On the website of Pastor Steven Anderson’s church, the Faithful Word Baptist Church in Tempe, you’d find him boasting about the fact that he “holds no college degree but has well over 140 chapters of the bible memorized word-for-word, including approximately half of the New Testament.”

And where has this blind rote memorization with absolutely zero cognitive thinking skills led him? Why, to the cure for AIDS of course!

Not only does Pastor Anderson hold the key to curing AIDS in the evolutionary disabled organ he calls his brain, but he thinks he could do away with the disease by Christmas.

He employed that handy Bible of his to discover the cure, which he shared with his congregation recently:

“I actually discovered the cure for AIDS,” he began, asking his parish to open their bibles to Leviticus 20:13. “Everybody’s talking about, ‘Let’s have an AIDS-free world by 2020.’ Look, we can have an AIDS-free world by Christmas,” he continued like a true snake oil salesman.

Then he got to the meat of the argument:

“Here’s what the bible says, Leviticus 20:13. ‘If a man also lieth with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, it says, even both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death. Their blood shall be upon them.”

And then the kicker:

“And that, my friend, is the cure for AIDS. It was right there in the Bible all along — and they’re out spending billions of dollars in research and testing. It’s curable — right there. Because if you executed the homos like God recommends, you wouldn’t have all this AIDS running rampant.”

Where to even start? All we can hope is that someone close to Pastor Dipshit finds it in their hearts to try and bring him a few inches back down closer to the real world.

That would be a Christmas miracle.

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