Thirst Goes Before A Fall
I have always had the hots for Dera right since secondary school. He was the embodiment of macho. Girls flocked around him, boys wanted to be his friend. And I was just the average nerd that tagged along. Back then, I was very much aware that I was gay, a fact I hid very well, until my university days when I eventually started having sex. Story for another day.
When we graduated from secondary school, Dera and I stayed in touch. He had issues with his admission, so I was already in my final year when he got an admission into IMSU. We continued to interact with each other, chatting on WhatsApp, sometimes sporadically, and even though there were long gaps between our communication, we managed to stay in touch.
He wasn’t shocked the day I came out to him. He said he’d always suspected. We laughed at the end of the big reveal and continued being good friends. He was of course very straight. He liked women and we respected the boundaries our different sexualities created.
I eventually graduated from the university and got a job in Calabar. Life happened and communication between us dwindled. Eventually we stopped talking altogether. Except for the infrequent likes on social media pages, which didn’t really happen often, as I am not a social media person and Dera was that kind of social media celebrity who acquired a thousand likes for even the most casual picture; I often just scrolled past his pictures whenever I was online without adding to the already saturated reactions.
Things continued this way till one day, Dera called me out of the blue. He had graduated. I couldn’t believe it; time had apparently flown by so quickly. He told me he was in Calabar working for a hospital. (He’d majored in Medical Laboratory)
We eventually met to hang out, and not only had he gotten more handsome with age, he was now bristling with muscles from his gym addiction.
I tried hard to keep it together during that meet. Tried to stay focused on our conversation. We chatted about many things. And then, he unburdened himself to me. He told me he’d been working for free at the hospital. He and a batch of other new hires were working on a trial phase for three months, and only after period would the selected ones start getting paid. To be working without pay in a place like Calabar… He didn’t need to tell me how expensive living in Calabar was; I knew that all too well.
I was earning over 300 grand a month. I had no girlfriend or wife or familial responsibilities. My family members are all well-to-do. So, my money was pretty much all mine. I could have just offered to help him out. Knowing Dera like I did, he would most likely pay. However, the one thing I knew he valued more than his looks was his dignity, and it would take a lot for someone like him to ask for help.
I could have just offered to help him out.
But the devil was playing a piper’s tune in my head.
I told him I’d think about what he told me and get back to him. Later that night, I texted him on WhatsApp and asked him the collateral he was prepared to give me if I gave him a loan. He asked me what I’d like, that he had nothing to give. I told him giving him a loan was a risk for me. What if he ended up not getting employed? How then would he pay me back? He assured me that he was in Calabar to stay; that if he doesn’t get employed (“God forbid!” he added here), he’d still find a way to survive.
It was at this point that I stopped beating around the bush. I already knew what I wanted and I gave it to him straight. I told him the lawyer in me didn’t find his answers satisfactory, but for our friendship, I’d be willing to wave off any collateral on one condition – that he have sex with me.
I wasn’t there with him when I delivered my deal, but I was certain the ask threw him off. Because I could observe from the Whatsapp chat that he kept on typing and stopping for several minutes.
Finally, after what looked like an eternity, he simply texted back: No, thanks.
That would be it for almost two months. I guess his situation got worse because after nearly two months, he chatted me up on WhatsApp. He asked me if I was still interested in what I wanted earlier. I said yes. He asked me which day would be cool for me. I told him I was always free on weekends.
The following weekend, he came over. And let’s just say: the sex was the worst I’d ever had and probably will ever have. That is, if you could even call what happened sex.
Dera had the physical appearance of a god, and under different circumstances, getting with a guy built like that would have been a truly delightful experience.
But he simply lay on my bed like a log of wood, while I sucked his dick, trying to work up an erection. An exercise in futility, because the dick seemed to shrink no matter what I did. After several hours of me basically giving him a gloried massage, which was not reciprocated in any form, I got tired. I accepted my defeat and slid off him.
The next thing that happened was a question from him that made me feel worse than I already was.
He asked in a wooden tone, “Are you done?”
I looked at him and I could see hurt and shame and something that looked like a welling up of tears in his eyes. And I felt like the scummiest person that ever lived. I nodded. He got up, got dressed, picked up the cheque and left.
He kept to his word. He was hired. And he paid me back.
And that was the last time we communicated.
We live in the same city, work close to each other, but we are far from being anything other than estranged. One day, we ran into each other at the party of a mutual friend. He was polite but unfriendly toward me. And there was a glint in his eyes that echoed a finality, that I’ve been shut forever out of his life.
Can’t say I blame him though. What I did to him is a burden of guilt that I’ll always live with.
Written by Ifejika
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105 Comments
Bee
December 17, 05:47I was actually quite heartened when I got the point where the sex failed. I thought you’d just be another guy feeling accomplished for “converting” a straight man. It kind of solidifies the point that nobody chooses to be gay.
But I’m being inconsiderate. You can always apologize later on, when there’s less tension, you know. Forgive yourself; it’s far from the worst crime. But try to apologize.
trystham
December 17, 07:43Trust me, I wouldn’t forgive him if I were the dude. That I trusted u enough, believing u capable of helping, to tell my problems and then take advantage of that??? Now I think it, betrayals between friends hurts worse than boyfriends boyfriend/girlfriend betrayals. A simple “NO” would have done it.
That you Ifejika couldn’t seduce him without our money and couldn’t even get him up shows how ugly must be, inside and out.
Bee
December 17, 16:15This has nothing to do with the lad’s physical looks, lol. What Ifejika did is despicable in every sense, but I still believe he should apologize. Dera doesn’t have to forgive him on the fly, probably won’t ever forgive him, but sincerely apologizing takes a lot of load off your head.
And I must say that the guy handled everything so perfectly. He really didn’t deserve that.
Rehoboth
December 17, 05:48You’re scum.
Bhawscity
December 17, 08:18Please mercy ohh. It’s too early biko, we will tell him he’s a scum in the afternoon.
Lonz
December 17, 06:31You do not weaponize sex and expect a good return. Especially for someone you know from way back. Wrong move.
Rather you do the good, albeit in a small way and get him to give it to you because he feels he owes you. Not because he is desperate and needs to survive. One has dignity, the other will make him feel like he is a prostitute.
Andy
December 17, 07:04You’re scum and rapey no other way to put,what you did was violent and coercive not to mention stripping him of his agency.
He is justified in not wanting to have anything to do with you and you need to do a deep introspection cause you’re sick
Kenny
December 17, 07:21Sigh!
People, we don’t have to have sex with everyone we find attractive. Hian!!! ??♂️
Realme
December 17, 07:35O…my God…. people are just horrible like horrible..gosh!!!
Kevin
December 17, 07:36You’re the lowest of them all ! Such a scumbag ! Shame on you , you’re part of the reason straight boys feel we all want to sleep with them !
trystham
December 17, 07:45And we lost one to the homophobes. That guy is gonna be fore at the “Burn The Gays” movement because you couldn’t say a “Yes” without a clause
Andy
December 17, 07:51The writer is abusive as fuck,sex was just the weapon used to exert that here and I really hope the victim gets counselling because traumas like this could be lifelong.
Francis
December 17, 15:18Asin eh. It would be a freaking miracle if this is not so.
BC
December 17, 07:50First time posting here. You have deeply rooted issues and I think you need to see a therapist. You did this to a friend? You’re sick and a predator. My goodness! What would you do to a stranger??? You let your friend suffer for 2 months because of sex? This isn’t even about being gay or straight, you need help. FOH!!!
Sharp
December 17, 08:06Ifejika, what you did was heartless. You took an unfair advantage of his circumstance.
Mandy
December 17, 08:18I am so happy this story didn’t turn into a validation of that nonsense called conversion. Two things struck me about this story.
1. Dera is a truly decent human being. You did all this, and he not only paid you back your money, but didn’t go ahead to find ways to kito you. That guy is a really really good person who didn’t deserve what you did to him. And who we have likely lost to the side of homophobes whose only understanding of gay guys is that we’ll do anything to get to anybody’s dick.
2. You seem like you are truly aware of what you did, how wicked it was, and are genuinely repentant. Otherwise you would not have put up this story, knowing how much backlash you’ll get. You must be feeling terribly guilty for wanting KDians to remind you of how wicked what you did was. But it’s not us that’ll help your guilt go away. You need to apologize to Dera. Not once. Not twice. And not with any expectations of him forgiving you. You don’t deserve his forgiveness, but you should try getting it anyway. So apologize to him. Repeatedly. Not because you are expecting him to come back to being your friend, but because as a good person, you should do all in your power to heal the wound you inflicted on him.
Anonymous
December 17, 09:36THIS!
Francis
December 17, 15:03Thirded ??
Bee
December 17, 16:28Orrr. I thought everyone wanted to prove holier-than-thou. ?
Malik
December 17, 18:41Lol. Don’t mind human beings. We all have our scummy sides. I think it’s brave that the writer put up the story. I hope he can find forgiveness and move on.
BRYAN PETERS
December 17, 19:09What he said
Keredim
December 17, 08:19While I admit that there is a Harvey Weinstein vibe about this story, I would like to applaud Ifejika for his bravery in bringing the story here.
You have given the righteous something to wank about. The criticisms won’t be easy to take, so be strong.
Like Bee said , find a way to apologise to Dera to help ease your guilt. Not because it makes gays look good and dispells the narrative that we jump on any man we find attractive, but because you are a human being with a conscience and it’s the right thing to do.
Francis
December 17, 15:17Apologize to ease his guilt ke?! Who gives a fuck about his guilt at this point? No be the traumatized victim we suppose dey focus on here? ??
Colossus
December 17, 17:58The traumatised didn’t bring the story here so we can’t really speak to him on how to get better. We can speak to the poster on how to assuage his guilt by reaching out and genuinely apologising.
At the end, that takes care of one person and hopefully by a long shot the traumatised can also begin to heal
Dunder
December 17, 20:37I’ll rather our bastard brother apologize for the painful scars of betrayal, trauma, assault, and the victim will bear for life as a result of being violated FOR A LOAN, not a gift o! I don’t think the universe should abandon all the things going wrong in the world so as to minister to poor Ifejika’s “guilt”. Dera knew about the writer’s sexuality from school and could have pulled many sinister stunts but didn’t. He could have shown their text history to area boys at the next junction or gone to the police after being solicited for rape-lite but did not. He could have gone back to stab this Nigerian psycho to death for what was done to him but chose to address him coldly at a party- this Ifejika abused a saint! . The sex scene reads like something from Roots. Dera’s opinion of people like Ifejika may have crystalized irreversibly after this incident and no one can blame him. What I picked from this harrowing read is that the predators in our community are just as sadistic, opportunistic and sociopathic as the general population. The rainbow flag has no halo. Be careful.
that dark-fair guy
December 18, 00:40“The predators in our community are just as sadistic,
opportunistic and sociopathic as the general population.
THE RAINBOW FLAG HAS NO HALO!”.
Word!
J
December 17, 08:24His conscience is judging him I believe. All of you calling him names, are you without faults? How many hearts have you broken?
And to you young man, don’t ever try it again. It’s very risky, he could set you up or harm you in a major way. It’s better to deny people help than to give it on terms that could be damaging to the other party.
Everyone is capable of harming, there’s no harmless person. Please stay away from situations that could harm you.
Dunder
December 17, 20:47Even murder has degrees. Even the toughest prisons have hierarchies based on what crimes the inmates were sentenced for. I think it is fitting for the few who are yet to reduce their loyal friends to a sex doll to chide Ifejika. If Ifejika was the victim of some KIto scum and was made to lie there and take it so he won’t be blackmailed, we won’t be coaxing wide and deep about how the kitoer is also a human being with a story. Instead of writing this piece to us, I think he ought to apologize repeatedly to Dera for the sake of his friend’s healing. You don’t violate a friend who hid your secret and bore you no ill will. A person like Ifejika can kill his own mother.
BC
December 18, 06:44THIS.
Ace
December 17, 08:59I don’t think you told this story so you could be further condemned, there is nothing that can be said to you that would change what you did or how you feel about what you did in any meaningful way.
From your story, you studied law so I assume you are well aware of the nuances of legal definitions and as such can define a rape case in terms of constitutional guidelines. However, contrary to what some may believe, rape is more about power and from what I gather from your story, you found an opportunity to exert a form of power over him and you took it knowing fully well what you were doing.
Like I said before, there is no point condemning you now but I don’t believe for a second that it took you two months and several hours to realize what you were doing to him. You need to admit to yourself that you knew exactly what you were doing from the very beginning, you cannot move forward if you refuse to admit that responsibility for your actions, if you convince yourself that your morality only came into play in retrospect.
That line of looking into his eyes and realizing the pain you’ve caused is honestly melodramatic nonsense because you don’t need to look someone in the eyes before you know you’ve hurt them especially when you’re in the process of being intimate with them with consent obtained under duress nonetheless.
You have to really see that situation for what it was, free from the exaggeration and repression, then work on fixing the guilt you say you carry now. Otherwise, to be brutally honest, if a similar situation presents itself, you will fall back into old habits.
I don’t know you personally neither do I know Dera but I honestly get the sense that you resented him from the story and honestly, regardless of your intention, you will only hurt him further if you don’t heal too because you owe him an apology and trust me you aren’t in any state to offer one right now living in denial.
Be safe and I hope you find redemption and Dera finds peace.
AduResa
December 17, 09:05May you heal from this, I believe this is like one of the steps you need to take, try to apologize, you need his forgiveness. You need it!
Canis VY Majoris
December 17, 09:26Well know one thing for sure; The guilt you feel will hang over you like a shadow for the rest of your life and guess what ? You deserve it to be so.
We are free to make our choices but we’re not free from the consequences of those choices. Live with your burden and become a decent fucking human being.
Stein
December 17, 10:40What you did there was lower than scummy. Taking advantage of someone’s misfortune to feed a desire you’ve had, without thinking of repercussions that might have risen.
Dude, you really need to apologise. And no matter how long it takes, don’t stop till he forgives you.
Omiete
December 17, 13:16Omg!!! Can we all calm down, it’s not that deep. He probably thought they would laugh it off and I have a strong feeling that Dera could have gotten the money regardless. I don’t think Ifejika was trying to insult him he just wanted to see if his thirst can be quenched. Not saying that he is right but come on he is not the worst person in the world.
BC
December 17, 14:07You’re just as bad as Ifejika. How can you tell a Sexual predator that his behaviour is not that deep? You’re sick.
Pink Panther
December 17, 14:19He probably thought they would laugh it off?
Lol. Did you read the same story the rest of us did?
Francis
December 17, 15:09????? Please goan read the story again. Oga had no plans of parting with his money without sex. NO PLANS. Person with clean mind would have taken the No, apologized profusely and dropped the money one time instead of waiting for 2 fucking months and less than basic sex
Dunder
December 17, 20:50Save the community some trouble. Hit up Ifejika and become a couple.
John Adewoye
December 17, 13:28On a different note, I am surprised that Ifejika told this story.
I have BIG problem with NIGERIANS TELLING SUCH STORIES or telling simple truth. (I hope the story is not a fiction?)
On the other hand, a lesson for us all.
Ekotoned
December 17, 14:06you are scum
Dav
December 17, 14:17Really Deep… Honestly… what you did was wrong and no one deserves that… that Dude Truly Loved you even accepting you for who you are… I know straight guys… most are so evil that the moment you tell them about your Sexuality… your life is Automatically hanging on a Thread…
But this Dude… Loved you for you… that should be a strong reason you help..
What hurts is that…
It’s things like this that give Set up guys abi Kito guys reason to perpetrate their evil doings…
This a Lesson for everyone… if you wanna help… Help with a Clean Heart… let’s stop this Selfish Character… it destroys Friendships…
Ifejika. Take out time and Apologize to Dera in person not via Social Media… if shedding tears would make him know how sorry you are… force those tears out.
GOD GAVE YOU A DIAMOND… Because of Big eye… you’ve Lost It…
Compliment of the Season Everyone.
Francis
December 17, 15:13I honestly don’t understand the point of this story. It would have made plenty sense to me if you actually cornered him at some point and delivered a groveling apology.
It doesn’t even read like you’re ready to take FULL responsibility for your fuck up.
Colossus
December 17, 18:16I guess the point of the story is to show that as gay people we’re also human, we’re not all on the side of righteousness, doing what is perceived to be right by all.
Dunder
December 17, 21:00Thank you. I read it twice and from the way it read, I have a dirty feeling that he may have even gotten off writing this. Soooo dismissive of the gravity of dehumanizing experience for his victim. Still forming “I’m also human”.
What kind of sentence is “After SEVERAL HOURS of me basically giving him a gloried massage, which was not reciprocated in any form, I got tired. I accepted my defeat and slid off him”? So you id not notice that this guy was dying inside while all this was going on? It reads like Obasanjo’s books- My Watch. My Command- me, me, me. Even the sex scene was bout how it was bad for him. The problem he has is HIS GUILT and not Dera’s pain. Ifejika, the world does not revolve around your rapey person. Jeez!
Francis
December 18, 07:26@Dunder This your analysis sha. I didn’t even see this angle to the story sef. Chai. SMH
@Colosus Nna we don’t another story like this to let us know we can be evul too. We no naive like that na. ?♂️
IBK
December 17, 15:52Here’s to hoping you (don’t) get famous and get a Weinstein.
Francis
December 17, 16:14He’d probably be fine if he owns up to it somehow way before the media forces him to.
Black Dynasty
December 17, 15:58Sighs… as much as I’d like to criticise you because what you did was truly mean and may have created a homophobe, I’d rather tell you to go seek help.
What you did is what sexual predators do and sadly it will not go away by itself. I’d suggest you go see a shrink but before all of that, you need to go apologise profusely to the gentleman.
Sworld
December 17, 17:28You are so weak and you couldn’t help yourself, So I won’t blame you cos no one is Holier. Apologize n apologize again, learn to make that weak part of you your strength and move on with your life!
Freshlaundry
December 17, 17:38Just read the story and have to say the writer is taking an unfair bashing here. Granted it wasnt an ideal way to lend someone money BUT he did not rape the guy and what he did was not a THIRSTY GAY thing, it was a HUMAN thing. I know women who do it to their cooks, houseboys etc. Oh its fine then because the cook is straight? What if the houseboy or cook isnt attracted to his madam but is sleeping with her because he is desperate? What about prostitutes who offer their body only because they have no other option? Am i taking advantage of their vulnerability because im paying them for sex? GTFOH. The point I am trying to make is, we ALL do it. We ALL take advantage of situations if we can, when we can. There is no way that the DERE guy did not have any option. There is ALWAYS another option if you look hard enough. Its his money and this is the way he had decided to lend it out. Accept his terms or get the money somewhere else! Simples! If the guy had told him to commit murder for the loan, would he have done it because he had no choice????? Again GTFOH with all this hypocrisy. Everyone has a line, a hard limit that they would NEVER cross for all the money in the world. For eg, if someone told me to sleep with my parent for money, I would tell you to FUCK OFF and i’d rather die!!! CLEARLY fucking a man was not Dere’s hard limit. So stop condeming this poor guy who feels bad enough as it is. Holier than thous. Mtcheeewwww. Dere will be fine! He good! He will NOT magically become gay because he let a guy suck his dick. Trust me I know! ( story for another day) So y’all need to stop with this sanctimonious BS! Rant over! #dontcomeformeunlessisendforyou #imasavage #youdontwantnoneofthis #igivetentimesharder. lol. Just playing…. im really a teddy bear
Colossus
December 17, 18:07This is what I would have said if I had the power to type long English.
Well said, well said?????
freshlaundry
December 17, 19:49taink you, taink you, my beautiful gay brodaaaaaaa. You have plenty sense ojare. I dont think i would have sex with him as a term for the loan oh, maybe just see him naked. lol. Also im guessing the “pharisees” all missed the part where he asked the dude for collateral. Im sure he would have given him the loan if he had provided adequate collateral, as he should! #mymoneymyterms #youdontlikeitgotothebank #icantshout
Jinchuriki
December 17, 22:57You need help as well.
Freshlaundry
December 17, 23:29Yes I’m sure I do and let me guess you are the person to help me. Help yourself first then maybe you can help someone else. Girl run along.
Canis VY Majoris
December 17, 23:04Are you fucking kidding?!
Because people do it doesn’t make it okay and sure as hell doesn’t excuse them from being sternly told off. As a decent human being it’s not your role (no pun intended) to put another human being to their “limit”. Wtf are you? Extreme sports?.
What exactly are friends for if we can’t help eachother in times of need and not take advantage of their misfortunes for personal aggrandizement or pleasure, that’s the lowest form of inhumanity.
No one is claiming holier than though but let’s call a spade a fucking spade, what he did was all spades of wrong and shouldn’t in no way be excused.
Freshlaundry
December 17, 23:37Again, READ!!! It’s his money. He does not have to do shit for anyone with his money. Same as you coming to me for a loan and me charging 200 percent interest. That’s exorbitant yes but it’s MY money!! Not tours! If you don’t like the terms of my loan, then get help somewhere the fuck else! I guess what annoys me the most about your sanctimonious bullshit and by you, I mean all of you bashing this dude is that what moral compass are you standing on to judge him. Half of you here, scratch that 90 percent of you here are sluts i.e. sleep around with anything. Who is judging that? That is just as bad if not worse. So before you “sternly tell him off”, again I ask on what fucking moral high ground are you standing on to judge him??? What makes you the judge and jury on what is right and wrong? Dude leave the guy alone, he doesn’t wanna talk to you, that’s fine. The next thing they will say now is that a guy who is in denial about his sexuality and comes to you and you have sex with him and he suddenly cuts you off after, you should also go and beg him. GTFO with that mess!!! #isaidwhatisaid #ifyoudontlikeitidontgiveashit #thankyounext
Canis VY Majoris
December 18, 10:02Hey Dude! It’s not up for argument, because your point of view is flawed and weak. Better luck next time.
Moving on…
Freshlaundry
December 18, 10:20“Your point of view is flawed and weak” who the fuck is this one? Your point of view is one sided and highlights the flaws in your education! A person with half a brain knows to look at EVERY angle of a story to come up with a cohesive view. You are focusing on what the writer “did” and not on what the other guy ” allowed” to happen. But clearly trying to explain that to you would be like trying toto explain the solar system to a toddler. So I’ll just wish you adieu and sign off by saying, “you’re special” rofl. Next!!!!!!!!
flame flame
December 18, 00:29Wow. Its amazing how aspiringly wicked and selfish the human mind can be. Your comment says alot about your character. Even politically this story gives gay people a bad name and feeds any simplistic stereotypes.
I would pass on your comment if you just sort to empathize with the author, but to justify his actions the way you did; low. Very low!
Our humanity must always come first.
Freshlaundry
December 18, 00:50Let me prefix this by saying bite me! Don’t come here like some champion for gay people. Your comment says a lot about your character. It says you are myopic and incapable of rational thought. But indulge me for a second, what does your sleeping around say about the gay stereotype? How hypocritical can the human mind be? I’m not sure if this is errant stupidity or if you all are just trying to wind me up! He did not rape the guy. He did not force the guy to take his money, the guy was not at the point of death, hell even if he was. Get it into your thick skull, nobody owes you ANYTHING in this world. They were not even friends to begin with, acquaintances at best! The guy thought about it for two months and thought fuck it, it can’t be that bad. Y’all make it look like the guy was in hospital about to die and he had no choice, this ain’t titanic. Think rationally! No one was coerced, forced or manipulated. They were both grown consenting adults! The guy could have said NO to his offer!!! I feel like I’m talking to a bunch of “slow people” here. This is unbelievable. Smdh. Now go away so I can get some sleep! It’s my opinion. It’s the RIGHT opinion and nothing you or anyone of your hypocritical friends can say will change that!!!! #isaidwhatisaid
Keredim
December 18, 09:35??????????
Francis
December 18, 07:41You take advantage of someone and not just anyone off the streets oh, a close friend in need and we should all clap for you (give you space to breathe) because it’s your money and you can do whatever the fuck you want with it?! ? ?♂️
I somehow can’t blame you sha as you are like the average Nigerian who takes advantage of sad situations to make sharp sharp mad money. That you’d do it to a close friend is what has me stunned!
I hope the people in your life who call themselves your friends are fully aware of this sha so they know what time it is with you. E go better if “birds of a feather flock together” applies to una. ?♂️?♂️
Freshlaundry
December 18, 10:04Kindly shut the fuck up and have several seats. Obviously reading was not your forte. How does ” we communicated on and off” count as close friends to you? Clearly your eyes need checking. The guy hit him up out of the blue asking for money after a long hiatus. If that is what you consider “close friendship”, then I genuinely feel sorry for your “friends”. Now in the words of Mariah, why don’t you GTFO. Bye girl!!
Francis
December 18, 14:35Oh well. You do have a point. My definition of close friends is different from that of others. I don’t have strength to be in people’s faces 24/7 because introvert things but they can always reach me when wahala dey and I can offer assistance I do. Some of you be rapping 24/7 and when wahala shele, our man enters him shell. ?♂️?♂️?♂️
P.S: My passport might be green as fuck but I’m comfortable. at least I don’t work at a laundromat IRL while forming boss online ?♂️?♂️
Freshlaundry
December 18, 14:59Rofl. Ok I’ll admit it took me a while to get that laundry mart shade. Nice one. I like the smell of fresh laundry. Leave me be biko. Lol. They were not close friends, they were friendly. My close friends have all seen me naked so we are like brothers. No one needs to proposition. Dere is just upset because he got played. I’m sure those two months he took to “think” about it were just to psyche himself up. Dere is probably curious ojare. Look out for him on grindr some time in the near future. Watch out for part 2 of the story. Ghen ghen ghen. I’m off to use my “not green” passport to fly off to somewhere warm like bora bora. If you need me I’ll be sipping a pina colada!!!! Sip sip! Lol
Freshlaundry
December 18, 10:10Oh and fyi, don’t ever compare me to you. “You are like the average Nigerian”. Misery needs company! My passport is not the same color as yours! Once again another myopic human being who is incapable of rational thought but can only see what is in front of his nose! A smart person reviews a case from ALL sides, not just the sides that make him look good. Learn that! Now bounce!
Keredim
December 18, 14:00“My passport is not the same color as yours!”
Was that really necessary? At the end of the day we are all Nigerians ?
Freshlaundry
December 18, 14:19Well my good man, when you come at someone with judgement instead of trying to understand where they are coming from, when you erroneously lump people you don’t know into one bowl i.e. “you are the typical Nigerian”, I would say it is necessary! I am proud of the fact that I can think objectively instead of passionately. It’s one of my strongest character traits! I wish you a lovely day! As you were!
ChristianGayBoy
January 24, 00:52Wasn’t going to comment considering how old this post is. But I have to say that Freshlaundry’s advice is precisely what dirty laundry looks like and if we could smell it I am sure it will still be freshly smelly as I mentally perceive it is now even two years after reading.
Everyone deserves a clean slate and if this writer is truly remorseful I hope he has forgiven himself and found forgiveness.
But it is utterly ridiculous that Freshlaundry would with so much articulacy type something so unintelligent.
Colossus
December 17, 18:03The story shocked me, I won’t lie. That you brought it here speaks volumes.
Well, you also have a lot of work to do to repair the damage done. You should repair the damage done, make as much effort as you did trying to get his dick erect.
Good luck.
Francis
December 18, 14:47Shady mess. ????
Tobenna
December 17, 20:19You couldn’t make a dick stand? Really? We thereby cast you out of queer community, henceforth you’re straight and ugly. Bye!
Malik
December 19, 01:59???
STEPH
December 17, 22:02“make as much effort as you did trying to get his dick erect”. @ Colossus u are evil?????.
That said, i once had this roommate who fast became a friend nd gosh was this dude cute! Dark wit all the appropriate muscles. Well, after graduating frm schl we still kept d friendship tight. Anyways, dude needed some cash nd he came straight to me, nd i must confess i had d same thought of asking him 4 sex if i would lend him such cash. I wanted to, i needed to, but i couldn’t put myself in such position, i didn’t see myself giving such “clause” to a friend. All i did was give him half d money he requested and that was it. In giving d money i never expected him to pay back cus i understood d position nd predicament he was in.
Why am i saying this? Ifejika is jst human, anybody can fall 4 d flesh nd thirst, it sure doesn’t make us evil or d worst person on earth. That was jst his weak point, allowing sex to becloud his sense of judgement.
Pls Ifejika, do apologise to DERE over nd over again, and try next tym to be more reasonable nd nt think wit ur dick. Love u.
Avid fan
December 17, 23:25This story broke me in ways I never could have imagined. My gawd!!! He was your friend sha…. I’m dumbfounded. Everything Mandy and Ace said abeg! My heart! May God help you.
trystham
December 17, 23:31All I’m seeing here is ‘Righteous’ and ‘Holier-than-thou’s. Its fine for you to talk like that. My entire life is scarred now because I cannot sneer in peace when some idiot homophobe covers his arse in Jesus’ blood. What do I know he has gone thru at the hands of predatory gay men? I can’t even tackle a homophobe because I will keep thinking “Trystham forgive him for an Ifejika did this to him”
Bee
December 18, 08:24This is unnecessary melodrama. As we speak, gay people, especially lesbians and transgenders, are raped, assaulted and bullied by the millions. And in much more violent ways than manipulation by a friend. None of us are covering our arses (or even our heads) with the blood of Jesus.
Freshlaundry
December 18, 10:15At last another person with a brain. The way they are fighting for him you would think he was their cousin twice removed! Lol. As for the ones screaming rape, I don’t even know what to tell them. Do they even KNOW the definition of rape??? I’m actually stunned by the sheer ignorance of some of these comments tbh. Granted what he did was “not nice” but nobody raped anyone. Brutha man could have stuck with his “No thanks” and asked his elder in the church, his family, literally anyone else for the money and cut this guy OFF. That’s what I would have done! Anyway what else is going on? Lol
trystham
December 18, 21:40Listen to yourself. Apparently decency is flown out of the window. I’m not gonna trivialize the pain victims of all u have mentioned go through, but I would rather it were a total stranger or random nonentity than someone I placed trust in.
Bee
December 20, 01:31Mr. Trystham,
1. The dude’s crime does not validate homophobia in any way. That’s what I meant. It doesn’t make gay people demons; even though we were never angels, as this shows.
2. The other guy was hurt badly, yes. But it simply cannot be compared to suffering violence. Some degrees of violence don’t even give you mental space to be emotionally hurt.
I’m afraid that you’d start tolerating homophobia, tolerating intolerance.
Moriarty
December 18, 03:39This is the most terrible thing I’ve read in my Life, couldn’t wait for the story to end n can’t even bring myself to read the comments,
This is rape, this is the problem with the gay community In & Out,
Must you fuck everyone, you were in a position to help but no!!, You had to rub us in the mud too, that nigga gan hate us for as long as he Lives,
It’s too bad tho…too bad
Yazz
December 18, 22:43The Moriarty I know from the Sherlock movies is a psychopath and would have no qualms with what ifejika did or any empathy for the victim…
Anyways what the writer did wasn’t rape but still wasn’t good ..
So I think he should go down on his knees and ask for forgiveness…
DK
December 18, 05:41Ahah, guy’s for crying out loud; it isn’t fair the way you guy’s are being judgmental over him and also rendering him all manner of insults.
For God sake, no one is a saint and pls you guy’s also need some attitude in the way you talk to people.
Fine, he admitted the fact that he was at fault and am sure his willing to ask for forgiveness.
My Boss is fucking right when he said not all lawyer’s can be judge not because they ain’t qualified or ain’t good but because of there judgmental state over all things.
No wonder my Man no fit be God, cos most of you have already failed with the way your going about this issue.
Ifejika, your indeed man enough to put this up here and i most say, you have a daring spirit.
Not all can clearly state out their faults just as you did.
Simply Apologize and Kudoa Man, and pls any one that knows he wants to troll on me should not pls invest on my stock market cos am gonna make u Crash #Sigh…
Jinchuriki
December 18, 10:15Ifejika. You’ve probably gone through all the nasty comments that you may or may not deserve and probably feel bad or not even bothered at all. It doesn’t change the fact that you did something wrong, you know you did. I am surprised you did not apologize to Dera yet.
You should seek professional help.
You should apologize to Dera, the poor man did not deserve what he got (not from a friend he finally got to accept).
You should beg for gis forgiveness, over and over.
Everytime you feel bad about what you have written, you should apologize to the man.
This thing that you have done is heart breaking, but the good part is that you’re owning up to the fact that ypu fucked up, if not you wouldn’t let the rest of KD read this. People have done worse, but you can do better, i believe you can.
You are not a monster, you are not the first sexual predator and you also will not be the last, but you can prevent a thing like this from happening in the future like every other person should.
Thank you for sharing with us, it’s a step in the right direction.
Bless you!
DK
December 18, 10:47Very well said and done,
Thank you Jinchuriki for not being Judgmental jàrè.
Thank God say some people still get sense…
Alamu
December 18, 11:06From the comments, it’s obvious that we all have double standards and we’d quickly throw anyone under the bus and call them names because of some mistake they made. Yes, I said mistake. The writer knows what he did wasn’t nice and he’s sorry for it and I think that is enough.
As Freshlaundry said, the Dera guy(who many are calling “the abused”) had a choice and I think they both got what they wanted, the writer, sex and Dera the money he needed. So if Dera decided to have sexual relations with the writer for money, I mean that says something about him. Would you steal because you are broke? Does your financial situation justify the stealing?
These guys are two adults who entered into a contract and fulfilled their ends.
I bet if They had this mind blowing sex and it was all steamy and sweaty and cummy, we’d fall behind the train and be giving them nice words and commending the writer for his bravery because some of us are so timid and would never have the balls to do something like that.
I have read stories where two guys share a room for the night, the gay one starts sucking off the other guy is deeply asleep which of course is ABUSE(I didn’t use rape because the Criminal Code says a man cannot be raped, only indecently assaulted or sexually harassed and even with women, there has to be penetration), but because the other guy wakes up and eventually consents to what was being done to him and everything from that point becomes hot and dope, we start singing his praises and saluting him for his bravery. That’s okay, yes?
Please let’s get off our high horse, truth be told any one of us could have done what Ifejika did but we wouldn’t because we don’t have the balls. It’s basic human instinct to try to make the best of any situation we are in, good or bad, normal or twisted.
That being said, Ifejika, I’m glad you brought this to this platform and thank you for having the balls and I am sorry for the nasty comments and I’m sure you’ve learnt from the entire situation, so do better next time.
Bhawscity
December 18, 11:34Oga we no go do am. This assumption of yours makes values homophobic claims that gay relationship is all about sex. He held out for two months? TWO freaking months, if that’s not an act of a sexual predator who will go to great lengths to achieve his aims, I don’t know what else it is. Best thing he can do is to get help and beg his friend face to face, even if he has to cry make him do it.
Alamu
December 18, 16:48I think we both know those assumptions are to a very large extent true. The most popular relationship that exists in the Nigerian gay community is a sexual one, we have a few solid friendships and a lot of acquaintanceship which is basically for steady hook ups.
It is not an assumption, if it is true.
Again, Dera had a choice, there was no gun to his head, he decided to do something he wasn’t cool with to get what he needed.
If you’re willing to compromise, deviate from your values, lose your integrity and honour because you’re in a tight spot, who’s fault is that? We are responsible for our decisions.
Come on, we both know “I didn’t have a choice, there was no other way” are the ageless excuses people give for stuff they do.
No one is applauding what Ifejika did, but then Dera is also responsible for his actions.
Dav
December 18, 19:21You’re right… No doubt but we should understand life ain’t all about Logic… This not about being Judgemental but it’s Conscience. Let’s put our Humanity Garment on…
We’re in a Society… the moment you voice out you Gay… literally you’ve just signed a death sentence… but you opened up to someone who still values you for you and still embraces you… and when he reaches out to you for help.. you decide to take the opportunity to be a Bad Friend…
Everyday Gay Guys are being tortured or harmed by so called Set up Guys who say they’re straight… things like this are reasons why they see us as Sexual Pervert…
Ifejika has lost a Great and Lovely Friend… all he thought about was his Now… he didn’t remember there’s tomorrow… there’s a future…
It’s a lesson to everyone here…
Be Great Friends… if you wanna help… You help. If you don’t wanna help then let the person go. Don’t take advantage of one’s predicament because there is always a TOMORROW…
Bhawscity
December 19, 07:38In a civilized society that has legalized gay relationships, Dera can take that guy to court and he will win. Hell the Dude is a lawyer, he knows I’m saying the truth. He took advantage of Dera under duress, he solicited for sex for favor, there’s the unfair use of power.
Bhawscity
December 18, 11:30Abeg this guy wey write this no try shaa. E dey pain me say na better friend he do this thing? Person wey no judge you bcos of your sexuality in a country like Nigeria? And come see as someone dey claim nationality here and come dey say no be rape, na rape this writer do. Make we talk true shaa, reverse this case wey en be say sraight person do this to a member of our community, na so we go dey curse am and come dey shout for Twitter and Facebook. Why some of una dey sugar coat wetin this efulefu do? He used his power to make his friend do something against his wishes, just like these Hollywood men are getting tried and jailed for using their power to sleep with women for film roles, you should be tried too. This is just like a university professor asking a female student to sleep with him or fail, Freshlaundry can we now say that it’s the professor’s class and he’s entitled to his marks? Why u dey support evil? So bcos na him money make e dey misbehave abi? Abeg carry your cross, you won’t get any sympathy from me and I wish that Dera go any deranged boys beat you well well. Imbecile.
Black Dynasty
December 18, 22:20Exactly. It baffles me that any logical thinking person can try to justify what the author did or brush it off. Perhaps they are of a similar mindset.
This is literally the same thing some of the most powerful men in Hollywood media have been dragged down to the floor for. It was disgusting behaviour and full on sexual assault as the man was not willing and felt he had no other choice.
I can’t imagine my friend doing this to me, it’s a stupendous level of betrayal.
Bee
December 20, 01:54No, don’t relate this to Hollywood or lecturers. Those are institutions with rules; the benefits there are meant to be earned, they are not pleaded for. It would be an intrusion of self will to convict him for this.
I’m not saying he did right.
Eggsy
December 18, 11:39You, and everybody else that’s supporting you don’t deserve to live.
Alamu
December 18, 16:57To all the “moral compasses”,
Let’s not forget that many people see us as the most immoral beings on earth, abominations, they’d defend every other thing and even tolerate it but bring up homosexuality and they’d give you bible, “logic”, “the natural order of things”.
Does that make them right and you wrong?
In my opinion, there are certain gray areas that don’t have clear cut answers. So we have to be objective and make decisions based on the available variables.
Black Dynasty
December 19, 06:59This is not about being a moral compass, when you see something wrong, you call it out… period.
You do realise this exact same use of influence in the form of power or money to put people into positions where they have little choice but to do what you want…. against their will and consent is exactly what kickstarted the #metoo movement and brought down some of the most powerful men in Hollywood and other industries???
These men have lost careers, money, family and some are facing criminal charges. Holier than thou has nothing to do with calling someone out for sexual assault and legal rape, it’s simply the right thing to do. The author needs some help and should go seek it, as sexual predation typically doesn’t happen once.
Bhawscity
December 19, 07:25I’m genuinely scared and baffled by what I’m reading here. I never expected people to support him, why is this world supporting evil? He who eats with satan should do so with a long spoon.
Alamu
December 19, 09:08How you interpreted what I wrote as support is mind blowing.
Ifejika should have done better, we all agree on that.
Bhawscity
December 19, 07:32We can all say it’s his money, yes it is and Dera wasn’t forced to have sex with him, but such logic is flawed. If it’s like that, Nigerian professors shouldn’t be dragged for requesting sex to pass students, since well it’s their class. Infact why are we clamoring for the repeal of the anti gay law in Nigeria? Since it’s the legislators job to make legislation, we should all leave them, you know, since they weren’t forced. God we are fast becoming the predators who we are fighting against. Wow Oh wow, are we going to blame this guy now if he joins the “hang all gays” crusade? Cus me I’m not sure I would.
Anyways Chevel won the Voice USA and Kennedy came in fourth? Yeah more like the voice (white) USA.
Eddie
December 19, 15:22Real Housewives of KD…all-you-can-get- reality drama! Lol!
Seun™
December 20, 05:24Wow!
Just wow!
This is just.. Wow!
Bryannn
December 20, 10:23I feel terrible right now. I have never traded sex for money. I have also had sex with people who identify as straights and I am their very first encounter. They are still very much in my life and we’re good like that. If I find such person really attractive, I use mostly dialogue to put them in that spot to do my bidding.
Ola
December 21, 15:06Write on one
that dark-fair guy
December 20, 18:43I guess this story takes the most comments in 2018 KD’s fiscal year.
*clears throat and adjusts tiara*
As an avid comment reader,I will like to implore you guys to do this often,so that I can grade and give you your dossiers in time.Daalu nu.
Ngwa bye.?
mike
December 23, 13:30Been there, can’t judge.
Usually imma just let my interest in a straight friend be known, we still go on been friends regardless of whether or not I get them in bed.
And yes in yhur situation I would do exactly the same thing, just a little twitch.
Imma still give them the help regardless of what their response to my ultimatum is, stating clearly that we are friends first. I have alot of potential fuck buddies, sex has never been a difficult thing for me, what is truly difficult and rare is me making friends, I don’t do that easily.
So friendship first, but I hit on my would be straight friends alot, its harmless, naturally they would gravitate towards getting in bed with me, in their own time, curiosity is a basic human instinct, like the desire.
Yhu should have given him the loan regardless, if yhu had done that, yhud have yhur friendship and still be noble.
That guy is a rare gem duo, even as gay if yhu had tried that with me, I would set yhu up, in a way I would still get the cash, without getting in bed with yhu, and we will no longer be friends