Dear Diary,

Nigerians never change. It is no surprise that after all these men in power come to developed countries like the US, they are not moved to change the situation in their home country.

They pray:

“God, we pray that our children do not pick up all the vices that are spread in the US…”

‘Vices’ is, every time, almost always synonymous to Homosexuality.

“God, don’t let our children go to college and get initiated into the perversion spread in this country…”

“God, keep our children from running into these children of Belial…”

In fact, one dedication had the minister declaring, “We take away this child from the evil grasp of gays, in Jesus’ name! He will not pick up the abomination promoted in this country in Jesus’ name!”

The truth is, this country has made gay people so visible to Nigerians and indeed Africans here, that the denial they kept living in, in their home countries no longer exists for them here. There are stories of these Africans, members of the church, having gay supervisors, managers, colleagues etcetera, and the church seems to be the only place they are free to vent about their prejudice because that shit doesn’t fly outside.

The pastor shared a story one day of how a sister came and said she was fired (or disciplined) at her job for saying something hateful against a gay colleague. The pastor’s speech sounded something like, “You know this country protects these people… In fact, these people are exalted, they control everything now and do as they like. They are everywhere in government and in power and are putting people like themselves in power so they can spread and dominate.” (This bit kinda made me low-key proud).

And of course, the church responded to his diatribe with spiteful “Hmmm”, their hisses of irritation filling the hall. Fingers snapped and tongues clicked upon facial expressions of disgust. The pastor continued, “So my brethren, you have to be careful. Don’t go say anything to them or tell them they will go to hell. Don’t spite them. Don’t discriminate against them or say anything hateful to them. Just do your work and pray for them. May God deliver us.”

And the church chorused thunderously, “Amen!”

Anytime homosexuality is about to be condemned and bludgeoned, there is an all-too-familiar preamble that comes first. Maybe a brief contortion of the face by the minister before he goes into the monologue, “Like the perversion of homosexuality and gay marriage spread around here…” If it is marriage that is the topic of the sermon, there is the all-too-familiar addendum: “It is Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve”. During my first days in church, I was drowned in guilt. Then this guilt turned to indifference, which later metamorphosed to anger. I couldn’t take it anymore. I nursed the thought of actually getting up in church and giving the entire congregation a piece of my mind. But then, my mum would probably have a heart attack and a prayer session would be fired up to exorcise the demon from me. So, back inside my closet I remained.

Even after all the big degrees and academic feats that Nigerians earnestly try to achieve here, the hatred and homophobia still exists largely because of religion, and evidences to some extent the fact that they still have their “African morals and values”, whatever that is. It is okay to forge papers, get into arranged marriages and propose all sorts of illegalities that’d enable them to stay in this supposedly immoral country, but as soon as the gay issue is brought up, everybody suddenly dusts out their halos.

I remember my mum sharing a story of driving around California with my cousin, speaking of how they drove past San Francisco. My mum said it was the most beautiful place she had ever seen, with its massive green lands and rolling hills. “It was such a serene sight, and heaven-like, and it made me wonder how Heaven would look, if earth looks like this.”

Her bubble was burst when my aunt shared that San Francisco has the largest gay population, to which my mum said, “Tufia!” She could not believe that a “beautiful place like this” could be filled with “these people”.

Later, she talked about my cousin, who is a well-educated, working class medical practitioner, who prevents her son from touching his sister’s dolls so he wouldn’t be gay. I was shocked to learn this. I was disappointed too. With the wealth of her education, I could not believe this about my cousin.

My mum went on to share a story of how a Nigerian man invited his parents to his wedding, and on the day of the wedding, he walked in with a man as his “bride”. As expected, his mother fainted and the ceremony became a disaster.

In the wake of the Supreme Court’s decision, it was an endless spin of the broken record of how America, a country supposedly built on strong Christian morals – a country where their founding fathers prayed and prayed till God made it what it is today – had suddenly taken this evil turn into the gates of Hell and abomination! (Yeah folks, if I made a dollar from the number of times I heard the word “abomination” in relation to the Supreme Court’s ruling, I’d be partying with Bill Gates by now). There were prayers made, intercessions organised to revive America. It was such a furor that it soon became quite uncomfortable watching the news with my parents, because every time the issue came up, it was “Tufiakwa!” “Aluu!”, and other expressions of horrified disdain. I remember one occasion when a prayer was being made in church and the minister leading urged everyone to say after him: “I pray that God will strengthen my wife…” Then he cut off immediately to add, “I hope no woman here is saying ‘my wife’, because we don’t have such people here.” I thought that was funny, the fact that he had to specify, meaning there is visibility, and in as much as he hates it, it is a very real and present issue.

There was one young sister – you know, the ones that your mother would always thank God for, for using them in their youth and giving them the strength to not give up on their Nigerian version of strong faith in the US – well, one day, this sister said to my hearing, “If I hear my son is that gay nonsense, I will kill him. I will send him out of the house!” I guess ‘Thou shalt not kill’ has some exclusion for homosexual sons.

Visibility is everywhere. Commercials now use same-sex couples to depict family. My mum now knows gay TV people like Anderson Cooper, and always quips in incredulity, “So, a fine man like this will not marry a woman?” The visibility is good but makes me feel that if I decide to come out, it will be regarded as the influence of my exposure to the American media and values, and not something I grew up being, all the way from Nigeria.

Ok Diary, my mum just called out to me to get ready for church, and yes, I will still have my Grindr app open, you know, as my little act of defiance. And maybe one day, that brother with a big booty will pop up and I will block him because I still want my closet doors closed.

Written by Duke

Previous Question: At What Age Does A Gay Man Give Up Looking For Love And Resign To Being Single Forever?

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  1. Stein
    June 07, 05:21 Reply

    Yay! First to drop a comment. Back to sleeping.

    • Dimkpa
      June 07, 08:59 Reply

      And a very enlightening comment it is… Well done!

  2. Mandy
    June 07, 05:28 Reply

    Some Nigerians go abroad and receive sense. Some really do get influenced by their environment to be more tolerant, less prejudiced. But for many others, especially if they clutch their religiousness over there, this appears not to be so.

  3. Francis
    June 07, 06:02 Reply

    Good but depressing. I don dey plan how to tell mumsy not to bug me on Sundays when I’m visiting. I’m just done pretending I’m somewhat okay with church whenever I’m in Lagos.

  4. DI-NAVY
    June 07, 06:24 Reply

    Oh Chineke! Ihe n’ebe k n’ebekwa despite the civilization! They even carried the archaic mentality from 9ja to Yankee! I blame religion oh! Honestly, @duke, haven’t you saved enough money to get yourself an apartment be it a condo? Cos they’ll be abusing you emotional with so much scorn and hatred for ppl who are family. Nigerians will always be Nigerian! The part where the guy invited his parents for his wedding only to walk down the aisle with a man threw me on the floor, but I can’t do it. Rather I pray I hustle to get confidently handsome so I can be the man I wanna be. O diegwu really. Smh

  5. Kenny
    June 07, 06:32 Reply

    Why do you still go to that church if all it does is rile you up?

    • Francis
      June 07, 06:39 Reply

      To keep the folks them happy and avoid unnecessary annoying questions… least that has been my case

      • Kenny
        June 07, 06:56 Reply

        Taaa! I cannot sacrifice my peace of mind to keep people happy. They know me at home, once I say I’m not going to church today, I’m not going niyen.

        • Francis
          June 07, 07:10 Reply


          Mumsy can kii person spirit with questions bet as i take shut down marriage yarns years back, i go try shut down church own.

          Hopefully she no go invite one of our First cousin once removed who’s a pastor now to intervene ??

          • ambivalentone
            June 07, 08:21 Reply

            It was easy to shut down marriage yarns but u r finding it hard to shut down ‘go to church’ yarns? Talk about setting rebellious priorities. Church is a forgone conclusion. Infact, if I go home, because of the incessant power outages, I send my phone to church on Sundays to be charged while I sit back at home.

            • Kenny
              June 07, 08:59 Reply

              ???? you’re something else Ambi!

            • Francis
              June 07, 09:59 Reply

              ?????? Lord have mercy on you.

              Let’s just say i picked the most important battle to me at that time. I can’t come and give the woman heart attack by dumping all of it at once.

              Leave sokoto – NO, Goan marry – NO, Let’s go to church – NO.

              She’s not someone that takes NO just like that so na to ease am into the big reveal.

  6. bruno
    June 07, 06:32 Reply

    lol. but you still go to church every sunday anyway.

  7. Brian Collins
    June 07, 07:45 Reply

    Yezz, I am glad this is a real diary and not just a fuck diary.

  8. Ivory Child
    June 07, 07:49 Reply

    It’s sad really the way Nigerians react to homosexuality……..even a BRICK WALL is more compromising and tolerant than an average Nigerian.

  9. A-non
    June 07, 08:36 Reply

    If only the same amount of energy can be deployed in condemning high and low level corruption, impeaching clueless governors like Fayose, challenging the economic ideology of the archaic Ngige.

    The more religious they are, the poorer they are. The more myopic they are, the smaller they become.

  10. Chizzie
    June 07, 09:26 Reply

    Why do you continue to surround you self in such an environment? Why should you be in a liberal country and still subject yourself this horrid Draconian obsession that Nigerians seem to have with gays? Why are you still attending such a church?

    You won’t see me caught dead in any church that preaches so horribly abt gays, and I am in Nigeria, the most homophobic country on the planet. So why should someone who is in the USA, still have to subject themselves to such?

    I think the problem is Nigerians. Both gay and straight. We like to hold on to unnecessary chains and tie our selves down, for religion and culture. We are constantly worried abt what ppl will think. And that’s why Nigerian gay men have issues. If you constantly continue to subject your self to an environment where you are told that being gay is wrong, regardless of whether you agree or not, it has a subconscious effect on you.

    We should learn as ppl to walk away from environments that belittle who we are. You are contributing to the problem by being in such an environment.

  11. Dimkpa
    June 07, 09:39 Reply

    Nice piece. I have had the same urge in the past to stand up once in Church and say a piece of my mind. However I just stopped going to church. Maybe one day…

    “So my brethren, you have to be careful. Don’t go say anything to them or tell them they will go to hell. Don’t spite them. Don’t discriminate against them or say anything hateful to them. Just do your work and pray for them. May God deliver us.”
    I like how they are being forced by law to obey the teachings of Jesus Christ as in the Bible.

    The sad thing about ‘educated’ Nigerians is that we only swallow knowledge generated by others but fail to think for ourselves. That is why we have the academics amongst us that will reason no differently from someone who never attended secondary school let alone University. It is as if a limit or mental block has been placed to their understanding by religious beliefs.
    I feel if they lead the conversation on issues of homosexuality, many people will fall in line because knowing Nigerians, no one would want to be seen as uneducated.

  12. philips
    June 07, 10:02 Reply

    Oh church!!!
    I have to suffer it everyweek, not because I don’t believe in God but because of the stupidity of these pastors
    Now I don’t even bother arguing with my mum because it will result in different relations talking and ‘spitting’ on my head

  13. Shuga chocolata
    June 07, 10:25 Reply

    This should be a diary of a fuck book, not a diary of ranting….. leave Dennis to rant and James now IBK to do journalism, but you DUKE was supposed to give us body counts…….

    Just stick to fuckbook or fuckdiary,

    Just wanted to drop this here…..

    • Pink Panther
      June 07, 10:45 Reply

      Did u not read his pilot entry? He did not say he’s writing the series for anybody’s vicarious sexual desires. He said he’s writing about his life overseas. That includes more things than sex. So no, dear, he’s not supposed to give you body counts.

    • Francis
      June 07, 10:48 Reply

      If you’re looking for sex, you do realize that there are loads of porn sites on the web abi?

    • IBK
      June 07, 11:30 Reply

      And if you want to read erotica check out

  14. pagxy
    June 07, 10:52 Reply

    Lol @shuga I was expecting something juicy I kept on scrolling but nice one any way.

    • Shuga chocolata
      June 07, 11:07 Reply

      @pagxy at least I’m not the only one…. pp I do understand but I’ve my own opinion don’t I?
      Me wasn’t angry…. for starters the titties sorry title doesn’t sound much like the 2nd and 3rd entries I truly enjoyed the 1st entire entry it was worth the read…

      @francis???????? if I need the real thing I can have it and if you need it, Hi my name is Ernomous if you know what I mean, try keep in touch I’m waiting…..

      • Francis
        June 07, 11:29 Reply

        Aaaw! Thanks for the invite but I’ll pass. I don’t sleep with just anybody

        • ambivalentone
          June 07, 12:31 Reply

          LOOOOOOL. Idiot!!! This is love knocking, u r turning up ur nose. If you are thinking of reaching 96 b4 u see love, remember our life expectancy is low o

          • Francis
            June 07, 12:43 Reply

            I think I’m going to jump on Team Norton soon. Less worries

          • Shuga chocolata
            June 07, 16:05 Reply

            @Ambi such a delight, leave Francisco to form hard to get…

            We all know his way, dude Can’t just hook up with a no body jawe, he should have a clue at least.
            @stranger don’t lemme come for you oooo.??????????????

            @francis still waiting for your message ask pp for my details if he still has it.

            Mehnnnn…. I’m so enjoying today.

          • Brian Collins
            June 07, 18:42 Reply

            Lol ambivalentone, thunder must fire you for this. Such a mess.

  15. DI-NAVY
    June 07, 12:41 Reply

    Na wah for most of us. Must his diary be filled with sexcapades? Is everything all about sex? Isn’t Love, sex and the city enough for us to get erotic with? However the @Kingbey’s kiss and tell series, most of us judged him for penning down that part of him.
    This is one of the best series written by duke so he will broaden our horizon on what’s happening in diaspora and I really learnt a lot from it. If y’all are keen to erotic entries, you can start your own so we enjoy the ride. shikina.

    • Wayfaring Stranger
      June 07, 14:05 Reply

      I think it’s adorable how you type; like one animated little girl that’s still in high school. ☺☺☺

      • Django
        June 07, 17:27 Reply

        Animated little boys still in high school behave better, right?

        • Brian Collins
          June 07, 18:45 Reply

          But Django can sabi to vex o. I can only imagine what you would do if someone calls a guy a pussy.

        • Francis
          June 07, 19:07 Reply

          Nne camdan. You sure say you no go book session with Sensei? Not everyone means evul na. You never watch all those oyibo chicas for romantic movies? ???

      • DI-NAVY
        June 08, 06:25 Reply

        Oh Boo, maybe i’ll come to English classes so you school me on how to get more articulate…. how about that????

  16. Khaleesi
    June 07, 18:55 Reply

    Great piece Duke, some Nigerians move abroad and are able to overcome their homophobia, but soooo many have the homophobia so deeply encoded in their genetic makeup that nothing can change their views. Bloody hypocrites, they hate what a country stands for yet they fast and pray and spend millions to travel there as well as to remain there. Am so glad with the way the West rubs it in the faces of homophobes all day every day!

  17. OroboHunter
    June 07, 21:05 Reply

    “As expected, his mother fainted and the ceremony became a disaster.” This made me laugh so hard I fell off the couch. Nice one.

  18. Timi Leo
    June 07, 23:53 Reply

    Let them preach it please, Hallelujah, when even the male lead vocal is my sister and you would see them doing the konkombilo style of dancing… Nigerians!! receive sense ijn… off to bed

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