That Bromantic Conundrum When A Straight Guy Falls In Love With Another Straight Guy
“It all started when I moved to a new city,” Reddit user myloveisathrowaway writes in a recent post titled Confused about feelings for my friend (another guy). “I’d frequent the same neighborhood bar he did. We ended up introducing ourselves because we saw each other so often.”
He continued: “The first time we hung out … was when he broke up with gf (waitress at the bar), he invited me over to his place we got drunk and talked about our whole life stories. After that we became really close friends.”
Myloveisathrowaway goes on to say that he is “99.99% sure” his friend isn’t gay or bi. He adds that he, too, is straight. Or, at least, he’s “fairly certain” he is. But, he says, “There are certain aspects about our friendship which have me questioning WTF is going on.”
First, he says, they hug. Like, a lot:
“We’ve become those friends that hug…. and not just when you’re saying hi or bye after long absences. We see each other multiple times a week, and we hug each other (sometimes multiple times in the same visit) like we’re sending each other off to war. … In the moment, it feels fucking awesome.”
Second, his friend has a certain “look” in his eyes:
“Every time he talks to me, is like he’s staring into my soul. It’s mesmerizing and I can’t look away. Then, there will be times when we’re driving or something else and when I glance over, it feels like I catch him looking at me. For no apparent reason.”
And third, their bodies occasionally touch:
“It always feels like we’re touching each other… Whether it’s a hand on the shoulder as we’re talking, legs pressed together at the bar, etc. It almost feels like when you like a girl, but haven’t really gotten to the point to nut up and ask her out.”
The whole thing has completely thrown myloveisathrowaway for a loop. He now fears he may be “addicted” to his friend. “I don’t think I’m sexually attracted to him,” he writes. “I’ve thought about, but I’m not turned on by the idea of having sex with him, nor have I ever had the urge to rip off his clothes and head to pound town.”
“But,” he adds, “the idea doesn’t gross me out.”
Myloveisathrowaway concludes by saying that there is “something undeniably deeper than just friendship going on” and that he’s “never felt anything like this before.”
“Maybe it’s just because the only other people I’ve had this much physical contact with are women,” he writes, “but I’ve often wondered what it would be like if we just started making out, because that just feels like what’s supposed to happen next whenever we hug. But what would happen if it went further than that? Would I like it? Would I stop it?”
“Wait, is this just what a bromance feels like?” he asks.
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17 Comments
Dickson Clement
August 18, 07:30How nice!
ambivalentone
August 18, 08:05I can’t know how long this has been going on and I don’t know bout bromance, but don’t read too much meanings to it yet. The uncle is still at a vulnerable stage-heartbreak and all that shit.
Pink Panther
August 18, 08:07Uh, ambi, just how long does the vulnerability of heartbreak last? Becos this narrative sounds like it spans a longer period of time following his breakup with his girlfriend.
ambivalentone
August 18, 09:36From the next minute to like forever. Just as long as victim of the heartbreak wants it to be.
Mandy
August 18, 08:15It is all these gray and murky areas about attraction between sexes that confuses me about the very real definition of sexuality
Truth
August 18, 09:23He should consult the Kinsey scale.
Bryann
August 18, 11:27Ohhhhh!!!!! Nice. Was about saying that.
•*•sugarrrr*•*
August 18, 09:42Gaskiya @Mandy. (True)
bruno
August 18, 09:45he’s worrying too much. he might not be completely straight but then so what. cant wait for a future where none of this matters. we probably won’t live to see it.
Khaleesi
August 18, 09:51He should loosen up & explore, he might discover new dimensions to his sexuality that he’d never previously considered .. biko life is short!
Peak
August 18, 10:21But I would have ran for the hills a long long time ago. I wouldn’t return or go anywhere near him until I was sure all those spell bound and voodoo magic associated with attractions is gone. The multiplex nature of attractions and sexuality makes it a very difficult study.
Mitch
August 18, 10:47All these gray areas in sexuality in attraction keep giving me migraines!
Hmmmm
August 18, 14:05It’s nothing! We all feel thus way sometime or the other about close friends. Dude should stop making a mountain jare. They ain’t guy. When the other get a gf that’s when eye go clear.
Hmmmm
August 18, 14:07They ain’t gay…predictive texting! Jeez.
BlurryFace
August 18, 20:16aww @ “… in the moment it feels fucking awesome “
Harry
August 19, 10:37If they both feel comfortable in this ‘relationship’ and aren’t actively looking to find anything like it with the opposite sex then these could be signs of something bigger and deeper.
In my opinion.
Jagz
August 20, 15:13New guy here. Great work Pinky.
I think the guy is reading too much into this. In this world of too many labels: gay, straight, Trans, bi etc we tend to see things that may not exist.
His mind is seeing what it wants to see and he risks losing a really true friendship if he’s wrong. On the other hand, if he’s right then that could be a really deep and wonderful love story.
I remember something like this happened to me in school. I got so close to a guy that our other friends kept joking that we should just get married. Anytime people are looking for him, all fingers point to me and vice verse. Turns out, we just really understood each other far better than anyone else could. I was the only one who knew that behind the ‘tough guy’ exterior, there was a sensitive and vulnerable guy.
Sometimes we are lucky to meet someone who is the very definition of a true friend.