THE FOCUS
I made a friend a while ago. At first, we were just instagram acquaintances, liking each other’s pictures and dropping the occasional comments. Then we moved over to the DM, and ultimately to BBM, and were soon speaking to each other on the phone.
Our friendship moved quickly, because – on my own end – in addition to being incredibly good looking, this guy (who I’ll just call Alex) is also a genuinely warm and sensitive person. He’d always have a kind thing to say at the end of my long day, an encouraging word if he perceived I was down. I soon found myself struggling not to infer something else from his niceness. Everytime we signed off a chat, I’d find myself telling me that he’s the way he is because he’s a good person not a gay person.
And then we started talking on the phone.
I have a friend who must have taken a class in Chizzie’s Dynamics of a Gay Man 101 course, because this friend’s presumptions of the gay living often borders on the ridiculous. He’s a firm believer that when you’re gay, you just must be different from other men; the way you dress, walk, talk, eat and interact – your entire attitude is somehow strongly affected by your sexuality. And that belief, he says, is what makes him have such a strong gaydar.
Well, I don’t always agree with him, but during my first phone conversation with Alex, I was startled when I realized that I was listening for any gay markers in his voice. LOL! I was listening to his intonations, the way words rolled out of his tongue, how rounded his vowels were – basically, I was looking for this man’s elocution to tell me if he was not straight. The moment I realized I was doing that, ic huckled, mentally reined myself back in and refocused on our conversation.
Again, I told myself, he is just a good guy, not a gay guy…
…Good until proven gay.
Then the day came when I was home on a week day. I’d been indoors all day, reading a novel when there wasn’t light and watching American Horror Story when there was. I got around to taking my bath quite late in the day, around 4.30pm. After my bath, I was reluctant to get back into any clothing, so I simply returned to bed naked. PHCN had taken the light again and I was thinking of doing some writing. But first, I had to call Alex, because I’d suddenly remmebered that I owed him a call after I missed two of his.
I called him and we began chatting about banal stuff, from work to the holidays to family. He has a sense of humour, and a point came when something he said had me giggling.
When I didn’t stop laughing for several seconds, he said, “This one you’re just laughing like this, as if someone is pressing you there…”
My brows shot up at that. Easy, I said to myself, that still doesn’t prove anything. With another laugh, I objected that there was no one with me, that I was in fact alone on my bed.
“Alone and naked,” I said, slipping in the ‘naked’ to nudge a reaction from him.
“It’s a lie,” he said. “You don’t sound like someone who’s alone.”
“I’m serious, I am,” I replied, still laughing.
“Oya show me.”
“Show you what?”
“A picture to prove me wrong.”
Still chickling and feeling indulgent, I terminated the call and proceeded to take a selfie, which I sent to him via BBM; it was a picture of my face smiling at the camera over my pillow.
He pinged back with a message: I’m sure there’s someone by the side who was touching you when we were talking. I can imagine you people are naked and in bed.
Me: I am naked and in bed. Alone!
Him: Raise your camera up above your head. I need to be sure of that.
Me: Sure of what? my bare ass or the bare bed?
Him: Err…everything.
Mister Alex, don’t be so naughty, I amdonished with a laughing emoticon.
When you finish speaking English, I’ll be waiting, he replied.
Sp I lifted my hand above my head and snapped the part of the bed beside me, sending him a picture of sheets and my duvet.
He was quick to respond: Is that what I asked you to do?
Me: Uh, yes na.
Him: No, it’s not.
Me: What did you ask me to do biko?
Him: Carry your hand up. Raise the camera above your head and snap the way you were in the first pic.
Me: So you DO want to see my ass.
He responded with a smiley rolling his eyes.
Me: Just say so and I’ll gladly snap it and send.
Another smiley was pinged back, the one with a straight face.
Okay then, I typed to him and shrugged, prepared to get back to my writing.
He must have perceived my resolve, because he typed: Okay yes. Now please send it.
And I clicked my camera, got a good shot of my derriere and sent the pic to him.
This led to a flurry of banter between us, surrounding the make-up of my butt – the hair on it, the scar, the size – and somehow, we made it through this chatversation without him specifically marking down his sexual orientation. I kept waiting for him to say something specific, even though, at this time, I had all I needed – I mean, what straight man is ever interested in the ass of another man?
But it was as though he’d had practice circumnavigating the choppy waters of sexual conversations, because he never made any reference to his sexuality.
So, I decided to force an answer out of him. And I asked.
He replied: I don’t do boys please.
I was taken aback by that. I didn’t believe him for one second, and normally, this kind of bullshit would make me cut a guy off instantly. But in his case, I wanted to know more. I was curious by him.
So I asked: Why then did you ask – no, persist that I send you a picture eof my bottom?
Him: I’m just a very curious person.
Me: I see.
Him: What are you thinking?
Me: That it is odd for a straight guy to want to see the ass of another man.
His only response was: Lol, okay.
Me: So that oddity happened simply because you were curious?
The question was heavy with the ‘Don’t bullshit me’ tone, and he must have caught on to it, because his reply was an admission of sorts.
Him: Look, I know wassup, alright? I’ve tried it before. But yo, I can’t come to terms with it. That’s it. However, I will deny I said this any day.
I actually laughed to myself as I read these words, because I couldn’t believe I was interacting with someone so clearly determined to revile a part of who he is. I mean, I know these people abound in my midst. Stories about them have been told here on Kito Diaries. Some commenters have even unmasked themselves as inherently non-accepting of themselves.
Alex continued: Some people simply choose not to accept what is. I haven’t quite come to terms with this g-thing. It’s not something I’ve accepted so it’s hard for me to tell anyone, ‘Oh yeah, I like guys too, just as I like girls.’
Are you sure you like girls? I wanted to respond.
But I didn’t, because he sounded bridled and I didn’t want to push him away. I saw an opportunity to slowly and – hopefully – surely work on someone in a conflict, to get him to see how much easier it would be for him to simply accept himself.
And so, even though the rest of that conversation had him using words like ‘g-thing’, ‘it’ and ‘this’ to refer to homosexuality, I prayed for patience, remembered his fine face and persevered.
I’d introduce him to Kito Diaries, but I knew I’d be telling this story here. LOL!
Written by Pink Panther
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30 Comments
pete
October 12, 07:23Pinky ??
Pink Panther
October 12, 07:28Yels? 😀
pete
October 12, 08:37You’re sending nude pictures with your face. Okay,kontinu
Pink Panther
October 12, 08:45Uh, how did you deduce that biko?
pete
October 12, 09:14Him: Carry your hand up. Raise the camera above your head and snap the way you were in the first pic.
Pink Panther
October 12, 09:17Mmhmm? Go on. 🙂 I want you to get to the part where I did what you say I did. *preparing the thunder that will fire you*
YOU-KNOW-WHO
October 12, 07:41To me this is called grooming. I have noticed a trend with pinkys stories, he tends to prey on str8, bi-curious guys.
Someone said he likes guys as much as he likes girls but you were not having none of that, you asked ‘are you sure you like girls?’
But of course you have to preserver cause he got a fine face. I get it.
Anyways welcome to the club Hunnay!!
Mandy
October 12, 07:43Ah, the Tef-london claws are showing again in Pinky’s direction. 🙂
Pink Panther
October 12, 07:45I tend to prey on str8 bicurious guys?
?????
Are you that desperate for people to identify as fellow converters, that you’d concoct anything in your alternate reality?
Mandy
October 12, 07:41I know wassup, alright? I’ve tried it before. But yo, I can’t come to terms with it. That’s it….. Some people simply choose not to accept what is. I haven’t quite come to terms with this g-thing. It’s not something I’ve accepted so it’s hard for me to tell anyone, ‘Oh yeah, I like guys too, just as I like girls.’
I still find it fantastic when people are this steeped in self denial. How do you shag guys and manage to tell yourself that you are not who you clearly are? What sort of split personality is that?
DeadlyDarius
October 12, 07:44How is easy it is to resolve to ‘work’ on someone to accept HIMSELF when that someone has a fine face attached….
I wish you the best of luck on your pet project
Pink Panther
October 12, 07:46?????? I swear, a fine face makes tolerating internalized homophobia bearable. 😛 Sue me!
Bloom
October 12, 09:25So true. I find myself doing this, consciously and unconsciously.
Xavier
October 14, 18:43Nut untill you get burned. This one is a halfway house and is still far very far from destination.
Jo
October 12, 08:11I think some people just take a longer time in coming in terms with who they are. Denial is one of those stages, eventually acceptance comes.
You PP sef… na una dey encourage the narrative that if you are a fine boy, you can get away with anything. Smacks of double standards, I think.
INDIGENE
October 12, 10:20Lol… I wish I have that nerve to send such picture; Me refusing to send has ruined many of my yet-to-work relationships…. (no not relationship)
PP I carry nyash for you oo..
Francis
October 12, 12:58Sending nude pics by force so as to maintain relationship? Odiegwu. They are not serious.
Jide
October 12, 20:31I can relate.
Delle
October 12, 10:38Such IH. And I totally get why you wanted to ask the ‘are you sure you like girls’ question. Many of these guys are so scared of being gay, they almost always ‘force’ themselves to like the opposite sex.
If someone doesn’t accept himself, nothing on this world can make him do that. Yeah right, after prodding to get the ass picture, satisfy your curious lust, you recline into the shell of ‘I don’t do guys’. Mtcheew!
That brief period before he said, “okay yes, now please send it” was when the three-horned demons were having a brawl within him.
Sigh.
Keredim
October 12, 11:06And that was how PP’s scarred ass went viral on Twitter.
Then tomorrow he will write a blog post asking “Who sends naked pics to strangers?”
??????
ambivalentone
October 12, 12:00Pinky obviously
Pink Panther
October 12, 12:09That’s not what I asked, Keredim.
Lorde
October 12, 17:00*brings popcorn and takes frontrow seat to looming catfight*
baddest
October 12, 17:01OK ,finally I will drop my first ever comment here,growing up,I was that kinda guy that will finger a girl in primary school while lesson is going on, I did a lot of things with girls and boys while growing up, when it comes to boys,we never had a name for it,I just feel attracted to guys,am not attracted to femmy guys,I dont hate them but then i can’t change it… My choice of guys has been made it hard cuz my kind of guys re most times straight and trust me I have done things with loads of first timers who end up not doing stuff again, I dont have plans of living a gay life even though I like boys but I fear gay boys cuz they hardly keep secret and full of drama and its sad sha…
Not everyone has plans to come to terms of whatever they do,they dont wanna call it anything,they do it when they wish to.
You might wanna call me a converter but am not,the most I can do with any guy is oral sex,the last thing I wish for any str8 guy is for him to abandon his orientation for a new, the truth is that some str8 guys can do some sexual stuffs with another guy but then they dont have plans to really become Bisexual….some people re very open minded….I have been with different guys,I currently have a str8 guy that I cuddle with,wank with,do whatever apart from penetration,he won’t really do that with someone else apart from me.With him I can spend the whole day with him but when I link up with random guys ehh,I once I cum,I want them to be going oh sharp sharp. Not everyone that likes a guy wants to settle down with a guy,not every guy wants to be tagged gay or bi,some people just wanna enjoy them self without wahala,I had a gay friend that wanna forcefully introduce me to his friends even when he knows that I dont wanna be in such circle with plenty drama,the drama that he used to give me was fire until I ran away and am sure he must have told his friends that am into guys as well..some people can never keep their mouth shut sha….I also met another gay guy,he was my type but had a boyfriend and was in the gay scene and being close to him will also bring me into the scene and I ran from him,I dont wanna be in the scene,I dont wanna know your friends,they don’t need to know about me,u dont have to tell them… This is my wahala with many gay guys in Nigeria…
doe eyed monster
October 12, 19:27I understand some part of your entry.. .the gaybourhood is so small.. .everyone knows everyone . You can’t really escape the drama, you just choose whose show you attend.
Lorde
October 12, 19:30No one wants to call you a “converter” honey….. Now, to fix “this”….. I mean… where do I even start from? The very first sentence of this long essay or the last
Francis
October 12, 19:34Hmmmmm ??
Nuel 2nd
October 15, 11:47why do I feel u were referring 2 me in d last paragraph huh?
Nuel 2nd
October 15, 11:49@ pink panther have got some request for u pls kindly send me a platform I could contact u wit tanx and much love bro!
Pink Panther
October 15, 12:50The email is pantherptb@yahoo.com