Banana Island Ghost had been generating such a buzz. The publicity for the movie was one of those highly financed movies in the film industry. And I hadn’t seen it. All my friends had, except me. I felt odd. So I made out time to go see it.

Uyo is a beautiful town with a well-laid-out plan. The road network makes the city easy to access. So locating Tropicana was easy. I didn’t even need Google Map. It was there, nestled on a large expanse of land along Udo Udoma Way.

As I walked into the building, heads turned my way and looked me from head to toe. Come on, I know I am dashing, but that wasn’t the reason. The shorts I was wearing, made from beautifully-colored and patterned Ankara fabric, was a winner. And it was really short; like way, way above my knees. And I was serving long legs as I walked briskly into Silverbird Cinema.

And then there he was, moving toward the counter, and looking like the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen since my visit to Uyo. He had skin like a Senegalese; dark with a shiny lustre, which glowed beneath the floodlights from the ceiling. He had a mop of thick curly black hair that tapered down the sides of his head to a sparse growth of well-groomed beard. He had luscious pink lips that parted when he smiled to reveal a dentition that a smoker would kill for.

The white shirt he wore had ‘Isoken’ etched on it. The short sleeves were folded twice like he was wearing a vintage shirt, and it was tucked into black pants through which a bulge was clearly visible. He wasn’t lean or toned, or ripped or fat. He had just the right amount of flesh. He eyes were tiny and his nose a narrow pathway.

He went to sit behind the ticket desk, looking at the little crowd that milled around in the cinema hall. He seemed lost in thought and didn’t even notice when I walked up to him.

“Hello, I’d like a movie ticket,” I said, jolting him back to consciousness.

“Oh yeah. Sorry. Welcome. Which one of the movies would you like?” he asked, smiling from cheek to cheek. It was a pure and sincere smile that radiated innocence from his tiny eyes. He was beautiful, and had great sex appeal.

“Banana Island Ghost,” I replied, smiling back. “I seem to be the only one left who hasn’t seen it. I can’t be left out,” I continued, trying to encourage a little discussion.

“You’d be surprised. It’s showing by 7.05pm, 1000naira, theater 2.” He was still smiling. “I like your shorts. Colorful. Ankara?”

“Yes, Ankara. Thank you,” I said, handing him 1000 naira bill. “I like the movie inscription on your shirt, Isoken”.

“Oh, yeah. Thanks. Everyone seems to like it.”

“It’s a nice movie”.

We spent the next three minutes talking about movies and the steady improvement of the Nigerian movie industry. Luckily for me, it was a weekend, so there weren’t customers to attend to. We talked more till it was almost time for the movie to begin.

“I’ll see you after the movie so I can tell you what I think,” I said to him, as I began to walk towards the theater door.

“I’d like to hear your reviews.” He smiled that smile again, effortlessly.

All through the movie, our very short encounter and conversation kept replaying in my head. Images of his smile would fill my head and splash on the screen before my eyes, just as Chigurl and her ghost were acting out their horrible script.

It was a bad movie for me. I didn’t enjoy any bit of it. So I was already planning and laying out my reviews in my head. Finally, the bore-fest ended, and I made my way down steps and out of the theater, looking forward to another interesting chat with the man behind the counter.

I looked across to the counter, and his stool was empty. In his place was a girl seated on a stool next to where he was. I looked at my watch; it was past nine. I figured his shift had ended and he had signed off for the day. Somehow, my mood dropped and I felt gloomy, which was weird and unusual for a guy I had just met a little over two hours ago.

Sigh! Life! Shit happens.

I walked out of the cinema. And there, at the exit of the building, he was. I felt an instant lift and was about to step forward to call out to him when I saw that he was hugging a girl passionately. He kissed her on the forehead and then on the cheek. Then she went around and slid in behind the wheel of a Honda while he took his seat in passenger’s seat. Their doors slammed shut and she engaged the gear, before roaring off.

With another drop of my heart, I presumed that that was his girl come to pick him up after work. I sighed. Like they always say, the ones you like are either taken, straight or don’t like you back. Such a sad life. I didn’t even get to know his name or get his digits.

So I went on home and wanked to a picture of him in my head. Twice.

Written by Masked Man

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  1. Delle
    August 30, 07:06 Reply


    Wanking (twice) to an imagery in your head though. How do you guys do that? ?

  2. Dashawn
    August 30, 07:27 Reply

    You are the first person to say the movie is bad. But I pray thee, compare it to the movies being produced by Alaba boys before you pass judgment. That movie was very interesting and even surpassed my expectations. Maybe the hopes of getting possible dick/ass clouded your judgment. Shalom

    • Mandy
      August 30, 08:19 Reply

      The film is good, sure. But it’s not all that. The hype far surpasses its delivery.

  3. Rapum
    August 30, 07:46 Reply

    I could never wank to the image of a man I cannot have or might never see again. I’d feel terrible and miserable afterwards. Clean writing, Masked Man. Ever heard of 14, an anthology of queer art? You should write something for us. Email Pinky if you’re interested (I’ll ask him to badger you, anyway). You could always go back to the cinema and show him you long, delicate, sexy legs.

    • Pankar
      August 31, 14:58 Reply

      Speaking of 14 and anthoogy, what of the August edition, I’m yet asking?

  4. Colossus
    August 30, 07:53 Reply

    Nwokem go back to that cinema and this time, go naked.

  5. Mandy
    August 30, 08:18 Reply

    ?????? The human beings on this thread are impossible.

  6. Mandy
    August 30, 08:20 Reply

    MM, go back to the cinema na. A sexy girlfriend shouldn’t stand in your way biko

  7. Mitch
    August 30, 09:29 Reply

    Masked man, no pussy should stand in the way of the preeq you want.
    Go back and get your man!

  8. Foxydevil
    August 30, 10:03 Reply

    Akwa Ibom and calabar are always brimming with hot studs, muscles rippling, with sky high libidos and chiseled jaw lines .
    The guy is most likely an escort, the female that came to pick him up is likely one of the many women he is philandering with. If I’ve learnt anything about gigolos, it’s that they are very likely to swing both ways, with the right amount of cash and a good dosage of persuasion ,you will have him on his back.
    Arm your wallet next time with a good infuse of cash and do more than smiling sheepishly and you will have that stud moaning face down.
    The country is very hard now and a boy selling ticket is certainly not swimming in a heap of cash, play your cards right and you won’t be wanking to an image, you will be doing it with a real person.
    Unless maybe you’re a cheapo ,then in that case, good luck to your poor hands. ?.

    • Johnny
      August 30, 10:07 Reply

      That cheapo made me remember someone that told my friend he likes me.

      He collected my number from my friend and later sent me ‘please call me’. I was like WTF!

  9. Johnny
    August 30, 10:05 Reply

    What should stand in your way of getting that bussy ? Not even a pussy.

  10. Gaia
    August 30, 10:07 Reply

    Jesu!!! Colossus ogini?

  11. trystham
    August 30, 12:15 Reply

    This is a first for KDians. Nobody yet knows whom this mystery ticketer is? Abi is it that the readership from Uyo end is low? I trust Lagos boys. Kia, they wud av finished the description down to penis size or go running to see him this very day.

  12. Adichie
    August 30, 14:00 Reply

    so let me flaunt it the main character of Banana Island Ghost is my theatre director i.e we spoke, laughed, shook hands and he was the inevitable directed the play I was in.

    • Lotanna
      August 30, 16:10 Reply

      Hmmm..Are you talking about the play that took place in the College of medicine,unilag 2 weeks ago?
      If that,then well done!The play was mind blowing.

      • Adichie
        August 31, 04:36 Reply

        thanks hun. I really do appreciate. hmmm to cane to watch it and thanks for that. The journey to that play was a funny one. would fill you in sometime

  13. Lakayana
    August 30, 18:22 Reply

    I know the Dude Masked Man is talking about in this post. He’s really good looking and I have bn admiring him from afar.

  14. Pjay
    September 02, 01:57 Reply

    Oh Emm Gee! I’ve missed this place. So much hilarity. BTW where is Peak, Uncle Macaulay and the rest of the gang?

  15. pentagon
    September 02, 13:10 Reply

    lol. I know the dude. He’s so hot. I felt same way when I first saw him. But then, there’s something about him. my gaydar was playing tricks with me.

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