IBK’s JOURNAL (Entry 4)

IBK’s JOURNAL (Entry 4)

July 22

What a time to be alive.

A recent episode of Steven Universe aired where a lesbionic space lady (Pearl) sang quite emotionally about how her big bosomed lover chose a puny (male) human over her. It was very touching. I might have cried if not for how much in awe I was over what I was watching. It was being aired on cartoon network. A kids’ station!

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I envy the children of this generation of cartoons. They’ve got so much exposure. They’re basically getting to learn about society and shii through these cartoons and there will be one less little boy or girl who will have the tremendous hurdles many of us faced in coming to terms with our sexualities. They would feel less alone and know that someone somewhere out there understands them and maybe might be like them.

That being said, I do wonder about if there may be unexpected impacts on the mind of kids. Like it or not, kids are impressionable and things that weren’t intended to be bad can end up being so.

There’s this music video – was it Halsey or someone, where she had a girlfriend or something. I really don’t remember the details because it was on my twitter feed and I was just reading the back and forth between two people I (used to) follow. It appears that people thought being bisexual/lesbian was “cool” after watching the video.

She (Halsey, I think) said that that wasn’t the message the video intended to portray. She wasn’t trying to be “cool” and it sucks that people took it that way. And I can see what she means. I’d probably be a bit miffed because someone identified as gay because they liked the gay culture and are not really attracted to the same sex. They might have sex with men, but this’d be basically because it’s part of the gay culture (I sincerely believe this could happen.)

And it just points out what I mean about unintended effects. A genuine expression of love and stuff turned into something that is “cool”. The next nice thing. The next fad.

Bringing it back to kids… What if watching space ladies sing about their love to each other and subtly talk about how complex bisexual relationships can be makes them feel like it’s just something cool? What if it leads to some sort of sexual identity crisis?

I can anticipate the responses – straight movies didn’t turn me gay; when you’re gay/straight/bi, you just know… Stuff like that. But I believe we are entering uncharted waters here and the next generation of kids will be vastly different from how we are when they reach our respective ages.

Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, I guess. Maybe even people “choosing” to be bi because they think it is “cool” isn’t such a bad thing. But just because something isn’t bad doesn’t mean you should do it.

So many questions…


Our insignificance in the universe is something I occasionally contemplate.

In the grand scheme of things, the planet Earth is less than a grain of sand in a mighty desert.

This is both maddening and comforting; maddening because “what is the point of it all?”, and comforting because when things go bad and life isn’t going the way I want, or I do something stupid, I scale back a couple billion light-years and realise how in the grand scheme of things, it’d be forgotten, and I find the courage to gather myself up and continue with the meaningless flow that is life on the planet earth.

But sometimes, I realise that my awareness of my insignificance is significant! Me being alive is significant. As much as I flow along with life on earth, I also can control things around me with conscious effort. I’m not just merely flowing, I have the power to influence, the power to DECIDE to influence which is a luxury many sand dunes in the vast desert of the universe don’t have.

I read an Instagram post:

“We are made of the elements of the universe. Hence we are the eyes, ears, skin, etc that the universe uses to observe itself…Each of us…Little Universe babies.”

Lol. It’s up to us to enjoy this gift as much as possible. Don’t spend life hiding under a rock. Enjoy it. Enjoy the pain. The pleasure. The highs and the lows. Don’t fear them. Experience them. Let them wash over you like the waves of the ocean. Let them pull you in. What is the point of life if it is not to be lived deeply?

I used to worry about my moments of manic happiness (where I can see colours ever so vividly and life is full of possibilities and I’m singing at the top of my lungs) because of what is often the inevitable next part – a wave of incomprehensible sadness. It’s like a hangover after a night of heavy drinking. It feels like I’ve spent all my happy energy reserves.

What’s worse is that during those sad periods, I don’t have tangible reason to be sad, but all I know is that I’m sad and aggrieved and everywhere is grey and I don’t want to do anything but lie down and sleep and wake up with the hope that things get better with each waking up.

But I don’t fear them as much anymore. These things come and go. I can’t be constantly happy. It’s not practical (to me). I will try to make myself happy but if it doesn’t work, I’d sit still and wait for the tide to recede so I can see the shore again.

Happiness isn’t a destination. They are more like rest/bus stops on the journey of life. Happiness will come. Happiness will go. And this is the same with sadness and anger and all that jazz.

So chin up, left food forward, sissy that walk, and kiss life on its butt cheeks.

Have a wonderful day ahead of you!

Written by IBK

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  1. Mr. Anonymous
    July 24, 06:23 Reply

    I didn’t realize that you were bipolar. Immense respect IBK.

    • IBK
      July 24, 07:19 Reply

      I’ve considered it that I may be bipolar but that hasn’t been confirmed by a trained psychiatrist.
      I watched shameless and I saw how bad being bipolar can be.. Quite crippling. It scared me. I don’t want to be. I’m happy to just think of these things as mood swings ☺

  2. Dennis Macaulay
    July 24, 07:01 Reply

    I had an argument with a female coworker about shows with homosexual characters and content! She was of the opinion that they made people realize the possibility of being gay and therefore not good for kids.

    I laughed and told her that going by her theory, then there won’t be any gay person of our generation because when we were little all the shows were strictly heterosexual and people still turned out to be gay, so it doesn’t make any sense.

    Also if a show makes you realize that you are different and you begin to question your sexuality, I think the show has done you a favor. It didn’t change you, it merely opened your eyes; like a pair of glasses or an enzyme co-factor

    • Pink Panther
      July 24, 07:13 Reply

      Your ending comment is exactly my sentiment. Ultimately, people will always revert to what sexual identity they are comfortable with. So if a growing child feels the curiosity to explore based on the TV shows he’s seen, it is no different from that other child who entices the neighbourhood girl his age into a corner so they can fiddle with their privates. Curiosity leads to exploration and exploration leads to definition. Those who are gay will be gay and those who are straight will be straight. I say ‘Let the gay-inclusive shows keep going!’

      • ambivalentone
        July 24, 11:11 Reply

        Seriously, once u take that D, I don’t see d remotest possibility of going back tho. #AllImSaying

        • Pink Panther
          July 24, 11:16 Reply

          ????? You’re assuming all experimenters are going for the D and not the ass, yes?

    • McDuke
      July 24, 07:24 Reply

      I think you’re missing out IBK’s argument here. All he’s trying to point out here is kids trying to try out stuffs they see on tv cos they think it’s cool esp when it’s been done by artist(e) they love/adore. And we know no kid wants to be seen as uncool (cos they all want to keep up with the jonses)

      For me, this is a very valid argument and I think that’s where parental guidance comes in. It is paramount parents explain these things to their kids so that they don’t misinterprete the message being passed.

      Your analogy and what IBK pointed are entirely two different concepts. Let us not deviate…

      • Dennis Macaulay
        July 24, 08:03 Reply

        Actually you deviated because I never said they were the same thing. Reading what he said reminded me of the conversation I had with someone and I decided to mention it.

      • Francis
        July 24, 23:52 Reply

        I’m with you oga Duke. Being thinking about it all day and parental guidance was the only solution I could come up with.

  3. Mandy
    July 24, 07:17 Reply

    ‘Happiness isn’t a destination. They are more like rest/bus stops on the journey of life. Happiness will come. Happiness will go…’

    That is something I have a problem being comfortable with. The knowledge that the pursuit of happiness is this endless race you keep at, simply because you get it and lose it the much you chase after it.

    • IBK
      July 24, 07:33 Reply

      Then maybe stop chasing and enjoy the ride.. Though that’s easier said than done and in itself has many flaws.

  4. Elikem
    July 24, 07:18 Reply

    I agree wholeheartedly with DM and the ones that decide to join as a fad will quickly learn that its not all rosy and outgrow it anyway.
    However, this early exposure means a generation of more tolerant and enlightenment ppl.
    There will always be outliers who will take things too far, even in the heterosexual community.

  5. Chuck
    July 24, 08:39 Reply

    I think you already answered your own question. You seem to be more frightened of change than optimistic about the possibilities for the future.

    In any case there is no right reason to be gay. Go forth and sodomize if you want to.

    • Delle
      July 24, 13:48 Reply

      Why we allow this staunch homophobe with nothing to say but jargons, beats me.

      • Chuck
        July 24, 13:54 Reply

        Is that a complete sentence? Not sure what you mean

      • IBK
        July 24, 20:04 Reply

        Chuck? Homophobic? How? Self righteous prick.. Maybe. But not seeing the homophobia.

    • Santa Diaba
      July 24, 18:26 Reply

      I don’t understand how you will come on a gay blog and be homophobic. If you are homophobic, please respect our space and leave. If you have “internal homophobia” go and work on yourself please. Thanks.

      • Delle
        July 25, 00:24 Reply

        Please tell him. It’s so annoying

        • Chuck
          July 25, 04:21 Reply

          Where is the evidence of homophobia? Is disagreeing with a gay man homophobia? You and Delle don’t seem to read, understand or engage with ideas

  6. iliana
    July 24, 09:35 Reply

    I understand and totally agree with ibk, Dennis also has a valid point. its a bit tricky

  7. bruno
    July 24, 14:28 Reply

    so in a nutshell, we should protect our children from homosexuality right?

    • IBK
      July 24, 20:06 Reply

      Honestly if after everything I wrote and that’s what you think I mean I don’t know how else to explain myself.

  8. Santa Diaba
    July 24, 18:23 Reply

    I am in awe of the masterpiece that is Steven Universe. It’s an amazingly progressive show with rich lore and a storyline that draws you in, not to mention great characters and the artwork is superb!!!
    I love how the main protagonist Steven is so in touch with his feelings and so sensitive yet his masculinity isn’t called into question. Then the way all kinds of love are represented ; Garnet being the physical embodiment of a lesbian relationship and all, then Stevonnie representing Trans kids in media…
    See ehn, I’m in love with the show ahhhhhhhhh!!!!

  9. bain
    July 24, 21:27 Reply

    I’d probably be a bit miffed because someone
    identified as gay because they liked the gay culture and are
    not really attracted to the same sex. They might have sex
    with men, but this’d be basically because it’s part of the gay
    culture (I sincerely believe this could happen.)….. So true,he is making a point,I didn’t like sports but watching the heck outta it,I’m naw an athlete (one of the bests),I still don’t like it but its cool and provides d idea dah I’m cool,(not to fit in ooh,I’m out by the way),bt ppl do a lot of things to be cool especially kids,drugs n alcohol nt because they like but ppl dah are influencial do it.

  10. Cho
    July 24, 22:29 Reply

    Kids should be protected from sexual content in movies. Cartoons depicting sex should be a no no!
    Educate me please, is it proven scientifically that people are born gay? Because I feel environmental factors can play a role just like exposure improves intelligence.

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