Who’s Afraid of MGMs?
A lot of woke, self-accepting gay men are notoriously averse to the idea of gay men or those who they believe are gay men (some are bisexuals) announcing their marriage to women. I’ve wondered what exactly this reaction is about and I’d like to advise a bit of caution in this regard.
I do this while taking into consideration the kind of society we have found ourselves in. We live in an internally homophobic community and have to deal with the easy arrogance that often comes with bisexuality. We all know that “bisexual” who believes this business of homosexuality is a game with no purposeful end on its path. The TBs who sneer at the idea of gay marriage and quickly remind us of the need to turn away from our sinful aspirations. Those who set the target of their day of deliverance while persuading the next guy to come around for a quick shag, who fall helplessly in love with a guy or struggle to recover from a gay heartbreak while reducing that part of them. It is all so pathetic, hypocritical and infuriating to witness, especially when they try to foist such contradictory dispositions upon others.
Still, who really cares? Who’s afraid of Married Gay Men (MGMs) when they’re not being assholes about this choice of theirs? Of course they’re living a lie. Yet who’s to say everyone must sacrifice immediate social pragmatism for a grand truth about humanity which they might well never live to experience. If I were living my full truth, I wouldn’t do many things and would do many other things and let the chips fall where they may. Yet we’re human beings, social beings more precisely. It might not be the truthful path but who can deny it is not the beneficiary part? We have not evolved to be risk takers; on the contrary, adaptation is the means through which we continue to survive.
It is my view that emotionally blackmailing anyone into staying unmarried or marrying a man is equal to the social and peer pressure that comes with marrying a woman. We should be careful how we judge people’s eventual choices, especially when the option we provide is not immediately or equally rewarding. Let them make that choice and let them live with it, as long as they do so without denigrating anyone who refuses to walk that road with them. We must learn to treat ourselves as adults, respect each other’s choices, and be prepared to take full responsibility for whatever consequences comes with those choices.
And if anyone believes that the MGMs betray the cause of the gay rights movement, I’m afraid I don’t think they’re completely ready for the choice they’ve made either. First off, many never signed up on this with you. This path of yours is lonely, it is narrow, and it’s definitely not a bed of roses. If you feel the need to blackmail anyone into walking it with you, you’re probably not the proudly, rebellious gay person you’ve always thought you were. You’re supposed to be the rebel, the believer, and the dreamer. And if you have no idea what this entails yet, I’ll advise a rethink.
Married Gay Men are not the reason our society is homophobic. At best, they are the symptom of the fundamental problem, or in extreme cases, even victims of it. We don’t need to devour these low-hanging fruits to make ourselves feel better. We don’t need to be the same people to share a common cause. And we certainly don’t need the complete and immediate validation of every real or pretend LGBTIQA individual to be steadfast in our personal and collective hope for a more equal society.
Written by Henrie
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24 Comments
Francis
May 29, 04:59???? I want to shade person but he will personally chop my entire family ???????
Pink Panther
May 29, 05:41Fear fear dey catch you? Mai fren, shade and let the truth set you free. 😀
Absalom
May 29, 05:15Right on time, this piece.
I was starting to worry about the endless haranguing and shading.
Of course, ideally, gay men should be able to opt out of heterosexual marriages (and some of us have), but the reality is much sadder and the pressures intense.
BRYAN PETER
May 29, 07:43Inasmuch as I don’t believe in barraging people about their life choices (I mean, we all clamour for a live and let live kinda society right?), I also agree that MGMs are not responsible for societal homophobia. However, I feel that the fact that they are married, lends some form of false credence that some members if society already have that being gay is something that one can and should “unchose” and / or out groegroe, especially when its time to settle down and start a family. The number of gay people in our society is not minute. A lot of ingnirant people think this number is negligible because of hr tons of men (gay men inclusive) getting married every Saturday. The ploy to throw society off one’s when ehry suspect homosexuality by getting married is working so far; because thr same ignorant members of society would keep wondering how many gay men exist in Nigeria last last if every guy is getting married to the next lady Saturday after Saturday. In summary I feel if things were ideal and if people did choose to live their truths, the reality of the number of us who are actually gay would inform more members of the public that we are a real people, a real population of people not 2 or 3 gathered alone.
Doe-Eyed Monster
June 03, 11:14“a number of us who are actually gay? ” …i don’t get… Do the married ones pretend to be gay?…
Rapum
May 29, 08:56Nowhere in this conversation we’re having about what’s convenient do we even mention the women trapped in these marriages, or the children who will be born into something that’s fundamentally a lie and have to suffer under that dysfunction. Or the sense of entitlement and patriarchy that makes these marriages possible, where these men cheat chronically on their wives, putting them at risk, whereas putting such a rein on the freedom of these women to have a satisfying sexual life.
I understand the complex system that brings forth this sad reality, and I empathize, which is why, in diverse quarters, I will defend MGMs and will never allow a heterosexual person bash them. But when we are together, as gay and bi men, lesbians, trans people, we are at liberty, might even have a prerogative, to denounce this kind of bogus choice. Is it any coincidence that the majority of MGM have a crappy attitude towards gay rights and politics?
trystham
May 29, 10:31The article’s writer says it is not your ‘our’ bizniz. That’s what the chicken said to the Christmas turkey before the farmer’s wife fell sick
So, let’s focus on the last part of your comment
Wiffey
May 29, 09:15What a glorious write up…
But honey you forget the main victims of this glorious union’s…. Yes Henrie you left out the WIVES.
Are they also making the same choices as your MGMs or are they saddled alone a wicked path filled with everything but the actual truth? Would you wish that ignorance on a friend? How many times have we seen hell break loose over a man who’s dearly beloved wife find out he is playing for the other team? What is the essence of making vows that aren’t binding?
I can go on and on but it’s pointless
Sammee
May 29, 09:38Thanks Rapum and Wiffey. I usually wonder why it is hard to put the unsuspecting wives and the kids into consideration when we talk about MGMs. I believe no one has the right to judge another on whatever ground, and it is a really difficult decision to stay single especially when society view one as being ripe for marriage (of course, I should know, considering I am a 38 years old dude, still living single in Nigeria…so much pressure). it is high time gay men came up with other ways of fulfilling their marriage goals (one could decide to marry and sacrifice one’s innate desire to be sexually intimate with men for instance and stay committed to building up a family). I hear someone echo, ‘this would so hard to do’, but dearie, making sacrifices ain’t easy.
Canis VY Majoris
May 29, 10:15Sigh, here I thought this post was about how you can date a MGM and be safe?
Please we need a post like that?
Malik
May 30, 13:01Bwahahahaaa!!!
Dubem
May 29, 10:50Okay we have heard you. Go on and get married. Bye
Law
May 29, 12:27Henry when you meet her, make sure you give her full disclosure. If not you are not far from the word ‘deceit’. I see gay marriage (not bisexual) as being selfish and self serving. Don’t put someone through shit that you cant take.
Rehoboth
May 29, 14:07Henrie, whether you tell your prospective spouse about your sexuality is up to you.
Rehoboth
May 29, 12:32Who’s afraid of MGMs? Gays, most of who are on this forum.
Cheating is cheating irrespective of the gender of who you’re cheating with. Do you expend same energy on your straight friends who cheat on their wives? I’ll wager not. Your concern is not on the wives(though you always claim that) but on the gay men who you feel is breaking some gaycode.
Focus on yourself and your activism. Don’t like MGMs, don’t sleep with them.
Femi
May 31, 08:32Word!!!!!!!!!…u took d word out of my mouth
Cho
May 29, 18:24Rehoboth, apt! Excellent! In life, choose your battle please. Some people want to be married to women and have kids! The few guys I’ve met cannot be committed to at all! They all claim love for the first 2 months and then they get “bored” my woman isn’t like that! The loyalty is uncanny. Well I fall in love with personality first before considering gender but the guys so far, I cannot! Sorry, but that’s the truth for me.
Black Dynasty
May 29, 18:50Each man to his own ultimately.
I definitely understand why MGMs do it but i do not accept it when it involves deceit of someone else.
I definitely mind my business, but if it involves any of my close friends or family members, you will be given a few days to come clean or leave them alone…otherwise, the truth will come out.
I will not sit quietly and watch anyone use and deceive people i love to cover themselves, they are human beings like you entitled to a life of happiness with someone who truly loves them too.
flame
May 30, 01:14The only problem I have with the MGM arrangement is the fact that one would necessarily have to willingly take and oath and make promises that they are physically incapable of keeping. Where’s the honor in that? If you’re bisexual, then you’ve got nothing to worry about. Otherwise, you should have the decency to warn the person you’re looking yourself to till death do you part.
If someone did that to my sister, I’d not be forgiving. Why should I expect any less from someone else?
flame
May 31, 01:08Is this a coincidence or do you just lack a sense of originality? Why use ‘my’ moniker?
Sauce Button
May 30, 21:46The comments so far weighs on the balance of deceit and honesty. I am bisexual and would want to have kids someday. I wouldn’t mind having that with a woman I love who knows of my sexuality.
If MGMs is to be encouraged; honesty is paramount. Let your supposed spouse know of your affinity to your same sex attraction.
Xboss
May 31, 21:52Does anyone here know any reliable gay soldier or SSS personnel in Abuja. A friend of mine is being blackmailed and extorted by blackmailers, we have identified the blackmailers and know where they live. Intend is to teach the idiots a lesson. Any help and links will be much appreciated. Thank you.
CHUCK
June 01, 10:30Lol. MGMs/Cheaters are funny sha, they keep going all out on this blog to defend their shortcomings.
You’ve given in to pressure or even enjoy having sidepieces of various genders. Good for you. You now want accolades on top?
Gerrarahia!
Who would want a cheater to be an activist? Your personal moral failings will overwhelm the message of acceptance.
Nigeria is a show that never stops giving. Signs and Wonders all over.
Grill
June 04, 15:21It pains me to know that Nigerians only put Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender in context to the LGBT. In actual case it is the LGBTQIA+, a man in a relationship with another man does not make either of them gay. They might be pansexual, homoromantic, queer, demisexual, trisexual and many more. And not everyone identifies under male and female. For example I am a 15 year old gender queer, gender fluid, gender non-conforming, cisgender boy. As you can see I didn’t mention male or female. If the Nigerian LGBTQIA+ could in fact broaden the spectrum a lot of this will be covered. And besides Happy Pride Month