Hello everyone! It’s good to be back! So the VMAs happened this past weekend, and I must say that the fashion was mostly a bore, just like that Britney Spears performance, which was a test in endurance.

Anyway it’s my court again and I get to play judge and jury and y’all can sound off in the comments section. So let’s see the Good, the Erm…okay and the WTF.

THE GOOD

NICKI MINAJ2016 MTV Video Music Awards - ArrivalsMy girl pulled off this dress which quite frankly is very difficult to wear. It’s like eating eba with chopsticks; anything can go wrong. But of course, Nicki is not your mate in this fashion matter. JLo had worn a shorter version of this dress, but Ms. Minaj rocked the longer version with aplomb. The color is rich and complements her lovely skin. This dress straddles the thin line between slutty and sultry, but Nicki pulled it into the sultry garden. I say she nailed it!

FUTURE2016 MTV Video Music Awards - ArrivalsLove! Love! Love! Very well coordinated! The black kept things demure and allowed his jewelry to shine through. The polka-jacket added some whimsy to the look! Me likey!

SEAN COMBS2016 MTV Video Music Awards - ArrivalsB for effort! I like the all-black ensemble, which helped balance all the bling, saving him from the “I am a rapper so I must be noticed” look. He looks okay.

RUPAUL’S DRAG RACE ALL STARSUS-ENTERTAINMENT-MTV-VMA-ARRIVALSThese drag queens were a big hit for me. They all wore iconic dresses pulled off by celebrities in the past and they nailed it. All hail the queens!

DESIIGNERmtv-vmas-red-carpet-4Take away the shoes and this would have been my best dressed man of the night. Any man who can rock his pastels is a certainly a man after my own heart. And those abs…*fans self* Plus it certainly looks like he went commando. Jesus, take the wheel!

DJ KHALEED2016 MTV Video Music Awards - Red CarpetAmazing! This is how you dress when you are plus-sized. He looks absolutely slamming and the detailing on the fabric is just delicious. Just look at the kind of confidence he exudes; sometimes it’s not by 6-pack. Notice how everything is just the right size; it’s not by squeezing yourself into undersized clothes! Note to certain Amala people: DRESS YOUR SIZE! (BEST DRESSED NOMINEE)

BADDIE WINKLE2016 MTV Video Music Awards - ArrivalsYASS! Look at that body at her age! This look is dazzling, and then she threw in a bedazzling walker? And those shoes! She did not come to play! This is one happy old chick having fun and loving it. (BEST DRESSED NOMINEE)

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THE ERM….OKAY

BRITNEY SPEARS2016 MTV Video Music Awards - ArrivalsI’m a bit torn with this look; it is way too safe and downright boring, like she belongs on the cast of the Real Housewives of Alabama. This was a big night for her, her reintroduction into the world of divas, and her look fell flat on its face, just like her performance.

NICK JONAS2016 MTV Video Music Awards - ArrivalsOh look! It’s Kanye West… Or not!

LANCE BASS2016 MTV Video Music Awards - ArrivalsThis one looks like he stepped out of a 90s high school movie to be here! Bros, abeg shift let me see road.

HEIDI KLUM2016 MTV Video Music Awards - ArrivalsBeautiful girl, beautiful dress, not good together. Her skin tone doesn’t compliment the dress (or is it the other way round?). The color completely washes her out. She kinda looks like she had a bout of flesh-eating bacteria infection.

CHANCE THE RAPPER2016 MTV Video Music Awards - ArrivalsNot a fan of this look, but I get that it is playful and fun, and I always love people who have fun with their clothes. The color suits his skin, and is that an eggplant I see? Can I get an ‘AMEN’, somebody?!

JADEN SMITH2016 MTV Video Music Awards - ArrivalsI think that sometimes this kid tries too hard to be eccentric and out of the box. I want to see the style without seeing the effort behind it! This did not werk for me.

NAOMI CAMPBELL2016 MTV Video Music Awards - ArrivalsWhen I saw her, I was going to shout “SLAY!”, but then the dress parted and I saw her legs and snatched my Slay back! The VMAs is not the Oscars or Golden Globes, so you can get away with some risqué. She is a model anyway not a musician, so it’s not really her night.

The dress however is such overkill; she should’ve chosen between showing off her shoulders or her legs, you really can’t do both.

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THE WTF

BEYONCÉ2016 MTV Video Music Awards - Red Carpet I try to keep an open mind about Mrs. Carter and her fashion, but she makes it so darn hard. Something is going on with her style-wise and we should honestly all be concerned; she keeps stumbling from one red carpet to another and it’s such a shame.

I was very confused about her look. Why ruin what would have been a very lovely dress with that hideous thing around her neck? Is this an ode to that Chimamanda book? She looks like a snow flake witch who goes about during winter suffocating children in their beds.

Unless, Beyoncé broke her neck while fighting Becky with the good hair, and so her stylist found a way to hide her neck brace, there is no justification for this mess. This look may have worked for the Met gala – but for the VMAs? NO! (WORST DRESSED NOMINEE)

KIM KARDASHIAN2016 MTV Video Music Awards - ArrivalsShe looks like she just finished a routine dancing on the beach before coming to the VMAs. The dress looks tacky and cheap. And what’s with the wet hair? She just looks ridiculous, like those girls at Kuramo beach.

AMBER ROSE2016 MTV Video Music Awards - ArrivalsWhy is she attending again? Oh yes, she was a video vixen 12 galaxies ago. This look is very disturbing please! Where did she get her outfit from – the Salvation Army?

RITA ORA2016 MTV Video Music Awards - Arrivals*sigh* Where do I start? She is no longer a starlet, so why does she do this? She looks like a homeless person who was caught up in a hurricane and barely made it out alive. Even Katy Perry has dropped the theatrics for serious fashion. Rita honestly should too.

ALICIA KEYS2016 MTV Video Music Awards - ArrivalsI guess she thought she was making some sort of political statement by not putting on makeup. And that’s fine. But her dress is another matter entirely. Where did she pick this horrendous get-up from – Yaba under bridge (Deeper Life Sisters’ stand)? The dress is ill-fitting, the print is horrible and the look completely swallows her.

I know she is mourning the demise of her contract with Blackberry, but she doesn’t have to look like this na! Even MFM choir mistresses look better than this. I also think that if you are on a red carpet (or white carpet, as was the case with the VMAs) with a man, and he looks better than you, you should be very worried. (WORST DRESSED NOMINEE)

ARIANA GRANDE2016 MTV Video Music Awards - ArrivalsI think she likes BDSM and likes to be choked as well, so she had to devise a way to hide her choke marks. She was also confused on what way to go – Mexican dancer, or wear the pants that Michael Douglas left at her place? So she just wore both.

HALSEY2016 MTV Video Music Awards - ArrivalsAuntie, fitting is everything. What is going on in her crotch area please? Obioma couture *scoffs*

TINASHE2016 MTV Video Music Awards - ArrivalsShe should know better than to swaddle herself in so much fabric while being petite. Then what’s with the scarf which clearly does nothing for this look? Except she plans to hang herself for not being nominated.

CASSIE2016 MTV Video Music Awards - ArrivalsTrying to desperately resurrect what’s left of her moribund career, I see! Is it just me, or does she look like a sex doll? The kind made in China and typically ordered by 52 year old men who still live in their parents’ house. (WORST DRESSED NOMINEE)

FARRAH ABRAHAM2016 MTV Video Music Awards - ArrivalsI think she must have been shooting porno in a scene called President Trump, after which she came to the VMAs. She looks like the knockoff version of a street walker; the kind that gives head in exchange for booze!

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My BEST DRESSED for the night is Baddie Winkle. I mean, at her age, she could have this much fun with her clothes. Also BEST DRESSED for me is DJ Khaleed. Looking great and confident when you are plus sized is the hardest thing.

 My WORST DRESSED is Alicia Keys! She just looked pathetic!

Do kindly sound off on your opinions of the VMAs fashion in the comments section.

Written by John Ocean

 

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