10 Reasons Why Your Relationships Don’t Last Longer Than 3 Months
Three months of dating a guy may not seem like a long time, but for some of us, it’s the longest relationship we’ve ever had. So if you find yourself in that category, asking yourself, “Why can’t I seem to have a boyfriend longer than a few months?” then this article and (10 reasons) are for you!
1. You get excited by the idea of him
When you haven’t had a boyfriend for a while (or ever), you begin to romanticize the idea of a boyfriend. When you do this, you often view the guys you’re dating with rose-colored lenses. You blissfully ignore all the ways the two of you are incompatible. Eventually, the guy you’re dating realizes it and breaks up with you. You’re then left feeling dumbfounded because you (naively) believed you two were perfect for one another.
2. You’re unsure of what you want in the relationship
I’m imagining that scene in The Notebook where Ryan Gosling yells at Rachel McAdams repeatedly asking, “What do you want?!” I wish someone shouted this at me this when I was younger.
Sometimes we claim we want a relationship but haven’t thought through anything past that. What do you want out of the relationship? How much can you give? What do you prioritize in a relationship? When is it too much? While you don’t have to answer all these questions before meeting someone, you should be able to answer them within a few weeks of dating.
3. The sex fizzles out and you realize you’re not compatible
My guncle (gay uncle) once told me that you have no idea if you actually like a guy if the sex is great. He says it takes six months to realize that there’s actually nothing more substantial to the relationship than boning.
4. You’re not ready for a long-term relationship
This isn’t a read. It’s simply a fact that some guys aren’t ready for a long-term relationship. They’re too focused on their career. They’re not over their ex. They’re not over some past trauma. They’re too consumed with themselves to care and love for someone else. If that’s the case, you shouldn’t be dating.
5. You’re not the monogamous-type
It could be as simple as you’re not the monogamous type. By repeatedly attempting monogamy, it’s like you’re trying to shove a square peg into a circular hole. Maybe it’s time to find another relationship style that works best for you (and your partners).
6. You’re unwilling to accept different baseline needs
I was recently at a sexpo called Consider This, by Curious Fox. One of the speakers there, who was a licensed therapist, said she hates the idea of compromise. The way she put it, neither of you get what you want when you compromise, and for some reason, that’s considered a success! What she said is that you need to accept the fact that you have different baseline needs, and you shouldn’t try to change that about the person you’re dating. If your baseline needs are incredibly far off, it’s probably a sign that you shouldn’t be dating (or your relationship is going to require a lot of additional work).
7. You didn’t delete the apps
Grindr is addictive (we all know that). But if we’re really trying to commit to a guy we like, we need to get off the apps so we’re not distracted by other guys.
8. You struggle with vulnerability
I mean, who doesn’t? Am I right? I struggle with it. Everyone I’ve dated struggles with it. Being vulnerable is hard–really hard–but at some point in your relationship, you’re going to have to take the risk of showing your true self.
9. You struggle with communication
Urgh, not to be that guy, but communication is so damn important. I’d say that at least half of all problems within relationships stem from miscommunication. Something that could have easily been avoided if you and your man were on the same page. So learn how to communicate effectively with your partner.
10. You have unrealistic standards of how a relationship should look
Marriage counselors have repeatedly claimed how detrimental it is to a relationship to believe that one person should satisfy every one of your needs. No one can do that! You need to have other friends, hobbies, and outlets to get your needs met from various people and experiences.
[This piece was originally published on Pride]
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15 Comments
Mandy
May 27, 06:23Number 11: You meet the one who eventually breaks up with you because he has to focus on getting married.
Malik
May 28, 03:06Come and chop hug if this is a personal story. You need it.
Black Dynasty
May 27, 08:39Amen… this is why people need to take the time to date for a while and see that there is compatibilitybefore getting into a relationship.
I’d also suggest holding off on sex for a while if the intention is more than a casual hookup or fuckbuddy situation.
Wytem
May 27, 09:58@Black Dynasty, At what time does the ‘dating ‘ turn into a relationship . I didn’t understand what you meant there. No offence meant
Tobee
May 27, 11:05I think the point Black Dy is making is to get to know someone before bringing sex into it – if the goal is a long-term relationship.
dammi
May 27, 12:12I wish I can just talk about relationship goals…..but I never had a boyfriend or even a gay friend….. where am staying ehhhn ….it sometimes seem am the only gay man in the world….
Delle
May 27, 13:54And you can’t make friends online, why? You can have very authentic virtual gay relationships (not necessarily sexual), it doesn’t have to be organic.
Now now dear, at this age and time, no one should feel like he’s the only gay man in the world. That’s just outrageous. Lol.
dammi
May 29, 00:24Oh…delle …like you don’t know how dangerous and hard it is to make a steady virtual gay relationship …….everyone is either looking for sex or someone to kito….
Tobee
May 27, 22:03Eh ya!
dammi
May 28, 21:07And that was for …….ooo
Malik
May 28, 03:02When you’re ready to find them (us), you will. It’s not so hard.
dammi
May 28, 21:08believe me malik ….. it is on this side
Doe-Eyed Monster
June 03, 17:05On which side exactly? Where are you?
Paulinus Nnamdi
August 09, 09:58I wnt to join
dammi
June 03, 21:29Abule egba