THE HUSTLE OF A RAINBOW (Episode 4)
As a member of the LGBTQIA – and all the other orishirishi (all sorts of) letters – community, if you are out even to a few people, you’ll be asked these two questions: When did you turn gay? And how did you turn gay? It also comes in other forms like: what and who turned you? These are like the most annoying questions in the world, but when Titilope with the bouncy breasts asked me, it seemed like a completely reasonable question.
Here, ladies and gentlemen, divas and bitches, is my turning point. Enjoy!
***
September 2013
It was a warm day, a gentle breeze was blowing. Not the kind of breeze that can lift up your skirt, no. It was the one that can put you to sleep. It was the second day of the term and I felt good, great even. I was finally in SS2, left with only one year to get out of secondary school into the university. How awesome was life?
“Ife, help me take this student to my office. I’ll be behind you,” Mr. Gnirob said with a smile.
I smiled back. I knew the literature teacher would not get to his office in the next hour; the poor junior boy I was tasked to take to his office would wait and die. As we climbed the stairs toward the office, I had juniors and set mates and seniors greeting me. If you were going to judge me by a teen movie, I would be one of the top alpha dogs that everyone loves, but abeg who get time for that?
I headed back down, walking and singing in my head as I crossed from the administrative building to the hall building. As I walked, I thought of how the year could go, how I could make some cash and whether it was true that they caught Bolaji giving Dubem head in the staff restroom. I was musing on whether Dubem’s soldier was really big or not when I strolled past the open doors of the hall.
Then I stopped. I had seen something or someone with the corner of my eye. I paused and moon-walked back to the front of the hall – well, in my head, it was a moon walk.
Looking through the door into the hall, I saw her standing there. She looked absolutely phenomenal in her overly long skirt that needed to be cut with immediate effect and her baggy school shirt. The school tailor must’ve really hated her. She had long legs, elegant in the manner she stood. Her nose was made with the blood of an aristocrat and her mouth was perfect.
I had made all these deductions in my head without knowing that I was admiring a girl. Fourteen years old at the time, and I was stunned by how lovely she looked in her horrid school uniform. She stood in the center of the hall alone and I could tell that she had a strength that didn’t make her lonely when she was alone.
I was going to start moving toward her when my brain cried out: “Stop! What do you think you are doing?” It was a desperate command, like my brain knew something I didn’t.
“Frying ponmo, what does it look like? I’m walking towards her, mumu,” my heart retorted.
“Why are you a fool like this? Don’t go towards her. Can’t you feel it?” came the plaintive reply.
Truly, I could feel it. I felt the spirits speaking to me, and in that moment I knew. I knew that if I went towards her, if I spoke to her, my life would change. Forever.
As I stood in front of the door, staring at her, the seconds were like an eternity as my heart struggled to convince my brain to free my body to walk to this beauty. My brain scoffed at my heart, argued that it was doing it a favour, because she would break it, do irrevocable damage to it. My brain was going to win the battle when the lovely lady looked up at me. She stared right at me with an expression that said ‘Why is this one looking at me like she has fever?’
And in that moment, my body ignored my brain and heart and moved to her, as though propelled by a magnetic field the two idiots couldn’t control.
“Hi, you don’t look familiar. You must be new here. I’m Ife, Ife Pervy.”
My charm, as you know, is constantly on, but I had increased the volume just for her. I smirked my ‘Look at me, I’m Awesome but humble about it’ smile. She raised one beautiful eyebrow at me, showing her disapproval, and instantly, a real smile blossomed on my face. This time, she smiled back.
She slipped her hand into mine, and I swear, goose bumps broke out all over my body and mosquitoes flew around in my belly. It felt like the stars were aligning as a small electric shock went through my body. I think she felt it because she didn’t shake my hand; she simply let me hold hers. Distantly, I could hear my brain whisper to my heart, “You just signed your death sentence. You’re going to regret this moment.”
The lovely girl’s voice was strong with a hint of an Italian accent as she responded, “I transferred schools. I’m Diana, Diana Akeme.”
And in that moment, I realized that all my life, I had been lost, spinning around in circles. That day was the day I found my feet and my turning point.
***
Well, that’s all for now, folks! I promise you will be seeing more of Diana, so much so you’ll be sick of her.
PS: Victoria swears that she is never going to comment here and that what I said I did isn’t true. Sometimes I think she has internalized homophobia.
PPS: Now that I finally said the magic words ‘Internalized Homophobia’, I am officially a member of Kito Diaries, right?
Written by iAmNotAPerv
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39 Comments
Michael
November 23, 04:40Nice read iAmNotAPerv. Keep em coming.
iAmNotAPerv
November 23, 07:36Thanks Michael. Will do
ambivalentone
November 23, 07:24Looool. So u couldn’t find a better adjective for ur literature teacher than BORING? Weh done
iAmNotAPerv
November 23, 07:45lmao he used to put me to sleep, actually the whole class. once he starts talking gbam! we are asleep
Bain
November 23, 08:24looool….interesting.
iAmNotAPerv
November 23, 14:32Thanks for reading Bain! 😀
Delle
November 23, 09:14Hahhahahaa you are so hilarious girl! And is it just me or are you fucking young?! (don’t blame me, you left strong hints on your age so I took the cue). ???
Michael
November 23, 09:27Thought so too.
Spectra
November 23, 09:33Well, coming from you that’s now a topic for discussion. Good work there Ife Pervy!
iAmNotAPerv
November 24, 13:05Thanks Spectra! 😀
iAmNotAPerv
November 23, 14:36Thanks Delle love. I’m 17. Just below legal 😀
Pink Panther
November 24, 01:08I was also astonished to do the math. You come across as way more adult.
iAmNotAPerv
November 24, 13:08Well i tried to tell you. Thanks i get that a lot 🙂
Iliana
November 23, 09:43Nice one I like it @IAmAPerv
iAmNotAPerv
November 23, 14:40Thank you Iliana, you were supposed to share some of your lovely female contacts with me 😀
OroboHunter
November 23, 12:40Hello ife, nice read. I think you and I should collaborate on something.. Can I approach admin for your contact?
iAmNotAPerv
November 23, 14:41Thanks. Tell Daddy Pinky to give you my mail or twitter
Iliana
November 23, 13:41I mean @IAmNotAPerve
Nefertiti
November 23, 19:47When last did I say I love u??..interesting right up.. Loved everything about it and u r freaking hilarious
iAmNotAPerv
November 24, 13:10Thanks Nefertiti. The humor is unintended lol When i try to be funny i suck
Pjay
November 23, 20:08Wow! Seventeen and so talented and so comfortable in her sexuality and so self assured and so knowledgeable!? Damn girl, you rock!
iAmNotAPerv
November 24, 13:18Thanks. All these whines for me na wa o *blushes* there’s only so much comfort i can receive from my sexuality but just like high heels that are too small, i will wear it with a smile and take in the pain. 😀
P.S: I rock and scissor 🙂
lmao thanks for reading PJAY!
WhoIsUgo
November 23, 21:13You better call titty with the bouncy breasts ?????
iAmNotAPerv
November 24, 13:20Aye, yunno this! btw thank you very very much Ugo. I made a new friend because of you. Cisi. So thanks for that
WhoIsUgo
November 23, 21:16Quick question, pinky will you ever allow KD evolve into a social forum?
Pink Panther
November 24, 01:10What’s a social forum? 🙂
Iliana
November 23, 21:18Actually I’m a female so let’s start from there @IAmNotAPerv
iAmNotAPerv
November 24, 13:23Daddy Pinky! Comman give me the lovely lady’s contact.
Dearest Iliana, you have confirmed my suspicions. We must be reintroduced my pretty lady. I am Ife Pervy and i am more than delighted and pleased to make your acquaintance. 😀 Do you mind if i get your twitter handle from my father Mr.Panther so that it may go down in the DM? ;D
WhoIsUgo
November 24, 12:16Kinda like nairaland
Iliana
November 24, 13:56I’m not on Twitter but I’m on instagram, i don’t think pinky has that info darling @IAMNOTAPERV
iAmNotAPerv
November 24, 13:59Damn. How do we connect then?
Iliana
November 24, 15:49Maybe via email.
iAmNotAPerv
November 24, 22:44As the lady wishes, i shall do.
ILoveToReadSoKindle
November 25, 12:50Great read, can’t wait to find out how you and Diana get on! I’m a newb and I found KD around the same time I finally found my brand old/new sexuality – yeah it’s been that kind of year. Hey and see you later.
iAmNotAPerv
November 25, 22:33You my dear boy/girl are in luck for finding KD at such a crucial time in your life. Just late getting the last plate of jollof rice at a party 🙂
Hey and yes we will see later
Joel
December 12, 00:28OMG… I want Ife’s email ???
He’s doing something to me
Pink Panther
December 12, 00:30LOL. ife is a girl o. At Episode 4, hadn’t you figured that out? 😀
Joel
December 12, 00:35Ewooooooo.. No o
Been off KD for long. So I came in this night nd started reading the “non fiction” category from the top. Choi! This is heartbreaking, my imaginations were already running wild
iAmNotAPerv
December 12, 20:06Why does everyone think at I’m a guy at a certain point of time?
🙁 Sigh, oh well. 🙂 I’m glad that you liked this episode. You should check out the previous ones.
I haven’t introduce myself to you. I’m Ife. Ife Pervy. Pleased to meet you 😀