How Rejecting Labels Is A Sign Of Internalized Homophobia

How Rejecting Labels Is A Sign Of Internalized Homophobia

Originally published on

Stefano Gabbana has always been a PR car-crash; when he’s not busy downplaying sexual assault or denouncing gay adoption, the designer spends his time creating “mammy” earrings, “slave” sandals and sneakers emblazoned with the #aspirational mantra: “I’m thin and gorgeous!” His latest misstep came just last week, when he shared an Instagram post of a boring, plain black tee printed with the catchy slogan: “I’m Not Gay, I’m A Man.”

This statement is stupid. First of all, it’s weirdly ambiguous – so you don’t want to be labeled according to your sexuality, but you’re happy to wear the marker “man” with pride? Second of all – can you not be both? I’ve always comfortably identified as a gay man, but Gabbana seems to suggest that this identification is literally impossible. Do I have to choose? Is he not a gay man? Is everything we know a lie?

Although heavy-handed, the slogan seems to expand on comments Gabbana made a few weeks ago as part of an Italian TV interview, in which he said the word “gay” was “invented by those who need to label people… I don’t want to be identified by my sexual choices.”

Again, there are problems with this statement. Being gay isn’t a sexual choice, nor is it a “lifestyle,” nor is it (at least in the 21st century) a pathology. Rimming is a choice. Being gay, however, is not.

He then expanded the scope of his statement, explaining that he had hoped, as a famous person, to spread “a new culture… a culture no longer based on gay rights, but on human rights.” Gabbana finally said he didn’t feel like he wanted to be protected by gay associations because he had done nothing wrong, and that “we are human beings before being gay, heterosexual or bisexual.” These words are more nuanced than the clunky soundbite on that god-awful T-shirt, but there’s still something concerning about the designer being so desperate to distance himself from his sexuality.

We know that no experience is universal. We know that “gay” as a label can reduce us to one-dimensional stereotypes, caricatures. We also know that you can be gay but still be massively homophobic, racist, misogynistic or transphobic. Incidentally, Gabbana himself has proven this on numerous occasions.

But saying that we should live in a world free of labels is at best idealistic and at worst completely delusional. LGBTQ people around the world are still being killed, abused, disowned and persecuted for their sexuality. Even the term “gay” in the context we know it is reactionary; the term gained popularity after activist Frank Kameny reclaimed it, coining “gay is good” to rally against accusations that he was a pervert; a sexual deviant.

As queer people, our identities are politicized whether we like it or not. After all, we’re all raised and conditioned within a society that still feeds us messages: that heterosexuality is the default, that whiteness is universal, and that men are more powerful. That’s precisely why we need these labels – for specificity, but also because we’re taught to be ashamed of them. There is no universal experience of being gay, but it’s a factor which colors the way we view the world – and the way the world views us.

It’s also worth pointing out that this “label-less utopia” bullshit is a pretty well-known defense for discrimination. How many racists have responded to criticism by stating they’re “color blind?” The reality is that any characteristic which differentiates us from the white, straight, heterosexual norm will at some point be weaponized against us – we can’t ignore that, and nor should we.

Then, there’s the recent rise of the “androphiles” – people who are attracted to “masculinity.” Not only is the term used by alt-right gays to disavow “gay culture” (Ariana Grande and Queer as Folk, apparently), it’s used as a fancy new term for ones we already know, like “femme-shaming” and “misogyny.” Plenty of us glorify masculinity while simultaneously shaming men that don’t fit that rigid definition in the process. Attracted to #masc men? That’s fine! But also, it’s a well-known fact that #masc4masc guys are the ones usually – not always – touting app profiles laden with slurs and actively assimilating with the damaging definitions of what a “man” should be. If labeling doesn’t help anyone, why does Gabbana still wear that label with pride?

In essence, we should read Gabbana’s T-shirt for what it is: internalized homophobia. It’s just another example of a man seeking to distance himself from a label because he attaches shame to it. Let me be clear – a world in which being gay doesn’t matter would be AMAZING. I can’t count the number of times I’ve been lazily stereotyped, reduced to nothing more than my sexuality and asked intrusive questions by drunk straight people in bars. I swear, sometimes before I go to sleep, I can hear the slurred words: “Are you a top or a bottom?” ringing in my ears. It’s bullshit.

But what we need to be doing is highlighting that stereotypes are lazy and that the LGBTQ community is diverse, multi-faceted, and more complex than gay caricatures could ever have us believe. What we don’t need to be doing is internalizing this linear, discriminatory thinking and attempting to disavow our own community. After all, gay people can be literally anything. Most surprisingly, as Gabbana himself has proven on numerous occasions, we can even be homophobic.

Previous Let Your Anger Shine
Next Waka Pass Diaries (The New Year Resolution)

About author

You might also like

Opinion Pieces 6 Comments

Dear Religious People, Stop Using The Bible As A Weapon Of Homophobia

(Originally published on Queerty) God works in mysterious ways. Or so I was told throughout my childhood, when going to church was a ritual my family completed several times every

Opinion Pieces 8 Comments

Why Andy Cohen, Anderson Cooper and the Gold Star Gays aren’t a good thing

Originally published on Everyone knows that Bravo TV’s Andy Cohen is gay. But it wasn’t until recently that we learned he’s a Gold Star Gay. Unfamiliar with the term?

Opinion Pieces 14 Comments

The Menace That Is Uche Maduagwu

For the past few days, I have been stewing with rage, wondering if there’ll ever be an end to the madness that plagues this country. Some days ago, a persistently


  1. Mandy
    January 02, 06:32 Reply

    We know that no experience is universal. We know that “gay” as a label can reduce us to one-dimensional stereotypes, caricatures. We also know that you can be gay but still be massively homophobic, racist, misogynistic or transphobic. Incidentally, Gabbana himself has proven this on numerous occasions.

    That’s it right there. ? ? ?
    This Dolce and Gabbana duo are just asses.

  2. Malik
    January 02, 07:34 Reply

    I find this line of thinking – this conversation – tiring.

    There’s a need for the complexity of humanity to be simplified say, for example, into male and female. It helps us make assumptions in societal interactions, in healthcare etc. These assumptions hold true most of the time but not all of the time.

    When it comes to sexuality, we have the same challenge, there is a necessary need to classify people into L or G or B or T or Q or which-one-is-your-own so we can use dictionaries to understand what that identity means and hence who that person is/ claims to be. There’s a human need for simplistic definitions.

    Refusing to be called gay, is not (may not be) internalized homophobia. It may come from a place of being unable to fit the definition of gay. For instance, I have oscillated between gay and bi and contemplated ditching both labels altogether. I say I’m gay because it is my political preference in sexual identity.

    His choice to be “man” not “gay” is because he feels he is better understood as just man. It’s a personal thing.

    In the end, we all want the same thing, understanding and acceptance. We must leniently offer to others the same things we desire.

  3. Omiete
    January 02, 09:38 Reply

    I don’t know why people find the word Label troubling, for me I feel its about definition and definition is bae. When you say am gay or straight or bi it simply tells me you are aware of who you are. I get not wanting to be stereotyped or simply associated with your sexuality alone but when you do lots of things no one would just think of you as that gay man if it bothers you

  4. pete
    January 02, 11:10 Reply

    Internalised homophobia : two words that their meaning have become distorted that it’s resurrected anytime someone deviates from what we expect.

  5. Black Dynasty
    January 02, 20:04 Reply

    Smh everyone wants to be offended. It’s the guys life, his body and his T shirt. He has every right to define himself how he wants, he didn’t say everyone has to be defined the same way.

    It’s a bit extra to say we don’t want to be stereotyped but to then go ahead and write an essay when he doesn’t want to be defined by other people’s standards.

    Internalized homophobia has been used wrongly a few times. Some people are just absolute jerks and that’s it; he is one of them as i have heard his comments over the years.

  6. Dunder
    January 02, 23:53 Reply

    Gosh, the seriousness ascribed to some unserious things… I’m not big on celebrity culture but some facts are just facts. It’s like a Hausa person saying “I’m Nigerian and not Hausa” or OJ’s “I’m not black, I’m OJ”. OK sir. That you don’t wish to be identified as something does not change the fact that you are that thing. Another person could argue “I’m not a man, I’m an earthling/ a person”. The definition of maleness or “man-ness” doesn’t exempt you. It’s a move I recognize in organizations like TIERs and HRC and it has its advantages.

    True, some words immediately evoke stereotypes and with them, come immediate associations- its perhaps part of why words like homosexual were dropped for gay. We as humans, need identifiers but you have to be a special kind of daft to assume an identifier is a complete truth or definer. Guy Scott is an African, for instance.

    I think this guy’s ego trip touched on an important issue that is not the stuff for the comments section but your humanity is not in any way devalued by the ways we humans describe the kind of human you are. I’m tired.

  7. Tiercel de Claron
    January 03, 01:04 Reply

    Much ado about nothing.
    He wants to be identified as just a man,that doesn’t have anything to do with him being attracted to fellow men.
    Leave him be.

Leave a Reply