July 22

What a time to be alive.

A recent episode of Steven Universe aired where a lesbionic space lady (Pearl) sang quite emotionally about how her big bosomed lover chose a puny (male) human over her. It was very touching. I might have cried if not for how much in awe I was over what I was watching. It was being aired on cartoon network. A kids’ station!

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I envy the children of this generation of cartoons. They’ve got so much exposure. They’re basically getting to learn about society and shii through these cartoons and there will be one less little boy or girl who will have the tremendous hurdles many of us faced in coming to terms with our sexualities. They would feel less alone and know that someone somewhere out there understands them and maybe might be like them.

That being said, I do wonder about if there may be unexpected impacts on the mind of kids. Like it or not, kids are impressionable and things that weren’t intended to be bad can end up being so.

There’s this music video – was it Halsey or someone, where she had a girlfriend or something. I really don’t remember the details because it was on my twitter feed and I was just reading the back and forth between two people I (used to) follow. It appears that people thought being bisexual/lesbian was “cool” after watching the video.

She (Halsey, I think) said that that wasn’t the message the video intended to portray. She wasn’t trying to be “cool” and it sucks that people took it that way. And I can see what she means. I’d probably be a bit miffed because someone identified as gay because they liked the gay culture and are not really attracted to the same sex. They might have sex with men, but this’d be basically because it’s part of the gay culture (I sincerely believe this could happen.)

And it just points out what I mean about unintended effects. A genuine expression of love and stuff turned into something that is “cool”. The next nice thing. The next fad.

Bringing it back to kids… What if watching space ladies sing about their love to each other and subtly talk about how complex bisexual relationships can be makes them feel like it’s just something cool? What if it leads to some sort of sexual identity crisis?

I can anticipate the responses – straight movies didn’t turn me gay; when you’re gay/straight/bi, you just know… Stuff like that. But I believe we are entering uncharted waters here and the next generation of kids will be vastly different from how we are when they reach our respective ages.

Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, I guess. Maybe even people “choosing” to be bi because they think it is “cool” isn’t such a bad thing. But just because something isn’t bad doesn’t mean you should do it.

So many questions…

*

Our insignificance in the universe is something I occasionally contemplate.

In the grand scheme of things, the planet Earth is less than a grain of sand in a mighty desert.

This is both maddening and comforting; maddening because “what is the point of it all?”, and comforting because when things go bad and life isn’t going the way I want, or I do something stupid, I scale back a couple billion light-years and realise how in the grand scheme of things, it’d be forgotten, and I find the courage to gather myself up and continue with the meaningless flow that is life on the planet earth.

But sometimes, I realise that my awareness of my insignificance is significant! Me being alive is significant. As much as I flow along with life on earth, I also can control things around me with conscious effort. I’m not just merely flowing, I have the power to influence, the power to DECIDE to influence which is a luxury many sand dunes in the vast desert of the universe don’t have.

I read an Instagram post:

“We are made of the elements of the universe. Hence we are the eyes, ears, skin, etc that the universe uses to observe itself…Each of us…Little Universe babies.”

Lol. It’s up to us to enjoy this gift as much as possible. Don’t spend life hiding under a rock. Enjoy it. Enjoy the pain. The pleasure. The highs and the lows. Don’t fear them. Experience them. Let them wash over you like the waves of the ocean. Let them pull you in. What is the point of life if it is not to be lived deeply?

I used to worry about my moments of manic happiness (where I can see colours ever so vividly and life is full of possibilities and I’m singing at the top of my lungs) because of what is often the inevitable next part – a wave of incomprehensible sadness. It’s like a hangover after a night of heavy drinking. It feels like I’ve spent all my happy energy reserves.

What’s worse is that during those sad periods, I don’t have tangible reason to be sad, but all I know is that I’m sad and aggrieved and everywhere is grey and I don’t want to do anything but lie down and sleep and wake up with the hope that things get better with each waking up.

But I don’t fear them as much anymore. These things come and go. I can’t be constantly happy. It’s not practical (to me). I will try to make myself happy but if it doesn’t work, I’d sit still and wait for the tide to recede so I can see the shore again.

Happiness isn’t a destination. They are more like rest/bus stops on the journey of life. Happiness will come. Happiness will go. And this is the same with sadness and anger and all that jazz.

So chin up, left food forward, sissy that walk, and kiss life on its butt cheeks.

Have a wonderful day ahead of you!

Written by IBK

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