TAKING ON THE OFFENSIVE
I know violence is not the answer. I know I might be wrong for doing what I did. But I get very weary of being in the position where I have to keep explaining myself to people. It galls me that anyone would think I’d ever choose to be gay. Why will any Nigerian want that? Why will anyone want that? Why would anyone think I had a choice and then I picked the life where unhappiness will constantly nip at my heels?
Well, I have a story to tell. And in this story, I know one person who won’t ever make me explain my life to him ever again.
This is a very recent event. There’s a tradition we have in my extended maternal family, one where we come together for a one-week retreat, when everyone in the family will set aside work and schooling to come stay in the family house in Lagos. Everyone is usually present, but with this recent retreat, my dad was not around. My parents got divorced, so he wasn’t considered family by my maternal relatives anymore.
A few family retreats ago, I was outed to the extended family (I’d probably write about the drama that led to the outing. Trust me, it’s hilarious). So, basically, everyone in my family now knew I was gay. This ‘news’ was received with mixed reactions. My uncles and aunts were cool with it because my mum apparently had no problem with it. My cousins, the bunch older than I am, were totally supportive. (It was funny because, before the debacle through which my sexuality was revealed, they were the most homophobic lot to walk the earth. When I expressed my surprise at their turnaround to my mother, she said, “Baby, you are too loveable to be hated.” Well!) My younger cousins were a bit confused; some didn’t care though, I mean, why would they?
But out of my seemingly perfect extended family, one of my cousins was an unapologetic homophobe. He’s (for the purpose of this story) Etim, the son of my mother’s younger brother. Five years older than I am, we were never close. I barely ever talked to him whenever we came in contact with each other, and he, the pompous brat that he is, made no secret of how much he disliked that he and his family had to leave Abuja to come bunk with us ‘losers’. He is very immature, and our friction got rougher with my coming out.
On a beautiful Wednesday morning during the just-ended retreat, I woke up and headed downstairs to the living room to find all my cousins watching America’s Got Talent. It was an old episode. My uncles were in the kitchen making breakfast and lunch, and my mum and aunts were in another room gisting and laughing out loud. There was a general air of carefreeness in the environment.
I took my phone and settled into a seat to begin going through my Facebook when something on the television caught my eye. Two salsa dancers, both male, were dancing together; it wasn’t the traditional male and female pairing. And they were killing it, move after move, setting the stage on fire. My cousins kept on exclaiming their Wows of admiration as we watched.
Then their routine was over. During the interview with the judges, the dancers revealed that they were husbands. At this juncture, Etim began bristling. He grabbed the remote and changed the channel, before snarling, “Bloody faggots! They will all rot in hell!”
Stunned speechless for a moment, everyone in the room stared at him.
Then, the eldest cousin, Ini thundered at him, “Are you drunk? Will you shut up!”
She stood, grabbed the remote from him and changed the channel back to what we were watching. At this time, Ariana Grande was performing.
While this brief interlude was going on, I was quietly tapping away on my phone, looking undisturbed even though I was seething inside.
My unperturbed countenance must have incensed Etim, because he turned to face me and spat, “I know you’ll be enjoying that rubbish, bloody homo!”
Heaven knows that in that moment, I was ready to kill this boy! But I kept my cool and smiled asi replied, “Yes, I’m enjoying the talent show.”
I thought that was the end as I returned to my phone. But no, the devil clearly had other plans.
Etim stalked over to me, snatched my phone from me and threw it to the floor. Then he raged at me, “How you go stay, go open nyash make guy fuck you? Your head well so?”
Gbagam!!!
My blood reached instant boiling point. And I began seeing red as I leaped up and pounced on him. Before anyone would react, I’d ripped his shirt, deposited some solid punches to his face, smashed his phone to the ground, and ground his head on the ground multiple times.
And then, the room split into pandemonium as everyone descended on us, attempting to get me off him. My older cousins struggled to pull me away, but I was a fiend, determined to beat the homophobia out of the idiot. I was furious, grabbing at him, swinging more punches and slaps at him. The pathetic fool couldn’t even properly fight back.
Eventually, my cousins were able to pull us apart. But it was as though the fool hadn’t had enough. He was yelling, hurling insults at me. And then he screamed at me: “Bloody weakling!”
Brethren, it was at this point that I lost the very last ounce of my chill.
Driven into a manic rage, I overpowered almost six boys much older than me, and charged at Etim. The second I got a-hold of him, it was like I was magnetized to him. I wouldn’t let go as I proceeded to beat the shit out of him. I beat him till a small deep part of me started feeling sorry for him. I used everything I could find, from shoes to his PS4 game console, to throw pillows. Before this incident, I’d always been considered by my family as a softie, the boy who couldn’t hurt a fly. And they saw Etim as the embodiment of hyper masculinity. But I could imagine that narrative changing the more violent I got. Etim was starting to bleed from the bruises I inflicted on his face. And still, he wouldn’t fade. He kept on heaving homophobic slurs at me in between panting breaths and through a battered mouth.
I had zero mercy for this boy. Even my cousins could not get me off him. I only regained enough sense to stop when I heard his mother loudly beseeching me to stop. I pulled back from him, staring at him with naked dislike, the expression identical to the one he gave me in return. It was obvious to everyone and to us that this was one relationship that would never turn to a loving one.
I turned and left the room. I grabbed my wallet and my dog, and left the compound, gunning for a stroll to calm my nerves.
Funny enough, no one was upset with me for beating the shit out of Etim – no one, that is, except my mother. She was fucking pissed, as in, terribly annoyed. She kept on raging at me: “You shouldn’t hit family… He is your brother… See how you have spoilt this year’s family retreat…!”
I didn’t care. I was simply content in the knowledge that I’d taught that sonofabitch a lesson he’d never forget in a hurry.
This would be the first time I’d ever fought with someone. All that rage, all that strength… I couldn’t – still can’t – tell where it came from, because truly, I am a softie.
A few weeks ago, I saw a very contentious Facebook post where some dude said: “If people are born homosexuals, then people are born homophobic too.”
This post created a massive backlash on Facebook. And it got me laughing, and then thinking.
The reason why we are successfully marginalized in this country is because we are not fighting hard enough. No, I don’t mean the physical fight.
When people hear “gay”, they immediately think of weak men wearing makeup and getting fucked in the bottom, which is clearly a wrong representation of gay men.
So, I’ve arrived at a resolve. If people think they can be homophobic and beat gay people anyway they like (with reference to the We Are Here stories by Mitch), then I’ll endeavour to do the same to homophobes. Fighting fire with fire, not just physical, but using whatever arsenal I can employ. Everyone has a weakness, an Achilles heel. The gay Nigerian’s obvious weakness is the fear of being outed. We should also learn the weakness of these homophobes who prevail on us and use it against them.
Maybe then, only then, will they would realise that we are not joking around anymore. Acceptance doesn’t come cheap. If you ask me, we don’t even need their acceptance. We just need to be able to live our lives in peace and without questions. I’m just tired of always explaining myself. I’m tired of constantly being put on the defensive, of procuring facts to come against people who are too ignorant to recognise the truth and validity of my existence.
After having a taste of the offensive and knowing how good it feels, that is the stance I’m now determined to maintain.
We should live better. We are humans too. We deserve better!
Written by Bain
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97 Comments
OroboHunter
May 02, 07:08This post just made my day sha… Kudos Bain
Francis
May 02, 07:38Chai! This is so me in my fantasies. Useless somebody so tey word go spread that a nigga is not to be messed with AT ALL ??????.
The thought of mistakenly killing someone in a rage and ending up a prison bitch keeps the fantasy in check sha ??
Francis
May 02, 07:39Seriously Bain, this beating made my day ?????
Bain
May 02, 07:59On the bright side…one less homophobe. And besides we need our Nelson Mandela, jail time ain’t no biggy.???
Francis
May 02, 08:01Hmmm, someone has some prison fantasies to tick off his bucket list. LOL
Bain
May 02, 09:28you know this joor.
Sucrescalada
May 03, 08:28Bain pls i wanna be ur friend, like serious buddies this is the kinda story i love to read, when i read the story of how delle and co were attacked and i saw fotos of the attackers! 5 of those guys have to really come armed with guns before they would touch the hair on my body! I would literally teach dem a lesson dey wont forget in a hurry! Kudos! And yes to more beating! If u as much as look at me sideways its going down!
ambivalentone
May 02, 07:53T’ori o je ile yin ni. Except u r with friends (or superior authority), u don’t dare this outside. You could be maimed or murdered. No, seriously. Caution abeg
Bain
May 02, 07:57Try me.
WhoIsUgo
May 02, 08:06???? nwoke m I like that! Time to stop playing the victim and letting fear push us into silence. I have also decided to deal with all homophobes around me and live a proud gay life. After two slaps, they must explain how who I’m fucking is any of their damn business or chop more slaps. ?
Absalom
May 02, 08:41?
WhoIsUgo
May 02, 08:12Oga ambivolent, there’s a reason people keep their distance from mad people. We’ve got to be mad! How person go dey disturb your life untop matter wey no consine am. These homophobes size us up before they attack. We should learn from that and size them up to. Everyone can’t be fought with physically. We must find their weakness and silence them for good.
Bain
May 02, 09:22Apt.
ambivalentone
May 02, 12:28Now u mention the caution I am drawing attention to
himbo
May 02, 08:36Welldone. Mine was with an uncle….
Pink Panther
May 02, 08:37You beat the shit out of your uncle?
himbo
May 02, 21:17We fought. And it was bad…
Absalom
May 02, 08:39Well done, Bain.
We approve!
FAMZING
May 02, 08:40Oga Bain, pls can i employ you. My whole family need serious beating….
Bain
May 02, 09:23(cracks knuckles)…
Quinn
May 02, 08:58I applaud you! violence is not necessarily the answer but hey can bake a cake without breaking a few eggs, I just feel really bad for the Ps4 game console you must have damaged. and just like my girl Harley Quinn, I would have been there with a big smile on my face sipping hot tea, and when the beating is over, I’ll pour it on him. Fuck it! we are humans and deserve the best, scratch that! we are gods! We only need to accept our selves and live our lives.
p.s you just lived my dream. I hope you’re OK though. well done.
Bain
May 02, 09:26sadly,my mum bought another ps4 and a new phone for him…I’m okay,thanks.
KryxxX
May 02, 09:03I like! I like! I like!
He had it coming! Idiot! Somebody’s life and you are acting like it’s yours!
Sometimes, I wish I could just beat the weave off some raging homophobe but I just go weak. Like why can’t I transfer the power I use in carrying two 25litres gallon and beat okra seeds off an idiot! I even carry a whole akpa rice self! ? ? ? ? ?. Ike gwuru biko.
Bain
May 02, 09:25Trust me,when you reach your limit…the rage will come out.
Bryce
May 02, 15:43For where?.
He’s a wuss.Someone a little cockroach scared the bejesus out of.
That said,you be careful yourself.Else you turn out no better than your cousin.
Delle
May 02, 10:24Ewooo! Bain biko I love you *glances furtively for Ife*
God, I was scared it would turn out some other way but boy did you make me happy! You would have stuck a remote up his homophobic ass. The guy has a problem and you are not the one that would help him fight his demons.
Why the rage though? There’s more to this. That’s not the point though. Thanks for this incentive.
I need to go and purchase those dumb bells ASAP.
Bain
May 02, 11:39?
iAmNotAPerv
May 02, 22:50You just wehdone. Your comment has said it all though
Michael
May 02, 10:39Unsheathing your claws once in a while is not a bad idea. It helps address lots of stuff. After this fight,no body in your extended family would like to cross you.
Jerry
May 02, 10:45LOL Etim will be scared of you henceforth! Keeping silent does not solve the problem at times. We need to fight for our freedom before we die of heartache one day.
Bain
May 02, 11:24I hear!…scared kor…he always tries to get on my nerves…but I have a PhD in ignoring people.
Jerry
May 02, 17:30LOL you have done well! I wish I had your guts, faces would have been bruised and clothes torn to pieces hahaha
bruno
May 02, 10:49Bain, your post is inspiring. we definitely need more courage and righteous anger here if anything is change. you are also fortunate to be able to exist in a relatively safe environment . your family is precious.
Jason
May 02, 13:52Why do I just feel this story is a bit extra?
It would have looked believable if he stopped at changing the channel, but going towards you grabbing your phone and openly castigating you about being a homosexual ….either your cousin is a total loony or this is pure fabrication .Then again, it is your story and you know the truth.
Violence can never be the way ,in this situation it was safe and needed. You beat up your cousin at the comfort of your extended family home , can you beat up a random man on the street for being homophobic ?How many people are you going to beat up knowing straight people out number homosexuals at least 100 to 7?
The best way to survive in a homophobic country like Nigeria is to stick to people who accept you and try as much as you can to avoid those who don’t. It will also help a great deal if not too many people know your sexuality (at least until there is a high level of acceptance) .
Yes I believe homophobia is innate ,I’m gay but very objective. It is how you choose to handle it that makes you a jerk or a cool person. I see some people for the first time and just don’t like them, try as much as they can but I can’t get myself to. It is also the same for a homophobe ,he doesn’t understand it so he can’t relate with it or the person practicing such sexuality. It doesn’t make him a monster but misguided, the only monster is the homophobe that kitos gay people, beat them up without provocation or burns them to death, there is no defence for the abuse of human right because of a sexuality.
And last but not the least, likening the situation of Mitch who was brutally attacked by a bunch of evil people to a jerkish cousin is as hilarious as it is pathetic.
Please don’t set people here on the part of self destruct. Yours might have turned out that way because you attacked your cousin at the comfort of your family home, might not work out well for someone who randomly attacks a thug on the street because he made homophobic utterances.
Bain
May 02, 15:56Uhm,okay.
my cousin is a devil! (he has been like this since forever).
I probably wouldn’t have harmed him if he didn’t tamper with my phone…all the anger I’ve been soaking up was what I unleashed on him. And trust me,I removed a lot of details just to tone down the “fabricated” factor.
yes,I’d still attack any homophobe,but I’m not stupid about it either,there are wiser to get back at them.
when I mentioned Mitch’s story, I was trying to explain the aggressive levels homophobia can get and reasons why we should combat them.
mind you, I didn’t say we should all go about beating homophobes, read well.
Jason
May 02, 17:23So how do you combat them?
You are probably feeling like super man because you beat up your cousin. ??????? you need to be enlightened on real issues that gay people face .Countries that deny gay people treatment because they are gay, children disowned by parents, unwarranted attacks like the case of Mitch, killing of gay people, using gay people for rituals, burning gay people, exploitations by the members of the police force and army personals. How do you combat all these?
Which brings me to the first and only point I made, that the best combat is sticking with those you trust and avoiding homophobic people and situations as much as you can.
Your call for violent retaliation is not only unrealistic but laughable as considering how outnumbered we are and how disloyal some of us actually are.
You might have gotten away with beating your cousin if you actually did, but will you get away with hitting a random man on the street who makes a disparaging comment about gays ?Did you hitting him make him less of a homophobe? I don’t know the kind of relationship you had with him, that will give him the audacity to actually snatch your phone from your hands while berating you and I probably wouldn’t have commented if not for your little sermon about how this is the way to go. Yes, you got vengeance on your little cousin, who made your life a living hell which I applaud you on and I think he deserved the ass whooping. But don’t make it seem like this is the best option to end homophobia.
Francis
May 02, 17:33His cousin’s homophobia fueled harrasment is not an issue at all?! Is like you’re sha gunning to be controversial here sha. ??? Best of luck in your endeavors.
Pink Panther
May 02, 17:54The sweeping assumptions you made with this particular comment shows me you skimmed over Bain’s story, some words jumped out at you, you saw what you wanted to see and then ran with it.
If this is your understanding of his story, richly smeared with your unwarranted derision, then there’s no point arguing the point with you. Like Francis pointed out, it looks like you’re gunning to be the controversial voice on KD. Have at it.
Francis
May 02, 18:01Every story on KD is science and fiction to him. I hope he will bless us one day with some juicy non-fiction
Mandy
May 02, 18:10You mean like he blessed us with the very fantastic and ‘real’ story of how he’s so into male nudity, he blows up half his salary on muscled guys parading naked for him? That story?
Yea, that one’s not at all fiction. Its very very real.
Francis
May 02, 18:18?????????? #Dead. Oh that was him?! I can’t keep up with the influx of new writers these days
Jason
May 03, 00:25That really wasn’t a story. That is a letter seeking for help. That’s a problem I’ve been battling with for a very long time and you making a ridicule of it all to prove a point makes me realise that the advice some of you gave that day was insincere.
Francis
May 03, 00:33Wawu. You are crying?! See turn around
Market suppose dey boom for Sensei sha
Jason
May 03, 00:36Clearly you are deluded or you don’t even know the meaning of controversial. If you knew how busy I am, you would know the last thing on my mind was creating a tag on a faceless forum. I didn’t skip any part of the story, I was reading it and actually enjoying it till I got to the part where he made it seem like violence and retaliation were the solution to homophobe .I am a thirty years old man, and I pride myself with having lots of experiences in life and I tell you that such an assertion is highly misleading as it can make people decide to try it, attack the bully and trust me it doesn’t end pretty. It always better to avoid the bully. You dismissing my point and tagging me wanting to be controversial makes me think you are constricted in reasoning,myopic and probably rate your level of knowledge way higher than it should be. You think I joined here to be noticed, you think I need online validation to fulfil Me ? Sorry to disappoint you I’m just a very honest person, and if you mistake my honesty for attention seeking, then your psycho analysis is worth less than a turd.
Delle
May 02, 18:41“The best way to survive in a homophobic country like Nigeria is to stick to people who accept you and try as much as you can to avoid those who don’t. It will also help a great deal if not too many people know your sexuality (at least until there is a high level of acceptance) .”
Wow really? You think we don’t already know this? You think we fly our rainbow flags in the faces of those we KNOW do not like what we stand for? Which rational being would do the opposite of this your omniscient advice?
To think with all your antagonism, this is what you come up with. Please, give us something new.
“Yes I believe homophobia is innate ,I’m gay but very objective. It is how you choose to handle it that makes you a jerk or a cool person. I see some people for the first time and just don’t like them, try as much as they can but I can’t get myself to. It is also the same for a homophobe ,he doesn’t understand it so he can’t relate with it or the person practicing such sexuality. It doesn’t make him a monster but misguided, the only monster is the homophobe that kitos gay people, beat them up…”
It wasn’t until I got to this part of your comment, I realised you really didn’t read his post before coming on to play villain.
His cousin attacked him! What difference does this make from those that kito people? How Is this different from any other form of violence? Oh because it happened in a parlour and not the streets?
You know what I find distasteful about your comment is the demeaning vibes I perceived. Trying so hard to belittle his efforts and trying to stir him up by pushing him to do the same to thugs on the streets.
Very childish, petty and pathetic.
Just so you know, most KD antagonists always make sure to leave little or no loopholes and yours is just a pool of them. When you talk about fabrication, you talk about a man who pays guys in NIGERIA to parade nude for him in his bedroom.
Funniest thing of all is no one discredited you on that account.
Sigh.
Jason
May 03, 00:56You Better post my reply pink panther, he made a comment and I have every right to reply it. Unless you are already taking sides?
Which will be pretty low coming from you.
Francis
May 03, 01:01If you actually posted a reply to this comment using Jason and your normal email address, it will automatically hit the inbox of everyone who subscribed to comments before even Pinky has a chance to delete it.
Nothing is showing in my inbox as at now UNLESS you used a different name or email address in which case your comment has entered moderation queue
Jason
May 03, 01:35Don’t worry about it. This would be the last time I will comment here. It is always better looking in as a guest than deciding to participate. I’ve read almost every story here but I always choose to comment on the ones that struck a nerve or the ones I perceive as setting people up to unrealistic expectations. How I got that controversial label is what I can’t place my head around. Knowing I have not left more then ten comments here before today and to the best of my knowledge, have never insulted anyone in any fashion.
Joining here I thought I would be able to interact with people of likely minds, let us share knowledge and arguments, criticise constructively and admonish each other if need be. Now I think the people here have victimised their mindset, to the point that anyone with a different opinion or different interpretation is labeled an antagonist .Makes me feel like I am not dealing with diverse personalities but people so immersed in the victim role with an identical mind set, cheer leading each other on .
Quote me if you have energy and time to burn. I won’t be reading, I’m out. Peace.
Pink Panther
May 03, 05:52Oh my bad. Forgive us all for not seeing your constructive criticism and intelligent interaction. Our bad for not noticing the knowledge you were sharing and the kind admonition you were giving. And oh, we’re so victimised in our mindset? Funny how you’re saying that when the whole point of this unnecessary drama was you scolding someone for his aggressive stance in homophobic issues. He wasn’t being a victim but you were deriding him for his belief.
All this ‘hurt’ and ‘indignation’ you’re posting here is common with people who bully others and get bullied back. You all on your own attacked a KDian, nothing constructive came from you, and when you got a push back, suddenly you’re crying foul. That is very pathetic. And we’ve seen enough of your kind on here to not buy what you’re selling. You want to slink away into silence, well that’s too bad. But again, we’ve seen enough of theatrics like yours not to notice it when you’re gone.
Bryce
May 03, 17:59You are wrong to have deleted his reply to that nonsense Delle typed up there.He has right of reply,and to hold his opinion,however deviant it may seem from the crowd’s.
You’re the admin of this blog,be the admin in truth.Stop taking sides
Pink Panther
May 03, 23:19Dude, kindly refer to Francis’s comment in response to his claim that I deleted his comment. I don’t have the time or predisposition to delete people’s comments unless they are volatile, vicious or outrightly insulting of others.
Mandy
May 03, 06:34Wait a minute, was this comment supposed to make us feel bad? Like you came in peace and now we are pursuing you and your good intentions?
Oh boo-hoo! Imagine how so self possessed you are that you have been able to make someone else’s experience all about you. And somehow we are supposed to be sensitive to you, when you showed no such sensitivity to someone else. Nigga, you’re pathetic abeg. We were doing fine when you were a ghost. I think we’ll be just fine if you stopped commenting.
ambivalentone
May 03, 07:07Wow!!! This situation worsened quickly. Hey Jason, I understand ur argument and strongly support it, and I get u feel it is quite petty the way the subject of ur prev post came up. Frankly, I’d av been surprised if it didn’t. All these handholding kumbaya-ing was bound to disappear sooner than later. Don’t let that stop u commenting abeg. Hopefully (or not?) we will be here when an unplanned homophobia retaliation goes wrong. I kuku know how very well to wring my hands in pity.
Pink Panther
May 03, 07:21Wait o, I’m frankly confused. Was violence as a form of retaliation all that you guys picked up from the post? Really? That’s all you understood from what Bain was preaching?
Smh.
Francis
May 03, 07:32Looks like peeps are seeing(understanding) this from another angle entirely. Those that will not tolerate any form of attack from le boo are suddenly accommodating that coming from a homophobe.
Or maybe they are reading too much meaning into this post when it’s simply saying ” At some point in time, we need to get out of victim mode and enter persecutor mode”
Pink Panther
May 03, 08:02Dazzal! @Francis.
Bryce
May 03, 18:03Why be “persecutor”?.
Wouldn’t that cast you in the same light as the homophobe?.
Self-defense isn’t necessarily same as going on the offensive.
Francis
May 03, 18:06all is fair in love and war ??
Bryce
May 03, 18:15Wrong
Bryce
May 03, 18:20An eye for an eye will leave us all blind.
From all I’ve read on kitodiaries,you guys were quite loud in condemning anything to do with the bible and Mosaic laws,yet here we have you advocating its use,to achieve your end
ambivalentone
May 03, 08:10Yes, very recurrent. I also see the ‘we can’t be doormats’ peptalk, but it is VERY dangerous to go all beserker because a random homophobe calls u gay. When ppl come to settle the fight, u might not win o. Very apparent in our collective surprise at both the seeming acceptances of the HOD and police officers.
@Francis If ‘le boo’ were a homophobe, we’d not be in a relationship in the first place, would we?
Francis
May 03, 08:11You’ve gone and twisted my words
Pink Panther
May 03, 08:15Azzin eh! @Francis
ambivalentone
May 03, 08:26Perhaps a better analogy from u would set things straight?
Francis
May 03, 08:29No need man. You seem to be in a very funny head space at the moment and I’m wondering if there’s a story behind it
Pink Panther
May 03, 08:14*sigh* You are still missing the point. I suppose some meanings are lost in translation when written.
He’s not saying ‘go berserk once you’re called gay by a homophobe.’
Nawa o. Ambi, you’re smarter than this.
Nel
May 03, 07:13Look Mr Jason,
The country we find ourselves in has made us victims.
I’m a victim every single time the word “gay” is mentioned and it’s attached to ridicule
I’m a victim every time kids use the word “faggot” and their parents think it’s justified because it apparently isn’t vulgar
I’m a victim every time I can’t be allowed to be with who I want to be with
I’m a victim every time I am told I’m an abomination
I’m a victim every time I can’t tell everyone that this is who I actually am
I’m a victim every time I can’t walk without looking over my shoulder because I told the world who I am
I’m a victim every time I’m told who I can and can’t be with
I’m a victim every time I’m expected to hate myself and the “spirit in me” and I don’t
I’m a victim every time I am supposed to endure abuse because I’m a part of the minority
I’m a victim every time I’m meant to tolerate homophobia because it’s “innate”
I’m a victim everytime “IH” rares it’s head in another gay person – it stinks
And so many others
So well, forgive me if I’m not tired of “playing the victim, YET.
Jason
May 03, 01:11When I think of fake stories, it doesn’t get any worse than a straight roomy supposedly fingering you in a room full of men or that pastor crap you submitted. For your info I never submitted a story, I submitted a letter. There was no candy land, there was no Mr A or C. It was just a problem stating a problem I have that I have been dealing with. Maybe I didn’t give you enough details to cover the supposed loopholes, maybe I forgot to add that I am a workout enthusiasts that meet men like that in hundreds on a daily basis. Maybe I should have added that I lie to them about imaginary modelling jobs that required a nude male body, maybe I forgot that these men actually charged for the imaginary modelling job. Maybe only then will my story sail right to people like you. What do I know, delle is the only truthful smart person here.
Delle
May 03, 07:45Aww aren’t you just the stalker? I’m honored…NOT.
Well you know, for someone who was preaching victimised mindset, you sure know how to play victim. Just sulk somewhere else cos you won’t get any pity here and definitely not from me. The next time you want to play antagonist, be very prepared.
You see how I forgot you said you won’t comment ANYMORE? You can’t even stick to your own lie.
Pathetic.
Enigma
May 05, 01:41Well,I think that if you guys had debated Jason’s stance without chipping in his previous letter,maybe your arguments would have landed home.
Jason posted a letter on here which he viewed as a weakness/problem and hence sought advice from KDians.Same people that gave advice and preached still went on to make jest of him and some contents of his letter.One might begin to wonder if those lengthy advice were even sincere.
This is exactly what depressed patients face that lead them on to commit suicide(talking about real life situations),and I expected the able dr.Francis not to have engaged..please,let’s desist from such acts.
Tenkiu.
Francis
May 05, 08:18You expected me not to engage but I resemble UN Peacekeeper abi? He has been shading people’s post here and suddenly the tables were turned on him and he wants to play victim?! FUCK THAT SHIT! Mscheeeew.
Mandy
May 05, 08:52He called somebody else’s story fake, and when he got a clapback, suddenly we’re the bad guys? Lol. Oga, you play too much.
Respect is reciprocal. You give respect to deserve respect. Funny how he kept on and on about how he leads a respectable life when it comes to interacting with homophobes, but here on KD, he should get a pass for being an ass?
He got what he deserved. He can cry us a river for all I care. You don’t disrespect someone and expect empathy from others.
himbo
May 02, 21:27Homophobia is not innate.
Arabian Princess
May 03, 07:51Before you talk about violence not being the way forward, google “Stonewall Riots”
Arabian Princess
May 03, 08:07Lemme drop this incase you can’t..
State and local governments followed suit:
bars catering to homosexuals were shut down, and their customers were arrested and exposed in newspapers. Cities performed “sweeps” to rid neighborhoods, parks, bars, and beaches of gay
people. They outlawed the wearing of opposite gender clothes, and universities expelled instructors suspected of being homosexual.
Thousands of gay men and women were publicly humiliated, physically harassed, fired, jailed, or institutionalized in mental hospitals. Many lived double lives (just live y’all do), keeping their private lives secret from their professional ones.
By the early 1960s, a campaign to rid New York City of gay bars was in full effect by order of Mayor Robert F. Wagner, Jr. , who was concerned about the image of the city in preparation for the 1964 World’s Fair. The city revoked the liquor licenses of the bars, and undercover police officers worked to entrap as many homosexual men as possible.
And NO, it wasn’t the Married Gay/Bisexual Men that fought back. It wasn’t the buff-muscular-gym-going men either…it was us!, the Sissies, the Drag Queens, the ones who were and are still regarded weak that fought back.
So the next time you try to comment on something, re-read it and see if it truly makes sense.
Pink Panther
May 03, 08:16????? Period!!!
ambivalentone
May 03, 08:35And far from it that I trivialize the contributions of every femme world over to emancipation of gay folks. We live with that struggle everyday. HOWEVER, u dare not go on flaming revenge out of ur comfort zone where u know u won’t av back-up (in Uncle Bain’s case, his family was his back-up. Several times, MY accepting str8 allies av bin MY back-up). You are asking for death. Pure and simple. Caution is all I’m saying.
Francis
May 03, 08:47So, I’ve arrived at a resolve. If people think they can be homophobic and beat gay people anyway they like (with reference to the We Are Here stories by Mitch), then I’ll endeavour to do the same to homophobes. Fighting fire with fire, not just physical, but using whatever arsenal I can employ.
At no point did he explicitly say “Fuck caution! Physically abuse every fucking homophobe who comes for you”
Fighting fire with fire, not just physical, but using whatever arsenal I can employ.
Pink Panther
May 03, 08:50This is why I still wonder if Jason, and for that matter ambivalentone, actually READ this story before drawing their conclusions.
Bryce
May 03, 18:13Quite selective reading,you did Francis.
Pray tell,what does ” If people think they can be homophobic and beat gay people anyway they like (with reference to the We Are Here stories by Mitch), then I’ll endeavour to do the same to homophobes” mean?.
Since you’re now in charge of the department of explaining stuffs,kindly explain that part to less discerning folks.
Bain
May 03, 19:32“Not just physical”….
Bryce
May 03, 21:21,”but using whatever arsenal I can employ.”
We can spend the whole day picking words and phrases,but a community reading of the whole paragraph shows you did advocate violence,physical and otherwise.
Pink Panther
May 03, 23:23Bain, let it go. People will see what they’ll see. You’re the only one who can advocate for your intentions. And you don’t owe anyone any explanation for that, especially if they’re going to willfully misrepresent you.
Tobby
May 02, 14:21Now I’m scared of you
John
May 02, 14:31Jason Please slither away with your self righteous self . The writer had acknowledged that this is indeed not the path to go. We all accept violence isn’t the best way but it feels good for our team to win one for once . Don’t be a party pooper good gosh. You seem like a barrel of fun on a night out !!
Bain
May 02, 16:16Thank you…I wonder whether he didn’t read those sides.
Jason
May 02, 17:04Maybe you have not been winning because of the way you probably present yourself and let people treat you, but I’ve never been disrespected because of my sexuality. I give myself respect and in return get it.
Self righteous? Child please, I’ve never read the Bible but I’m pretty sure whatever is written there about righteousness is a far cry from the things I’ve done and still do.
There are pools of comments here, you can read whichever you want, you are not obligated to mention me. That’s just my opinion, you probably have yours.
Pink Panther
May 02, 17:10*sigh* Jason,this isn’t about what you put out into the universe coming back to you. Not every gay man who was disrespected by a homophobe asked for it. And the acts of a homophobe directed at a gay man is not always a function of how ‘disrespectable’ one is with himself.
Sometimes, people just are. Even without any prompting. All they need to know is that you’re gay, and they will simply be who they are, irrespective of whether you have given them an opening or not.
And ultimately, what Bain is preaching with his story is for us to be firmer in our defense of ourselves. For us to get out of our victim mentality and get a backbone. For us to fight back (this doesn’t have to be physical) instead of slinking away whenever the homophobe strikes.
It’s a simple message really. I thought it’d be evident to everyone of us here, and that we’d take it to heart, instead of bickering away at details that don’t matter.
Bain
May 02, 17:16Thank you.
Jason
May 02, 17:27You don’t really get my point. Maybe you need to read my comment again.
And also try to read the ending notes of his story.
Pink Panther
May 02, 17:49I don’t think YOU read the ending notes of his story.
John
May 02, 21:38Jason Sod off!!!
Black Dynasty
May 02, 20:07Excellent, violence is rarely the answer but a good ass whooping is necessary and on this occasion was well deserved!
DrAkE
May 02, 20:18Jason. Get a grip! Let me ask you ‘how are homophobes able to sleep at night?’
Then, ask me ‘how do the ‘Gays’ sleep at night?
Here, my answer to the preceeding paragraph” Because they (the brainless homophobes) are able to sleep at night”.
Since they fight dirty, it’s time we got done with pretending that we have to be better than them to win. It’s time we “fought” dirty too.
Thanks Mr. Bain.
ambivalentone
May 03, 07:12Biko, shebi ppl can beg for popcorn from another viewer at the cinema???
Bryce
May 03, 18:25Go buy ya own.
I don buy the coke sha.
We can share.
J
October 11, 13:36Yeah and there’s nothing wrong with being weak and wearing makeup and getting fucked in the ass … It’s a different representation of gays, not all gays must be same.