The Devil Comes In Beautiful Packages
In a previous story, I talked about going for NYSC in 2012. I was posted to Rivers State. It was in the orientation camp, where I met Paul, an incidence that started a ripple which ended with me coming out to my family in 2016.
This story is about my experience in that Rivers State NYSC camp. And it begins with my interview to be in the Orientation Broadcasting Service (OBS) team.
There was quite a number of us corpers hoping to be part of the OBS, and the interview was conducted in threes. That is, three corpers were interviewed together at a time. I was interviewed alongside a male and female corper. Our interviewers wanted me to be in the technical section of OBS due to my educational background, but I told them I only studied the course I did because I didn’t get the one I wanted. Because I’m Yoruba, they then considered me broadcasting a translation of the news in Yoruba. They asked me to read some lines in Yoruba, and I did.
And the female corper I was being interviewed with blurted out, “Your Yoruba sounds foreign.”
There was a smattering of laughter as I turned to look at her.
“How?” I asked.
She shrugged. “I don’t know. It just doesn’t sound like the Yoruba I watch on TV.”
After our interview, we were told to check the noticeboard in the evening to see if we’d made it onto the OBS team. I left the room and was outside, already on my way to nowhere in particular, when someone called, “Foreign Yoruba!”
Chuckling, I turned. “Hello to you too.”
In the brightness of the outside, I could see her more clearly. The first thing that struck me about her was how beautiful she was. So beautiful, I felt positive that if I were straight, I would totally be into her. She was a stunner: light-skinned, average-height and slim.
“Hey, I’m Yvonne,” she said.
“I’m Preacher,” I said.
“Posted from where?”
I told her the name of my school. “Came all the way from Lagos,” I told her.
“Me, I’m a Port Harcourt girl. Born, bred and buttered. I’ve never even been to Lagos.”
“Are you serious?” I said with the incredulity of the regular Lagosian who doesn’t understand why the rest of Nigeria doesn’t revolve around Lagos.
“Very serious,” she said with a brilliant smile, which seemed to make her even prettier.
“Well, this is my first time in Rivers State,” I said.
“Yea? Well, it’s a very good place,” she said. “There are lots of fine boys and fine girls here.”
“Oh. Fine boys,” I said. Actually, I blurted that out without thinking.
She arched her brows at me and said, “And fine girls too.”
“Of course. Fine girls too,” I said hurriedly, while wondering how much damage I’d done to my closet.
If Yvonne caught on to anything, she didn’t let on. We just carried on chatting as we strolled to Mami market. She was great company and we bonded, laughing and gisting throughout our time in Mami market. We exchanged numbers as we parted ways later on, and she told me she would holler me in the evening so we could go check the OBS noticeboard together.
That evening, we joined the other hopefuls at the noticeboard. There were 30 names and we made the cut. My name came in at Number 27, as a sports reporter, and she came in at Number 28 as a presenter.
“But I don’t do sports,” I lamented. “I don’t like sports.”
She looked at me and said, “It’s only gay guys that don’t like sports.”
I gave a nervous laugh as I said, “Well, I like tennis though.”
“Still, you seem gay to me,” she said.
I froze. I knew it! I just knew I had kitoed myself this morning. In my mind, I was like: Did I come all the way from Lagos to this place to suffer the humiliation of kito? I was starting to panic.
But she was now smiling as she said, “Don’t worry. I like girls myself.”
I was expelling a breath of relief at the same time as I was looking at her with wonder. With new eyes. What were the odds, that the first friend a gay guy would make in an NYSC camp would be a lesbian? Wasn’t there something in the LGBT universe that ensured things like this should not happen?
Now knowing these new aspects about ourselves made Yvonne and I fast friends. We had a lot more to talk about now. And because we had OBS duties, we were almost always together. Gisting and gossiping away. I told her about me and she told me about herself. She talked about her dream girl: as dark-skinned as she was light, as tall as she was, and definitely from either the South-West or the North, because she wanted to be with someone with an entirely different culture from the ones she was used to.
When I asked her if she was seeing any guy (because surely, the world would have questions if a beautiful girl like her wasn’t seen with a man), she said yes. She was dating some guy in the entertainment industry. Although it was a nonsexual relationship. She’d come out to the guy, telling him she wasn’t interested in his penis, but in exchange for her association with him, he would be responsible for her bills. She was a really beautiful girl and any man would want to be seen to be with her.) What they had was a business transaction: he got a trophy girlfriend to show off to the world, and she got a comfortable cover for who she really is.
I was impressed.
It soon became obvious to me that Yvonne was a big girl, the kind that had vowed to never eat the food served by the camp kitchen. She was always going to Mami market. I couldn’t afford that, so there were meal times when we weren’t together. She’d be at Mami market and I would be queueing for my food at the dining hall.
It was during once such mealtime – lunch, it was – that the devil approached me in the form of a really, really fine boy.
He tapped my shoulder from behind, and I turned to instantly get arrested by the gorgeousness standing before me. He was tall, about my height, slim, with a nice dentition that sparkled when he smiled. And he was smiling, keeping me pinned and bedazzled with that flash of brilliance.
My throat became as dry as the dry rice I had for dinner the day before. And he was talking. I had to make a conscious effort to focus on the words coming through his beautiful lips.
“Are you the last person on the queue?”
“Yes,” I said.
“I’m behind you.”
“OK.” Because all I could manage in that time were single words.
He smiled again, his demeanour apologetic. “I’m really sorry to ask you this, but I forgot my meal ticket in my hostel. If you could just hold on to my flask so I can rush and go get it.”
“Sure,” I said. He could have told me to go seize a pot of whatever they were serving us for lunch, and I’d be gingered to do it.
He was off and I was left holding onto two food flasks as evidence that what happened had actually happened, and that I hadn’t dreamt that a beautiful boy had just spoken to me.
He soon returned, and we began talking as we inched closer to the food point. He introduced himself as Toyin. We joked about the bad food, and talked about our schools. We both attended private universities, me a Muslim school and him a Christian school. We talked about the woes of attending private school and how students from other universities regarded our kind as attendees of glorified secondary schools. We mocked public schools and how we were faster in graduating and going for NYSC than public university students.
We gisted eh! It was like there was nothing we couldn’t talk about.
We got our food and started toward the hostel area. We were headed the same way, even though we were in different hostels. He wanted to see where I was staying, so I took him to my dormitory. He remarked on the fact that I had a mosquito net, and how if the mosquitoes pestered him too much in his dorm, he might just come share my bed with me.
My gaydar tingled. I looked at him.
Check One.
We then went to his dorm. He talked about how he was a loner, that he hadn’t been able to flow with his dormmates because all they ever seemed to talk about was football, and that easily bored him.
I looked at him again.
Check Two.
We ate together. Gisted some more. Exchanged numbers. When he asked me about my dinner plans, I said I’d be at the OBS. He asked what I did there, and when I told him, he complimented me on my radio voice, saying he’d heard me report the news a few times.
Since we wouldn’t be able to see for dinner, as we parted ways, he promised to call for breakfast.
During our breaks from OBS duties, Yvonne and I had this spot at an elevated plateau close to the parade ground where we sat and gisted, pointing out corpers we knew and gossiping about them.
When we took position the following day, we were observing the camp commander select corpers who would be in the band. When he picked out Toyin, I recognised him and pointed him out to Yvonne, saying he was a new friend who was giving me gay vibes.
“Oh him,” was all she said in response.
I didn’t take note of how those two words and the tone of her voice insinuated that she was already familiar with Toyin.
In the following days, Toyin and I got really close. By far closer than I was with Yvonne. We went everywhere together. Did small errands for each other. He even had my meal ticket so he could get my food for me whenever I was too caught up with OBS to meet up with the meal time. we both signed up for a HIV awareness group where we got trained to be peer educators.
Then he started calling me “dear”. Let me be clear: he started it. I didn’t. I was by no means confident enough to start anything remotely intimate with a boy who was, for all intents and purposes, straight. When he first called me “dear”, I looked at him.
Check Three.
Then I started responding in kind.
Then he started taking my hand whenever we strolled. Who was I to reject that?
There were all sorts of small, small body contact he often initiated that always had my heart racing and my mind clouded with hope and confusion. When I made the bold move of playfully tapping his butt, he laughed. It was crazy. I was stuck in this place where I didn’t know what to make of whatever was going on between us.
The day he met Yvonne was when we ran into her at Mami market. I introduced the two of them to each other, and Yvonne said she knew him. Again, I missed the inflection of her tone when she said this, taking her words to mean that she knew Toyin from the time I pointed him out to her.
When we moved away from Yvonne, Toyin asked me about her.
“She’s my friend,” I said. We work at OBS together. Complete Port Harcourt girl.”
“Is she dating anyone?” he asked.
“Yes. Some guy in the entertainment industry,” I said.
He nodded OK and that passed.
We stayed close throughout the duration of camp. I had a friend in Lagos who I was telling stories about things happening in camp, and I told him all about Toyin and I, and he would tease me with that.
The day we left camp, it was to discover that while I was posted to Etche, he was posted to Bonny. I was crushed by the thought of the distance. Wanted to cry as we said goodbye.
But we stayed in touch. And my friend persistently encouraged me to open up to Toyin.
“You’re no longer in camp,” he reasoned. “So, the risk factor of exposing yourself in such a confined space is gone. Besides, he really strikes me as a guy who is into you. Maybe he just needs you being open with him for him to say how he really feels about you.”
Feeling inspired by my friend’s words, I decided to open up to Toyin.
It was a big mistake. Big. Huge.
But an eye-opener too.
I called him. Told him that I had something to tell him.
“I don’t know how you’ll feel about this,” I said, “but I really like you a lot.”
“I like you too, dear,” he said.
“I like you. I like the way you smile. I like the way you interact. I like your intelligence. I really like you.”
He chuckled and said, “Thanks, dear. I like you a lot too.”
“No, you don’t understand. I really like you. As in, I like you like you.”
“Oh,” was his response.
“Yea. I have always crushed on you. All through camp, I’d always had feelings for you. Just didn’t know how to express them.”
And he said, “Sorry, bro. I’m not into stuff like that.”
I still don’t know which one packed the greater punch: the fact that he had heterosexually turned me down, or that he had just “bro”-ed me. Like magic, the “dear” was gone.
“Oh really,” I said in a suddenly quiet voice.
“Yea, bro.”
“OK then. I apologize for reading the signals wrong.”
“That’s cool. Matter of fact, I had my eyes on your friend, Yvonne.”
“What!”
“Yea. That’s why I befriended you. I thought that by being close to you, she would give me a chance.”
Oh my God! I could feel a deep rage start to rise inside me, to replace my shock.
“Why is this news to me?” I asked.
“Look, it wasn’t intentional –”
“What wasn’t intentional?” I snapped. “We hugged. Slept together. Did everything together. And it somehow slipped your mind to, I don’t know, mention that you were only using me to get to my friend?”
“Preacher, I’m sorry if I led you on.”
“IF?!” I echoed the word with some incredulity, and then hung up.
Of course, my next call was to Yvonne. I dived right into the gist, telling her all about Toyin’s treachery, about how he said he was really into her the entire time I thought he might be into me.
“I knew that,” she finally said.
“You what!”
“I knew he was into me. He asked me out the first day of camp when he saw me.”
“What!” I was reeling. The savagery of all this betrayal was decimating my insides.
“Yea. He asked me out and I turned him down. I took one look at him and his nwa mummy attitude, and I knew he just wouldn’t do it for me. Besides, he looked like he would want an actual girlfriend and I couldn’t give him that.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
She took a beat before responding. “Because you seemed so into him. So happy around him. You had all these hopes up about him. And I didn’t want to ruin that for you. I figured after camp, you both would go to distant places and eventually, you would get over him. I’m really sorry.”
When she put it like that, I struggled to stay mad at her. I really wanted to. As my friend, she owed it to me to tell me that the guy I was mooning over had asked her out, and so, was most likely nowhere in the neighborhood of gay.
But then, I thought about all the times Toyin and I spent together in camp. Our closeness, all those small intimacies. Could a straight guy really go to all that trouble just to get the female friend of the guy he’d befriended?
Yvonne apologised again, and I told her I’d be fine.
That was the end of my friendship with Toyin though. We didn’t speak to each other anymore. I was reminded that I had him as a friend on Facebook when I stumbled on an update of his wedding photos a few years after NYSC. I gave the pictures a cursory glance.
And then I blocked him.
Written by The Preacher
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48 Comments
Posh
April 18, 08:13Useless bastards!!! Straight people are useless. I’m heartbroken… whenever they need something from you, they will act all nice like they are into you. Idiots!!!
Terra
April 19, 11:44This isn’t a “straight people” problem. It’s a human problem. People are scum
Esomnofu Ebelenna
April 18, 08:16An interesting story. The plot reminds me of many people. Many, many people. A lot of Queer Nigerians are like the narrator and her lesbian friend.
What amazed me is this: The girl hides in a guy to conceal her sexuality and make us believe that she is straight. And the gay guy isn’t doing that, though he is not really bold.
Many of my gay friends hide in girls while many of my lesbian friends do not hide in any bloody man. Which shows that lesbians are more courageous, I think.
Good story.
Francis
April 18, 08:27Lesbians are more courageous OR society doesn’t really bat an eyelid when girls are too close and mushy mushy so why bother stressing themselves looking for man to hide behind ?♂️
Jinchuriki
April 18, 14:01*clears throat*
*scrolls past*
Sworld
April 18, 08:33??. is it that you’re feminine/ a beautiful boi cos a guy would never led you on that way without having a clue about who you are!.
it happens but it’s OK, we learn and we move on!.
I look fragile n light skin with complements, i had to learn how to play with ladies head without letting down any script.
Pink Panther
April 18, 09:16I’m not sure I understand your comment.
Delle
April 18, 10:53The first issue I have with your comment is the laugh emojis you used quickly followed by a statement laden with shabby stereotype.
Oh well.
Normal people do not laud themselves for having the skill of ‘playing with ladies’ heads without letting down any script’ (whatever that means).
P. P: His comment basically tells how he feels the Toyin guy braved to do what he did to the writer because of an inkling that the writer might be gay, a notion fueled by a possibility that the writer is feminine.
Sworld
April 18, 15:10No sarcasms here pls.
The emoji was based on his last statement, I simply loved the way he ends it “I gave the picture a cursory glance and then I blocked him”.
And if you ever had a thought I was not Normal?
Good for you!.
Bells
April 18, 09:23I can so relate. Met one idiot like that in Camp some years ago, he led me on but he finally made me know he was truly a jerk.
McDuke
April 18, 10:11I beg to differ but I don’t see how Toyin is the devil here, so he rejected you, so what??? Why are you making it a big deal??? Not like as if he committed to you prior…the only person you get to be mad at is your friend Yvonne for withholding such information from you even after knowing how close you guys were…shit happens so deal with it…it’s not a biggie….
Delle
April 18, 11:04Please keep your rattling fingers quiet.
The writer was used by the Toyin guy! He was taken advantage of.
Calling him ‘dear’? Making suggestive comments and salacious moves, no matter how subtle? Holding his fucking hands simply because you wanted something from him!?
That’s evil. And I sure as hell know this is the perfect way to react to finding out you’ve been played. That you’ve only been a platform to achieve another.
It hurts! Hurts like burning metal to skin. Hurts, you annoying pseudonym!
To think the manipulative mongrel called Toyin switched to ‘bro’ immediately he was confronted like an electrical relay box further justifies Preacher’s ire.
Yvonne sure has a part of the blame to take (and God knows I won’t buy that sentimental rubbish of a reason she gave had I been the one) but in truth, I’m responsible for my decisions as much as she is responsible for hers. So the bulk still lies with Toyin and then, the writer.
But do not, McDuke, do not try to exonerate the stupid Toyin from this. No one should be allowed to take advantage of another. It’s almost worse than being kitoed.
Sheesh ??
Pink Panther
April 18, 11:17It IS a biggie. Are you kidding me? Toyin is evil for what he did. It is not a good thing to use people. I know here in Nigeria, we have become so deadened to some social courtesies and human niceties, but please, let us sometimes recognise bullshit and call it out for what it is. This isn’t about the rejection. Gay people get rejected by straight people all the time and shouldn’t be any skin off our nose. It is the sheer underhanded manipulation behind the friendship, the fact that he sought Preacher out for the sole purpose of using him to get to his friend that is sickening. How can you even read that and come here to exonerate the guy? Just how? Clearly, Toyin suspected Preacher to be gay and even though I’m not entirely convinced that he is even straight, it was devious of him to play into Preacher’s sentimentality the way he did without doing him the courtesy of, I don’t know, saying, “Hey, dude, I have an eye on your friend o. Any chance you can help me out here?” What was wrong with being upfront and honest with Preacher about it from the get-go? What was wrong with letting him know what the terms of their friendship was in the beginning? Do you realise that with your comment, you are condoning dishonesty in relationships between people?
SMH. You people though.
Omiete
April 18, 10:23Haba Yvonne should have told you na!!! If it was me I would want to know. So I don’t disgrace myself
Higwe
April 18, 11:29Mmmmmh …..
The word “dear” hardly bears any sexual or emotional undertone these days .
Go to the timeline of any straight man during their birthday , you’ll see a lot of people even straight men typing ” Happy Birthday DEAR ”
Dear- has mostly been simplified to polite friendliness.
You two kept in touch even when you both left camp and from your words , he kept using dear to address you ….
At that particular juncture , did he still have a reason to keep up the charade , if all he needed from you was your proximity to Yvonne ?
—————–
Maybe you didn’t attend a public school- but straight men do a lot of crazy stuffs :
They grab each other’s asses .
Measure dick sizes .
Squeeze nipples .
Dry hump etc
The fact he let you touch him or vice versa, doesn’t necessarily mean anything.
—————–
I honestly do not see how Toyin lead you on .
First : he had no clue you were gay …sorry to break it to you , but straight men don’t catch on quickly .
They fancy themselves on top the sexual chain and as such, are hardly retrospective , cognitive or aware .
They can only go with a cliche (an effeminate ) or your words .
———–
Yes , he got close to you because he wanted to get Yvonne ….but tell me which friendship that didn’t begin with a hidden agenda ?
You confessed your feelings to him and he turned you down maturely.
He didn’t go all apeshit on you or start a tirade of homophobic jabs .
He clarified your misconception …. reaffirmed his straightness by telling you the reason he got close to you in the first place ……
A blunt and hurtful move ;nonetheless , an understandable move at that point in time .
He too must have been overwhelmed getting confronted by your feelings and it made him speak out of turn.
I honestly think the title of this story is grossly misleading .
Is Toyin an opportunist ?
Obviously yes !
Is he a Devil ?
Not by a long mile.
Pink Panther
April 18, 12:21“tell me which friendship that didn’t begin with a hidden agenda”???
Lol. I get that you have to take a contrary stance or make a point to oppose the writer, but please, don’t spread fallacies to support your point. If you are in the habit of making friends with hidden agendas or harbouring “friends” with dishonest intentions, that’s fine FOR YOU. But please don’t make it a universal phenomenon. Not all friendships are founded on lies and dishonesty.
Delle
April 18, 16:07I got so exhausted after reading that.
Higwe
April 18, 17:26For someone that doesn’t hesitate to call out people for their inferior knowledge of English , I find myself clarifying simple terms for you a lot .?
Hidden agenda – ulterior motives ..
What is ulterior motive ? An alternate or extrinsic reason for something.
Having ulterior motives doesn’t mean it has to necessarily be a bad thing .
I can start a friendship with someone because I’m lonely or because I want to acquire something from them …… knowledge , favour etc
But I’m not going to spell it out like ” hey I want to be your friend because I’m lonely and no other person will have me ”
Doesn’t this qualify as an ulterior motive?
How is it dishonest ?
How is this a lie Mr Pink Panther ?
Aren’t you being a hypocrite right now ?
You said the other day that lust could lead to love, that love has to begin with something .. …so , what makes friendship different?
And why do you think I want to oppose the writer ?
Are you a clairvoyant , psychic or just a mr know all ,that miraculously knows what is on everyone’s mind ?
Assuming Toyin is a woman and the writer is a straight guy ….and you bring this same story to the public …..watch how the feminists will eat this writer alive .
We need to stop with the entitlement mentality and be reoriented about consent.
There was no place in this story that Toyin promised the writer anything …. everything he (the writer ) concluded was from his perspective (which could be clouded) so why on Earth do you want us us to vilify Toyin ?
Assuming Toyin even purposely flirted with the writer to get to Yvonne …..is that enough to brand him a devil ?
Tell me MR Pink Panther , did you end up sleeping with everyone you’ve purposely flirted with ?
And even if you did, , what qualifies other people who didn’t as devils- reincarnated Jesus ?
Spare me the hypocrisy please !
No one is a victim in this story .
Pink Panther
April 18, 19:12I like how you came at me with all this condescension about my knowledge of the English language and then went on to spectacularly fail at what is supposed to be you correcting me.
Let’s talk about your definition of the word “hidden agenda”, shall we?
Hidden agenda means “a secret motive, esp. one that is selfish or would not be liked by other people”. So, yea, Higwe, when someone has a hidden agenda, by the very virtue of the fact that it is an AGENDA that is HIDDEN makes it something that may not be bad but which the other person will most likely find distasteful, hence you hiding it. Oga, please don’t come at me when it comes to knowledge of English. Don’t think that because you have managed to command a few grandiose words that you pepper your comments with, you can now come for me over something you have in the past excused as it not being your primary language. If you want to argue the fine points of your comments, do that and don’t try to insult my understanding of the English language.
And really, giving an example of loneliness as a hidden agenda… LMAO!!! Are you serious? The way you grasp at feeble straws to make a point is something I find really very laughable sometimes.
You pointed out that I said something the other day “that lust could lead to love, that love has to begin with something”… I’m sorry, but are you in some way trying to use this as a way to say that I meant love must begin with a hidden agenda, and so therefore, it must be like that in friendship? Is that the reach you’re aiming for here?
And even if we are going by your ludicrous definition of hidden agenda, I repeat: NOT ALL FRIENDSHIPS are founded on such shady beginnings. You make it sound like people become friends all the time with some ulterior motive or another, and I am telling you that if that is the way it works for you, then that is fine. But I have plenty friendships where our closeness happened dynamically without ulterior motives. Again, I stressed that if that is the way it works for you, then that is your own life, but you should not make it a generalization. (I seem to remember you trying to push the “family is all-important” generalization a while ago, and I said the same thing. Your realities and your ways of life do not dictate other people’s realities.)
So, pray tell, how does this add up to my “hypocrisy” that you want me to spare you? I was merely pointing out how you cannot intimate that all friendships are founded on hidden agendas or that straight men are always intimate with their fellow men? How is this hypocrisy?
Do you even know the meaning of the word “hypocrisy”?
Mandy
April 18, 19:38Oh good. Pinky and Higwe still hate each other. For a while back, I thought you two had become good friends. It is so heart warming to see the barbs back in your comments. It was getting really lonely being the only one here not mooning all over the new KD superstar. Lol
Delle
April 19, 08:43New KD superstar? I sure hope that’s not what this is.
Bee
May 30, 16:00You and this Higwe should just get married at once ?
I’d so stan
Pink Panther
May 30, 20:28LOL! You’re not serious.
Pink Panther
April 18, 12:25And secondly, granted, there are straight men who use “dear” on fellow men and straight men who grab asses and measure dick sizes and squeeze nipples and dry hump each other.
But, oga, don’t act like it’s a general thing that all straight men do. Because it’s not. Don’t try to sell that “straight men are free and intimate with fellow men”, because there’s a reason toxic masculinity exists.
And it is especially curious in this Toyin’s case that the moment Preacher came out to him, he dropped the “dear” and switched to “bro”. Very curious indeed.
Delle
April 18, 16:09I think that Higwe revels in having a contrary opinion to majority. Makes him a stand-alone, the spotlight he very much enjoys. Because I have no idea why his comment exists. Like what the hell!??
Higwe
April 18, 18:27Or maybe I just like giving everyone a fair chance ?
A wise man once said that the first thing that usually comes to your mind while accessing other people , is often what you are ….
A liar thinks everyone a liar.
An attention seeker thinks everyone is an attention seeker .
———————————
Delle you once submitted a story here ….where you went to hook up with a man you’ve been sexting and flirting with for weeks or months (I don’t recall )
When you went to his house and found out he had a very tiny penis , you laughed at him , when you were done laughing and humiliating him , you took your things and left .
Delle with this story – what makes you better than Toyin ?
Infact I would even say you are worse …but did you for a moment think of yourself as a Devil ?…
I know you didn’t , because I saw people castigating you that day and I saw you defending yourself (you always do that well )
And I didn’t castigate you that day not in my mind or in writing , because I understood it was your decision to make .
I didn’t castigate you because I understood that even though you flirted with him , dressed up and showed up to his house ….there is no binding rule that you must end up having sex with him , being in a relationship or telling him you have feelings for him .
Your body is yours to do with as you please and no one has any right over it …..so why are we not extending the same courtsey to Toyin ?
Clearly he’s a jerk and a user (like 98 percent of the planet ) so is that enough for us to baptise him an Anti Christ ?
Did he commit the worst sin on Earth ?(assuming it was even intentional )
————————–
And let’s not even go to the emotional or psychological impacts of these …
Because I will take a cocktease any day over an outrightly insensitive person .
The Bible says ” the cup you used to measure for others , will also be used to measure for you ”
Let’s try and be fair to other people the way we are fair to ourselves.
Peace ?
Delle
April 19, 01:11*sigh*
So cheap. Very low even for you to bring up that incident with the small-dicked guy, but then isn’t the idea to score some cheap point? I get it.
Now here’s why I’m a lot better than Toyin as regards the two situations with which you made your comparison, Mr Higwe
I realised in that moment that I was wrong and sought a solution (which a lot found to be patronising and that’s fine), but what matters is the acknowledgement. He probably was hurt and I’m not God who takes pain away but what I can do is admit my fault and make corrections. Guess what? I did that.
I doubt Toyin feels bad about what he did. He most likely reasons in that space as you (very clearly) do and this is very feasible seeing as he is a PARTICIPANT in the situation.
Oh and just cos someone is doing a bad thing that majority indulge in doesn’t mean it cannot and should not be called out and addressed, sorry to burst your bubble. Bullshit is bullshit no matter how many practice it.
I like that you follow through, you’re alright.
Higwe
April 18, 18:57But, oga, don’t act like it’s a general thing that all straight men do. Because it’s not. Don’t try to sell that “straight men are free and intimate with fellow men”, because there’s a reason toxic masculinity exists.
Anyone with half a brain knows that -generalisation is fallacious .
Billions of people exist in this planet and everyone cannot fit into a mould .
But there are people who fit into a certain mould and that’s the whole fucking point !
WHAT IF – Toyin is one of those straight men( just like you admitted yourself ) that don’t think it’s a big deal for a man to touch another man and be touched ?
Doesn’t that explain he might not purposely have been leading the writer on ?
And it is especially curious in this Toyin’s case that the moment Preacher came out to him, he dropped the “dear” and switched to “bro”. Very curious indeed.
Definitely curious but quite understandable at that particular point in time .
I’ve seen parents who will normally call you Chi …call you Chioma when they intend to caution you or advise you ….
Does it make the whole time they used Chi to address you a sham ?
Or did an unexpected situation lead to a sudden readdress ?
Let’s be realistic ,the last thing a straight guy you just confessed your feelings for , will call you is – dear .
No
April 18, 13:19I enjoyed this story immensely. Whatever happened to the beautiful Yvonne?
Shadow
April 18, 13:20I’m sorry you had to go through that preacher. I have met a few guys like that, supposedly straight and they’ll be giving you gay vibes, one time one even told me to dream about him #smh.
I think some of these straight guys like it when they can make you vulnerable for them, i don’t know maybe it’s to boost their self esteem or something but a lot of them do that these days and they always have a motive. It’s either they are trying to get a girl that you are close with or they are looking for favours (Money, job or School related)
Delle
April 18, 16:14We may not know it but these straight folks have come to realise there are so many (gay) men who fawn over them, the idea that they are straight and somewhat out of their reach; that thrill that comes with ‘conquering’ the straight, invincible man. A sad reality, I have to say.
Oh they know this now and so are capitalising on it. This is the reason they come preying on us. The most annoying are those gay ones that come under the cloak of being ‘straight-acting’ and still snatch a gay man’s heart up, use as much of his essence as they want and toss the remains out the window.
Until we learn that these people are guys with the same penises as us, and as a result, with nothing special, we’ll keep having the Toyins prey on the Preachers.
Bushbaby
April 18, 13:25Was a beautiful read.
Foremost, we most learn to let people air their view without being antagonistic. Mr Delle, this is the second time you’ll snatch out someone’s heart here just because they said what they felt, I’ve noticed.
If the outside world won’t let us be, should we not be safe here on Kito Diaries? The whole (part) essence of this blog is openness and acceptance, yet, you won’t think twice before you snatch someone’s wig. EXPRESS YOURSELF AND LET OTHERS!
***
Sir Preacher, I don’t think Toyin has done anything wrong fa. Nigga friended you to get his game, it’s (kinda) normal.
It’s you who read the script wrong.
As gay men, many girls have crushed on us and wanted more than friendship, in a normal universe, we’ll do what Toyin did (but here in Naija, o boy ma free cover up. That’s what has been keeping alot of people off my back and in the dark about my sexuality).
Even in school, straight guys have befriended me just to get some girls I roll with ( as I had dozens of them). I think it’s normal. You just didn’t get the memo.
This is MY VIEW. I don’t wanto hear any egbére crying under this comment. ??
Delle
April 18, 16:21I was going to do exactly that which you accused me of doing until I took the pains, literally, to finish your comments and understanding came.
Well, seeing as you have quite the shabby input, I’ll like you to refer to my other comments for a proper schooling.
P. S: This is a space where people are allowed to freely express themselves and no where have I said contrary or snatched anyone’s phone to prevent them from expressing themselves. But just as they are expressing themselves, have you thought that perhaps this IS ME EXPRESSING MY OWN SELF? Sorry, but I’m not sorry you feel threatened that I do not hesitate to call BS when I see one (reason, I’m pretty sure, you gave that disclaimer in your first paragraph, before going ahead to spill your annoying opinion).
In expression, no party should be suppressed, Mister. When you are done expressing yourself and it doesn’t sit well with another person, there’s no law that says the person can’t straighten you out.
So Oga, why not stop feeling threatened by me and invest your energy into making actual sensible comments that will be lauded? You’re welcome, Mr Free Up.
Mariposa
April 20, 13:21Lol. You’re about to hear… Let’s be sincere with ourselves… 3 of them where wrong…
Yvonne and Preacher… Preacher spotted Toyin, introduced him to Yvonne. That was an Opportunity for Yvonne to tell Preacher about Toyin…
Preacher on the other hand got carried away with Emotions, signs given that there is danger and he wasn’t reading between the lines or seeing the danger ahead
Toyin and Preacher, had a Fantastic Relationship but was destroyed cos of selfish and secret motive… If Preacher didn’t come out to Toyin, he would have still believed they had something and Toyin won’t have told him he had eyes on Yvonne and that’s were he was Wrong… they’re friends now… He should have voiced out, he might not even tell Preacher that his purpose of them being friends is cos of Yvonne but rather tell Preacher he likes his friend and he should help him…
Point is… No matter who you are… Gay. Straight.Lesbian. Bent… Never take advantage of someone or anyone…
Pink Panther
April 20, 15:12Bent.
This word still exists in the mouth of gay people?
Bent?
*shudder*
Jinchuriki
April 18, 14:13I hate it when a gay/bi guy I’m trying to fuck calls me bro. Especially when we’re trying to fuck for the first time. It’s the most irritating thing. If you ask me, I’d say Toyin is bi and struggling with his identity. He clearly led you on and dropped you, which is totally wrong. All in an attempt to get Your Gay female friend. No straight guy (even the free ones) will go through all of that. Heck they don’t even go through all that trouble with the friends of girls they like. So he likes you or used to like you but was too afraid.
Colossus
April 18, 17:47“The devil comes in beautiful packages”
That’s where the problem began, you had a crush on a straight guy. Inasmuch as i can relate to your story, I’m really failing to see what wrong the guy did?
He is straight, he made some statements a gay guy would interprete as sexual. This does not mean he actually wanted to sleep with you. You stereotyped him by assuming he was gay, don’t you know gays who are really into sports and those totally not into entertainment?
I don’t see the guy as evil, not all bridges have to get burnt.
It’s really hard for a gay man to tip toe around straight guys, seeking clues and all that. It becomes really easy to misinterpret words or body language
Keredim
April 18, 18:11Can I just say, respect Higwe for bringing contrarianism & pragmatism (Hian see me using big words. People will think I am gay ?) – back on KD.
Your unapologetic views and analysis, may have me reaching for my dictionary more often times than I like (but that’s my wahala), but it is damn refreshing.
You are gradually bringing the comments section back to life again (at least for me)
Who knows, i may disagree with some of your analysis in future and regret my comment, but fuck it… THANKS.
Well done.
Higwe
April 18, 19:03I really respect you a lot and I love most of your insights.
We are humans and definitely we must disagree ….but that will never take away my immense respect for you .
At the end of the day , we are all here to learn.
Whether we agree or disagree , there is always something to learn .
I hope to keep learning from you as you learn some from me too .
Thank you ? .
Pink Panther
April 18, 19:15Keredim, after many years on Kito Diaries, I know how this goes. So I’m going to screenshot this your comment and keep it for when I will ask you to eat these words. Don’t worry. Enjoy all the “contrarianism” and “pragmatism” that Higwe is apparently feeding you fat with. 🙂
Keredim
April 18, 22:53You’re just jealous, because I have learned how to make up big words (and use them correctly too)????
Mandy
April 18, 19:33You people are getting hung up on a title that may have simply been chosen for purely sensationalist purposes. Preacher may have felt wronged but he doesn’t necessarily think Toyin was evil or a devil. Jeez. The endpoint here is: do you think Toyin was wrong for pursuing a friendship with a guy without clarifying him that he was actually interested in his female friend and not telling him about it?
This isn’t ultimately about sexuality. It is about the conditions for engagement. I feel like Preacher would have felt less wronged about all this if Toyin had simply come out plain earlier and told him that he has his eye on his female friend.
The question we should be asking is: why didn’t he own up to this all the time they were spending together? They had gotten very close; why didn’t he simply tell Preacher the truth? Why did he feel the need to say it when Preacher came out to him about his feelings?
There is something very suspect about him admitting to it at that particular time.
Mandy
April 18, 19:39I actually found this story very amusing. Was laughing at different places in the story. I can’t for the life of me understand why it is raising all the hackles of commenters on the blog. Same thing happened with Preacher’s other story. Oga, what is it about your stories and people wanting to rip each other apart in the comments?
Kelvin
April 18, 20:39Please ooo Kdians I just want to ask
Is Delle the “comment police” of this blog(I know its not a thing) but seeing the way he replies alot of comments that’s not I’m favour with the actual post(story) is quite amusing. *sips tea* I’m just here wondering if you actually my bestie, cos that’s what my bestie does Yes he has a way of justifying things even though deep down he knows he is on the wrong side of the argument #SMH
Delle
April 19, 01:00I just happen to have the time today.
“He has a way of justifying things even though deep down he knows he’s wrong”
I really do hope you nap well knowing that you’ve got the attention you violently sought.
J
April 18, 21:50He knew you were gay. Not all guys that smile at you or come close to you want to date you, some are looking for support while others want to meet fine girls through you.
So next time be very straight forward with them, ask them what they are looking for, so you won’t be left in the dark. It’s not desperation, it’s about being smart so you won’t be manipulated and used. And mark you, any guy that likes you will always want to touch you playfully or flirt with you, and he would have a hard on whenever you’re together… Most straight guys avoid touches and they don’t normally have a bulge.
trystham
April 18, 23:51No member of the masculine gender must call me ‘dear’ except with the prefix ‘my’ AND in quality ofofo. I just find it irritating. And the way queer ppl use it randomly and indiscriminately…I don’t blame the Preacher for thinking Toyin is queer. Nonsense and uselessness
Mark
April 19, 06:48Higwe, you throw more light to stories for better understanding. You create a balance of understanding beyond the surface. You bring ‘life’ to KD and make it ‘fun’. Your antagonism with Pink Panther is brainstorming and I think spells good for the longevity of KD. It just has to be healthy, devoid of vulgar & abusive words from both sides. I hope you both don’t take it personal and get along well outside here.