FOR MY FIRST

FOR MY FIRST

Where do I start from?

How do I explain that I want you daily? That I crave your presence? Yes yes, I’m over you. That has been established. This is not me craving a relationship. This is me saying I miss you. I miss us. No, I don’t mean relationship-wise. Yes, I know you could never love me like I loved you. But it’s fine. All that matters is that we are friends.

I still dream of you. In my dreams, you are perfect, just like you have always been, and we carry on like we always did. In my memories, you smile a brilliant beam at me and my entire being is warmed to the core. I don’t miss you because you don’t miss me. Yes, this is me being petty. You know how I can be. I want to go back. I want to leave my future and present and dwell in the past, in one of our perfect days. One of our days where it’s just us and laughter and my hands clasped in yours and your fiery eyes are burning into me. Where I did the simplest thing for you and you’d kiss my cheek and I’d float away in happiness. Where you let me hold you and we danced. Where you were my queen and I was your lion heart.

I miss you. To the heavens and back, I miss you so much, Diana Nneka Akeme. And I love you so much. I miss us. I miss our friendship that no one could understand. I miss our fights. I miss our Olivia/Fitzgerald moments. I always said I hated how you made me feel; I was the President but you made me into a little girl desperate for your attention and affection. I loved the fact that you could have loved me. I would never know, I guess. I miss our little touches, our fingers brushing when we walked past each other. My hands on your waist, your breath on my face. My goodness, I was addicted to you! My perfect drug, you took me high and saved me from the lows.

Remember when we said we would tour Europe together? I’m here, still here, waiting for you. I will always wait for you. From now to kingdom come. You were my first. Many have come after you like you prophesied, but there is none like you. I remember one night when I realized how hopelessly in love with you I was, I dropped to my knees in tears and prayed to God to take away my love for you, to take away my addiction to your scent, your hair, your lips. I prayed for my love to die so that you may not die. I’d heard stories of how God struck down men for loving another above him. He is a jealous God and you were fast becoming my god.

Oh, what won’t I give for just a moment with you! All I want is to see you again, to hear you laugh, to see you roll your eyes at me. I want to grab you and hug you, see you frown at me because you don’t like to hug me due to the fact that my breasts take up all the space. I want to go back to that moment when we were in church and we had to be nice to each other because we were with our mothers.

I want to go back in time. So far back in time to our beginning on that hot September day when you stole my heart. That day, you staked out 40% of my soul and left me to share the remaining 60% with God and mere mortals. You were amazing. You are amazing.

Yes, I love you. I cannot deny it. I loved you. I still love you. And for all the eternities that will come and go, I will love you. This is not a romantic love. Oh no! It’s evolved past that. It’s just love, pure and untainted. It’s a love that has made it certain that I would live for you and I would die for you and I would kill for you. You showed me what friendship was and I would never forget it. I love you, you bloody Akeme. I love you so much Diana, my only goddess.

Together, we made a thousand memories. All I can do is beg and pray that you come back to me so that we make a million more.

Your Drama Queen,

Ife Williams.

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24 Comments

  1. Delle
    May 07, 08:43 Reply

    I need to know when the line separating love from infatuation has been crossed. ?

  2. Johnny
    May 07, 12:20 Reply

    Be missing o. Don’t jump to the next pussy and move on with life

      • Dana Opal
        May 09, 11:47 Reply

        If only.

        I have been down this road. oh this road!!!

        Reading this story feels like my life in play.

        Memories…

        I know I will be bold enough to write my story one day.

        But till then……..

        • iAmNotAPerv
          May 09, 19:22 Reply

          Dana… you only need an i to make Diana. Hmm. Come tell us your story. Close your eyes and breath in courage

    • iAmNotAPerv
      May 07, 19:35 Reply

      I have moved on, this was a remembrance piece. An acknowledge of how i used to love her.

    • iAmNotAPerv
      May 07, 19:47 Reply

      LMAO! You certainly are mad. Bae has read this though

  3. WhoIsUgo
    May 07, 12:43 Reply

    There’s something about your first love tho, currently trying to re-connect with mine cuz I think she might be the one.

    • Mandy
      May 07, 13:09 Reply

      And how’s that working out? ☺

      • WhoIsUgo
        May 07, 13:43 Reply

        Ummm for now she’s ignoring me based on some personal issues she’s dealing with (that’s what she said) but I’m hopeful. At least I can hoe around till she’s ready to be my wife. ?

  4. Mandy
    May 07, 12:57 Reply

    Forget! Ife, you’re still very much in love with this woman and you clearly want her back. And that’s alright. There’s no shame in loving so completely, you can’t move on.
    But try talking to her. If she really isn’t now or ever will be in this same head space as you, consider moving on. Not away from your love of her (that’s clearly here to stay, whether you like it or not, so don’t fight it), but away from the idea of her, of you two together.

    • iAmNotAPerv
      May 07, 20:07 Reply

      Oh Mandy, my sweet darling. I don’t want her back (technically i never had her)
      We talk on a fairly regular level. I have moved on, like i told Johnny boy, it was a remembrance piece.
      Lol, there is no Diana and Ife. Ever

  5. Mandy
    May 07, 13:08 Reply

    By the way, don’t you have a boo? Doesn’t she read KD? Won’t she be displeased to read this ode to the ex girlfriend? ?

    • Delle
      May 07, 17:02 Reply

      If only you knew baby boy???

    • iAmNotAPerv
      May 07, 20:14 Reply

      Boo reads everything i write. Boo gets that Diana is a memory. Boo knows She’s DA one. Boo was not displeased because Boo is above all of that. Boo is DA shit.
      I dinnor date Diana Akeme

  6. Bain
    May 07, 13:26 Reply

    If this is what love feels like…I want none of it.

    • iAmNotAPerv
      May 07, 20:21 Reply

      Love evolves past this. Love evolves to a level where words cannot fathom the person. this is where i am with my lover, Cici

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