit that he had so accurately read the situation.
And my defenses rose up as I snapped angrily, “Excuse me, but what are you talking about? I thought we were friends. So, because I said I want to be around you, you just assumed I want to have sex with you? Do you happen to shag every guy who is your close friend who comes close to you? That’s such a self-involved presumptuous thing to say.”
“Oh, I’m so sorry, JBoy…” he started.
“You didn’t even bother to clarify what I meant by wanting to be around you, you just jumped straight to assuming that I was talking about having sex with you. Can you imagine!” The hurt and frustration I felt fed my anger.
“I’m really sorry, JBoy. I didn’t mean to assume –”
“You shouldn’t,” I cut him off. “Next time, ask before you jump into conclusions. I’m sorry, but I have to get back to work.”
“I’m sorry –”
“Yea whatever. Talk to you later.”
The call ended, and as I dropped my phone, I broke down into the first of the many tears I would cry over Bayo. It was now obvious to me that I was well and truly in love with him.
In the following days after that fiasco of a phone call, I began avoiding Bayo. I made sure to stay away from places I knew he could pop into and meet me, and I most certainly stayed away from his department. He tried to call me one time, and I snapped at him to stop bothering me. He is a guy who respects boundaries, I’d come to learn, and he didn’t bother to call again after that.
Then one day, against my protestations, my Head of Department instructed me to go to his department and liaise with his department head on some issues. I didn’t want to go and was even trying to pass the errand off on another coworker, until my HOD got really pissy and I finally capitulated.
Fortunately, Bayo wasn’t in the office when I got there, and I breathed easy as I talked to the department head. However, my relief was short-lived, because he walked in some minutes later. My heartbeat accelerated as I saw him walk in. With that familiar intensity, his eyes zeroed in on me, and he made a beeline for where I was with his HOD.
God, he looked so sexy. And I truly missed him. My heart yearned.
He tapped me on my shoulder. “Hey.”
I responded, “Hey.”
His HOD was distracted by something else, leaving us to look awkwardly into each other’s faces.
Then he said, “You know you’re not trying, right? What you’re doing is not fair.”
And just like that, the pinpricks of tears began rising behind my eyes. I started blinking very hard to staunch the rise of tears.
“Maybe we should meet and talk,” I said huskily.
“Ys please,” he said, while staring intently at me.
“OK then. So, you’ll get back to me with a time and place?”
“Sure.”
His HOD interrupted and minutes later, my business in the office was done. All the while, I was fighting to push back the persistent swell of my emotions. But when I was done there, I fled to the restroom.
To cry.
These were too many tears over a man I loved but could not have. A man who had captured my heart and my soul, but who could not surrender his to me. How could I go on like this? Something had to give.
Something has to give. One way or another, when I meet Bayo to have that talk, something will have to give.
Written by JBoy
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43 Comments
Mitch
March 13, 07:55I really have no words to describe the vulnerability in this piece.
I do hope something gives, Momma.
I hope it does.
JBoy
March 13, 11:02We will be fine…, Darling.
Higwe
March 13, 08:11Uhhmm?
JBoy
March 13, 11:03I know, right; it’s really a delicate yet complicated one.
Higwe
March 13, 12:19The dude lead you on, and you have the right to feel how you feel.
He was persistent in his quest to win you over (for whatever reason best known to him)
My take :
He’s probably a sociopath – from your description, he seems nice but so are most sociopaths . He might be an emotional manipulator, that sets your expectations high ,to watch you crash and burn.
He’s probably a “nice ” gay man who wants a friendly relationship with someone he sort of can identify with ; though he doesn’t necessarily find you sexually attractive.
Maybe he’s truly a gay man in a relationship: that has platonic love for you, which could turn romantic, once he’s detached from the confines of “faithfulness ” .
All in all :I’d say- don’t beat yourself over it. Take it one step at a time. If you need to cut him off completely for sanity sake, then do so… if you can handle it maturely while working off the feelings you’ve accumulated for him overtime, then do so too.
Your happiness should be your priority, don’t trade it for anything .?
Pink Panther
March 13, 12:53My take :
He’s probably a sociopath – from your description, he seems nice but so are most sociopaths . He might be an emotional manipulator, that sets your expectations high ,to watch you crash and burn…
To be honest, this thought crossed my mind. There’s something about the story that makes me think of him as someone who enjoys breaking into guys just for the pleasure of having them thirst for something he won’t give. But I’m too reluctant to think of any human being to be that deliberately evil.
Karlaè
March 23, 00:10Ah. Some people are that evil o. They find joy in leading people on and then they’ll disappear and leave
JBoy
March 13, 13:11*deep sigh*
I’m not sure what else to think…; I feel exhausted.
Dreamdave
March 13, 09:29Jboy, too much emotions are being invested into this relationship even before it has started. Why can’t u just be Happy to have a good friendship with him, when u know very well that he is in a committed relationship. Let him keep his fidelity with his boo, he is taken go find Ur own man. U are not a child u can’t always have all u want. @ Mitch, Let’s not encourage him. If it was Ur man that was being porched would u be praying for something to happen btw them?
Jboy, also Remember u both work in the same place, what will happen if eventually u guys break up, would u resign? U don’t shit where u eat.
Please be a professional n don’t go given us bad names u should know better joor.
JBoy
March 13, 11:00I’m sorry, what are you trying to say?
Really do not know what to be bothered about; the fact you’re missing the point or your spellings. Help me understand.
Stretch
March 13, 11:03Nicely put @Dreamdave
@Jboy
Workplace romances can be quite messy. I think it’s the dopamine that’s taking over at this stage. My sincere advice is to have a talk where no risk of sex would happen. Then, even though it is hard, tell him you like him but you know you can’t have him and you do not expect him to leave his partner for you. Then tell him that your friendship will have to end for your sanity, cuz what you want is not what he can give. It will hurt in the beginning but you have to severe all personal ties. Remain civil and professional but nothing beyond that. I know you will be fine.
JBoy
March 13, 11:07Thanks Love ?
This means so much to me.
Mandy
March 13, 11:18You’re right, Stretch. But to end their friendship… mehn, that seems really extreme. From what I read, this Bayo sounds like a really good guy. If there’s a way JBoy can turn his romantic feelings into feelings of good caring friendship, even if he needs some time and space to get there, let him do so without ending the friendship with Bayo. I mean, the guy was on your case months and months just to get you to talk to him. He sounds like a valuable friend.
JBoy
March 13, 11:39Thanks Mandy❤️
Mandy
March 13, 11:07You really should talk to Bayo. Open up about the way you feel about him, not in the interest of starting something with him, but so you can communicate what is going on. If not for anything, then for the sake of your friendship. These things happen, friends get together and then feelings get caught. Keeping it from him is not ideal. It will only fester inside you and since he is unaware, he may be crossing boundaries that you would wish he’ll respect. Like talking to you all the time about his relationship when you really want him to shut up about it.
So talk to him. Tell him how you feel. Make sure he knows that you are not telling him as a way to force him to make a choice. That may not end well. Instead, that you are telling him so he’ll understand your emotional state.
And who knows? Perhaps, that thing that his faraway boyfriend doesn’t appreciate will grow to become yours. All the best, JBoy. Love should always win.
JBoy
March 13, 11:11Mandy, I really do not know how to express my gratitude. Your viewpoint is everything. Thanks so much ❤️❤️❤️
Kobe
March 13, 11:10You work in a place where the consideration for promotion is based on your marital status and/or perceived sexual orientation.
That place is not a very healthy work environment. You may have to consider another place. I know that jobs are hard to come by, it’s just a suggestion.
Then, as much as you want the Bayo guy, be reminded that you guys work together and office liasons come with plenty baggage.
I suggest you watch things as they unfold.
Cheers
Mandy
March 13, 11:19That’s the reality of corporate Nigeria, apparently. I’ve been hearing stories of how employers increasingly make marital status a reason to give promotions. I have a friend who got passed over three times, including a promotion that required him to relocate to their head office and much better perks. What his parents haven’t been able to make him do (which is to marry), his job is now making him consider. Dude is now actively looking for a lesbian arranged marriage just so he can pose at work as a married man. It’s such a pity.
JBoy
March 13, 11:45Kobe, promotions are not entirely tied to marital status in the coy I work for. Just that I was due for a supervisory role but couldn’t get the promotion just because I was unmarried and they alluded to the idea that I lack enough managerial skills and patience needed for the new challenge; they’ve left me with more job functions without the title and benefits.
Keredim
March 13, 12:44“Kobe, promotions are not entirely tied to marital status in the coy I work for.
and yet
”Just that I was due for a supervisory role but couldn’t get the promotion just because I was unmarried…
I am not clear here. Doesn’t the second sentence contradict the first?
Are there any unmarried male supervisors/managers (without kids) in your company?
JBoy
March 13, 13:06Keredim,
No.
Other positions are free of such consideration.
And Yes, it’s so wrong of them.
bamidele
March 13, 12:22I have two comments to make:
First, it is a shame that some factors still deliberate some Nigerian means of promotions at work. I don’t know, if your institution is a pirvate or public one. But whichever the case, I see promotion on the basis of marriage status as a misplaced priority. Even in precolonial Nigerian societies there many cases of successful men and women, who had no spouse or (biological) chidren but were admired because of their successes. Worldwide, most successful inventors never married. it is funny how promotion is so attached to private life, rather than your contribution to the company.
Second, like others have suggested, JBoy, you should try and talk one on one with Bayo, I kind of respect his principle of not wanting to cheat on his partner, despite distance and current tensions between them. However, tell him your mind, but relax. Don’t expect much. Afterall, one of two things will happen: to remain good friend with you, or maybe problem between him and his partner may tense, to the extent of separation, and such will increase your chance of having him. In case of the former, you’ll still have a good friend (but just be careful so that both of you don’t run into trouble with these busy-body colleagues who are monitoring your social life.
All the best, JBoy!
JBoy
March 13, 13:14Bamidele, I truly appreciate your words of concern and counsel. Thank you very much ❤️
Black Dynasty
March 13, 14:12Hmm yea, i think he’s just a nice who saw someone like him and wanted to be friends but your feelings got involved.
He has been open and honest about having a partner, also decent enough to be truthful and try to set boundaries @ “If we get too close, we’re bound to have sex. And we can’t have sex because I’m in a relationship. You know that. I may still be sorting things out with my boyfriend, but I don’t want to introduce any complications to the situation.” Not a lot of guys value their romantic relationships enough.
Unrequited love is a bitch but you can either let it go and become platonic friends. If you can’t, then it’s probably better to let him know that you can’t be friends anymore for the sake of your sanity.
There might be temptation but karma can be really mean…
JBoy
March 13, 16:15Thank you so much, Black Dynasty ❤️
Peace
March 13, 14:52Dear Jboy, well I’m not as knowledgeable when it comes to matters of the heart, maybe that’s why I haven’t been in a relationship before. But then I would say take things easy, and like almost every one has said, try talking to bayo. But there’s a saying that goes “prepare for the best, expect the worst” so my darling, when you do that (that’s talk to him) kuku remove your mind from it, difficult as it may be but just try Nnam. Cause me I need you alive biko, let someone not play tumbum tumbum with your heart. You’ll be fine ezigbo! I’ll be waiting for the outcome of the discussion you’ll have with him. I’m sure you’ll be okay. Jisie ike. ??
JBoy
March 13, 16:33Daalu rinne ?
I appreciate you, Peace❤️?❤️
Denzel
March 13, 23:56I did a class in emotional intelligence once and I realized that the reality of a matter oftentimes goes against what we feel, but we deny it.
I can tell you to follow your heart and have a conversation with him and express yourself and wait till he breaks up and becomes yours, because you’ve sown a seed that you’re an alternative and probably a better one than his long distance bobo.
But to what end??
It’s important to always think of the outcome, who gets to benefits more, is it truly necessary, if he left your company today and became long distance, will you still be “in love”.
Some things are better left unsaid , you stopped talking to him because of your emotional state , maybe it’s time to work on yourself and not really “get “ Bayo
All in all, your feelings are valid and you are allowed to be in love , however decisions have a way of leaving lasting scars . Don’t always damn consequences.
Put all the cards on the table first. Don’t rush!!
Love.
JBoy
March 14, 15:28Thanks Love ?
JBoy
March 14, 15:32Denzel, I truly appreciate all you’ve said.
Thanks so much ❤️
Kristo
March 14, 00:50IF this story is true … it proves that good things happen to gays too!!!!!!!!!
U really should keep your emotion in check …cos I don’t think he wants to date you …….it might b hard …but it’s for the best……..try to avoid thinking about him and limit ur tete à tete with him
JBoy
March 14, 04:59Kristo, this is MY Story, all Suits and Ties series are true life stories.
Your viewpoint is noted.
Omiete
March 14, 09:20This was such a beautiful read. But you took a very long break, I almost didn’t know what this was again. Don’t take so much time again abeg
JBoy
March 14, 15:30Omiete, thanks for the kind words.
I’ll try not to keep you all waiting ‘cos my work-life is filled with enough dramas to make this happen as they come.
Thanks again.
Ethan
March 15, 05:54I met someone like that once, funnily, we met on Grindr, had sex, then want to watch me crash and burn…had to cut him off completely. How else do you explain, “I love talking to you” and sending blue heart to me on WhatsApp, but escaping every attempt at hooking up with me.
I think it’s a new form of turn on massaging their ego and validating them. I ain’t ready for that shit.
Ethan
March 15, 06:08I think it’s a thing now, they like to watch you drool, it serve them as a form of validation.
JBoy
March 31, 18:25Hmmmm…?
Okay, Ethan
Dimkpa
March 15, 08:47When I opened KD and saw ‘Suits and ties’, my heart leaped for joy because I knew that it would be a good read and I was right.
I love the way your story flows. I felt every emotion with you and actually squealed like a school girl or boy while reading your conversation with Bayo.
Thanks for sharing your story.
With regards to the situation you are in, I have nothing to add. You come across as a sound lad who has his wits about him. You’ll figure it out.
All the best and I hope to read about how this concludes.
Cheers!
JBoy
March 16, 13:44Dimkpa,
Thanks for the love. I truly appreciate.
Stay Awesome ?
Ken
March 16, 20:53Seems like this bayo guy is really in love with u, but u are d one playing games here. Stop dillydalling and come out of ur shell. If u want him come out n say so and tell him to end the fruitless imaginary relationship with his bf (who most likely has moved on anyways)! Why is this so hard?? You are d one denying urself of true love here
And oh, BTW learn to admit when u goofed apologise and stop playing hard to get. Ur not d only one with feelings. Best of luck tho!
JBoy
March 18, 21:52Ken,
I appreciate. Well, we can’t all see from same angle.
Thanks nonetheless.
Godwin
March 16, 14:58oh JBoy! i feel your pain… but i feel Bayo is just trying to be very careful with you and he doesn’t want to hurt your emotions that’s why he doesn’t want to get too close with you. trust me he truly love you and he is just trying so much not to hurt you and end up losing you because that’d hurt him big time.
JBoy
March 18, 21:58Thanks Godwin