Every day is basically a learning experience for me – and for all of us, I presume. We learn new stuff daily and acquire new information from the things we read or watch and the conversations we are a part of. So I was chatting with an old friend one lazy Friday evening. He’s straight but he is fiercely protective of me and is quite a strong ally, I must say. We started talking about feminism and misandry and how people often cannot tell both of them apart. He spoke of how many feminists have begun to do the same things they call out the other side for. I agreed somewhat because I have pointed this out to a friend of mine who is an atheist and has slowly become like the religious fanatics he derives pleasure in calling out.

As we conversed, our talk veered to LGBT struggles and specifically “corrective rape”. We both agreed that this practice is barbaric and that people cannot be raped into heterosexuality. Things just don’t work that way. My friend said that corrective rape can result in heterophobia. At this juncture, my curiosity was aroused (pun intended). Upon my inquiry, he said heterophobia is a hatred of heterosexuals and that it’s a real thing. He went on to tell me this story of a lesbian friend he has who’d get disgusted and angry whenever she saw a straight couple kissing and all. It was amusing to me honestly, but I indulged him, as I wanted to see where he was going with this.

Now here is the thing, there is no such thing as heterophobia, and I will explain why. The world belongs to heterosexuals, who have granted us (as it were) the privilege to live in it. Heterophobia is just like skinny shaming; imagine when a fat girl (pardon me please) is complaining about body shaming and how people treat her because of her size, and then a skinny girl comes to complain about how she faces discrimination too, isn’t that laughable. Yes, the skinny girl may have been called lekpa or broom a few times, but the fact still remains that her body is the standard, a body type to aspire to, and one which people spend lots of money to get. Heterosexuality is the norm, the standard, and I personally will always say that if I had my way I will not be a homosexual man as the stress that comes with it is just too much.

Now in the example he gave about his lesbian friend who hates seeing people kiss, he missed the crux of the narrative. She doesn’t hate seeing straight people kiss on the street, she is just angry that they get to do that anytime anywhere while she cannot do same. I remember one time I was visiting my parents in Warri and was hanging out on the patio one cool breezy evening. I noticed this couple huddled in the corner of our fence doing God-knows-what; I could see them from upstairs but it had gotten dark, so I could not make out who they were or what exactly they were doing, but there they were in a dark corner, and people were just passing without casting a second look at them. This of course is something I cannot do with a boy, and envy rose within me like a monster. So I started contemplating how to crash their party. Then I remembered that my mom installed these flood lights on the fence which shines so bright that it blinds you. I quickly ran to the switch and flipped it on and the light shone brightly on their dark corner, causing the two silly children to hurry away. Now was I being a hater? Well just a little bit. But I was basically jealous that these two people can make out in public and everyone just passes them as if ‘nothing spoil’, but I’d be too terrified to merely hold hands in public with a boy I like.

Look at the white backlash happening across the world today (from Brexit to the election of the pussy grabber); white people are revolting for decades of progress on civil rights, and idiots (pardon me please) like Tomi Lharen are convinced that white people are being hated and now being marginalized, an opinion I find silly and laughable. The system is set up to favor you if you are white (and male especially); now when the oppressed and marginalized groups begin to speak up, you scream that they are marginalizing you. This is a common thing once the scales begin to balance.

I do not hate straight people; I only hate the homophobic ones. I still befriend straight people only of course when I am certain you are not homophobic and won’t mistakenly spew some nonsense that will annoy me one day. I do not see straight people walking on their own along the road and begin to plan with my friends on how to catch them and beat them up; I do not even hit on straight men because the stress involved is plenty, and even when they agree, the sex is trash because they do not know how to please a man. You know this “me too” mentality always makes me laugh whenever I see it. Start a conversation now on social media about how women are handed bad cards in life, and men will be all over your timeline telling you how they suffer marginalization too. Nigga please!

Heterophobia probably exists in the dictionary (I didn’t check), but I can tell you that it is not a real thing because straight people are not bullied on account of their sexuality. They don’t get harassed by law enforcement, their sex is not deemed illegal by the constitution, they don’t get beaten and brutalized by irate mobs, and they are not denied their basic rights on account of their sexuality. I find it quite laughable that a straight man has convinced himself that there is such a thing as heterophobia and I was more than happy to read him his rights lol.

Happy holidays, everyone!


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  1. Too Clean
    December 15, 09:28 Reply

    This is dope!

    Good one at DM

    I can relate with that line of us being *hetrophobic* if only they knew better..

    What did you did with those couple in warri though..

    Why didn’t you allow them to answer nature ‘s call freely…?

  2. Mitch
    December 15, 10:23 Reply

    Hit the spot with this one!

  3. ambivalentone
    December 15, 11:29 Reply

    so if homophobes are, according to research, scared they might fancy dicks and pussies as the case relates, pray what are heterophobes afraid of?

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