Dear KD: He Is Asking Me Out But Has A Requirement I Want To Understand
Hello KDians, I am an avid reader and follower of Kito Diaries, and as a bisexual woman, I have also written for the blog.
Recently, as someone who also follows the social media accounts of the blog, I came across a post made on the instagram account. About a radio interview where a man admitted to getting pegged by his girlfriend by a 12-inch dildo.
Seeing this post reminded me of a situation I’m presently in.
I have a presumably straight friend who has been asking me out. And during our conversations about intimacy, he admitted to me that he would love to be pegged by me. I don’t have a problem with this, pegging him. But my issue is that when I asked him if that meant he was bisexual, he said no. That he is straight and simply likes to be pegged by women.
I really do not understand this. How can any man be straight and constantly want to get pegged? How can a man be straight and as a sexual need, want a dick, plastic as it may be, in his ass?
Just understand that because I am bi, I would simply prefer to know if he is bisexual and all that. However, if he’s really not, I want to be able to understand pegging as a sexual desire of the heterosexual man.
I am open for any opinions that will help me make sense of this.
Thanks.
Submitted by Non-Conformist
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24 Comments
Higwe
February 20, 09:15Sexuality is not how you choose to have sex, but who you’re attracted to.
Malik
February 20, 09:34Preach! Same way a guy may only like to squeeze a man’s che(brea)st and not a woman’s; may like to eat a man’s ass and be repulsed by woman’s. Same logic applies to kissing. Lips are lips, right? Wrong.
I mean, the guy may actually be bisexual but if he says he’s not, then let him be what he’s comfortable being.
Higwe
February 20, 11:41…..or he may just be a straight guy that enjoys getting his ass plugged? ?
What baffles me is how we constantly claim to hate the stereotypes that trails our sexuality ;yet we never fail to claim them whenever it serves our prejudice.
I’m sure if the dude liked getting his toes or fingers sucked, there wouldn’t be any mention of likely bisexuality… but of course it has something to do with ass ,so automatically it is related to gayness.
I forgot only gay men are allowed to enjoy any stimulation that happens in the ass.
Pisaaaa ?
whoisugo
February 22, 14:59Same way I’d let Genevieve strap me but I wouldn’t touch a man with a 10ft pole.
Concerned Citizen
February 20, 10:19First of all, what most people seem to forget is sexuality is a spectrum. No one is a 100% anything. It can be 99.999%:0.001% but it’s not a 100%.
That said, I don’t think what people enjoy in bed defines who they are. I have straight friends who enjoy a lil bit of anal sex every now and then with the opposite sex but have never experimented with guys before. I also have a friend who’s effeminate and straight. People have different fetishes and fantasizes of how they want their sex to be. So because a guy wants to be pegged doesn’t make him bisexual.
On another note, it is his truth. We as people need to start letting people own their truth. Yea, he says he’s straight but he has bisexual tendencies or yea, she says she’s straight but she has bisexual tendencies. All of this are not your truth to define. Each person has their truth and you’ve gotta accept them at their word. If you’re not comfortable with what their truth is, let them live and you leave. It’s very simple.
Now to address your concern, it’s very possible he’s still discovering himself and hasn’t fully come to terms with saying he’s bisexual yet but chooses to identify with being straight as his truth. If you’re not comfortable with his truth, I’ll say let him be. Else, accept his truth and go with it. Don’t let that technicality deny you of what could be an amazing adventure… possibly.
NB: If you eventually find out he was bisexual or gay or anything asides straight all along and lied about it just making a front claiming his straight to get with you, you have my blessing to cut him. And I don’t mean jus cut him off, I mean stab him, see what his intestines look like, get a little blood on your shirt. Just a lil something for him to remember you by. Let him know he shouldn’t have messed with the wrong bitch.
BUT ALL OF THIS IS JUS MY OPINION THO ??
In the end it’s left to you to decide what you want to do and I wish you all ze best. ?
Non-Conformist
February 20, 12:13I made the mistake of not mentioning that he has been with 4 men in the past.
He was trying to find out if he was gay because he liked anal sex and tried with men but did not like it.
So my concern is, you tried with the first and did not like it, then tried with the second and then the third and the fourth.
I don’t have a problem with pegging just worried that later, I might find out he is actually Bi and was hiding it.
That one go pain, if we get there I’m taking that your advice straight up.
Concerned Citizen
February 20, 13:58Now the picture makes a little bit more sense ?.
Going back to the first thing I said, sexuality is a spectrum. He probably hasn’t found the guy to make him seriously question his straightness yet ?. Since he has tried experimenting with guys and he was open with you about it, I think you jus have to take him at his word and accept his truth. Just make sure the story is completely saved up in your memory in case the facts in his story start getting altered then you know it might be more than jus an experiment. But honestly, it would be brain draining having to always be paranoid about what he’s up to or if he’s being honest.
My honest advice is since you are comfortable with pegging and he seems to have been honest about his past, jus accept his truth. Don’t get overly paranoid about it. As long as he’s not cheating (if you guys are exclusive) or going out of what you guys have agreed your relationship would be like, jus go with it. It might be a painful experience or a joyous one. Either way, it’s an experience. Jus be in the best mental space, weigh the pros and cons and make a decision.
Non-Conformist
February 20, 16:50Thanks dear. We are going exclusive, he had to keep talking about that.
Kept mentioning how I can’t be with a girl and how it’s cheating, which is true though.
So I’m hanging my hoeloshi boots.
Plus I’m super excited about trying pegging, I ve always had this thought that I’m a DOM, without the pain though.
So anyhow we go dey alright.
Angeleyes
February 20, 21:15Awww come on don’t hang your hoeish boots you can make room for the ladies.. if you’re open to being discreet that is ?
Higwe
February 20, 14:39Funny you forgot to mention this, because this is actually the most important part of your question.
However it may be, I love to give people the absolute benefit of a doubt.
Using myself as an example, I’d like to tell you that I’ve been with so many women, I’m currently in an ongoing sexual relationship with one … but nope, I’m neither straight nor bisexual.
Just a gay man who does sexual things with women , when/ if the need arises. And unlike your pre boyfriend, I actually enjoy the orgasm… yet I don’t find women attractive in the slightest and won’t be with one when I don’t have to.
Even though my conviction of your pre boyfriend’s straightness has rapidly declined to a near zero ;I’d still say it’s possible he just might be.
Non-Conformist
February 20, 16:52Trying to give him the benefit of the doubt too. Plus I get to try pegging??????.
Delle
February 21, 11:58Oh my God Higwe, your description of yourself (sexually) gave me a mini migraine. Damn! You sure love adventure. Lol.
How do you have sex with someone you do not find sexually appealing in the slightest bit? Wawu.
Malik
February 21, 13:12And then enjoy the orgasm? Okay.
Higwe
February 22, 08:37So in your estimation, orgasm and sexuality are mutually exclusive?
OKay
Francis
February 20, 22:08@Non-conformist please I’m lost. Why would it be painful if you find out later he’s Bi?
Delle
February 21, 11:54The short period of deceit? Especially as he wasn’t forthcoming about battling with himself and trying to come to terms with his sexuality. It is particularly annoying seeing as she is out to him.
*shrugs*
Uzor
February 21, 15:51From what you posted he didn’t date guys cause he wanted to be romantically involved with them, he just wanted to try a different means of fulfilling his kink which involves shoving something Solid up there?. If he says he’s straight AND admits he wanna get pegged by you then I’d advice you take his word for it, he seems like a really kinky straight guy comfortable with his sexuality and his kinks
Lorde
February 20, 13:57Lol new spectrum
Dimkpa
February 20, 18:59I think your dude is straight. Nothing gay there. Sexuality is about attraction and he is obviously not attracted to guys. He may have tried sex with them because
he gets pleasure from his anus and a penis is one way of achieving that. The fact he is not continuing shows it wasn’t for him. Some say the male G-spot is in the prostate which is reached via the anus. Every guy has one and it causes pleasure for some whether gay or straight.
I have been with a few women, it doesn’t make me bisexual or a straight man pretending to be gay because I don’t want to accept my heterosexuality. I know this because I’m not attracted to women.
If you like pegging him, then do so and I bet he will cherish you for years to come.
Delle
February 21, 11:50I like to think sexuality and sex are mutually exclusive of each other. Now, except he is lying (which is a situation we cannot help with, lol), that he loves getting pegged by ONLY WOMEN is an indication of what sect he is ATTRACTED to, invariably making him hetero.
Besides, I do not go with the belief that anal sex (or ass play of any kind) is an activity of homosexuals. Besides, sexuality is not a perfect phenomenon. It’s never a hundred percent.
Give him the benefit of doubt. Keep pegging him until the day he finds plastic distasteful and wants hot flesh instead. Then come back and rub it in my face. Hehehe. Kidding.
Angeleyes
February 21, 19:22Awwww you should spare some time for the ladies before getting hitched… We can be discreet if you want ?
Dickson Clement
February 21, 22:07Why do I understand English? I’m tired and confused. Biko people are gay straight bisexual bicurious gaycurious gay sides and a million thing inbetween- this is the kind of post that gives migraine. Someone even said an effeminate person is straight- you have to fix a date and time for that debate because I’d refute it till the end of my day!
Delle
February 21, 23:44And how does your refuting it make it a lie? Have several seats and pick up a book on sexuality, gender behaviour, sex, gender representation.
Your migraine is being caused because you think the world is black and white. Well boo boo, it’s not. Reason your flag as a gay man is Rainbow so there are a lot inbetweens
Dunder
September 30, 02:51Just saw the additional information on his adventures with men. Could the pegging be about power? Because power plays a great role in romance and sex. For other species, pegging is not just about pleasure but stooping to bond, something like BDSM. I hope it’s not some well repressed Internal homophobia. Keep your senses sharp.