The Questions After Sex

There’s a little something to a HIV test that makes you just a little bit jumpy.

I mean, you could have been as safe as humanly possible and you would still have that “what if” lodged in your mind.

Ever since March 2017, I’ve been taking the RVST (the test) every 3 months like clockwork, sometimes in between, but not longer than 3 months.

I do this, first, because I’m a doctor that could get exposed to tainted blood, and secondly, because I understand the biology that columnar cells in rectal tissue are more susceptible to damage and thus more permissible for viral entrance into the body, ergo, I’m a little more at risk even when protected.

Forget all that big English. The important thing is that after a friend had his results come back positive recently, I had the strongest urge to go check again. I mean, it’d been almost three months. Also, I hadn’t tested since I left my government workplace where the test is basically free.

I had previously never barebacked (I mean, I used to not even know what the word meant) until:

a) My most recent long-term relationship with a woman. All previous relationships occurred within the gloved equipment.

b) December last year when I tasted the forbidden fruit in a man’s ass, and saw that it was sweet. Like really I could feel all the grooves with my dick and that shit is addictive. It has been a struggle to avoid trying it subsequently. A struggle I have majorly won but failed one or two times.

So, I was sitting there, waiting for my result and I had my most severe case of “What if” since I started taking the tests. I mean, what if those two times were all that was needed. Plus condoms aren’t 100% effective. What if this, what if that…

Chris Rock had a HIV scare joke where he said, “You know what happens after you take the test? You start reflecting. You think about every skanky, nasty, kinky sex you ever had and everybody’s got a few…”

Ain’t that the truth!

Well, we know if it was positive, I wouldn’t be here with this post written in such a flippant tone.

But here’s the important question.

How do people get used to using condoms again after bareback? Why aren’t we warned very expressly not to even try that shit once cos it’s like codeine?

I mean, I try with virtually every partner, but there’s this literal thought always stuck in my head about how much better this would be without a condom.

That! That is a dangerous thought.

How does one banish it?

Written by Vhagar