Woman Spent 9 Years Trying To Pray Her Husband’s Gay Away, And It Was All Futile

Woman Spent 9 Years Trying To Pray Her Husband’s Gay Away, And It Was All Futile

A woman has written a post about how she spent a decade trying to pray her husband’s homosexuality away.

Ali Anne, in a blog post published on Love What Matters, said she was married to husband Kyle for nine years. He told her he was gay before they married, but she agreed to marry him anyway.

‘One day, Kyle had pulled me aside and told me that he “struggled” with homosexuality. My response: “Wow, you’re going to need a really strong wife!” Ali said.

Both Ali and Kyle were raised in religious households. They both believed same-sex attraction was wrong. Kyle thought he should ‘either live a celibate life, or, deny yourself and marry someone of the opposite sex and do your best to live a heterosexual lifestyle.’

However, Kyle apparently also wanted a family.

‘We were both under the assumption we would be able to pray the gay away,’ Ali said.

The two married. A few years later, they started having kids.

‘Being parents was the highlight of our life,’ Ali said. ‘Everything we did, we did with them in mind. Life was busy and beautiful.’

But, then, eight years into their marriage, Kyle couldn’t take it anymore.

‘Kyle began feeling the weight of not being true to himself as a gay man,’ Ali said.

They tried more prayer, and even marriage counseling. They also began researching the topic of homosexuality, gradually unlearning everything they’d conformed to about what it means to be gay.

‘At the end of 2016, with a 2-year-old and a newborn, we began one of the scariest and toughest seasons of our life,’ Ali said. ‘We began to dive into researching what the Bible really had to say about the topic of homosexuality. For the next four months, our lives were consumed by research, books, blogs, and speaking to others who had been through similar journeys of mixed-orientation marriage (which wasn’t a ton). Finally, we came to the conclusion that being gay wasn’t a sin and we had a new understanding that absolutely everyone was welcome to Jesus’ table, including the LGBTQ community. With this new understanding, we then had to wrestle through the decision if we were going to stay married and continue life as we knew it, or, if we were going to liberate each other, and create a different, non-traditional family.’

Ali continued, saying, ‘One of the ideas, was for Kyle to “come out” as gay, publicly, while still remaining in our marriage. I was hopeful. I liked the idea.’

But Kyle didn’t feel comfortable identifying as gay and living in an opposite-sex marriage.

He said: ‘If I am going to be around gay men, I’m going to want to be with a man. This is not just about sex with a man. This is about loving a man and being loved by a man. Ideally, I want to have a relationship with a man.’

Kyle’s words made Ali realise that their marriage was officially over. ‘That last statement really stood out to me,’ she said. ‘This is when I knew it was over. All along we had been saying that the best-case scenario was us staying together – so, to hear him say this was very different.’

The marriage ended but the two have remained good friends.

‘It has been two years since we made the decision to end our marriage and our lives have drastically changed,’ Ali said. ‘Through our decision to end our marriage, coming out as gay (Kyle) and becoming an LGBTQ ally (myself), we lost 95% of our friends and family.’

She added: ‘I won’t pretend there aren’t wounds we are healing from, from those we felt like abandoned us during the most difficult time in our lives, but I do know one thing; although Kyle and I don’t choose each other romantically anymore, we still have a deep love and a deep connection with one another. He is my best friend, and I am his. We are committed to our family, as non-traditional as that may look. Our precious children will grow up knowing that Mommy and Daddy love each other, and that we love them. We are committed to teaching our children that love looks like something, and that love is not exclusive.

‘Our story is one of unconditional love, friendship, deep pain, utter desperation, celebration, and liberation. We all get to paint our own stories… some have chosen to use broad strokes with bright vivid pigment, some with whimsical soft glows, and others with dark saturated intensity – But THIS – … this, is MY shade of beautiful.’

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  1. Legal Koboko
    March 30, 07:35 Reply

    This is so touching. Basically the story of a lot of former homophobic people who eventually found their way to healthy living.
    I love thus.

  2. Black Dynasty
    March 30, 07:54 Reply

    Beautiful. I love that they had the courage to unlearn, not many people can or choose too.

  3. bamidele
    March 30, 12:18 Reply

    This is what I call logic and practicality. You observe and listening logically to the silent voices. I have come across many cases like this; albeit quite rarely in Nigeria

    • J
      March 30, 13:24 Reply

      It should have been averted. Most people prefer learning from experience. Those researches should have been made before the marriage, but the mistake has been made. I pity women that get themselves into this mess, they are always at the receiving end. A man will always move on with his life, most men are very selfish I wish every woman knows that. I just hope she meets someone that will close that gap.

      You like children? At whose expense of happiness? Don’t turn somebody’s daughter into a baby factory and tomorrow you will start telling her stories that you like men and stuff. Most of these women turn out to be very miserable and devastated, they lash out the anger on the children and the children pour it out to the society. The impact goes a long way. So stop sharing bitterness. If you like biological children plan surrogacy well, train your children yourself or take them to your mother. Don’t mess up a woman that needs a straight man,long lasting marriage and a happy family. Don’t marry a woman if you are gay ? Stop deceiving yourself!

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