What’s On Your Mind… VI
A few months ago, a certain KDian was published with a story about his friend who is a good dancer and who intended to partake at a campus competition. This KDian was worried that since his friend is effeminate, his dancing at the competition might draw unnecessary attention to him and perhaps confirm the speculation and rumors about his sexuality, and then he, being close friends with the dancer, would automatically be tagged as gay.
As someone who has become comfortable with his sexuality and in his own skin, it’s easy to dismiss these concerns with an impatient wrist flick. But then, I remember my days at the university, when I was scared to death of anyone even having the slightest flicker of suspicion concerning my sexuality. I was so obsessed with covering up my tracks and ensuring that no one ever had any reason to imagine that I was anything but heterosexual. I devoted enormous energies and resources into being “one of the boys” at the expense of my true self. Apparently my efforts didn’t go far enough, because a few gay gays with very functional gaydar ‘sniffed’ me out and would occasionally come over to ‘say hi’. My response, driven by blind panic, was usually the same – a frosty countenance, and an inward prayer that no one was observing me interact with these ‘gays’.
I’m sure I missed out on some good times and fulfilling friendships. Thankfully, I grew up, understood myself better, gained more experience, embraced my sexuality, and even though I’m not out, I devote far less time and energy on putting up false appearances.
I understand the fear of being ostracized or stigmatized in the university campus – it is a legitimate fear. But you have to realize that you only have one life to live. Those individuals you strive so hard to impress will very soon have no meaningful roles in your life. There is definitely a need to be discreet, but it can be counterproductive when you become overly obsessed and consumed with discretion. Speaking from experience, the fear and paranoia can eat so deep into you as to rob you of completely exploring the fun and adventure that life has to offer.
For you, a young, single gay Nigerian, who is obsessed with living right by society, pause and take some time to look back. Contemplate the things you regret. And you’ll see that what you’ll regret most are the thing you didn’t do, more than the things you did o.
*
I shall never understand why some people can’t accept a polite but firm ‘No, thanks.’ Even if the response got lost in translation when it was first given, at some point, its reiteration has to register, and then you can move on.
A while ago, I traveled to another city on some personal business. I have an old friend who works with a bank in the city. In the evening, when he was done with work, pursued by boredom from staying with my uncle and his family, I went over to his place. While we were catching up on old times, his phone rang. He spoke into the phone for a few minutes and then began to get dressed, after asking me to accompany him to see a friend of his whom he did not want to be alone with.
And so, I got into a cab with him and we headed off. We arrived at a hotel where the ‘friend’ was staying. He turned out to be a regular fifty-something-year-old man, chubby, with a heavy paunch, the kind of body that probably hadn’t seen any decent exercise in about twenty years. I have nothing against older men; I actively cultivate their friendships as a lot of them have years of wisdom and experience under their belt, and they frequently come in useful in many ways.
So this older man – we shall call him Rick. The three of us shook hands and introductions were made. Rick sounded well educated, urbane and cultured. This was a big relief. I also sensed that he was a wealthy man who was used to getting his way with younger guys once he flashed his wealth. My eyes quickly took in the dressing table cluttered with two expensive-looking designer wristwatches and expensive perfume bottles, and the designer shoes and the like strewn around the room. This was indeed an older man with money and he had the swag that goes with it. I liked him more and more with each passing minute.
Soon, we were caught up in a conversation on a lot of issues from current affairs to business to politics. I was glad I had quickly made another friend with whom I had so much in common.
My friend smokes, and at some point during the conversation, excused himself to go out for a quick drag. The moment the door shut behind him, Rick threw off the charming, urbane mask; in its place was naked raw lust. This man wanted to fuck me by all means possible. He started by telling me a long flowery tale of how he was love-struck with me at first sight and was ready to do anything for us to be together. How he would drop every other man in his life, how he would spend money on me take care of me. I struggled to hold back my mirth, while mentally rolling my eyes at this tired spiel I’d heard in the past. I politely declined his proposition, but assured him that I wouldn’t mind being friends with him. Anything beyond a platonic relationship was not going to happen.
But he must not have heard me, because, quick as a hooker servicing a high paying client, Rick’s clothes were off; he stood before me naked as the day he was born, while I was still fully clothed down to my shoes!
He continued: “Don’t you see how hard and horny you make me… I’m sure my body’s going to move you… Let’s do this nau abeg…” He had switched from crisp English to randy pidgin. He moved right in front of me to block my view of the TV, which I’d been looking at to distract me from the unpleasant situation. He was hung, to be honest! Like a horse! That dick was every power bottom’s wildest dream. But the rest of his body – amply protruding belly and man-boobs, all which jiggled this way and that, each dancing to its own different tune – nah, wasn’t working for me. I just wasn’t sexually attracted to him. I wasn’t when he was fully clothed, and I wasn’t now he was strutting his junk. I was actually starting to get repulsed by the whole spectacle. This man however simply wasn’t going to take no for an answer; he kept trying to grope and wrestle me onto the bed, while I danced around the room, politely trying to avoid him. At this point, I was willing to excuse his aggression and put it down to the gra-gra that came from a first meet; there was still a chance we’d be friends, I thought.
A few minutes later, my friend knocked on the door. Relieved, I rushed to let him in while Rick hurriedly got dressed and retrieved what was left of his pride. He asked for my phone number, which I gave him as we left. My phone was in my pocket during the ride home, and when I got home and took it out, I saw several WhatsApp notifications. They were from Rick. He was asking me to sneak back to his hotel and spend the night with him; that maybe I was shy because I didn’t want my friend to know that he and I had done anything. I politely replied that it was not going to happen, I also told him patiently and in the nicest possible way that I really wanted to be his friend, but that sex between us was just NEVER going to happen. At this response, he flew into a rage, and began calling me all sorts of unprintable names which included nicer ones like “arrogant queen” and “stupid, proud empty boy”. *sigh*
The things we see in this gaybourhood though… Since when did it become compulsory to sleep with everyone you meet?
Anyway, Rick later called to apologise (and try some more to seduce me); he said he’d felt bitter at my rejection. By this time, I’d lost interest in pursuing a relationship with this man. I get easily turned off by rude and manipulative people, who assume that with their money and influence, every guy is up for sale. So I blocked him off on whatsapp, and texted him to kindly delete my number, as I wished to have no further communication from him.
I don’t expect everyone I meet to be attracted to me. And I am entitled to be attracted or not attracted to whomever I meet. Even if this case of unrequited attraction were to happen, I expect that at some point, the guys involved would get the message and move on.
And that’s what I’m doing now, beeshes! I’m moving on. Till next time. Stay fabulous!
Written by Khaleesi
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38 Comments
simba
June 19, 03:45The mother of dragons…. U should have unleashed ur dragons on Mr Rick. Nice read, it surprises me tht some men sees themselves as a gift to gaybourhood and therefore can fuck anybody.. next time dear,use ur paper spray,if ur Dragons ain’t closeby
wondabuoy
June 19, 11:13Do you mean “pepper spray”?
Façade
June 19, 04:49I don’t know why but whenever you refuse to get down with someone they just fly into a rage n resort to insults. It just makes me wanna shoot their rainbow ass *sighs* nice read khaleesi
JaneTheVirgin
June 19, 04:56Nicely wrriten Khaleesi. Some dogs are just like that, they dont give up easily.
Had a similar experience some years back, was supposed to hookup with this hot dude alone, getting to his house i met this Grandpa who claimed to be his flat mate, formimg over familiarity already, but i played along, gisted with him and all. Then during the act with Mr Hot Dude, Grandpa knocked and called him out, only for Mr Hot dude to tell me his flat mate wanted to join the ‘show’. I shouted HELL NO, im not a 3some kinda person. Low and behold, Grandpa said its either he joined or i leave the house, i told him i wld rather starve than to settle for a poorly cooked meal. I left the house around 2am (thank God for Lagos cabs).
People should know how to handle rejection politely, I’m sure most of us have been rejected at some points but one man’s food is another’s poison.
Ace
June 19, 07:34Wow! Now that is one hell of an experience! Grandpa bawo?
KryxxX
June 19, 05:47“I actively cultivate their friendships as a lot of them have years of wisdom and experience under their belt…..”.
I beg to differ biko!
Experience? Maybe. Wisdom? Not always!
Oga Rick Ross in ur story is a perfect example of no uburu! No brain!
Our culture just equates wisdom to old age nd thus making d olodo of his time, d bottom pot of an age grade, d ike ite of a class think he is wise bcos of old age! Asi! Big fat lie!
Ace
June 19, 07:38Hahahahahaha! Kryss, if not someone else on this blog didn’t describe how your physique, I would I have thought you were one of my friends from school. You write just like him with all your Igbo expressions.
trystham
June 19, 07:45Lol. This ur vex tho…You musta come across loads in ur time.
ronniephoenix
June 19, 06:33Nicely written khalee.
Sinnex
June 19, 06:35Been there, done that. The only difference is that Rick did not actually force you. Think about someone pinning you down to the ground and forcing a kiss on your lips. Then wanting to penetrate you…just because the person found out I was no longer a virgin. Someone that you just met for the very first time.
Max
June 19, 06:53Are we gonna get a story outta this? **clutches unto my pen and paper waiting in anticipation*
pinkpanthertb
June 19, 07:16This story… You keep tantalising me with it. Biko answer your email!
Sinnex
June 19, 07:58Replied.
kacee
June 19, 06:43*all which jiggled this way and
that, each dancing to its own different tune* LMAO. Nice read Khaleesi
Dennis Macaulay
June 19, 06:44Been there done that Khal, but you see it is not only loaded older men who do this, people generally dont take know for an answer. People track you on twitter for instance and follow you, then nag you to follow back which you do out of courtesy and bam they are in your DMs!
Try all you want you cannpt shake them off even if you expressly tell them you have a boyfriend! Who sai! Untill you unfollow and block will you have peace. I was asking a friend of mine the other day, dont people consider the fact that someone may not be attracted to them? Or because we are both gay means we must fuck? Does it even make sense?
pete
June 19, 06:55these people you refer to, are they on KD? #AskingForClarity
Dennis Macaulay
June 19, 07:22**scoops greek yoghurt into mouth**
Mercury
June 19, 07:49Hahahahhaha, I need some o that yoghurt, Dennis.
Francis
June 19, 07:40Na wa oh. Thank goodness it didn’t degenerate to rape. Please what exactly did your friend go there to discuss with him and why did he carry you along? #justasking as I smell a PIMP!
wondabuoy
June 19, 11:23… and why did he go out to receive a call, and created so much space for all those charade to be displayed?
Ace
June 19, 07:46Some people feel that as long as they have money, everybody would over their unfit body. How about this, use your money to eat healthy and sign up for a fitness program! That said, some people can’t handle rejection well and you would think age and time would make them.
OAN: you guys should pray for me oh! I am becoming obsessed with David Mctinosh! I am now seeing him in my dreams… Lol.
RM
June 19, 08:12“The things we see in this gaybourhood though…
Since when did it become compulsory to sleep
with everyone you meet?”
My sister, I tire o
Kaytee
June 19, 08:26interesting story. …especially the second half of it
Mandy
June 19, 08:29This your bf is one comment away from being the perfect gay man. *humming Beyonce’s Flawless*
Diablo
June 19, 08:41If i hear…!
ruby
June 19, 08:56I was quite obsessed with keeping my cover in the university tho that didn’t really work out *story for another day*
Haven’t we all met that one annoying and manipulative person.
They just don’t want no for an answer except you are really strong willed, you’re most likely to give in.
pinkpanthertb
June 19, 09:02Hahahahahahaa!!! Gawd, I always love it when keredim gets into KD.
keredim
June 19, 09:23Oh Child tighten your seat beat we are all going to have a bumpy ride… Infact, we might , no we will need your 1st aid skills
keredim
June 19, 10:13Ah the “average” BF, right. And how much older is he? (Just give a ballpark figure)
Diablo
June 19, 10:32Ufan! Mbok iyak oooo!
REVEREND HOT
June 19, 11:00I looove this….. 🙂 ….
Teflondon
June 19, 11:01Why do i feel like the Rick in this story?
**giggles**
Max
June 19, 12:38You want us to throw you another pity party?
Teflondon
June 19, 13:17Max If you are sharp enough or sensible enough as you claim to be, one of the elites of those that ” know better ” you claimed, you would have noticed by now my reduced absence on here for awhile and how i have meticulously ignored you and your likes (DM aka Grammer-nazi, Dim-Brains et al) Trying REALLY hard to cause unnecessary drama were none exist. its funny how i am always being accused of trying to impress kdains (a few online personas i don’t know and don’t really care to know) perhaps Y’all should look within with such allegations as its obvious you all know each-other outside KD and are always in constant topple on who is most popular on KD (in my own words; kisses kdians ass the most).
Max
June 19, 17:48*where*
kacee
June 19, 12:34@Ace, its David Mcintosh
Ace
June 19, 20:17Yeah… My autocorrect is a bitch.
Oluwadamilare Okoro
June 19, 15:04Very entertaining read.
Well let me say I didn’t know what sex was when I was in the uni…. so I dunno abt covering tracks et all.
I only know one older gay/bisexual man… and he is certainly not anything like Rick… Maybe except the pot-belly. Hahahahahaha