THE HUSTLE OF A RAINBOW (Episode 6)
It seems to me that every attractive and possible match for me is in a relationship. Are they high? They dinnor know that I am single or what? Anyway, I am here for one reason and one reason alone:
Pussy.
*Drops mic*
LMAO, I’m just kidding. I’m here to sell my market. So here we go. Potential bae berra read this episode very well.
***
I’m 17. I can be funny. Watch this, I’ll make you laugh. Are you ready? What’s black, single and awesome? Me!!! Did you laugh? No? Fuck you then.
Um, I’m left handed so I am supposed to be smart. My intelligence is often up for debate, but my IQ is 162. I act either younger than my age or older because that’s the only way I know how. I spent my childhood and most of my teenage years as an adult, so I’ve been spending 2016 often acting like a child as an attempt to have a childhood.
Whoa! Is it me or was that getting deep? Lol, lemme tell you my real selling points and because I am bisexual, I’ll divide it into two sections.
For the guys:
- I have big brezz that are soft. (Are there hard breasts sef?)
- I will check out ass with you.
- I give awesome head. (Ask my exes)
- I roll blunts real good (I don’t smoke though)
- I won’t vex if you don’t call me every day.
- I’ll listen to you talk about anything.
- I give good massages
- I’ll acknowledge everything you do for me.
- I don’t ask for money or gifts. I may occasionally let you pay for my lunch or movie.
- I don’t know any other selling point again. Basically I’m awesome, so date me, yeah?
For the ladies:
- I have soft breasts and they love to be touched.
- I will not check out any other woman when I am with you. I have eyes for you and only you (unless you are checking her out too, in that case, I’ll gaze at that booty)
- I give awesome head. (Ask Kadris)
- If you smoke, you have to kiss me after you smoke a blunt. (Is this even a selling point?)
- I’ll write poems and songs for you.
- You will always have 87% of my attention.
- I’ll call you in the morning when I wake up and just before I sleep and maybe during the day.
- I give good massages.
- I’m broke right now so we have to share the cost of meals and movies, but when I have dough, expect me to spoil you.
So anyone want to date me? I’m nice, I swear.
Dazzall for now folks, why don’t you all tell me your selling points and I’ll act as if I am not reading through them to find a potential match?
P.S: The person that I called too much this past week, I’m sorry for over-calling especially on Sunday. I wasn’t myself on Sunday, so forgive me and let’s be cool, okay? Okay.
P.P.S: People from Kito Diaries are so awesome!
P.P.S: Please update Love And Sex In The City and Down Low. #BringBackOurSeries
Written by iAmNotAPerv
About author
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40 Comments
Andrevn
December 15, 06:44Are we now placing dating adverts on here? Well, here’s mine.
I’m… Urgh! Never mind.
I left the dating scene after a psyche-shattering breakup few months back. So, I’d pass.
Your bio is quite tempting. I hope you – we, all find the love we desire.
Never you tire.
iAmNotAPerv
December 15, 07:18Thank you. Come and be tempted by it. Tell me your selling points 😀
Santa Diaba
December 15, 07:12Hahaha. I had a good belly laugh after reading this. It’s been too long. IAmNOtAPerv, you are one delightful young lady ?
And yes, DownLow is going to be updated sooner than you think.
iAmNotAPerv
December 15, 07:23You are making me to blush. Thank you and did i hear Down Low *breaks into some horrible dance moves* Yesss finalllyyyyy. Thank you so so much and i would love an episode on the ladies (if you know what i’m saying) *wink wink*
Mandy
December 15, 09:48This year, right Santa? 😀
iAmNotAPerv
December 15, 21:27Asin! It must be this year o
Bain
December 15, 09:03mhmmm….(clears throat)… since its selling point day….I’m gay,but I date a lot of girls n I like sex with girls like madt….I’m an artist (pencil and paint)… pharmacy student…I’m tall 6″ 2….I’m dark…I need a wife like ife…*kisses*
Mandy
December 15, 09:43But you’re gay.
Ok.
Delle
December 15, 12:50Hian. Bia, did gay change meaning? ???
Bain
December 16, 09:15some ppl call it bisexual…but I prefer being labelled gay.
iAmNotAPerv
December 15, 21:30*quickly goes to check the meaning of gay once more to make sure that i am not the only one that is in total confusion* I love artists! Art is the love of my life. I actually manage artists for a living. 6’2 doesn’t count as tall in my book sorry lol 😀 Wife ke? Baby, lerrus start from gehfriend
baddest
December 15, 23:26Yo, you got artworks for sale or u just do it for fun?
Bain
December 16, 09:14im a portrait artist….I draw/paint you or ur loved one…you pay!
iAmNotAPerv
December 16, 10:57What kind of artworks are you looking for?
KryxxX
December 15, 09:44Hian!
See me expecting to see over a hundred comments here seeing that we are selling market….. No! Seeing that it is selling point day today **insert D’prince’s Goodie bag song**! Inukwa!! Y’all better come sell oh! Opportunities as they say n’abia naani nwa ngbe nta! It only comes once!
Anyways, ppl like us with zilch selling point wee just kuku sidon and start matching them points with our KD crushes oh! ????????
Mandy
December 15, 09:48Zero selling point, ehkwa? *looking at you and the lean muscles you like to sample on twitter* Some pipu wee just coman be downplaying their market. Shey na so recession take reset your brain so?
KryxxX
December 15, 09:51Mandy A.K.A alakoba.com!!!! ?????????????.
iAmNotAPerv
December 15, 21:33You chose the right song! My KD crushes don’t want to put up their selling points for me. Delle, Illiana, Khaleesi, WhoIsUgo? i am waiting for your selling points 🙂
Mandy
December 15, 09:45Come one, come all! Pervy lady has opened her shop. Market on full display. Better better merchandise! Discount negotiable! Coman buy market oooo!
iAmNotAPerv
December 15, 21:35Discount kwa?! We are in recession o. No discount but please comman buy market o. I’l do christmas awoof 😀
KryxxX
December 15, 09:48And Ife, you is crazy cray! ??????! For someone who is 17,you sure sound like an old warri that haff rocked life, still rocks her tangled blonde super mirron/yaki weaves, yet refuses to leave the scene! Ah ah! Bad shild that haff join badt gang! Kinda envy you guys that shaa can play both sides oh! ??????????????
iAmNotAPerv
December 15, 21:39Me ke ? joined Bad gang? Baby i created the bad gang. I have an old soul and an old weave (does that count?)
i kid you. I suspect there is some warri in my ancestry. Trust me playing on both sides isn’t as fun as it looks
Mitch
December 15, 10:20Ife, you are one heck of a lady.
iAmNotAPerv
December 15, 21:43Thanks for the compliment Mitch. 😀 I’m smiling like a mumu right now
ambivalentone
December 15, 11:34Ninu gbogbo nkan to ko, its massage, written TWICE that gets me. I av bin told I give good body rubs ALAS, one cannot minister to oneself??
iAmNotAPerv
December 15, 21:47Lmao! This guy gives me life! “ALAS, one cannot minister to oneself.” this line is how you get people to offf pant shebi?
Delle
December 15, 12:52This girl should coman be shading people like us anyhow o.
So if you don’t have selling point nko?
Oh
Oh
Oh
I can twerk on schlongs
#okbye
iAmNotAPerv
December 15, 21:49You don’t need selling points my husband, i love you either way 🙂 At least one of us can twerk
simba
December 15, 12:53i always have blunt( weed) and wines at home…
I cant pretend, but i have respects for people too
am quite diplomatic…
its difficult to make me fall in love,but once it happens,,,am a fool in love
i have awesome friends
KryxxX
December 15, 14:42**Rapidly taking down notes** hope we is not forgetting any other marketable selling points oh? Maka adighi amaama!
iAmNotAPerv
December 15, 21:52I don’t drink and i don’t smoke but i love to look at wine collections. Are you a collector? How many years do you have? I am a bloody romantic and i am always a fool in love, if i tell you some of the things i did for Diana 😀 I’m an awesome friend i think lol
WhoIsUgo
December 15, 17:47What of the people looking for sugar daddies/mummies, should they still comment on this?
iAmNotAPerv
December 15, 21:54yes they should. I think i want a sugar mummy too. I’m broke now a days. Please if any of you know of sugar daddies and mummies, kindly epp us out
z
December 16, 00:27this is good
selling points. ..
what are mine sef
I’m not even sure
iAmNotAPerv
December 16, 11:06think about it. you must have
Pink Panther
December 16, 20:55Are you sure? *side-eyeing z* 🙂
z
December 18, 17:45ah dunno what ur talking about pinkie…
chetam
December 17, 00:32i can sell market sha.. ife employ me as marketer for you
iAmNotAPerv
December 17, 22:02employ kwa? comman work pro bono my frenn lmao 😀
coolCraze
December 19, 20:34Please can I have the details of Ife. I want her as my friend. I’m male, and think that I’m bisex.