June 27

I don’t have too much to say.

I watched Noah’s Arc, the movie, and it put me in my feels. The acting wasn’t superb, but the story was so sweet, and I love how they addressed issues like condom use, gender roles and how it’s linked to gay sex roles, etc.

So I decided to tell an acquaintance who I was chatting with about it. He said he knows about Noah’s Arc, but that he doesn’t watch it. When I asked why, he said the show is too queer.

I felt myself tighten up like a tiger ready to pounce. How dare he call something “too queer”? What does “too queer” even mean? But I told myself to relax. Maybe this was a chance to educate someone.

So I asked him if they portrayed an aspect of homosexuality he found uncomfortable.

He told me that it wasn’t the fact that it was gay or straight (after calling it “too queer”), but that it lacked depth. That any form of entertainment that was just a love story was of no interest to him.

Stay calm, James.

Then he asked if I’d seen Looking; that that was his type of series.

I gently told him that Looking was basically also a love story. No real issues except for a white boy searching for love and the ups and downs he tackled. This unlike Noah’s Arc, where issues were tackled. A straight guy discovering his bisexuality, and how that affected his relationship with his new male love interest; and the love interest had friends, one a slut, the other with a partner, and the third with a boyfriend and a career in an AIDS help centre. It’s from NA that I learned that even in a relationship, it’s wise to use a condom still.

Looking didn’t teach me anything. I couldn’t even relate. Comfortable white boys getting drugs and having parties and whatnot. How is that depth? If at all you want to compare, NA has more depth than Looking.

My friend conceded.

So I asked him if what his issue with NA was that the protagonist and his friends were girly. Lol. I mean, maybe that’s what makes it too gay for him. And the white guys probably portrayed the type of homosexuality he was comfortable with.

He said yes. I admire his bravery to admit something kinda dumb.

But then he started trying to defend himself, saying that he’s a sapiosexual, that he’s attracted to cerebral things and has no time for fluff.

Sapiosexuality – an excuse for being a douche.

I told him a true sapiosexual would be able to see beyond the so-called fluff and find the intelligence. I have flaming friends who can talk real. Like give factual advice that makes a whole lot of sense. There are effeminate guys who are at the top of their class and are very industrious.

He then said femininity in gay men isn’t what bothers him. That it’s being trapped in a stereotype and not bothering to break free that annoys him.

I asked him how he’d know who was just being effeminate because he felt he was required to be simply because he was gay, or who was effeminate because they grew up like that.

He said he’d know by interacting with them.

I wondered how he’d know when he’s actually put down effeminate peeps as a no.

He finally became honest with himself and said that “he doesn’t see anything wrong with being girly (that’s not the honest part) but that it just doesn’t work for him.”

There ya go! Was that so hard? *shaking my head* All this one he was trying to rationalize his prejudice, when he could have just said girly peeps don’t work for him.

He’s older than me, so I decided to not say anymore on the matter.


Then Saturday arrived and the following chatversation happened with mother dearest.James chat 1James chat 2James chat 3

I find this rather significant, because most times, I don’t tell my mum what I really think when she asks me such questions. I let myself be victimized. I let her think I think I’m in the wrong with my God. I might be in the wrong with him for having sex, lying, and being a terrible human being sometimes. But never for being who He made me to be.

There’s still a lot of questions and speculation around bible teachings and all, but I’m realising that Christianity and BEING saved is trusting God that you are saved based on His words in the scripture. And if salvation is a gift (that’s what the bible says) and God doesn’t take away His gifts (that’s what the bible says too), then I am saved and it’s irrevocable.

No, it’s not an excuse to do wrong, because if you love God, you’ll want to do right. But wanting to do and doing are two different things. But remember that when you fail anyway, God doesn’t take away His gifts and Jesus is forever in God’s presence, showing Him His scars from His death, reminding God that the price of your sin has been paid IN FULL. Now we just need to learn to love Jesus, because that’s the best step in being able to do what he wants. You won’t want to offend anyone you love, would you?

So yeah, that’s all I’ve got for today. JAMES IS OUT!

Written by James

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