The Proposal: Gay Man Based in Europe, Looking For A Lesbian Interested In An Arranged Marriage
Hi, my name is Onochie. I’m 30 years old, Igbo and gay.
Although I do not have any pressure from family or friends to get married yet, I believe that the time is ripe to start a family and have kids. However, it would be very callous of me to embark on this matrimony with a clueless heterosexual woman.
This is the reason why I’m seeking a contractual marriage with a lesbian who is in the same boat as me.
I am interested in a lesbian woman within the age range of 23-35 years of age, a graduate and an independent woman, who wants to get into a contract marriage within the next year and willing to have children through various channels we both find convenient.
I’m based in Europe, so the ideal person should also be in Europe. I’m however open for discussions with any woman, irrespective of location. We both can work things out if we decide to embark on this journey together.
I’m more than happy to share more information via email onochie.chimankpam@gmail.com. Please reach out if you are genuinely interested and satisfy the aforementioned conditions.
Thank you.
Submitted by Onochie
About author
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38 Comments
Chiman
December 07, 06:52You hardly get a lesbian who is reasonable. Many are misandrists hiding under feminism.
Many are looking for meal tickets, this one you mentioned Europe, your email is in trouble, both lesbian and straight women will bombard you. I have said my own.
As a straight man, my advice is, look for a straight woman who knows nothing about lgbt, go to village, marry, and keep her in the village.
Colossus
December 07, 08:06As a straight man do you think you’re perfectly suited to give advice on a subjuct as touchy as this?
Marry a woman and keep in the village? What is this? 1860? I mean the guy actually started his post by saying he does not want to marry a clueless woman. How could you skip that piece of vital info? You tell him to go against the one thing he requested and for good ‘straight’ measure, added the village part.
Whenever you visit this blog, please check in your ‘straight biases’ at the door, you can pick them on your way out.
Thank you.
Francis
December 07, 09:09🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣
Marvey
December 07, 14:49You my darling is the real MVP in this comment section right now , hence u will be protected at all cost for trashing him out🔥👏👏..💯 by the way mr straight man chiman, which of ur pant lost wey u dey find for here to begin with and the nerve of you to even give a sickly comment 🤦
Mitch
December 07, 09:35As a straight man…
Ogbeni, shut up!
Shut the fuck up and sit yo ass the fuck down! This is not an issue for you to come and heterosplain shit in.
PS: Lesbians are unreasonable?
Lesbians are misandrists?
Where did you get your stupid juice from? Your DNA?
Chile, geddifok outta here!
Leon
December 07, 07:52You were making some sense until you reached your last sentences..
How ignorant!
Dillish
December 07, 07:58Asin ehn!
Wahala for who be “as straight man”!😂
Pink Panther
December 07, 09:35😂😂😂😂😂
Bookworm
December 08, 17:57He was making some sense by saying that lesbians are unreasonable, misandrists?
Even here some of you make it so UNHEALTHY for women to associate..
Damn!
Blackie
December 07, 09:19I nvever knew that straight people are on KD, anyways i wish a gay man to marry one of your relatives and Keep her in the village.
Pink Panther
December 07, 09:36🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Blackie, camdan na
Pete
December 07, 09:58My advice : don’t make your partner’s sexuality a criteria. Meet someone who understands you and marry her. Communication is key in any relationship, more especially in marriages.
Onochie
December 07, 11:22Following
Indigo
December 07, 16:04As A sTrAiGt MaN you’re punching above your mental weight here.
bamidele
December 07, 16:56dear Mr. Onochie,
While I understand your plea, I would advise you to be very, very careful with your choices, when you begin to receive mails. I state this because your staying abroad, would make it challenging to get to know a Nigerian spouse very well before taking things further. And meeting the wrong spouse could traumatise you beyond imagination. I said this because we seem to be in the same shoes, and I know what I’m saying, No fear just be guarded. Good and bad people abound and this is not written in face.
All the best with your partner search, and huge thanks to KD for ironing things out.
MeandYou
December 08, 07:49I would like to have a chat with you bros
Houston Scholar
December 07, 18:21Dear Onochie, I hope you find what you seek. As Bamidele rightly stated above, take your time to carefully evaluate and study your proposed partner before signing up for marriage.
By the way PP, I think it is high time we start a proposal section for gay men who want other men. Some of us desire a civil union with other men. We might make the choice of having kids together or not. I somewhat feel sad each time I reflect on the future that awaits most of us. While I understand the legitimate preference of those who follow the path of arranged marriages (with lesbians or straight women), there should also be a future pathway and model for those who want a lasting romantic partnership with other men beyond the “Hookup Culture”.
While I wait for the launching of Kenny Brandmuse “HappinessHis” in January, I hope this platform can also welcome proposals for men who want to build a life with other men.
Dove
December 07, 21:34Thanks for this. I feel sad each time I read such proposal but doesn’t get to see the one requesting for gay marriage/ Civil Union. @PP, don’t let 2021 pass us by.
Mufasa
December 07, 23:16THIS!!! PP make it happen.
Rudy
December 08, 04:31It’s right about time a space is created for us to meet other like minded guys for relation-purposes. Some of us have been “looking for our Jonny” since perhaps KD might be our saving grace if this initiative happens to come into fruition.
As KD’s resident non-Nigerian I approve this message @ Houston ScholarClick.
PP do consider this bit in any capacity that you can.
Thank you.
S.Freude
December 08, 05:35I thought this was dependent on supply. I doubt if PP has been receiving requests and not posting. It is possible that a lot of LGBTQ people in the Diaspora are not yet ready for marriage/civil union. I could be wrong but just my thoughts.
On another note, I feel one of the reasons why community members contract marriages with women, lesbian or straight, is because of the fleeting ephemeral nature of most gay relationships. The maniacal focus on looks, the constant philandering, the layers of lies that are told. So, one day you look and ask yourself if you will be ready for this at the age of 50!? On the other hand, a relationship with a woman, especially where it produces kid(s), produces something tangible, something beyond the both parties, something that you could look up to. So, should the relationship even collapse, one knows one would have companionship at 60.
S.Freude
December 08, 05:44Just to add, I have a friend, sixties, white American, single, no kids, jet-setting lifestyle, privileged background, retired investment banker, a couple of handshakes with past presidents, board member of various organizations, still does hookups.
Another friend, Nigerian origins, UK-based, late forties to early fifties. Successful university professor. Alone and single.
We each need to take a deep look and ask ourselves what we want. To each, PEACE.
S.Freude
December 08, 05:51Just to add, I have a friend, white American, mid sixties, single, jet-setting lifestyle, privileged background, retired investment banker, a couple of handshakes with past presidents, board member of various organizations. Still does hookups.
Another friend, late forties to early fifties, Nigerian origins, UK-based, successful university professor. Alone and single.
At the end of the day, one has to ask oneself what one really REALLY wants. To each, PEACE.
Houston Scholar
December 08, 14:52S. Freude,
My request for a proposal section for gay men is not limited to the people in the Diaspora. After all, the streams of proposals for ‘arranged marriages’ posted so far on this platform came from Nigerians in Diaspora and Nigerians living in Nigeria.
We need to demystify this stereotype that ours is a fleeting, ephemeral connection with no blissful ending or doomed to perpetual failure. This is exactly the stereotype Kenny Brandmuse aims to demystify in his forthcoming series “HappinessHis” check the trailer here https://twitter.com/kennybrandmuse/status/1334043770954919936.
It is important to showcase gay men with success stories. Gay men who embraced the journey of life commitment with other men. We can produce kid(s) if we want to, but we don’t necessarily need kid(s) to produce something tangible or something to look up to. It is important to tell the stories of relationships that thrived and how both parties sacrificed to make it work. For example, look at the story of Mark and GT here https://kitodiaries.com/the-college-chronicles-episode-9/. They are both living in Nigeria, and despite all the odds in their journeys, they sacrificed for their relationship, and it is working.
Bottomline – We need success stories and a safe space for people who want to build a long-lasting romantic relationship. I am also into the “Hookup Culture.” I do not demean or look down upon it in any way, but deep down, I know I want something substantial that will hopefully last long, and I am not losing hope that there is someone out there for me. Only time will tell before I meet him.
By the way, I am not judging the gay men who follow the path of “arranged marriages” either based on societal/family pressures or individual preference. I am also at the age where virtually all my distant friends and family members are married. There are subtle and overt pressures as well as shaming for being single. The ostracism sometimes hit me, but I shake it off. I embraced my solitude and refrained from family gatherings or hang out with distant friends, where I might be viewed as an outlier. Instead, I find solace in people who are like me, who understand this journey.
May we all find what we seek.
MeandYou
December 08, 19:34Wow. So much sense in your submission.
S.Freude
December 09, 05:59Houston Scholar,
I get every point you’ve made and you do make a lot of sense. But how many people especially, gay men living in Nigeria are really interested in leading a fulfilling homosexual relationship? I may be wrong, but this is my belief:
There may be that handful out there but the majority are not. I feel that for some reason, the PRIDE element in the Nigeria homosexual existence has not matured. Without this maturity, a maturity which is both cultural and societal, homosexual relationships in Nigeria will remain under the covers. And that, with its attendant shortcomings.
Over and over again, one reads here of homosexual self-hate. Be it in the form of thinking that a top has a higher social standing when compared with a bottom or the constant denigration of effeminate men or the denial to accept one’s identity with it’s ultimate culmination in marriages with clueless hetero women, all these represent aspects of our reality that speak to how challenging it is to be gay/bisexual in a country like Nigeria.
Sure, success stories need be presented. And very possibly, these success stories can alter both the culture and the dialogue. But from my experience living in Europe and later Nigeria, I found that if one treated relationships (that may too strong a word even, so, I will say,) if one treated the dating scene with the full vigour and commitment one has pursued it in the free world, one is bound to be very disappointed.
Think about it this way: in the West, the worst you would deal with would be an obsessive focus of the community on looks and the endless hookups, with which I do not have a problem. But in Nigeria, you would deal with brothers who are fundamentally damaged, broken, diseased. (My language may be tough but it is also the reality of the situation.) Understandably, this damage is a result of the environment and a summation of all the pains and struggles these brothers have borne and undergone. The funny thing is that much as these guys may not know it, you would feel it in your interactions with them.
Let me even add another aspect here. I do not think that it would be wise for any Nigerian member of the LGBTQ community in the Diaspora to contract a contractual relationship with a member of the same community who has never been gay in a free world – especially if the expectation is that such a relationship would last. There would be the usual exceptions to the rule, of course, but the thing is that it would be unfair to enter into such a relationship with someone who has never been gay in a world where it is ‘nothing’ to be gay. I do believe however, that for those who have lived in the free world, such a matchmaking platform would be both useful and successful.
Lol….I have a feeling that I am now writing a thesis….but then here it goes. What I think community members who are in Nigeria need is a channel for them to leave Nigeria, come to a freer world, live and work and discover themselves. This without the pressure of any relationships until they really discover themselves and decide what kind of life they would want to lead. PEACE.
Francis
December 09, 09:56@S.Freude We all can’t leave Nigeria. We need to work actively at seeking internal solutions to our problems though it seems difficult
MeandYou
December 09, 10:37S. Freude
This in depth analysis you just did tells it all. My concern is that some are also confused about what exactly they want.
S.Freude
December 08, 04:11I am based in North America and I am interested in knowing the success rate of these The Proposals. Pink Panther, do you have any data? Any idea if people have found something workable.
@Onochie, I am likely to drop you a note later to see whether you registered any successes. Wishing you luck.
MeandYou
December 08, 05:12Hello Bamidele can we have a chat. How best can I reach you
S.Freude
December 08, 05:54*Wanted to post this as an addendum to my comment under Houston Scholar, but for some reason, it wasn’t working.*
Just to add, I have a friend, white American, mid sixties, single, jet-setting lifestyle, privileged background, retired investment banker, a couple of handshakes with past presidents, board member of various organizations. Still does hookups.
Another friend, late forties to early fifties, Nigerian origins, UK-based, successful university professor. Alone and single.
At the end of the day, one has to ask oneself what one really REALLY wants. To each, PEACE.
Houston Scholar, are you based in Houston?
Houston Scholar
December 08, 14:57Yes, I am based in Houston but I have lately been in Illinois for an academic Fellowship. I will be in Houston for Christmas. Are you also based in Houston? If yes, we can meet up for coffee and chitchat during Christmas.
S.Freude
December 09, 06:02You remind me of the days I thought I’d be an academic 🙂 Well, would’ve loved to but I’ll be in Toronto for the foreseeable future.
Share is Back
December 08, 07:06Why does it feel like love doesn’t exist in the gay world?
Delle
December 08, 13:39The comment for PP to look into creating a forum for gay men to connect with other gay men who are interested in civil unions is endorsed by me. The society here does not encourage organic meetups and authentic online romantic connections.
It’s utterly exhausting. So, perhaps we need external help.
MeandYou
December 09, 10:37S. Freude
This in depth analysis you just did tells it all. My concern is that some are also confused about what exactly they want.
Ken
December 10, 06:51Why is this common among igbos tho? This internalized pressure to appear ultra macho?? How sad.
Mikey😘
December 10, 14:14Everytime gay man looking for a lesbian partner…. Okay I’m waiting for the day they’ll put up gay man looking for fellow gay man to settle down with…..
Till then let me sit down and wait 💅