Dear KD: How Do I Help A ‘Straight’ Friend Who Keeps Wanting Gay Sex And Hating Himself Afterwards?

Dear KD: How Do I Help A ‘Straight’ Friend Who Keeps Wanting Gay Sex And Hating Himself Afterwards?

Good morning KD.

I am a Side by sexual role. I have this roommate who is highly homophobic, but upon getting close to him, I discovered he was interested in knowing more about gay sex. Somehow, we got to talking about it and I explained it all to the best of my knowledge. (He knows I’m gay)

Later, he said he’d heard that gay guys are good in giving blow jobs. As I laughed, thinking he’d made a joke, he asked if I was any good at it. I told him I didn’t think so, that I was a work in progress.

And then to my surprise, he whipped out his dick and asked me to suck him. I did, and in less than two minutes, he was cumming. When we were done, he shocked me yet again. He said he hadn’t wanted to do this, that I led him into it. I was so stunned by the allegation, that I automatically said I was sorry.

He went on to give me the cold shoulder for two days after that, before resuming talking to me.

A week later, he came to me with a similar request, that I should suck him. This time, I went for his nipples first, sucking him while he moaned and spasmed. By the time I was reaching for his dick, he had already cum.

And thereafter, he brought the same attitude. Said he shouldn’t be doing this, that I was the one making him do this. That it was my fault. This time, I didn’t even bother apologising.

A third time, he asked me if I had lube and condoms. Meaning, he was interested in having sex. I told him I don’t do anal sex, that I’m a Side. So we resolved to me giving him a blow job. And like before, after he speedily came, he blamed it on me yet again. That I’m the one leading him to this. That I should stop talking to him.

At this point, I was feeling all sorts of things: angry, frustrated, horny even. This is a guy who has provided me with the only sexual contact I’ve had in nearly two years. I’d like to carry on doing the dirty with him, but it’s very frustrating whenever we are done and he starts blaming me and saying I led him to this, that he’s straight and he’s not supposed to do this.

It is obvious he has issues. That he is very likely into guys but is in denial. I want to help him, but I don’t know how. And the fact that he is also apparently a one-minute man makes me feel like it is another thing that is contributing to his obvious self-esteem issues.

What can I do, guys? What should I do?

Submitted by Fizo

Print Friendly, PDF & Email
Previous BEHIND THE SCENES
Next One More Time

About author

You might also like

Dear KD 6 Comments

No Strings With Mike Daemon (Episode 12)

In this episode, Olumide F. Makanjuola, the Executive Director of TIERS Nigeria, discusses with NOSTRINGS. He talks about and affirms his stand with the Nigerian LGBT Community, exposing new projects,

Print Friendly, PDF & Email
Dear KD 62 Comments

Dear KD: I’m Married. I’m Gay. And I’m Dying.

Hello. I have been wanting to reach out for a long while, but each time I try, I always find myself lacking the words to say what I feel. I’m

Print Friendly, PDF & Email
Dear KD 32 Comments

Dear KD: I Told My Partner That I Have HIV And Now Everything Is Wrong Between Us

Hello guys I am actually feeling guilty about this and I need opinions on what to do. I am HIV+, although the last two times I have had my viral

Print Friendly, PDF & Email

25 Comments

  1. Pessimist
    December 11, 04:48 Reply

    ‪With what I know about ‘gay panic’, I suggest people stay away from straight men. ‬Queer people, having grown up in a heteronormative world, still have baggage and shame they’re unlearning.

    Why help someone who turns on you after every sexual encounter?

    Free yourself from the bondage. It’s not always your job to teach men-in-denial about themselves.

  2. Bain
    December 11, 04:55 Reply

    “Straight”

    I laughed at that.

    You want to help him? First you run. Disappear. Poof. Vanish from his life because he will ruin you in ways you can never imagine. He wants a blowjob? Girls have mouths too.

  3. Bee
    December 11, 05:33 Reply

    I understand your case, but you should simply leave him alone. You know you should. Let him find himself by himself.

    Tell him that you’re not the reason he wants what he wants, that he’s wanted it before you. Remove blame from on-top your head and go your way, abeg.

  4. Mandy
    December 11, 07:51 Reply

    Before you end this sexual nature of your friendship (because you absolutely have to do that), entertain him one more time AND VIDEO IT!
    If he comes to you again, wanting sex or a blow job, give it to him, but find a way to video it without letting him know.

    Then END IT! Stop with the blow jobs. The tape recording is your insurance in case he reacts to your ending things by threatening to expose you. Guys like him are too unstable to trust not to react to rejection with spite. So you video him getting a blow job from you, and then you fucking end it. Next time he comes, SAY NO! And if he reacts unpleasantly, tell him about the tape.

    • trystham
      December 11, 21:30 Reply

      And when he turns murderous? We have already established his mental instability

  5. Black Dynasty
    December 11, 08:51 Reply

    Not sure why you’re asking for help when you know what to do. Simply stop entertaining folks like that in your life.

    No one is forcing you to suck his dick, you shouldn’t wait until his self denial becomes physical against you.

  6. J
    December 11, 09:49 Reply

    I felt so angry reading this post. That guy is using you and making you to feel terrible at the same time.

    Please avoid the idiot! People like that are dangerous. He could harm you when his demons start to manifest.

    I really feel bad for gay guys especially the innocent ones that can’t fight for themselves. This shit is becoming unbearable! Parents need to know about their children’s sexuality so they can protect. No one should grow up with a low self-esteem.

  7. Kenny
    December 11, 10:17 Reply

    He provided you with the only sexual contact you’ve had in 2 years yen yen yen and now you don’t want to end it? Don’t be unfortunate (pardon me, I’m angry). Do not let him back into your life, shut him out sexually and otherwise for your own good. Go out or online (be careful of course) and meet people, people that are comfortable with their sexuality and will be willing to be with you even as a side.

  8. Canis VY Majoris
    December 11, 11:03 Reply

    They have all typed what you needed to see & hear.

    A word is a enough for the wise; it’s now left for you to prove if you’re wise or foolish.

    Know however that you’re not free from the consequence of whatever choice you make.

  9. Malik
    December 11, 11:42 Reply

    Lol. I know someone exactly like this (plus the cumming quickly part). The only difference is that he admits that he’s attracted to men, but he still tried to get married (again) this year. Anyway, he gets overridden with guilt each time he’s with a guy. He’d burst out crying to God for forgiveness just minutes after sex.

    I’m not sure of the essence of my comment. I guess it’s for the “straight” guy in question. You’re not alone. There are other (genuinely) confused people out there. Y’all should form an association, mate amongst yourselves but leave us alone.

  10. Mark
    December 11, 19:06 Reply

    Well he’s not a straight guy, he’s just a downlow bisexual. Many homophobic men have these urges, but they are afraid of them and so they deal with this by dissociation — they compartmentalize their minds — one part of them allowd them to explore their secret desire, while the other acts as a foil for their dark secret by hating, loathing and seeking to destroy anyone associated with their other life.

    That’s why many Kitos are self-loathing gays who have two voices in their heads: the voice of reality telling them they love men and the other voice of deeply entrenched religious beliefs, condemning them to hell for succumbing to their impulses.

    Almost every gay raised in a religious or hostile environment has that internal conflict. And it takes time to unlearn it. What makes this your friend worse is that he projects all his inner anguish, condemnation and frustration on you, that emotional abuse.

    You can’t help him. He will have to reach that stage of inner reconciliation on his own. Seek someone who shares your lifestyle.

  11. Francis
    December 11, 23:20 Reply

    They said it all sha. RUN BITCH!

  12. mike
    December 12, 14:04 Reply

    From experience, dude run, he would naturally gravitate towards hating yhu, cause right now he already hates yhu, buh those emotions are steaming ,still cooking on a down low, like his sexuality, so run before he makes a decision, regardless of whatever decision he makes regarding himself and his sexuality, if yhur his first taste of the forbidden fruit, it will not favour yhu. From experience I know.

    Buh knowing human nature I doubt yhu can heed a warning , there’s something about the troubled and broken that makes them appealing, especially if your gay, the thought of turning a good boy bad, a straight male for keeps excites us all.

    Another way is to convince him his straight but he just likes a little something something on top, calmly and convincingly discern a line between the act and the identity, dunno if yhu get, buh simply put watching and liking football, doesn’t make him anywhere near being a footballer.

    So engaging in a little something something doesn’t make him gay, developing / getting married to a guy, now thats gay, his rational mind would naturally gravitate towards, “I fuck guys, sometimes, I don’t love guys” “I love girls so I must be straight” or “I am not gay, cause I can not marry a man like myself, am not gay till I marry one”.

    Its unhealthy devious buh works lik’a charm, it would buy yhu and him enough time to sort yhurself out, what he needs is time, to come to a conscious realisation, which he would naturally do without yhu, the longer the time he takes/has, the less disastrous, too much, too fast and mehn he would exploid.

    “I watched my best friend, say he was bisexual on his own, after fucking him for 3yrz, nigga calmly put it that, he can’t fuck a guy buh, something about the thought of getting fucked excites him”, buh I spent 3 yrz lessening his guilt, convincing him his straight and even helping him with his lady games, I got him his first heterosexual lay and even taught him how to go about the fucking a girl thing,cause his a virgin and clueless, buh he came to the bisexual realisation on his own.

    when they come to realisation on their own all of a sudden they want a relationship, atleast what they think it entails, buh when we first started na me they beg them up and down, they kept doing that “I am nt gay”, some guys would get fucked by a guy as long as yhu don’t talk about it, just slide yhur dick in accidentally whenever yhu please and call it a mistake, they’re cool buh the moment yhu start calling for conscious realisation they freak out, or break the whole engagement off, I lost a lot of niggas here.

    WARNING :my advice like everyone else is to run, buh it comes with a risk of hate, yhu would literally be throwing a child out into the world to fend for himself emotionally and sexually he would hate yhu for it or might run into the wrong person, do shit that puts himself in danger.

    Buh then if yhu decide to leave thing the way they are, yhu’d become a constant reminder , and if he decides not to be homosexual, he would channel his hatred towards yhu, yhu would become his victim and a symbol of himself.

    The safest to all this is to take control of his mind and the process his going through, people naturally do not like to think for themselves, thinking is too hard, deciding for himself is even harder, so do the thinking for him, convince him his straight, even when he doesn’t believe yhu, he naturally go with yhu cause yhur way is easier and yhuve done all the thinking for him. Its the safest and risk free if done right.

    Yhu would most likely have to be straight acting to pull this off, I believe it what works for me, cause to the straight mind the definition of gay is rainbow colors, effiminacy blah blah blah. Not quarterback, hunk, beer gulping football fanatic.

    • Delle
      December 12, 20:33 Reply

      I hope you know you have a fucked mentality.

      • mike
        December 13, 14:30 Reply

        Enough to fucking love yhu.

    • Non-Conformist
      December 13, 09:15 Reply

      The intelligence in this comment. let’s be friends, that’s if you are okay with that as I’m a bisexual girl.

  13. Ace
    December 12, 19:53 Reply

    As crazy as it may sound, if you find yourself in that situation again, get the both of you in front of a mirror and let him see himself.
    Some people like to dissociate and send themselves off to another place, leaving only the impulses and yearnings of their biology behind which they find easy to externalize when the neurotransmitter waves subside after orgasm. Draw them back to the present, let them see and recognize themselves in the moment. Sometimes, it’s the easiest way to break the cycle of denial in people who refuse to live in or accept their reality, assuming they aren’t too far gone. Let them use their own senses to recognize their situation, they’ll be more inclined to believe what they’ve done of their own free will.

    Of course there are other time consuming ways to remedy the situation but sometimes the simplest solution is the best one.

    You asked for help on his behalf, that is kindness, consider extending same to yourself by removing yourself from the situation but carefully– people can do crazy things when rejected especially if they’ve been vulnerable once to you in a way they consider significant.

    Be safe and good luck🙂

  14. Avid fan
    December 15, 10:49 Reply

    Mike and Ace, I legit want to meet you guys for a drink if you don’t mind. Your minds are fire. How do we connect?

  15. Jam
    December 15, 23:26 Reply

    Pls how can I publish a story I need some advise

  16. Bambi
    January 03, 12:24 Reply

    what’s the meaning of SIDE.

    Anyway I know how it feels to want what is toxic for you.

    Honey leave him and Run

  17. Lab
    January 05, 16:13 Reply

    I definitely agree with Mike, though mine is way different, he doesn’t demean me in anyway but outside I let him be the straight as he wants to be and even sex happens naturally but he’s very passionate and care extremely but a chronic womanizer but tells me everything he does outside. but he started with the same thing ,wanting to know about he gay stuff and i was surprised this is a huge muscled guy. has the sweetest ass i have ever tasted. this is my little advice
    ~get to know him on a personal level{ go out grab and drink and talk about normal stuff apart from gay stuff}
    ~help him to relax to end the 2mins journey{the quick cum is base on anxiety and anticipations}
    ~don’t give in to him any time he request but don’t also say no{ you could divert the conversations on if he has a woman and when he last he fuck a woman etc. let him do the talking and pay attention}.
    trust me you helping him over come his 2mins which i believe hes embarrassed about he will be grateful to instead of being resentful. take it from a guy who had only sex heterosexual dudes and i am still friends with them till now
    ~

Leave a Reply