Some gay men insist on being strictly top or bottom, while others are versatile. Some say it’s good to try different things out – but when this guy on Reddit tried to bottom for the first time, with his long-term boyfriend, something weird happened, and now the boyfriend is acting strange.
The two have been together for 10 months, but the sexual problems seem to have started before this incident, with the boyfriend losing his taste for sex. So, the guy thought it would be a good idea to try to spice things up a bit.
“I’ve posted recently about how my boyfriend has begun to view sex like a chore lately,” he writes. “I have always been the top and he has been the bottom. I’ve never really bottomed. Tried before in my past but never succeeded, didn’t really like it at all.”
One day, however, he felt like a change was in order.
“So we were kind of hot and heavy and I grabbed the lube. But to his surprise, I was going to bottom. I bottomed and it felt so strange. Not like good or bad, just different. Maybe I over thought it. I actually got off after a few minutes, but he never did. Kind of just went stale. I was hoping he was going to like it, switch it up and spice it up.
“We showered after, and then when we got back in bed, I went to finish him off. He stopped me and said he felt “gross and dirty”. I have fucked him plenty of times and never ever would say that. I let him know I love what he’s doing while we are having sex, telling him how sexy I think he is, etc. I was very, very clean, so no problems like that at all.
“I just don’t get it. Did I do something wrong? That was my first time and now I’m feeling very self conscious AND I’m usually an extremely confident person. What the hell guys, so confused. Thoughts?”
Of course, Redditors had plenty to say.
Bodyguard8367 pointed out: “So you flipped the script on ole boy huh? And you have just found out why he is a bottom....because topping isn't quite enough Voltage to get him off. You need to be aware of a couple of things before you just jump into a conversation with your man.
“ONE# He is 100% bottom. Anyone that thinks topping is "gross and dirty" after they shower is way too squeamish about it to enjoy it.
“TWO# He may be a little bit freaked out by what happened, and how it felt. He isn't really being considerate of your feelings, He may need some gentle role modeling from you in order to deal with this.
“You need to create trust, and safety, and then have a talk about your feelings. Mention to him that you were not "gross and dirty" and that you felt you did something wrong, and that after your first time you are now feeling very self conscious. Mention you would not have said the same things to him because you respect his dignity too much to do that. Ask him if him topping got too kinky for him or if maybe he is not into the relationship anymore? Explain that you wanted to reinvigorate your sexual relationship because it seems he has lost interest, and ask him to help you do that.”
AdmirzBoyz said: “How long has this disinterest in sex been going on? People do absolutely go through highs and lows with libido ... so, maybe he's just in a valley. Give it a little time, nurture it, but don't just stop cold. Make sure he still knows that you want / desire him.”
LasaroMProfessore di Amore said: “I'm a top who very rarely bottoms of my own accord. Not just because I enjoy topping a lot, but because getting fucked in the ass sometimes reminds me of ugly things that happened to me. There has to be 100% trust or a magnificent compensation if I am to allow myself to get banged, and even then I never did like it.
“So perhaps something happened to your boyfriend in the past that made him hate topping. You're in a relationship so you must both communicate if you want to clear misunderstandings on both of your sides. Talk it over.”
And Mariahsfalsie reasoned: “Nobody knows what's in his head except him. You should probably start there.”