For E

For E

You see, it started strong.

Strong.

No one would have expected it. I mean, till now, people who know me still get surprised when I tell them.

I was always known as a hoe. I wasn’t really. I was just one for a year – sex parties, orgies, you know, the whole shebang. And to be honest, I didn’t particularly plan to stop either. I started last year with the same mindset. Hell, while planning my return to Nigeria, I made sure I had a couple of girls waiting for me or at least expecting me to hit them up when I finally came back. I’d like to say my Valentine’s Day last year was a fuckfest, but no. I’d been hanging out with this one girl and she came over to mine on that day. I live with my parents and rarely get any privacy, so we went over to a friend’s for some daytime delight. When we came back to mine, she asked if she could sleep over, and I very delightfully said yes. That night, once again, we made fireworks. I often wonder it is how no one in my house heard anything.

The plan had always been to never catch feelings. I’d always done a good job at removing myself from a situationship once I felt like that was about to happen. Or even programming myself to forget feelings.

When I got acquainted with E, we’d been talking for about a month. That’s longer than the time I usually spend talking to anyone I just want to have sex with. The way we got acquainted was the most random thing ever. We were both in a queer WhatsApp group, and for Valentine’s Day, we were paired to be each other’s partners. I’d never talked to her in the group, so I even hit up the admin to try to change the pairing, but that wasn’t going to happen.

Sigh.

So, I picked up my big girl boots and sent her a private message. We texted and texted and pretty much never stopped. I never talk to someone too long if my only aim is to have sex, so this surprised me. I thought that was all this was going to be. Exchange gifts, maybe shag a couple of times and go our separate ways.

I was wrong.

When we finally met, I was all of a sudden extremely shy. Don’t get me wrong, for a hoe, I am unusually shy. This time however, I really cared about what she thought of me. She had a friend over, so I knew my hopes of fucking that day were out the door. We talked for a while, drank and smoked a little, and then when I wasn’t looking, her friend stepped out. So, it was just the two of us.

We kept talking, and then, very suddenly, she kissed me. I can never forget that kiss. It was everything. I felt it everywhere, and that was all I needed to take charge. We did not have sex that day, not because we didn’t want to, but because I had to go. But after that day, I knew and I felt my mumu button feelings leaving the very secure safe I’d locked them in.

For the longest time, the best sex I’d ever had was the second girl I had sex with. But the first time I had sex with E, I’m pretty sure I died and came and died and came again – every pun intended – from ecstasy. The funny thing about this is that I did not get post-nut clarity. That was how I knew, shit, I liked her. I actively went out of my way to hang out with her. I made up so many bullshit stories so I could go visit her. It was amazing how she made me feel.

At some point, I had to travel out for some months. Before I left, I told her I liked her. I wasn’t sure what was going to happen during this trip, but I just wanted her to know this. When I left, I was very sure we were either going to stop talking to each other or the rate at which we did was going to reduce drastically. I anticipated this and sort of prepared for what would be the inevitable. I mean, we had only been involved with each other for about two months before I had to leave, and I wasn’t sure when I would be back. So, I wasn’t expecting any loyalty.

However, boy, was I fucking wrong! Again!

Somehow, we got even closer. Even with being in different time zones, we made time to not only text but also talk to each other, thanks to WhatsApp video calls. I was sure I wanted to be with her, but there were so many things working against us. In less than six months after my return to Nigeria, I would have to go back. And this time, it would be permanent. I didn’t want to put her in a situation where she would fall so deeply in love with me, and then just like that, I would be gone.

Just before my return, I did something that made me sure I was certainly and absolutely in love with E. I’d gone to visit a friend in a different city, my original ends. And to pass time, I went on Tinder, swiped left and right, and ended up in a girl’s room. Pretty much fucked all night to the tune of Simi serenading us. The next day, I went back home and felt so guilty. I mean, I hadn’t done anything wrong. I was single and had no ties. But I felt bad, so bad that when the girl I’d fucked with asked to hang out again, I declined.

I got back to Lagos, and less than a week later, I asked E to be my girlfriend. Everywhere we went, I kept telling people, people I knew and could trust, that she was my girlfriend. I loved saying that word and it made me happy, knowing that she was mine and I hers. A couple of months after that, while in the ethos of passion, I blurted out the ‘L’ word. I didn’t even know how it happened, but I said it, and you know what, I absolutely meant it. We stopped, stared at each other and engulfed ourselves with an even brighter flame. The next day, she said it back to me. Being the paranoid person that I am, I asked if she was sure, and reassured her that she didn’t need to say it back if she wasn’t ready. She told me she was sure, that she was ready and that she meant it.

I am writing this on the fourth of February, the day that makes it exactly one year since we first said Hello to each other. About seven months since we became girlfriends. And five months since we told each other that we loved each other.

I am not going to say it has been all around rosy, though for the most part, it really has. We’ve had our fights, sure. I have personally completely fucked up, but I have never ever considered breaking up with E. I found out that love meant making a two-hour-or-more journey to be with somebody you love, stupid Lagos traffic be damned. Hanging out with their friend even though you have major anxiety. Setting your alarm to wake them up for work even though you have absolutely no reason to be up at the time. Forgiving them when they let you down. Supporting them both financially and emotionally, and all round being there for them.

In about a month, I will be leaving Nigeria, not to return for a period I am unsure of. I don’t know how we’re going to work out. I don’t know how I am going to be without knowing that if I really wanted to, I could find a way to see her with only a day or two’s notice. It is going to be hard, really hard. I actually have tears in my eyes as I write this now, and that was not even planned, lol. I never knew I would fall this hard. That was not planned. I used to always joke with my friends that I do not have a heart, but E made me see the error of my ways. I just needed to meet her – someone who would teach me that I was enough. That I was worth loving.

There are so many unknowns in the near future, but one thing I do know for sure is: E will always have my heart.

Written by Charlie

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35 Comments

  1. Canis VY Majoris
    February 14, 09:54 Reply

    💖
    💖💖
    💖💖💖
    💖💖💖💖

    To have found love in life is divine. Live in the moment, let the future take care of itself.

    Make today a special anniversary for you both. Create memories to use and live it.

    • Charlie
      February 14, 17:41 Reply

      Thank you!! We’re absolutely living in the moment, taking each day as it comes.

      • Lil
        July 08, 18:50 Reply

        Such an amazing story. Wish i could experience such a feeling

  2. AuntyAwkward
    February 14, 09:59 Reply

    Gosh my chest…who is slicing onions???
    This is beautiful and I really hope I get to experience something as intense as this at some point. I hope it works out for you two, I really do.
    Happy Valentine’s Day. ❤

  3. Annabelle
    February 14, 10:49 Reply

    This makes me believe in love again! And it’s so funny how many different weird ways you can meet your one! I can’t wait to meet my E ! Thank you for sharing, the writing is very good as well, can’t wait for Charlie to write some more

    • Charlie
      February 14, 17:44 Reply

      Haha, Rihanna was right, ‘we found love in a hopeless place’.

  4. Ekwy
    February 14, 10:56 Reply

    Beautiful! ❤️❤️

  5. Esscanor Sengoku
    February 14, 11:09 Reply

    Charlie, I never knew about this soft side of you. Legit brought tears to my Eyes. I’m actually so glad you were able to fine L even in the darkest of places. My regards to miss E.

    Your truest hoe x.

    • Charlie
      February 14, 17:46 Reply

      Lool, a bitch can get moist sometimes ❤

  6. bamidele
    February 14, 11:14 Reply

    Happy for you and happy valentine’s day!

  7. Delle
    February 14, 13:33 Reply

    I literally got wet-eyed reading this and I feel a little disappointed (just a little and the reason is deep-seated) it’s not a guy that wrote this.

    Please Charlie, do all you can to sustain the relationship. All. Let it be known that you did your best.

    A breakup after all that surrounded your coming together will be devastating. I’ll know.

    • Charlie
      February 14, 17:47 Reply

      Thank you so much for your kind words. We will try our best to make sure our flame never burns out x

  8. BecksBecks
    February 14, 16:04 Reply

    Omg I love you both😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭❤️😭❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️😭😭😭. I keep believing in love because of you both❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

  9. Vee
    February 14, 17:25 Reply

    Awwww this was really heart warming to read. Love really is something 😆

  10. Net
    February 14, 17:35 Reply

    This was soooooo beautiful to read😢.. I’m glad you both found each other.. I’m not crying o but my eyes are so wet

    • Pink Panther
      February 14, 17:44 Reply

      It’s not tears, don’t worry. It’s water that is secreted from your eyes.

  11. Mandy
    February 14, 17:49 Reply

    “Everywhere we went, I kept telling people, people I knew and could trust, that she was my girlfriend. I loved saying that word and it made me happy, knowing that she was mine and I hers.”

    This right here. There’s just something special, especially for us queer people, when we are able to declare our relationships in the brightness of daylight. To people. A recognition that feels extra special because we don’t normally have it.
    I pray that you guys are able to make it last. This time next year, hopefully we’ll read another Valentine story, an update on how you two are still together, still going strong.

    • Net
      February 14, 21:45 Reply

      I always look forward to your comments 😊

      • Mandy
        February 15, 08:13 Reply

        Thank you, Net. 😊😊

  12. trystham
    February 14, 19:53 Reply

    I wanted to type this yesterday at those who were berating Purple. Love is not lust and however way it has happened, time never changes anything, even when circumstances try to change it to hate. It always be a part of one. This much I do know. What I don’t know, but understand is how it can change to obsession.
    Darling Charlie, I wish u all the best. A filling, long-lasting love reciprocated in its entirety.

    PS The pseudonyms I am seeing…the ladies are out it seems

  13. Amaka
    February 14, 19:57 Reply

    ‘I am writing this on the fourth of February, the day that makes it exactly one year since we first said Hello to each other.‘ That part. Awwww 🥰🥰🥰

    ‘ I just needed to meet her – someone who would teach me that I was enough. That I was worth loving.’ 👀 So what about me eh? 💁🏾‍♂️

    I love it all. So beautifully written 😩😭❤️

  14. Amaka
    February 14, 19:58 Reply

    Awwww my love 🥰🥰🥰 She is one lucky gal ❤️🌟❤️🌟❤️

  15. Whyte
    February 14, 20:50 Reply

    Awwnnn😍😍😍
    This is so beautiful. So so beautiful…
    Love that changes a person for the better, that’s one thing I hope for more . Not forceful, just comes..

  16. Rainbow Nova
    February 14, 21:56 Reply

    Imma be honest, I love, love, love, love the lesbian/queer stories/posts/updates. If you have seen the Micheal Henry video on gay men and understanding lesbianism (and you’re a gay/queer man), honey will you realize how much I don’t understand heterosexuality no matter how over-normalized it is.

    It’s like my brain entirely shuts down when I see/hear a man and woman having orgasms together, I lose all possible logic and reasoning (like Further Maths class) then stare blankly into space wondering if I can ever be straight (Oh Mom, you’re never gonna have a daughter-in-law) and don’t even try to ask me what happens when it’s about lesbians (I died but did not come back -pun intended).

    But you know what, IDGAF what y’all do down there to each other whatever your sexual organs (unless you have a dick or man-pussy, bubble butt too shit dude focus, I didn’t even plan that pun honestly) and that’s how it should be, everyone doing their thing, catching love like its some contagious disease that has its yearly epidemic every February 14 and single me just wanna be lazy and sleep all day while my Dad wonders why I never talk about girls or their body parts (and catcall football players when we’re both watching matches on TV).

    For once I’ll finally be serious and say that I wish to one day have this feeling with that special “E” someone and make it last forever like ’em High School Musical songs that’ll never leave my head for the rest of my life (Oh Zac, I’ll be your wild cat).

    Now can someone puh-leez send me some red velvet cake and fruit wine? I’m not so delusional as to ask for caviar and champagne, I’m still quite sane I believe. Happy Elections for everyone who’s voting, may you make the right decision or regret it anyway for the next four years (but for real, I commend and applaud any Nigerian LGBTQIA+ person who’s voting, it’s more than a prayer or blessing I give to you, I’m grateful for people like you who actually make efforts to make this country a better place for us all…both homophobe and rainbow-skinned).

    • Pink Panther
      February 15, 04:47 Reply

      Um, Rainbow Nova, this is not a heterosexual love story. The writer, Charlie, is a woman. As is the E she dedicated the piece to.

  17. Kayode
    February 14, 22:12 Reply

    Such a beautiful love story. ♥♥

  18. E
    February 15, 04:41 Reply

    Charlie, the love of my entire life… Falling in love with you has been best thing that happened to me, I love you very much! It’s the 15th day of the month!!! You know what it is!!! HAPPY ANNIVERSARY MY CHARLIE
    Thank you for making everything easier.❤

    • Net
      February 15, 12:03 Reply

      Okay I can’t stop the waterworks nows😭

  19. Debz
    February 16, 20:09 Reply

    I can’t believe you’re this mushy Charlie and I love it. It’s amazing to see this part of you, and I’m so happy and thankful that you’re flourishing. Happy Anniversary to you and E!!!!!

  20. iAmNotAPerv
    February 27, 15:54 Reply

    Love is the most beautiful thing. Bask in it forever. Don’t let distance deter you..
    I loved reading this.
    God wee do my own too

  21. Stringer Bell
    February 28, 23:00 Reply

    Love is a beautiful thing, I’ve always known this to be a fact from the movies, tv shows and even real life stories I’ve seen and heard about; even if I never actually experienced this feeling for myself.
    Thanks for sharing this with us Charlie, and I genuinely hope and believe this universe will find a way to bring you guys back together 🙌🏾

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