TRUTH IS A CLAPBACK

It was about five years ago when a cousin of mine first harassed me with my sexuality. I don’t know if she felt that attempting to diminish what confidence I had would give her satisfaction. But there it was.

My sister and I had gone to see my relatives that Saturday. We got there, exchanged pleasantries and started gisting with my cousins (two girls and a guy). There was laughter and jokes and we were just generally having a good time.

Then we decided to go get something to eat at a restaurant nearby. As we – my sister, me and the three cousins – were strolling over to the restaurant, the teasing started.

“Oh, you walk like a girl o…” “You have ass like a woman…” And then, the eldest sister of the three, Maryann, said, “Are you sure you’re not gay?”

At this point, I was just shattered. I felt filled with shame. I felt like crying. My sister looked mortified. I just kept my head down and kept walking.

Fast forward to December 26th 2018, a little family gettogether had been organized and almost every cousin was in attendance. When my sister told me Maryann and her sister were going to be there, I felt a flash of insecurity. But then, I thought to myself: It’s been five years. They must have matured and moved on from being such bullies.

At this point, my sexuality to my family was something of an open secret. They hadn’t asked and I wasn’t telling.

When my sister and I got to the venue of the gathering, a posh little eatery, there was a lot of hugging and hellos as we all got reacquainted with each other. And I gave Maryann the biggest fake smile I could muster from the depths of my antagonistic soul.

We started eating and gisting. I started warming up to the crowd and talking and just generally having a good time – when Maryann gave me a look and said, “Cole, you have boobs o.”

My insecurities instantly swelled as she and her sister, Tina, looked at each other and burst out into laughter. These bitches were still as petty and small-minded as they were five years ago, I thought with a surge of anger.

Tina gave me an arch look as she said, “You know, Kelvin always thought you were gay, because of the pictures you post on Facebook.”

At this, the entire table went silent. I could hear my heart beating in my throat. I looked over at my sister for a quick second and I saw the familiar mortification in her eyes. Like she couldn’t believe this harassment I was getting. Like she couldn’t believe she was linked to this mess by being directly related to me.

Five years ago, I felt deflated by their taunting. I was silenced by my shame and didn’t say anything. This time however, I wasn’t going to let them win. I couldn’t be made to feel insecure about who I am.

So, I straightened my back, flipped my imaginary weave, and divided a direct stare between the two silly girls. I looked them in the eye and said, “Well, yes, you can tell your brother, Kelvin, and his overweight self that I am gay, and he can shove his homophobia down his fat-congested throat.”

I heard gasps and giggles erupt from the table. Maryann looked both shamefaced and angered as she retorted, “Homophobia, abi? Until he beats you.”

I looked at her with every outpouring of disdain from within me and said witheringly, “Tell him to come. I’m waiting.”

Both she and her sister had nothing to say as the table cheered. And for the rest of the evening, I spared them not one more whit of my attention.

To say I felt fulfilled would be an understatement. I didn’t care who heard. I didn’t care that I’d essentially come out. If these bullies couldn’t learn to keep their mouths shut and mind their business, I’d show them who really runs this shit!

Written by Cole