The Question About Visibility And Gay Nigerians

The Question About Visibility And Gay Nigerians

On Whisper, I hold back nothing. There’s a certain freedom that comes with anonymity, and I relish it on the app. So when I’m happy, sad, frustrated, horny, reflective, whether it has anything to do with my existence as a gay man or not, I put it out there. And oftentimes, depending on how outrageous my update is, some Whisperers buzz me and engage me in conversations surrounding what update had caught their attention.

I recently posted something about the frustration of wild gay sex at night being the morning after, when you’d have to clean up the bedroom. And some dude buzzed me. In the course of our conversation, the following was what ensued.

Screenshot_2015-04-03-16-29-46Screenshot_2015-04-03-16-29-51This reinforces the reason why draconian positions are taken over the issue of LGBT in Nigeria. Most of these people do not know we exist. Not really. They think of gay people as an idea, a (what was it that that Bellanaija writer call it?) concept. And the fact that being who we are has been criminalized doesn’t help our case. It makes coming out a risk and the closet comfort.

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54 Comments

  1. Pete
    April 16, 05:32 Reply

    People still ask if there are gays in Nigeria?

  2. Max
    April 16, 05:35 Reply

    Yeah, its the problem. Harvey milk said it. Told LGBT ppl to come out to their families so they’ll know we exist, and to know the “gay problem” affects their home too. Because its easy to pass a judgment when an issue doesn’t directly affect you.

    • Pete
      April 16, 05:46 Reply

      Bisi once said something about the cost of coming out. Weigh the pros & cons before making that decision it will also be good if you are financially independent.

    • nostringspodcast
      April 16, 05:46 Reply

      @pinky, dats true, that’s why I have asked you guys here to join me make noise with nostrings, and can you imagine, it’s even people outside nigeria, that’s more supportive, let me reserve the rest..!

        • pinkpanthertb
          April 16, 06:03 Reply

          I know. 😀 I had my jacket tailored with lace trimmings and a swath of rainbow material at the back. Oh, and its Dolce and Gabbana too. 😉

  3. Dennis Macaulay
    April 16, 05:45 Reply

    Yea well we are a concept after all. Why are you people taking it serious? This gay thing is just an act that we will drop when its time to grow up and be an african man. Its just like smoking na, you decide when it has become bad for you and you quit

    • pinkpanthertb
      April 16, 05:48 Reply

      Comment marinated, sugared and salted with sarcasm. LOL! Dennis, easy o.

    • Pete
      April 16, 05:55 Reply

      Sarcastic much. We won’t achieve much taking this route. Education & the ability to ignore some opinions will go a long way; it is working for me albeit in small measures.

    • Dennis Macaulay
      April 16, 06:06 Reply

      Oh Pink Panther you have no idea!

      Biko when are we discarding this act sef? We should call sensei seeing as he helps people quit smoking, he can help us quit this gay thing. Its time to be PROPER AFRICAN MEN

  4. Legalkoboko
    April 16, 05:46 Reply

    I’m just thinking aloud now. What will happen if one day, I just decide to come out on facebook?
    Crazy thought. whoop whoop!

    • trystham
      April 16, 06:12 Reply

      I have to first delete ‘dear family’. I don’t think old school mates (who are the majority) shud av it difficult to believe tho…I hope

  5. Peak
    April 16, 05:47 Reply

    Sarcastic much!!!!!!!!!

    You had a shot at educating an ignorant mind, a shot at visibility and u pissed it away?…………at least that’s what the above exchange says.

    #patience #toofeisty

    • pinkpanthertb
      April 16, 05:50 Reply

      I believe I said, during our chat, the following ensued. That implies that I shared only a bit of the conversation.

    • Peak
      April 16, 06:24 Reply

      Thank for the clarification but u missed the
      “………….at least that what the above exchange says”. Apologies if I sounded too presumptuous, I made my comment based on the above, like a lot of people would probably do. In order words, it would ve been nice to see the positive trail of this convo. We don’t want you looking like a blood thirsty “Market woman” or is it “lady”? Good morning

      • Max
        April 16, 06:38 Reply

        “Positive trail”?
        You only educate people who wanna learn.

  6. Mitch
    April 16, 05:47 Reply

    Honestly, the ignorance people show towards gayness and gays baffles me a lot. No gays in Nigeria? Seriously!

    And Max is somewhat right. I mean, my mother usually pronounces all sorts of curses on gay people and each time she does that, my heart bleeds. However, I’ve gotta know this. Is coming out really the answer?

    • nostringspodcast
      April 16, 05:57 Reply

      @Mitch, they’ll surely remain ignorant, and make our lives here in Nigeria a living hell, because we have decided to not just only remain closeted, but completely silent. Other countries are providing support and gaining exposure from devoted activities. Nigerian Gays are all thinking about the day they’ll quit homosexuality and marry the opposite sex.

    • nostringspodcast
      April 16, 05:59 Reply

      @Mitch, not coming out but, either actively participating in causes, or supporting those that are already into one activity or the other supporting the LGBT Community in Nigeria.

  7. nostringspodcast
    April 16, 05:50 Reply

    @Dennis, that’s true, some guys are so guilty, can you imagine when talking out their first experiences they’ll continue to use the word ‘convert’.

    • Dennis Macaulay
      April 16, 05:56 Reply

      Me I am done playing teacher and guide! Especially not to a man in his 30! Sexuality is a personal journey and sexual identity is a path you navigate on your own.

      If you chose not to evolve or cannot/will not evolve, that is your problem not mine.

      Going forward no form of homophobia will occupy an inch of my life

  8. Gerald
    April 16, 06:04 Reply

    Talking of going back to the African way definently not easy

  9. Deola
    April 16, 06:28 Reply

    Girl : Dad, Mum, we need to talk
    Parents : what is it??
    Girl : i’m pregnant.
    Parents : ***gasp***
    Girl : just kidding, i’m gay.
    Dad :****sigh of relief*** phew thats so much better
    Dad : wait what??!!!! :O

    And thats how its done. ***drops mic***

    • pinkpanthertb
      April 16, 06:30 Reply

      Hahahahahahahaa!!!
      And how is it done for the guys? *taking out notebook, rapt with attention*

  10. pinkpanthertb
    April 16, 06:34 Reply

    Uh HELL NO! I only go for tried and tested products. 😀

  11. Masked Man
    April 16, 06:40 Reply

    Mitch. Which one is ‘gayness’ again? Is there ‘straightness’ too?

  12. kendigin
    April 16, 07:09 Reply

    Its one thing for a straight homophobe to hold this view. But its downright silly and annoying when an apparently gay guy does same.

  13. bobby
    April 16, 07:10 Reply

    All that polite shade throwing…

  14. Chris
    April 16, 07:31 Reply

    If the opportunity arise to educate an ignorant mind , i shall respectfully and patiently do so

  15. Sinnex
    April 16, 07:38 Reply

    That’s true. Sometimes I feel like slapping some people. One told me that I should give pussy a trial and my life would never be the same again. That why should I be running after my fellow guy’s ‘nyansh’.

    I don’t really blame the straight peeps sha; I blame so-called gay people who think that homosexuality is a switch that can be turned off whenever one deems fit. How can explain the fact that some gay guys I have met ask me about my girlfriend. They ask me if I have had sex with a girl before. They tell me that I am getting older and is already being sucked into the ‘portal’ of homosexuality.

  16. Ruby
    April 16, 07:48 Reply

    A lot of us would Loooove to come out to our families and friends but oour closets offer us more comfort than the stifling Homophobic clime of Nigeria.
    So for those asking if there are gays in Nigeria, the answer is ‎​ƔΕ̲̣̣̣̥§ a thousand times over and for the Homophobes *NEWSFLASH* we are your Siblings, Cousins, Uncles, Grandfathers, Fathers, Bosses, Wing men, Colleagues *outstanding colleagues I might add* Handy men, Clients *High Flying and Influential Clients* Actors, Writers, the list is endless
    So wake up and smell the coffee.
    Quoting KD’s Motto:
    We’re Here, We’re Queer, We’re Fab
    And We’re Goddamn Talented

    • Flakes
      April 16, 09:07 Reply

      Spot on Ruby! I wish this comment would be a daily breaking news on CNN, BBC and NTA (most importantly)

  17. Gerald
    April 16, 08:52 Reply

    Sinnex i understand your point perfectly..but you know it’s the situation around us that drives our thoughts in that manner

  18. Gerald
    April 16, 09:01 Reply

    Thumbs up rubby i owe you some BJ

    • Ruby
      April 17, 00:14 Reply

      Awww thanks Gerald!
      Let me take a rain check with Bae

  19. Diablo
    April 16, 09:45 Reply

    I think we were better off when society was completely oblivious of our existence, when a whole president confidently said that gays didnt exist in his country. When Nigerians could not fathom an African man being with another African man We were completely veiled and protected by our so called non existence. Then there was Bisi Alimi…he’s coming out inspired a mini witch hunt of sorts. Nigerians began questioning if gays really existed here, and if they did, how did they do It? Where were they hiding. The veil of nonexistence that once protected us had started to shred. Then there was the gay bill, another unnecessary nodge at our existence. And suddenly the whole nation was aware dt indeed, we existed. and we all know how that turned out.

    sometimes I wonder if Bisi Alami’s ( Alimi?) coming out was instrumental in the issuance of the draconian gay bill or was it just the inevitable finally happening?

    • trystham
      April 16, 10:38 Reply

      Ppl like u really amuse me. Truth is whether or not Bisi had come out, something would av outed the fact that gay ppl exist. Nothing stays hidden forever…OAN There is this weekly magazine, TELL, it was in it I had seen the 1st gay person (was mobbed), the dude who dressed as a girl (was mobbed as well), and the church where gay ppl worshipped. I think it was Jide Macaulay’s. A Church??? In Nigeria??? back in the early 2000s n late 1990s

    • Chris
      April 17, 02:41 Reply

      I prefer “when society was completely oblivious of our existence”, hmm good old days.
      @Diablo, you spoke for me. The days when some of us had the freedom to get away with murder.
      Those days when you can freely utter the word ‘TB” in public and nobody would raise an ear.

  20. Teflondon
    April 16, 10:05 Reply

    I couldn’t help but smell all the hypocrisy, cowardice and fakeness in the house today (something I’m begining to learn to live with on here). Yall are here shouting empowerment! But majority are still in the closet, scared to even come out to their loved ones. The tots of it even makes you cringed. Yet come on here conversing for a better Nigeria that accepts LGBT. We want change right?? Change strts with you.. Come out to your loved ones. Let everyone do the same and yall will get the change you so much crave.
    Tho I’m not a believer of coming out To loved ones… but I’m a strong believer in coming out to help a course. Creating a gay frndly environment in Nigeria is a course…
    I’ve done my fair share for this change we crave.. (Intentionally or not)
    What have you done for this change you so much crave or desire??

    • FlyOnTheWall
      April 16, 10:22 Reply

      How one person manages to contradict himself in every comment beats my imagination. You always want to be seen as taking a different position from the rest of the house that you end up making no sense at all, while also contradicting yourself!

      One more thing; You are a rich kid after all from a very rich home so I am certain you can afford a phone with autocorrect. Reading and making sense of your grammar is a herculean task.

      • Sinnex
        April 16, 12:25 Reply

        What makes you think he is using a phone to post? People still use computers you know. And I think the “Rich Kid” stuff is already stale. Where were you when people were attacking him, sleeping? You came to the party a little bit late.

        As for the contradicting stuff, people are entitled to their own opinion. Opinion changes. At least, we are told that the only constant thing in life is change. He has the right to say something today, and say something else tomorrow. It is nobody’s business. At least, not your business.

        I am supporting what he typed ooo…heck, I don’t even understand it one bit. I just believe that we need to stop with the personal attacks. If I was in your shoes, I know what I would have said. There are numerous loopholes in his statement that you could have used to prove a point. But, no, you decided to follow the general public to attack him, because it feels like you are/were offended by the fact that he is “rich” and proud of it. Dude, wake up!!!

      • FlyOnTheWall
        April 16, 13:08 Reply

        Lol Sinnex you need to take a chill pill, I was not attacking him I was merely stating my opinion.

        I mean you of all people can relate to that right? Stating my opinion that is!

      • Deola
        April 16, 13:56 Reply

        Is it going to ever be possible to disagree with you, without you repeating the same tired old song of people stepping on your right to your opinion? If its not that its that the rest of us aren’t being as Real as you or our opinions aren’t as unpopular?

        Is it possible to actually engage with you guys intellectually without you constantly playing the worn out victim card?? Not everyone is out to look for a fight ya know, so stop picking issues out of thin air biko. Its gotten old.

        Chai.

    • Deola
      April 16, 10:24 Reply

      Well said Tef! Keep keeping it REAL biko. Oya chop knuckle.

      On an unrelated note, this one that u are smelling or is it seeing hypocrisy, hian, okay oh…lemme keep quiet.

      • Teflondon
        April 16, 11:52 Reply

        This Deola guy enjoys being on my case.. Hain!
        Just ask for my number already.
        **dabs eyes**

    • trystham
      April 16, 14:56 Reply

      Its a THREE COURSE MEAL. I hope u r stuffed.

      Yup. You have done A LOT. Showing jail birds how to take it from behind when they drop the soap.

    • Max
      April 16, 15:15 Reply

      **Looks down from my “high horse”**
      Oh its the evil doppelganger twins…
      **looks away and flies higher**

      • Teflondon
        April 16, 16:31 Reply

        Looking down from those toy horses of yours..
        And ofcuz only toy horses fly. Init?

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